From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V1 #186 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Friday, July 17 1998 Volume 01 : Number 186 Today's Filings: ----------------- Jesse Must DIE!!!! Helmet Head Forum News Love is in the air..... I'm Posting, I Swear Re: Love is in the air..... Rhumba Bums!! Re: The Rockford Files V1 #185 Woohoo... conan Boys on Conan King of the Wild Frontier! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 09:17:57 -0400 (EDT) From: Eric Patton Subject: Jesse Must DIE!!!! No, not my beloved Darren, you silly people! I'd knaw my own arm off before I let that happen. ;) No, I mean that Jesse kid from Empty-Vee. It's because of him and people like him that I separated myself from the rest of my generation. Anyway, I'll get on bugging the hell out of Empty-Vee and see if we can't make the FL famous. (Wow, who else got that breif replay of Emilo Estevez in Young Guns in their head?) Anyway, work beckons. Farewell, all, and remember, there are no stupid question, but if there were, that certainly would have been one. ;) Hail Eris! ERIC _______________________________________________________________________________ "Sometimes it doesn't matter if you do hit them over the head." -Sparky the Wonder Penguin _______________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 14:38:14 +0100 From: David.J.Holloway@student.shu.ac.uk Subject: Helmet Head Forum News Ba humbug! Bloody uni computers. Won't even let me access the net, let alone make additions or alterations to my webpage. Thus, anyone who contributes to the BF5 Forum is in for one hell of a shock when they discover that their precious words of wisdom on the matters that matter aren't materialising. I'm home in about a week so they'll be a monster update then but after that I won't be able to do so until my brand spanking new computer arrives which could be as late as September... Ba humbug again! Sorry Forumites Dave Ben Folds Five: Helmet Heads http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/lot/5009 ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 09:18:28 -0600 From: "Erik C. Lyons" Subject: Love is in the air..... Kate, the name attached to my daughter, so eloquently states: "All the time! I just figured that his mind was swimming around in the murky depths of the sewer.... somewhere in proximity to mine!! Erik - you are scarily like my father!!! Not that there's anything wrong with that..... after all, most of my best dirty jokes come from him!" Welp. Ya know what they say...guys always look for women who have similar qualities as their mother, and, I guess the opposite probably holds true for women and their fathers....so Kate, stay clear of me, as if we ever made contact, fireworks would be sure to explode....(but I wouldn't know because I am deep in the sewer searching for azaebel....hey, what's your dad doing down here???) Skyrockets in flight.... Thanks for those who wish to make me as famous as Jesse the butt-munch. I guess they have called off the promotion, but that isn't confirmed as far as I know. Maybe we should all write in and pitch a new idea. Like....hmmm.....OUR OWN SHOW! Oh yeah baby, it would rock. Spencer writes the music theme, we have a swing segment, introduce the coolest and newest bands (not from Seattle), and, well, etc.......The Fjordian Chronicles...or whatever...make Craig K. sever his contractual obligations and host the show..... Whoa, I gots to quit visiting the Mountain Dew reality escape room of the house...*exhale* So who is going to pick up the slack now that Anne will be gone for a week? Dilated to 2cm....fasten your seatbelts. I'm off to find a beer. I realize it is early, but........ - -FL, the future of Em_tee_Vee ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 07:35:28 -0700 From: "Kamp, Marcus S" Subject: I'm Posting, I Swear My server must really suck, 'cause I posted in yesterday's Files & it didn't show up. My Anne/Sandi-sandwich dream post took 2 days, too. GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel totally outta the loop when I read things like "I had a head-on collision @ 50 mph"! & this from CARRIE?! My Bubbles?! Love of my loins?! Well, guess I wouldn't have had to return your Vonnegut/Welsh books, huh?! Seriously, THAT SUCKS!!! Glad to her you're OK. Let's see, everyone seems to miss me, which is as it should be, so I should give some updates. Well, all I can say is, if your boy/girlfriend gets mad @ you 'cause you express discomfort w/the idea of him/her sleeping w/other people--RUN FOR YOUR ROMANTIC LIFE!!! I speak from experience, here, Fjordians--trust me! What else...mixing on Sinforosa's "Deadly Faerie Tales" CD continues (the cover artwork is FANTASTIC--literally!). I'm in the process of becoming a real Boeinger, instead of a fake Boeinger. I may be in So. Cal. for as much as 2 months later this summer working on secret stuff for the Government. (In fact , I may be killed now that I mentioned the location!) Let's see...my cube mates are still crones--meaning they've not kicked from old age yet. SPENCER KICKS MUCH ARSE!!! As long as you don't forget to get Beth Littleford to flash the screen w/our names scrawled across her plenty-ample-enough-for-me-thankyouverymuch breasts. (SERIOUSLY, SPENCER, HELP A BROTHER OUT!!!) Hmm...more advice, if breaking up w/your boy/girlfriend leads to deeper/renewed friendships w/both an ex-boy/girlfriend & a potential boy/girlfriend, then I guess it was worth it--I speak from experience here, too. No more Anne/Sandi-sandwich dreams...that I can tell you about here:-)! & absolutely NO Bentent--which, too, is as it should be. I know you don't expect me to be anyone other than That Markus you've all come to know & love! Sinforosa is for the children! LB, see ya! ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 09:39:56 -0500 (CDT) From: Anoop Ranganath Subject: Re: Love is in the air..... Hey guys, I'm new to the list. Like some of your, and I'm betting many to come, I become severely annoyed with the Armchair. Here's a quick rundown of my life. I've lived in Alabama since I was born. Born down at Auburn University while my dad was in grad school. Then we moved to Huntsville when I was 4, and I lived there til I went off to college in Birmingham, but I still call Huntsville home. Anyways, I just barely missed being a "brickhead." My friend got that album (whatever and ever amen) the day it came out. After listening to it, I went out and got it a few days later, and then I bought the first album within two weeks, and I honestly don't think anything's made it into my car cd player for more than a couple of tracks since then. Well, naked baby photos, and some cd's i burnt from bootlegged mp3s, basically they kick ass. Anyways, since you guys already know how much ass they kick, I'll just kinda leave it at that. Well, I' m writing about that little thing Erik said about guys wanting women like there mothers, and vice versa. I never understood why I was attracted to all these women how had severe self-esteem deficiencies, which for some reason I just found amazingly attractive. I just always seem to fall for the girls with problems, and that never works out. Growing up, my mom had emotional problems. I never knew about them til later on, but they were there. All of that made me realize a lot about myself. I guess the big question is, "If you know that you're always falling for the wrong people, can you change what you want, or is it fixed for good?" Maybe some of you older guys could help out, (you know mid to late 20's). What do you call someone on the list? A rockford filesian? or filesite? wait, I got a good one, a Rockford Filesander. Weird, how I just tossed all this out in my first email. Well, it's weird to me I guess. Anyways, where are all of you guys located? Anoop ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 14:18:03 PDT From: "Courtney Knopf" Subject: Rhumba Bums!! okay, those of you on the loose mail are really the only ones who xcan possible benefit from such late notrice, but you all MUST watch CNN's Showbiz Today because my favorite SF swing band, Steve Lucky and the Rhumba Bums are going to be on, live from the Derby in L.A.!!! They'll be performing a song or two and it should be just dandy! And while your watching it and Carmen Getit (the lead singer---who is also my hero), you can say to yourself "Hey, I know them in a six-degrees kind of way cause courtney does!" And isn't that what's important? ~Courtney The Sultraness of Swing "Oh, but 'Baby Fish Mouth' is the phrase that's sweeping the nation." ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 23:22:34 -0500 From: john_oc@juno.com Subject: Re: The Rockford Files V1 #185 Courtney: You rock! Yes, High Fidelity is a great book! This only means though that you must read the greatest music culture book ever, Don DeLillo's "Great Jones Street". The brilliance of this novel is too great to comprehend, another one that is finished for a day. You will not eat, sleep or move until this book is done. Then read Paul Auster's New York Trilogy and every other book he's written, then go back for more DeLillo(he's got some 10+ brilliant award winning novels), and top it all off with a heavy dose of some Coupland! Oh well, enough of spreading my literature of choice. Erik: I hope you get on FANatic, but I hear they canceled the BFF show! Oh well. Oh well that's it for now...just recorded a new song with my band/project...Zex. The song is called "Girls Don't Like Me". It's really great and funny. I wrote the bass line and the flute line with my friend Joe with vocals/lyrics and piano. It rocks. Has a little synthesized drum line too...really poppy and really cheesy. Lyrics to follow...do not copy or transmit or use without my permission please! Girls Don't Like Me(2:45) lyrics-Frese music-Frese/Boyer Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me So I'm gonna be a priest then they'll see I'm an integral member of society helping out fellas just like me yes I'm gonna be a priest it's my destiny it's my destiny girls don't like me girls don't like me girls don't like me maybe I'm just gay now that could be that's why women aren't attracted to me but I could get a man just wait and see and we'd be happy for eternity for eternity girls don't like me girls don't like me girls don't like me (old skool fresh prince-esque rap breakdown) Yoyo fellas whaddup wit dem girls don't the know that they rule my world? they way that they walk it makes me delirious and when they talky talk i feel faint but seriously they just don't notice when I'm around or they laugh at me and I feel like a clown word guess that's the way that it's gotta be girls they don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Girls don't like me Now, back off...no autographs!!! no dates!!! no girls, stay away! Please don't ask for a copy, there are only two and they sound horrible for now!!! Stay tuned for the next installment in the Zex drama, "Rock and Roll Dance Party and You're Invited". Even you Courtney. Oh well, you may be asking yourself at this point..."Where is the bentent in this freakin post!" And rest assured there is none. Time for me to go back to writing songs for my Zex side project that starts tonight. Qix. Two three letter names with an X in it. Wow. Sometimes I impress even myself. Remember the old atari game, Qix(pronounced like the cereal, Kix), I do!!!! I WANT MORE ROAD RULES, ERIK!!!! - --end transmission johnbot "As for me, I could leave the