From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V1 #184 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Wednesday, July 15 1998 Volume 01 : Number 184 Today's Filings: ----------------- swing and stuff Re: The Rockford Files V1 #183 Rockford Dreams Is that a lisp?? Freud is spinning in his grave! Just when you think I'm gonna zig....I zag. Spencer for President The RF RW Conflagration... Where oh where has my little Spence gone? Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 2 ATTN: BEN FOLDS FIVE FAN CLUB!!! Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 3 Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 04:08:13 EDT From: KamalaICB@aol.com Subject: swing and stuff can't help but notice that Cortney had that wonderful post about the Bill Elliot Wing Orchestra! what a great band!!! anyway, i dance too (lindy and east coast) and i just moved back from LA where i would go dancing like 2 times a week, out here in Philly we have one place...the five spot, it's cool, but i miss the LA dance scene :( sniffles anyway i'm seeing BBVD twice this saturday(once at the real show saturday nite, and once for our radio station, we have these things called sonic sessions that we bring the bands to sonic recording studios and we have winners come and watch the band record...it's really cool....intimate setting and all) so i am happy, though i have to work on friday nite, so i can't go see Brian setzer at the Trump Marina in AC...doah anway bentent: i went back to the record store today to buy the schroders last nite in philly....it was gone....i was sad casey-girl ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 12:09:31 -0500 From: john_oc@juno.com Subject: Re: The Rockford Files V1 #183 Yo Files! Represent! I hope that everyone remembers my post about the Sifl and Olly Show from some 2 weeks ago. The show debuted last night!!! Rawk on!!! It ruled, I hope that everyone here saw it. As I was watching it, I realized something. I realized how I could convince all of you to watch it. (Attn: Falling Bentent) Sifl=Darren; Olly=Robert; Chester, Precious Roy, Flower, misc other characters=Ben. It's perfect! They have almost the same kind of humor, and all of them could pull of the delivery of the lines too! It would work so well!!! BFF should be guests on the Sifl and Olly Show!!!! Oh well. BTW!!! LAST CHANCE FOR FAN CLUB JOB APPLICATIONS...STILL TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS... WEBMASTER ASST. WEBMASTER MANAGING EDITOR ASST. MANAGING EDITOR PLEASE SEND THOSE IN TO ME AT BFFFanClub@juno.com!!!!!!!!! QUICKLY!!!! Sincerely, John Boyer, Vice President in cd player Kevin Hearn - Mothball Mint June of 44 - Four Great Points Pulsars - Submission to the Master EP (quite and unlikely mix!) - --end transmission johnbot "As for me, I could leave the world with nothing but today in my eyes." --Truman Capote _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 13 Jul 1998 08:41:55 -0700 From: "Kamp, Marcus S" Subject: Rockford Dreams OK, so Friday night I dreamt about Anne & Sandi--hey, what a delicious sandwich:-)! Actually, it was pretty clean. I dreamt that I lived in a condo by the lake in Kirkland--must be nice!--that overlooked this little beach/park. I had just gotten back w/my Subway (must be from all those old pseudo-Subway commercials that we made up featuring Ben & the Boys) & went to sit on my balcony to eat. I looked down to the beach/park & saw both Anne & Sandi sitting--apart & alone!--on park benches, eating Subway! (Although I've never met either of them, I know it was them.) Then I started thinking that y'all had finally decided to have a ConBENtion in Seattle, but forgot to tell--of all people--ME! I was torn between finishing my Subway & going down there to say hello--forgiving the shun of not being informed of ConBENtion (ConbenSHUN!!!) right in my own backyard--when the alarm went off. Kinda like the ol' Batman TV show...will Markus say hello? Will it be digesto-time for the sandwich? Will Anne and Sandi join forces and occupy only one bench? Come back next week, same Ben time, same Ben channel!!! ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 15:19:31 -0600 From: "Erik C. Lyons" Subject: Is that a lisp?? Is that Winthrop from The Music Man, all grown up?? Is it just me, or at 00:50 in Uncle Walter, do I hear Elmer Fudd??? You judge.... Also, is Hubba Bubba still being made? I used to chew that and Bubble Yum all the time....oh, and pop rocks... I sent away for a CD, Running From Anna....if it's good, I shall pass on the info on how YOU, the RF viewing fan, can obtain one. Hey, it is Tuesday, and for ONCE it isn't raining!!!! Sweet mama! Let's play ball.....