From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V1 #247 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Thursday, September 17 1998 Volume 01 : Number 247 Today's Filings: ----------------- here on my own, she's so loverly Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all Good Omens Now she's done and they're calling someone... The Thickness Of Aluminum Foil.. Dammit...still no B&S for Uncie Dan Breakups ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 01:53:38 -0700 (PDT) From: "Jordan W." Subject: here on my own, she's so loverly gimme someone to get her out of mind..... what's she doing in my mind? there ain't anything else in there so she might as well take up that little bit of space.. hey people. that is summing up my life for the last few days. 10 points, a gold star and 10 litres of baskin robins for anyone who knows what song that little quote is from! exams are skanky. i don't wanna do anymore work! i have handwritten 30 pages in 5 hours today. and my hand is about to drop off. stop sniggering markus, not from THAT. i caught conan on pay telly last night, and i finally saw the boys going off. it wasn't too shabby, i quite enjoyed it. paid for it today, though, im a little tired and that didn't help me in my English Lit. exam. ouch. markus, man, what's with the bentent? i mean, where is the witty repartee that i have come to expect from you? dan, you and me buddy. except while you are pulling swedish funbags (and polish and german), i am trying to find some fucking time alone to ask her out. my friends are a bunch of untactful bastards. i mean, hello? can't you guys see that im trying my best here? ok picture this. i finally get the guts up to ask her out. i turn to ask her, and get tackled from behind by bernard. fookin' hell. i mean, i've been having enough trouble getting the balls to go for it, and my friends just ain't gonna let it happen easily. however, we are all coming back to my house on friday and watching kevin smith movies, studying and then.. who knows? emily, good omens was written by terry pratchett and neil gaimen, who also illustrates dark horse comics if my mind serves me correctly. Pratchett is my favourite author for years now. everyone go out and read the discworld series. ook. clinton and his antics have been a constant source of fun and innuendo for months now. jeez, imagine if John Howard was caught having an affair. yeah that's likely. fuck, but am i smitten or what. it gets to a stage where i shouldn't be like this. i am hallucinating people saying her name, ferchristsakes! what can i say, except i think i might ask her out. tommorow. wish me luck, for i'm gonna need it :) damn, but dan, i mean, what is with the really amazing chicks at the moment? eyes, brains (she does the same course as me, 'cept she does related english. Damn! when chicks make eyes at you across an exam room, you'd have to put yourself in with a chance, wouldn't you? i gave her a flower. she gushed. coolies. plus she rang me! at home! yeah! we were supposed to study together today but we couldn't get a room, so we went and sat with the rest of the gang on the lawn. 2 units maths and geograph-free tomorrow. wish me luck people! by this time tommorow i am going to know, i think.... feeling gosh darn pleased with himself Jordan Jordan _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 06:04:22 -0400 From: Dan Cohen Subject: Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all Well, actually it does, but it's not like I've ever had any, since I'm an upstanding teenager and all *wink wink nudge nudge* Seriously, I'm in a Sinatra mood right now, so thpppbt. OK. Jordan, here's my Official Guide to Getting Bizzay With a Girl During a Kevin Smith Movie: Last year we were at my friend Rob's house watching Clerks and Austin Powers. Great movies. They go extremely well together if you watch Clerks first, take some time to shoot pool and listen to Skankin' Pickle and Beastie Boys in between, and then watch Austin. Now Rob was a serious mack daddy sophomore year. He could have had any girl he wanted until they all realized what a rat bastard he was. He's getting back into the life but he was forced to date a college freshman who hadn't been around for his transformation from nice guy into punk (he got into a huge fight over his ex with another guy at the junior prom, for instance). So his "friend" Lianners, who at the time was nothing more than just that (and who subscribed to the MA after I made her for about a week several months ago...hehe), was over with him, me, Eric, and Mike. Lianne and Rob went upstairs during Clerks to get the $50 of snack food we had recklessly bought. This is where it happened. You see, snack foods are an integral part of any movie. Needless to say, they made out on the couch for about half an hour and we realized they'd been more than friends for awhile. Even if you haven't gone anywhere with this girl yet, invite her upstairs to help get the snacks. It's a perfect time to talk to her and it gives you the opportunity to do so without interference from friends, since they obviously know the snacks are on the line. That should do it. OK, and eyes are definitely cool. Rob and Lianne made eyes in chorale for quite a while. And I sent mental rays at Julia for a while in French Monday. I think they were deflected by the teacher's opaque projector. Ho-hum. Oh well. Hope that helps. Some Australian girl I hardly know sent me a chain letter on ICQ but I'm on extended away so it doesn't matter! Muhahaha... Cheers! ~Dan "Know something? Signature files in e-mail are the work of Satan, baby!" ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 09:06:40 -0400 (EDT) From: Eric Patton Subject: Good Omens Emily, love, the other author of Good Omens was Neil Gaiman, author of the Hugo award winning Sandman comic, and also good friend to one of the Goddesses in my Pantheon, Tori Amos. Read Sandman if you have any love of mythos and legend at all in your heart, you'll love the series. And on another note, I wanna wanna wanna wanna beeeeeeee DAN! You've got five beautiful foriegn women clamoring for your company. Enjoy it while you can, 'cause once I finish up my impersonation of you..... wait, that was my "out loud" voice again, wasn't it? Damn, now I need another plan.... Oh yeah, Markus is the Shyte. No reason, he just is. ;) Laters all! Hail Eris! ERIC _______________________________________________________________________________ "There are three rings in a man's life: engagement rings, wedding rings,and sufferings." -Rasputin O'Shea _______________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 10:40:01 -0400 From: "Lyons, Anne" Subject: Now she's done and they're calling someone... Such a familiar name I'm so glad that my memory's remote 'Cuz I'm doing just fine... hour to hour... note to note Here it is... the revenge to the tune You're no good You're no good, you're no good, you're no good Can't you tell that it's well understood I'm never gonna know you now... but I'm gonna love you anyhow Hey all! Sorry I've been so incommunicado, but for some strange reason, I've been getting my RFs only sporadically. Today was the first day since last Thursday that I actually got my Fjord in the a.m. like I'm used to... Elliott Smith: MAN! This CD is rocking me right down to a nub. I haven't been this excited about a CD since... hmmm... what's that group? Bob Irons Four? Something like that... *grin* But seriously, not since BFF's WAEA has a CD gotten this much play. I actually brought it to the gym and threw it in the CD player to listen to while I worked out. I was getting very strange looks from the thong-wearin', let-me-touch-up-my-makeup- before-I-go-out-there-and-sweat-because-some- manly-man-might-get-interested-when-he-sees-me-in- my-pink-lace-thong-over-my-white-spandex-shorts crowd.* I got especially odd looks as I sang emotionally along to the line: Feckin'** ought to stay the hell away from things you know nothing about And yes, I know that the lyric sheet actually says "out to" instead of "ought to" but I think it makes more sense my way. There've been misprints on lyric sheets before... Hey! What do you mean, "this ain't no E. Smith list"??? View Askew Online: Been there, baby! I love the site (and News Askew, too)! Is anyone else up for going to Vulgarthon II? Or at least the View Askew Reality Tour hosted by Jay Mewes? And no, I'm not kidding... M. Smith wrote about both on the board last week. I am *so* in Jersey for that! "I assure you, we are open!" Hey! What do you mean, "this ain't no VA list"??? Matthew: I play first very well. I play second well. I play short just fine and I play third adequately. I can pitch (if we're talkin' softball) in a pinch. I can catch if needed. But you probably won't want to put me in the outfield, as I tend to psych myself out out there. Oh yeah... and I've stolen home before. When can we play??? Hey! What do you mean, "this ain't no softball list"??? BeFeF: Did anyone else catch the mention they got in Vinyl Justice last night on VH1? I really enjoy that show btw (except they should probably interview Daviod Arquette every week for the show -- hysterical!) The two comedians/'cops' were interviewing truckers -- interspersed with the interview clips are clips of the two 'cops' talking to three burly truckers... one of them asks them what they think of the latest from Madonna [cut to Ray of Light - cut back to truckers -- no reaction]... later he asks about the latest from Janet [cut to Janet video -- cut back to truckers -- no reaction]... then he asks what they think of the latest from Ben Folds Five [cut to Brick video -- cut back to truckers -- they are all singing along to the song]. Just thought I'd share... Hey! What do you mean, "this ain't no BeFeF list"??? Or rather... I'll leave quietly... I promise. - -Anne * And no, I'm not kidding. I had to stifle my laughter the first time I watched someone putting on their face before an aerobics class... And me with just be mesh shorts and an old college t-shirt! ** And no, that is not the actual word used. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 18:28:48 EDT From: FunShnBear@aol.com Subject: The Thickness Of Aluminum Foil.. It's simple my friends. first you must take account that with dealing with thickness one thing is always true. Width * Length * Thickness = Volume. Am I a dork or what? So Volume can either be measured by the simple formula volume = mass/density or even easier!!: volume = the volume displacement whatamacallit. or you can fold a piece of foil and well count the layers. then you measure it and divide by the number of layers. :) - - Katie ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 19:52:47 -0400 From: Dan Cohen Subject: Dammit...still no B&S for Uncie Dan As you all gloat over your concert successes, remember that I hate you. I hate you all. I hope Belle and Sebastian cancels and the promoters get someone like Morty Stein and the Polka Princes to fill in. Heh. OK. Since my music world is basically dry, I'm taking up your in-box space with more daily updates of my situation with various females. If y'all were wondering or starting to get pissed off, there it is. Trust me, if I had something better to yap about, I would. But I don't and you don't have to read it. :P The thang got hot and heavy today. Julia and I actually talked in French (we were discussing classes before dismissal). I found out that she'd been placed in Precalculus Honors, one of the most hated classes at Liverpool. 