From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V1 #261 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Thursday, October 1 1998 Volume 01 : Number 261 Today's Filings: ----------------- And so I quit the police department... Come to Uni to study? Surely you jest... Re: Would you like to read my post? your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998 09:35:35 -0400 From: "Lyons, Anne" Subject: And so I quit the police department... And got myself a steady job And though she tried her best to help me She could steal but she could not rob Hey all! I've been strangely absent from recent RFs (not that anyone noticed!) but never fear... I have been thoroughly enjoying myself reading all of your posts (even the drunken ones)! Anyway... I have a feeling this'll be a long one!!! Spencer: I think I owe you kudos from more than a week back... I loved the one where you threatened to do something nasty to one of our furry cousins on this fair earth... but I'm strange, so that might explain it! Sandi: Great "incoherent" post! No fear... we all got the gist of it... as Mathieu said: never apologize! It's all all good here! Ginger: Congrats on joining the Shrubbery! And it sounds like you and San are having a blast at shows! I'm so jealous. = ( Carrie: Man o' yer dreams will pop up sooner or later (no pun intended)! In the meantime, have fun with the men of your fantasies... Romantic younguns: Sounds like the lurve lives are proceeding according to plan! Good for you! Elisabeth: Personally, I recommend a real ID over a fake ID. Here's how it works: 1.) Find someone who looks like you who is of the desired age. It is best if this person is not a good friend who may want to join you on your adventures - -- a friend of a friend works exceptionally well. 2.) Convince this person that you will be forever indebted to her if she would be willing to "lose" her license (or other ID). Pay for her replacement license. This method works especially well if you can convince her to "lose" multiple IDs... 3.) Make sure your stories are synchronized. Namely... if you get caught using her license, you need to keep her *completely* out of it. This means that you need to say that you found the license and decided to use it or that you stole it (personally, I would go with the "found" idea... *grin*). You need to convince the friend of a friend that you will go up the river without implicating her in the least. 4.) When the "transaction" has been completed, you need to memorize all the info contained on the ID (social security number, school ID number, address, middle initial, etc.) and you have to be damn sure that you will be able to rattle that junk off even if you are a bit "under the weather" to use a euphemism. 5.) Do something really nice for the friend of a friend to show your appreciation. For those of you who may be wondering... I never owned a fake ID in my life. I grew up in an area where, luckily, there were no over-18 clubs. And when I was in college, I was lucky enough to go to a school that at the time had on campus parties where no over-21 ID was needed. So I never needed one myself. But a younger friend of a friend *did* need ID, and I happened to have an extra driver's license (due to a period of time when I thought I had lost my wallet). And for the record... the resemblance was passing. She was about 3 inches shorter than me and facially, we'd never be mistaken for each other. But our coloring was approximately the same, and she exuded confidence when she walked into a place... and that is half the battle. Whoops! That was a bit of a ramble! Eric: How 'bout this one for a tagline... "She was as immutable as the hills... but not quite so green." -Rudyard Kipling. Or... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt. Or... "And a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." -U2. Or... "I'll get my rest when I'm dead." -Kirby Puckett. Or... "You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright... and that's alright with me." -Bruce Springsteen. Or... "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride. That's all I can come up with now... Markus: I realized you were gone! I swear! I did! So the reunion was fun, huh? Mine should be coming off this weekend... but since I have yet to get info on the festivities... I'm a little confused. Of course, they did cash my check... so it should be interesting later on today when I call the organizers to see what the heck is going on. Of course, maybe my fear stems from the fact that one of the organizers used to be a featured dancer at a place called The Fuzzy Grape. And no, I'm not kidding. She was our class vice-president and was also the co-captain of our cheerleading squad. And who was the other co-captain? Well, that'd be me, actually. But what I'm just trying to figure out is whether there's been no information released about this Saturday, or whether there's been no information released to ME about this Saturday (Hey Matthew... it's that paranoiaI was telling you about rearing it's ugly head again!). Ahhhhhhhhhh... good ol' Clinton High. Anyway... I'm glad you had fun, Markus!!! Radio Shows: Sorry... but I'm thinkin' that a 2 am to 4 am EST time slot for a radio show will not be possible for me to catch... but thanks for askin'! *grin* FL: I think the anniversary that Matthew was referring to was actually mine. Yep. Mike and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday the 28th... and Mike celebrated his 32nd birthday on Sunday the 27th. Yeah... he turned 30 the night before we got married (which was actually good... the wedding stuff kept his mind off of the triple-decade thing...). Plus he'll never ever forget our anniversary date... But anyway... Happy 2 months to Katie Kat! And of *course* I remember the Crue holding the top spot on MTV for so long... what I can't remember is whether that was before or after the loooooooong run of Bon Jovi's concert footage... I'm a cowboy On a steel horse I ride I'm wanted Dead or Alive = D Matthew: Thank you so much for your anniversary greetings, O you Silken Prince of Tangential Thought! *smile* Carrie & Matthew: I'm so sorry about the Tribe losing to the BoSox... HAHAHAHA! No I'm not! I am too psyched to be sorry! Frankly, I'm hoping we can take