(my 12 week softball season is now entering its 20th week) Will mastur(of-my-domain)bating be allowed during the live chat with George Michael on Thursday? If elected PRESIDENTO of the Ben Folds Five Fan Club, I promise not to shoot any of the band members... Wouldn't it be real neato if Ben Folds Five were a mexican-trio...?? Yeah, well who asked you anyway..... When will Matt Damon's 15 minutes of fame expire? I think Ben Afleck's is winding down....tick-tock, tick-tock....... Here leezard-leezard-leezard..... My friend told me the other day, and I quote, "Me and my buddy like to drink and drive to that Dumped song....'Give me back my Black T-shirt'...that is classic...." Yeah buddy!!!!! Beer and Ben Folds Five.... A conBENation that rules AND rocks my world! ....as Anne would say, "right down to a NUB!" Are penis enlargements REALLY necessary? Off to the batting cage! MAD PROPS to anyone who wants them*! - -me, fl *take 'em while you can, I only have a handful (IF ya know what I mean)... ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 16:58:03 -0400 From: Spencer Corden Subject: Freud is spinning in his grave! FL aimlessly typed: <> My friends, methinks that FL just answered his own question... Spencer "Yeah, it's a cheap shot. So is Pepe Lopez!" Corden ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 17:14:17 -0400 From: Spencer Corden Subject: Just when you think I'm gonna zig....I zag. Frank thought he'd throw me off the MA. Sorry, I got out first. Chalk one up to my itchy trigger finger. All right, so that's old news. I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. I gotta catch up. I've read through many a File and am just killing myself for not keeping up. After reading, I've had tons of responses in my mind but not nearly enough time to respond. Maybe I need some cheese with my whine. Cool things: 1. Ingmar Bergman's film, "The Silence". 2. Me throwing 3.2 marks/round in cricket tonight. Plenty of beer (aimin' juice) is required to achieve this status. I cleaned house in 8 rounds. 3. I'm goin' to N.Y.C July 17th-24th to do music for a film for a guy at Columbia. 4. I've got tickets to the Daily Show on the 20th and 21st. I got an extra copy of the "Book of 5 Questions" so Markus and I can have an autographed copy from Kilborn. Don't worry, Markus. I know one of the production assistants. It's all worked out. 5. Kathryn has a nice mix tape on its way with some BFF sheet music to boot. 6. Did I mention black 'n' tans during cricket? 7. FL is gonna be a DADDY! You old fuck, you.... 8. The RW theme song sound file that I sent to some of you got snagged by HGTVfor a promo. For those who haven't heard the music I composed for the "RW Theme Song", Look for the Location, Location, Location promo on HGTV. Bummer. I should have never let them hear it. I feel so used. 9. Oscar Peterson's stride piano solo on (Back Home Again In) Indiana. Pure genius. The man is a god in my eyes. Piano in its finest state. 10."Pet Sounds". Brian Wilson. That and "Sgt. Pepper's..." are reasons to live. 11.The first two season of Seinfeld scripts are out in paperback. On to other business: RW house - It's not burned down. There's jus' a li'l smoke escapin' from me 'n' Markus' room. Chill out, dig? Damn, this opium laced stuff is the shit! ;-) We couldn't hear youze guys from the Sinforosa tape turned up full blast. Hell, Anne split for vacation, I haven't seen Kathryn and Courtney yet. Maybe it's just the chronic... matthew is still listening to the Schoolhouse Rock tape I left in his bedroom. "Conjuntion junction what's your function?..." Kate - Please forgive me. Work is hell. I know you agree. I will write tomorrow, I promise!!!! Anne - What's this with no more work? I want in on this deal... Markus - Write to me. I'll tell you more about this Daily Show thing. FL - I'm printing out the Kate sheet music tomorrow. Sorry for the delay. Courtney - Do you have DMX with your cable set-up? I can make a mean mix tape just from the swing channel. Non-stop, no commercials. Just pure music. matthew - man, you made me hungry for a grilled cheese. iron style, too . and no, it's not the munchies. grilled cheese sandwiches just kick major ass, that's all. by the way, you wanna trade off any coltrane recordings? you are a fan o' the man, if i remember correctly. ADVICE FOR ALL RF'ERS: Typing the above post to matthew was almost impossible. It should only be attempted by professionals. But go ahead. Try it yourself. Try to type a whole *damn* paragraph without making a typo by accidentally hitting the shift key. It must have taken me 10 minutes, and I'm a pretty fast typist. Last but certainly not least: CLAYTON!!!! Where the hell are ya? I thought we shared a locker!!! If ya ain't gonna talk to me in the Files, the least you could do is keep in touch privately. Geez, I thought we were friends... May all your D7(#9)(#5) chords be played with a F# lydian augmented scale, Spencer "jazz theory geek" Corden ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 17:03:00 -0500 From: Clayton Smith Subject: Spencer for President just think about it, Spence would hook us all up.....my vote is for spence. Moving on.... Spencer for those of us who get the loose mail version of the RF we only get your name is the only thing in the identity box.......so i dont know your email address....ive told you this before.....because i want that sound clip that makes markus's mom slobber...oh ya!....so if anybody has spence's email address, pass it my way! I also think Spence is cool with his hookups with kilborn...that guy and his show (daily show is awesome) are very cool....he cracks me up! SPENCER: EMAIL ME AT CTSMITH@ONR.COM NOW Erik asks: Are penis enlargements REALLY necessary? Im not even touching that one......and does anybody ever wonder why Erik even asks about these kind of things?? Spencer for President Clayton smith ctsmith@onr.