20 % of juniors drop it once they've had about a month of Mr. Millett or Mr. Philips. Usually, Ms. Potrikus' students are too frightened for their lives to do anything, since she's a man-eater. But I digress. Anyway, she's moving down to academic, which poses an interesting question, since my teacher wants to do the same to me (it's a really long story why...basically I failed the final last year and have to take it over, but I got placed in the same class as sophomore year). In other words, I could theoretically end up in the same math class as her. This would be...interesting. Just in case you're not aware, precalculus in English to a German must make it even foggier than to an Anglophone, which is quite foggy indeed. The level of professional respect I have for this girl is quite high. I know one thing; she's quite bright, it seems, if she's getting honors math and French. At any rate, as I was searching for a topic to talk to her about, Mme. Gordon gave me one by asking her about math. So Julia and I struck up a conversation that lasted well into the hallway. Whee! Olivia, meanwhile, had Performing Arts with me today. She recognized me from Health and we talked for a while about things. Nothing too important. This guy Greg, who wears all these gold chains like Mr T circa 1983 and basically struts around like Don Johnson (dammit....born 15 years too late, I guess), began to hit on Olivia. It was pretty funny, as he was doing the same with the other Swedish girl and about 4 other women at the same time, and all of them basically gave him the Look of Death. Anyway, I nearly convinced Olivia and Helena to audition for the school play tomorrow, telling them lack of English skills wasn't really a problem (truth be told, it isn't, since this Dutch girl last year got in, and she rocked, even though she had no idea what her lines meant). I don't think I made it all the way, so I'll talk to the Polish Wonder tomorrow in health some more. The really funny part was what happened after lunch. I was walking up to math with my friends when we passed the exchange students' lockers. There was Olivia with Helena, Kristen, and Olivier, the French male exchange student. As I walked by, she (Olivia) reached out and grabbed my butt. With a thought somewhere between "Woah!" and "What the hell was that for?" I turned around and gave her a look for a couple seconds, smiled, and went on my way. That was one of the more interesting exchanges of my high school career. First, I've never been touched by someone I've known for three days before. Second, although I'm sure she's a bit of a coquette, Olivier didn't look too pleased. Heh. Serves him right. He knows not to mess with my women:) OK, so my life now sounds like a Penthouse Forum. Sorry! I swear I'm not making any of this up...I'm pleased but kind of freaked out to be honest. School is shaping up to be odd this year. ~Dan "Life's not fair...but the root password helps..." ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 23:24:21 -0400 From: Kristin Klevering Subject: Breakups Hi all - My boyrfriend and I broke up tonight. After 6 months together, he's not sure if I'm "the one", so he wants to break it off. After he's been the one actively purusing me during the courtship, and has been the one to say the "L" word first, waiting a week for my response to it, and dragging me into his life and...well, I caved and was pulled in by him. I'm pretty upset over it, since I wasn't ready for a relationship, and he was such a great guy that I finally decided to enter into it. Then he pulls this crap on me, out of the blue (last weekend he wanted to start to look for an apartment together), so I'm pretty much freaked out. But, if he's not sure I'm "the one", I'm not one to keep him around, since I didn't want a relationship in the first place. But he should have given me a warning, other than not answering my page quickly today. Last night he said he loved me - I don't think I'm at all at fault for seeing this breakup as unexpected. But when I started my car to leave his place tonight, I 'd had the radio on. And what song came on the radio but "Brick", as I was driving past his house. I was so angry and hurt (I'd converted him as a fan, and even took him to a show) that I wanted to change the radio station, but I didn't. I was afraid I'd start crying, but I didn't. I waited until I got home, an hour after thinking about what went down today with us. And then it hit me. This guy who I resisted letting into my life finally did, and then he decided he didn't want to be there anymore and wanted to see other people. And I lost it. But I'm okay now, for the moment. I'm just confused. Just had to post about my relationship woes. And about how BFF ended up a part of it. Which makes me hate the song "Brick" even more. Later - Kristin ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V1 #247 *********************************