Cleveland in 4 so we can have Pedro fresh for the league championship. It'll be tough to do, though... But c'mon... ya gotta cut me some slack. After all I'm a *Red Sox* fan!!! I can still play every excruciating moment of the 1986 Buckner error in slo-mo in my head... it was a defining moment for me. The only other fans who can match us are Cubs fans... so E gets off lightly... = ) Welp. That is WAAAAAY more than enough for today! Cheers! - -Anne ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998 16:21:36 +0100 From: Luke Wilson Subject: Come to Uni to study? Surely you jest... Well, hello people, It's been a fair while, I know, but (he says to a chorus of groans) I'm back, and this time I'm at uni. Surrey Uni to be precise, studying that most dull of all subjects, chemistry. So, what have I missed out on? Come on, tell me, tell me, I _neeeed_ gossip! I'm meeting loads of new "characters", none of which, fortunately have tried to kill me yet. I even found another fans of the boys on my floor, with the self-same poster. Spooky, they're starting to grow over here it would seem. Apart from that, no-one's bashed my door down to tell me to turn the music off, so all would appear hunky-dory. Can't think of much else now, 'cause I need a drink. With alcohol in it. Cheers Luke ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998 21:29:53 -0400 From: Dan Cohen Subject: Re: Would you like to read my post? BlueJellow@aol.com wrote: > ...heh...oddly appropriate, considering the hair deally... Oh, that's right. I called her. She wasn't there. No biggie. But today, TODAY, now that was a biggie. We're in Performing Arts and doing monologues. Mine is a dramatic one I wrote about a kid whose dad beat him up when he was little. So I get up there and do my bit, all emotional and such. I didn't think it went well, but everyone was like "Dan, that was good, but really depressing". So we're in lunch (the exchanges all sit at one table by the way, for logistics' sake), and guess who comes and...sits down next to me. Hoo-yah. She talks for a while, attracting the attention of my albino friend Marc (this kid has so little coloring, it's scary), and congratulates me on the scene. So I guess I almost made her cry. Score. Add to that the fact that Zalizniak sat nowhere near her today. Double score. Add to that the fact that one of my very best friends, Lianne, showed up today home from college. Some of you may remember her as the girl I was nearly involved with way the hell back. Regardless, she's now involved, and happy, and a redhead (!). It was cool to see her since we've both really changed although, for some unknown karmic reason, we wear the same running shoes, just in the cutesy his-and-hers styles. As I said to her, "Hey, if we stand next to each other, we can be twins!" This is only funny if you realize that she's about 5'2" and 95 pounds. We cooked a hard drive today at work. The thing melted inside, and smoke started coming out of the seal and a few flames shot out of the side of it. It exploded with a nice pop and the whole room smelled like barbecued Quantum Fireball (a wholly appropriate brand:). It was a bit of a blast. Muhahaha... I'm surrounded by Bentent, loads and loads of Bentent. Are you ready? 1. In what will surely be the most known piece of Bentent (BUT WHICH IS MINE FIRST!!!), Mimi on Drew Carey just called Drew's band Fat Folds Five. I SAW IT FIRST, BEE-OTCHES! 2. I was mucking with my RealPlayer tonight and the video sample of the new SmartStream technology is Brick at 80 K/sec. Cable modem, HUH! Blah. ~Dan ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1998 00:33:25 EDT From: F2G2@aol.com Subject: your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries. spencer: so...........? gentlemen: kindly take note of this month's issue of bikini. not only are there thought-provoking and moderately humorous articles (plus the fact that their beer reviews are almost always right on the money,) there also happens to be a pictoral/article regarding ms. rose mcgowen. enjoi. my friend dean and i sat through the entirety of monty python's 'the holy grail,' quite recently. and 2 weeks ago we saw 'the life of brian.' from that point on out, our slang and insult vocabulary changed completely. metamorphed. makes for terrific voicemail fodder. calling all fjords: favorite insult? (mine might have to be 'goat swoggler,' still.) corky: don't call me mathhew. smirk. i must concur. leg shaving seems to be a real drag for most womyn. i know meg dislikes it. there's always the inevitable ankle nick. and think about it this way.....when you are the rich, executive producer of the world, i can say i (virtually) knew you when you were just 'corky.' so could all the other fjordians. you people in turn, will perhaps take note of an article describing a water tower shooting, and think to yourselves about me, "why.......i knew him when he was just reading about the unibomber." right before he mastered the run-on. sorry. ever have "one of those weeks"? e: remember the thin leather tie? i hate to say it, but i think the cubbies might go down in 4. the braves are tough.........and even despite the impending return of kkkkkkkerry. damn yankees. bastards. anne and i seem to be watching the tribe/bosox slugfest w/bated breath. {{{{talk to me soon re: fantasyreview. i'm having difficulties tying up the story arcs. i guess that's what you get when you like too much plot/counterplot, eh?}}}} eric: alanis? (is the new material that good? truly, truly?) is it just me, or does mr. elliot smith always seem to look in need of a quick shower? (do not misunderstand me. i love his material, esp. the recent release. makes me think very much of the beatles..........and that's not a bad thing.) markus: ten year? (saw my five year a little bit back.......that was informal and quite strange. let the keg flow........with people i only vaguely knew then and only vaguely know now.) jordan: thank you for noticing. i could be smarmy and say something like, "i feel loved." but i don't think i'm gonna............... anniversary: well.....i knew it was sooner, rather than later. november? smile. matthew "you must all think for yourselves!" ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V1 #261 *********************************