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:16:25 -0400 (EDT) From: Anne Lyons Subject: The RF RW Conflagration... It's time... for... a cool... change... Hey y'all! Here I am, ready willing and able to finish the BeFeFanFic... but I will save that for the next few messages. First I have to reply to some things in the previous RF. Matthew: Can I tell you that I actually slapped my thigh while reading your missive about the RFRW conflagration? You rock me so hard... right down to a nub, actually. But let me add my .02 to the discussion of the flaming end to our beautiful French Quarter abode... So yeah... I was hogging the confessional... at first I enjoyed being in there because I had so much to say. And then later... I suspected that Matthew had fallen for Courtney, and I was so filled with twentysomething, genX angst, that I needed MTV to film a few of my more theatrical crying jags (all interspersed on the show with clips of Matthew and Courtney flirting around the pool table while strains of REO Speedwagon's 'Take it on the Run' play in the background) (See, in the N'awlins version of the RW -- they've dug into the 80's archives for apprpriate muzac. But I have emerged from my confessional chrysalis ready to take on the house again... Spence! Where are you? all is forgiven... come on home to us! WE're currently staying at the Hyatt -- we're all on the 33rd floor (that would be the 32nd floor for those of you who count the 13th). Markus has taken to sleeping on my floor... he's been mumbling something about not being able to take Matthew's predeliction for wearing flowing white robes anymore... E: I agree with most of what you said... which is a bit frightening (kidding!) I'm thinking we need to start giving our youth the ol' Clockwork Orange. Let's clip back they're eyelids and schoolhouse rock their asses! = D Finally -- some summer reading. If you haven't yet read Katherine Neville's first novel "The Eight" do so now. It is a terrific read. This will then prepare you for her third novel "The Magic Circle". It blends the physical and the metaphysical so you don;t know where one leaves off and the other begins. It's a bit sloppy in places -- but truly makes you think about religion and the role it plays in society. Matthew -- I'm counting on you to read this before our next session of the RFRW book club. Off to pen the rest of the Rock Opera... so be prepared for a long RF! See ya! - -Anne ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:43:15 -0400 From: Spencer Corden Subject: Where oh where has my little Spence gone? Anne inquires: <> Glad you asked. I just got caught between the moon and New York City. Stop by if you happen to find that Mountain Dew bong. I'll fall for ya, babe. Chris Cross suddenly makes so much sense now....I'm hungry. Spencer "one more martini and I'm off to bed" Corden ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:53:21 -0400 (EDT) From: Anne Lyons Subject: Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 2 *Something Else* - story by Anne Sawyer Lyons, inspiration, music and lyrics by Ben Folds, Darren Jessee and Robert Sledge. Copyright 1998 by Anne Sawyer Lyons (There... now doesn't that sound official? *grin*) _____________ Before I begin -- let me reiterate that I haven't worked out much dialogue yet -- so I simply write about the stage action between numbers. Also -- I have taken the liberty of changing some of the lyrics *very* slightly to fit better within the context of this particular story. Mea culpa and all that, 'Kay? One more thing... Upstage, hung from the rafters are a few screens... they can be used as props for scenery -- but are there for certain dance numbers. And now... just a reminder of the beginning of our show... and a retraction. I believe I implied that Chris and Summer were a couple in the last installment of the show... that is not the case. Rather, they are best friends. Once again, the players are 3 high school seniors about to graduate from a small high school in a small Massachusetts mill town: Chris Lear; the dreamer destined to end up working int he local prison or factory... Summer Branwen; 'old beyond her years' -- who wants to get out of Carter, MA in the worst way... Jack Connolly; the geek with a sense of humor, low tolerance for idiocy -- and a major temper to boot. Scene 1 (revisited) When last we saw Summer and Chris, they were "hanging" with