world with nothing but today in my eyes." --Truman Capote _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 01:10:17 EDT From: HndOfChaos@aol.com Subject: Woohoo... Hmm...... #184 was a fun RF! chock full of Markus, Erik, Anne, Spencer, AND Clayton (my favorite loser)! Ooh....Am I *impressed*! I'm sorry, Lucy, about that life sized Darren. No need to get excited, dahling. I'm all confuzzled 'bout all these conflicting reports of the house being burned down and all. Which is interesting because I've been locked in the attic for the past three days. You guys couldn't rescue somebody if you had the cops on your side. Damn Sinforosa tapes turned up way too loud. I'm with Spencer, a little smoke don't hurt...much. Well, DUH, you can't make grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron. Everybody KNOWS that you can only do baked goods. Try chocolate chip cookies for instance.....Mmmm, yummy. Well, if you want to stay in the hotel, stay there. :P We don't miss you at all. I believe that the house is only slightly scorched. I forgot what dimension I'm in again. Damn. Will Summer and Chris EVER get together? Will Gilligan and the crew ever get off that blasted island? Will Michael Jackson ever be cool again? Will Sublime ever accept its "dead" status? Will "Friends" ever be funny again? Will people respect Bryant Gumbel ever again? Will good every triumph once and for all over evil? (looks at Ginger) Will I ever shut up? Hehe, Matthew wears flowing white robes. I wonder what I wear. Hopefully, clothing. Anybody go for a hostile takeover of the local church bingo? how about playing sardines in the funeral home? throwing preteens into the fountain at the shopping center?? which reminds me, what is up with the RF RR? More things to ponder.... Ginger is my master. She has always been. (Okay, well, two weeks ago) She tells me what to wear...She buys my Metallica records for me. (well, actually, no, but she did tell me to buy Dag.) And sometimes I think... Will Scott ever get on "Fanatic"? Ha, ha, you can't get rid of me until you guess my name. Tsk, tsk, FeLe....you haven't been checking your AOL mail, or at least writing back. Well, I don't care. If anybody with Win 95 or higher is interesting in testing out these shutdown and startup screens made by me, email me....HndOfChaos@AOL.com. Yeah. I want more Rock Oper-Ah! go BEN CON '01! Love, The Mistress of Chaos "Join the Ben Folds Five Un-Fab Club! I dunno what the fuck they think they do, but it's gotta be AWESOME!" ~Kathryn THE STRANGEST THINGS ...a web site which only works if I want it to!... http://members.xoom.com/HndOfChaos ```````````````````````````````````````` (Damnit!) ::poof:: Lookie. ^^ Blank lines. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 01:37:48 EDT From: KamalaICB@aol.com Subject: conan KICKED ASS that's all i need to say and those glasses.....ah....make my heart skip a beat :) and robby...that suit.....wonderful casey-girl ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 01:37:05 -0400 From: Jessica Brandt Subject: Boys on Conan Well it was just a THRILL for me to see my favorite band on my favorite show. Believe me, I was excited!! The guys did SUCH a great version of SFTD. it was incredible, full of energy, and it veered from all the cookie-cutter versions of Brick they've been having to play. Also, mad props out to Conan and the show's staff for letting the guys go wild. Did you see the way conan was psyched about their performance? he ran right up afterwards with much enthusiasm!! Also, way to go all you MAers and Fijordians who made it to the show. That's the most applause/cheering i've heard for a band in all the years i've watched Late Night. Okay, constructive criticism: Ben- You're balding. Face up to it, get a haircut! thanks for finally taking off those glasses. Rob- Don't let the country know you are all hicks ;) See wardrobe next time (however, i must say, Conan looked straight out of the 70's and Andy looked like he just was parking cars...) Darren- Eat something!! Jess :) **************************************************************** I'm not just naked, I'm Naked for Jesus!!! * --+-Read The Shrubbery-+-- * http://www.theshrubbery.prohosting.com --New Every Month- -Humor, News and More-- * Ben Folds Five International Fans Page * http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Backstage/6814/fans.html --Get a "Ben" Pal- -Now Spans 11 Countries-- **************************************************************** ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 00:57:25 -0500 From: luckybastard1@juno.com (Hannah B Kuhlmann) Subject: King of the Wild Frontier! hmmm. . .there are so many things to say. . .but before I start cracking wise, I've gotta know -- who got on MTV? I too received one of those e-mails, but didn't reach Mr. Jack till today, only to learn that they'd picked a fan already, and had no interest in me. ah, fuck 'em. FL, did they send big guys in matching suits to snatch you from your house, stuff you in a limo, and drag you off to the taping? who's the lucky kid? Ok, now on to Conan. Way to scream, whoever that was. :) I got you on tape. Buckskin never looked sooooo good. . . and if you *really* want to get a good laugh, picture this scenario. . .When Ben tossed off his specs in that devil-may-care manner. . .imagine Max Weinberg scurrying over and catching them midair in his jaws like one of those frisbee dogs! With like a little flip in mid-jump, too. - -Hannah p.s. my finalized, *complete* arrangement of Missing the War will be on my site come Saturday -- or even Friday night if I'm suddenly infused with ambition and verve and all that shit. _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V1 #186 *********************************