From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V2 #149 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Saturday, May 8 1999 Volume 02 : Number 149 Today's Fjordian Filings: -------------------------------------- All is Right With The Universe... jude/bff try not to think about it, stupid tavia ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 07 May 1999 08:59:04 -0400 From: shirak@umich.edu Subject: All is Right With The Universe... Because I have the album now! *bounces around happily* Yes, I got a paycheck for two days work yesterday, and the moment the cash was in my hand, I trekked down to the record shop and picked up my copy. I felt like it was a little piece of heaven nestled in my oh-so-loving grasp. Wow, that was randomly poetic. ;) Anyway, Your Redneck Past has to be my favorite song, if just for the random hip-hop breakdown thrown in for no apparent reason. The album's great, and I'm just going to head home and throw it on repeat when I'm done with work. Thanks Tina, I feel loved. Oh yeah, did I tell you guys? I found out the girl I'm infatuated with likes me. Yeah me! Now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to bounce around like an idiot. Laters! *bounces happily into the horizon* ERIC ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 May 1999 11:50:44 EDT From: KamalaICB@aol.com Subject: jude/bff so many people love both jude and BFF so i was totallyhappy when i found out they might be touring together! my Maverick pal said he'd give me dates as soon as he had them, but most importantly....Jude on the BFF tour pretty much guarantees me in to whatever BFF/Jude show i want to go to this summer! (i used to work at maverick, and one of my best friends still does...YAY!) anyway jude's playing in Buffalo tonite (may 7) and in Rochester on sunday the 9th, if anyone in the Central/Western NY area is interested... okay enough out of me casey-girl ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 08 May 1999 01:24:30 GMT From: "tavia -" Subject: try not to think about it, stupid tavia well I have self-titled blaring into my ears because frankly nothing else will ease the pain. I thought about posting this to the MA as well (as is my lazy wont) but I dont think they could handle this much emotional content (about things other than bff that is). I've been reading all this personal writing from my english class and I realised that I was gonna hurt people/myself if I didnt express mYSELF to someone. I would tell a friend/my friends in Brisbane except that they're the problem. and naturally dotn even fucking realise it. oh man I cried so much in the car last night, until I got to a series of roundabouts where I had to concentrate and during the rest of the drive I kept thinking how much I didnt care and it would have been so fucking easy to drive off the highway. I think it was partly just tiredness and lack of concentration but I nearly did crash a couple times. Fortunately these pointed out to aching self that I actually do like living. Well maybe I just didnt feel like being a vegetable. Or perhaps I just felt that hardly anyone would grieve for long if I did, so it would have been a big fat waste. This is the first time Ive actually needed to listen to alice childress specifically, but i cant help thinking aboutwhat happened and dwelling on it. Technically I suppose this is just post-show depression, the point where your realise that the things you worked all-nights for, for weeks, adn had no weekends for, and wasnt appreciated for, and got no sleep for and missed ben folds interviews on the radio for, doesnt really matter anyway.And what does really matter? and The things where you stand up fot two hours straight holding a follow spot so hard and carefully so the damn thing doesnt shake for the unappreciative audience, and getting tense in your neck and shoulders and head because you have to concentrae so hard and which you're still shaking from, becaseu you're such a fucking perfectionist. and when the only thing your friends who came to see it care about is that you called the intermission over the speakers. and they dont mention anything about the lighting rig you worked for actual months on, late nights, weeks, no sleep, a lot of criticism, stress, being short with people who didnt deserve it and getting an entire english class mad at you becasue NO I HAVENT MAKRKED YOUR DRAFTS YET, even thought that's fair enough because it ahs been three weeks. (freudian, I just pressed the help button, instead of the delete one- typical, even my subconscious is hving a go at me) and then they pay out on the kids you'vbe worked with and suffered with and been so proud of for weeks, simply because the kids have sore throats and arnet actualy fucking professional singers. where their egos make them say, yeh oen of them has potential, we might have him in our show and all I can think is that ... IT WOUDL BE A PRIVElegde to *my friends* if he went in theior show, rather than the other way around, that this kid has actually done more real acting thatn they ever have, and gee golly I've never seen YOU cry on stage. and they pay out on a girl who isnt a slut (*like some of my friends and people they have hung out with) and hence wouldnt know how to walk like one when she is required to onstage and when all you want to do is cry and tell someone that all you wnated was soem (ANY) recognition that your lighting rig is good (becauyse your;e pretty sure it is, but maybe it isnt)from someone, at least the director, and it was the least you exprected from your friends adn that you didnt want to have to actually beg for comments about the show and kids adn their dancing, singing and talent adn the set you worked so hard on as well, afterwards form your firneds and then realise from the comments they make in reply to your begging that they have actually already disected the show and pulled it apart and laughed at it. and that's when you get really depressed. and when you realise that you put up with a bitch of a stage manager for nothing because everyone likes her more than you anyway, simply because you dont pretned to love everybody. adn becasue not being honest really hurts you and the phrase 'all this breathing in, never breathing out' is the phrase that most accurately describes your feelings yeh technically I suppose it is post-show depression, but if it is, why does it hurt so much? and why cant i talk to my flat mate or even look her in the eye for fear that you'll say somehting that will get me thrown out of the house after I've finally had a chance to change the address on my licence. and why why were they so 'like that' about it. why? . I'm never going to fully trust any of them again with something that matters so much to me. and that I didnt even realise mattered so much because I simply assumed that at least they woudl appreciate the effort. i'll stop now. I;m sure most people have scrolled over it anyway and i'm sure I'll feel better soon adn besides depression is useful for making you realise how rare good humour and happpiness and pleasure is sometimes. or some bullshit l;iek that. fuck ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V2 #149 *********************************