their gal and guy pals respectively. Each was frustrated with the lack of direction of their friends. The opening song and dance number was Battle of Who Could Care Less. performed as a duet by Summer & Chris. Scene 1 (continued) After the number, Chris and Summer meet up -- we learn that they have been best friends for years -- they know each other better than they know themselves. We also learn that Chris's girlfriend is a fairly vapid junior by the name of Julianne, and that he has never really been without a girlfriend. Chris feels that he is at a x-roads (graduation) and wonders if he should break up with J. as he feels she is trying to tie him to Carter. S. teases C. and warns him that he might regret dumping J. as he might not have a candidate with whom he can replace her... The scene ends with C. and S. making plans for post-graduation parties for the following night. Scene 2 - H. S. Graduation The scene opens with the announcement of the valedictorian's speech. Jack Connolly is introduced and mounts the podium. He begins an excellent speech about looking to the future amidst catcalls from many seniors. One guy in particular is enjoying razzing him. Jack's speech rapidly deteriorates... until finally the heckler tosses a frisbee at Jack. Jack snatches it out of the air as a fast bass line kicks in joined quickly by a piano... [One screen is in use... it shows alternating images of Jack's ideas and his heckler's ideas... i.e. for Jack, it shows an image of the heckler flipping burgers... for the heckler, it shows an image of Jack as a failure...) [Jack sings to his heckler (and rest of the class):] Destiny is calling Monday afternoon Wednesday you'll be crawling And you'll pray to be there soon With sports and wine [Few in the class seem to listen -- they still think of Jack as a 2nd class citizen.] Some men never grew up Fortunate like you Some men never found out What it takes to be a dude That's Sports and Wine The girls don't understand it What you think is art My oh my we're all impressed How sensitive you are Everybody's talkin' about you now You know it's true Because it Always has been sports and wine for you So you ask me how I think I know Just what makes you tick I know what I know y'know I know you make me sick Sports and wine [Jack is now dodging objects thrown at him by his classmates.] Girls don't understand it Anything you say I don't understand it either Guess that makes me gay [Image on both screens is of a picture of Jack ducking refuse. The headline reads "Valedictorian Causes Uproar, Comes Out of Closet at Graduation"] Everybody's talking 'bout you now You know it's true... [Crowd sings:] No... No! [At crescendo of song, seniors all toss their mortarboards at Jack.] Apres graduation, Jack meets up with Summer and Chris... they chat about life after high school. Jack will be heading off to MIT and Summer to Williams College. Chris has been accepted by quite a few places... but is "taking a year to think about things". Summer promises to come home to visit often. Jack tells them there's no way in hell he'll be hanging out in Carter... he'll see them in 10 years. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:50:46 -0500 From: john_oc@juno.com Subject: ATTN: BEN FOLDS FIVE FAN CLUB!!! Hello all. I would like to announce that the Ben Folds Five Fan Club is still taking applications for a Webmaster. We are looking for someone familiar with authoring and server activities, to maintain a Fan Club website. Please send all inquiries, URL's to homepages, credentials and why you feel you deserve the job to... BFFFanClub@juno.com Please reply ASAP, and impress me!!! Sincerely, John Boyer, Vice President - Ben Folds Five Fan Club "As for me, I could leave the world with nothing but today in my eyes." --Truman Capote _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 15 Jul 1998 00:36:30 -0400 (EDT) From: Anne Lyons Subject: Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 3 Scene 3 (Two years later, summer) Scene opens at a bar/pub in Carter. Summer and Chris are chatting about life and love. Chris never did get around to going to college... he still lives at home and works at a local factory. Summer has come home more often than anyone expected, and has returned each summer to work as a lifeguard at the local pond. It is obvious to everyone that she feels a bit more than just friendship for Chris -- but he is still in the dark. They get around to discussing Julianne -- C. finally broke up with her a few weeks ago. S. asks him if he regrets the decision... C. jumps up to "show her how he feels." He begins a little salsa dance... ["Cha cha" intro...] [Chris jumps up on the bar & sings:] I met this girl, she looked like Axl Rose Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes In the morning put my feet on the floor and thought Being awake never felt like this before And Julianne y'know she wouldn't approve Spent all day on the phone 'cause I had nothing to do Got rid of Axl by the afternoon Being awake never felt so clear and blue That's all I knew Guess that I was innocent too I'll sing a song and it won't be the blues I don't miss Julianne [Chris motions toward Summer and sings to other patrons.] This friend she told me she felt sorry for me She said the truth would come crashing down on me That I'd be sorry but the truth of it is That I feel guilty for not giving a shit I got my bag of trash I got my bag of trash I drag it up and down, I drag it up and down the road How could she miss a man Who drags a bag of trash down the road This week I feel like I've been born again I know that Julianne would have a fit She'd find a reason for the things that I did and give me credit for the things that I never did That's all I knew Guess that I was innocent too I can try just as hard as I can But I don't miss Julianne... Chris knocks over a mug of beer... it crashes to the floor. He jumps off the bar, grabs Summer's hand and they haul ass out of the bar, laughing. Outside, they stumble in a fit of the giggles into the next bar down the road. Lights down. Scene 4 (Chris's bedroom) Lights up and cue music (Bad Idea) at the same time. Chris sits bolt upright in bed... jumps out and begins to collect his clothes in a mad rush. He jumps into the bathroom to put on his clothes (visible to audience). (Note: these lyrics are subject to change.) [Chorus sings:] Pull over the car Pull over the car I think I see some sweet girl there Pull over the car (Really.) Pull over the car I think I feel like busting out here I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna You make me feel Make me feel Make me feel retarded [At the start of the second verse, Summer then sits bolt upright and begins a mad dash to throw on her own clothes and appear collected.] I can't leave it alone I jerk off on the phone (Yeah!) I want you to come on over Pretty bad idea Pretty bad idea Really really bad idea I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna You make me feel Make me feel Make me feel retarded As the song draws to a close... Summer gives Chris a wave as he emerges from the bathroom as she climbs out the window. Lights down. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 15 Jul 1998 00:42:24 -0400 (EDT) From: Anne Lyons Subject: Something Else (A BeFeF production) Part 4 Scene 5 (split stage: Chris's bedroom/Summer's bedroom) Lights up. Chris and Summer are on the phone. Chris is cracking jokes about last night. He says something about the powers of demon alcohal... but then goes quiet. He tells summer he has something important to tell her [slow piano intro]. He tells her that this is the first time he'll be saying this to anyone... [Chris sings:] Satan is my master He has always been He tells me what to do He buys my Metallica records for me And sometimes I think... [speedmetal outtro] Summer can't help but laugh. But the conversation actually takes a serious turn and C. talks about how he's never been independent, and how he would hate to ruin their special friendship by rushing into another boyfriend-girlfriend thing. He then asks Summer what she thinks... she agrees that the friendship is too special to ruin with a possible bad breakup of lovers. C. has to go so they hang up. Lights down on Chris's bedroom. [Piano intro] [Summer sings:] I... Said what you wanted to hear Not what I... Wanted to say So I will take it back Are all of the dishes intact? Let them be broken... Broken It's easy to be Easy and free When it doesn't mean... Anything You remain selfless, cold... And composed You've done me no favor to call and be nice Telling me I can take anything I like You don't owe me to be so polite You've done no wrong You've done no wrong... Get out of my sight It's easy to be Easy and free When it doesn't mean... Anything You remain selfless, cold... And composed Come on baby now throw me a right to the chin Don't just stare like you never cared I know you did But you just smile... Like a bank teller Blankly telling me 'Have a nice life' Come on baby now throw me a right to the chin Just one sign that could show me That you give a shit But you just smile politely And I grow weaker and I... Said what you wanted to hear Not what I... Wanted to say So I will take it back Lights down. ______________________________________ Well, folks... it's getting late and I must be off to bed. I will be away for the next week*, so you will have to wait for the next installment of "Something Else". I swear I have the whole thing mapped out in my head -- I've even got snippets of dialogue going on. And yes, I did quit smoking crack some time ago, why do you ask? Bentent: A veritable cornucopia of BeFeF. So... I hope to finish up the saga next Tuesday or Wednesday... hope y'all enjoy it! Take care, all! - -Anne *For those of you who care... I will be in lakes region of NH -- near Lake Ossipee... check it out on the map. = ) ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V1 #184 *********************************