From: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org (The Rockford Files) To: rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Subject: The Rockford Files V1 #89 Reply-To: rockford-files@smoe.org Sender: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-rockford-files-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk The Rockford Files Thursday, April 16 1998 Volume 01 : Number 089 Today's Filings: ----------------- Whoa-oa, living on a prayer! My mom and Burt Bachrach "and I promise to keep rockin' and rollin'..." Again, no TV ruins the day... SPICE And I'm back! Part One -- The Journey Presents Itself... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 08:34:43 -0400 From: Anne Lyons Subject: Whoa-oa, living on a prayer! Hey all! This is for Hannah who wants us all to say a little prayer for Ben... ummmmmm... I'm thinkin' that we'd have to be praying for a miracle!* But no matter, 'cuz I think receding hairlines and baldness -- when it is in your face, and not covered up by the Homeresque two little strands -- are SEXY! I mean... look at James Taylor now! He is so much hotter today than he was in his "I -don't -wash -but -I'm -still -sexy -in -a -70's -kind -of -way - -just -look -at -my -long -stringy -hair -and -straggly -mustache -but -if - -you -don't -appreciate -it -don't -blame -me -'cuz -I'm -strung -out -on - -heroin" phase. And I had the BIGGEST crush on my psych prof, who was gloriously bald at approximately 35. Damn his eyes were the bluest blue I ever saw. Oh yes... a definite member of the FL was Prof. Weigel. See? That's the good thing about being bold about being bald... it brings out facial features (like eyes and dimples and really nice smiles!). Just as long as he doesn't do a hairweave with bangs for chrissakes like another piano player I know! As to the show... I really liked how Burt mumbled about each song before they played it. And how he would tell the people on the triangle when to *ping* but jabbing his finger in the air. And yes -- I especially liked his "fatherly looks" toward Ben... and how he laughed when he muffed the lyrics. He did muff the lyrics, didn't he? Or did I imagine that? As to the performace... it rocked! I actually saw it twice... I stayed up for the "encore" performace. And hey! I know that someone on this list went to the show... were you one of the two guys giving the boys a standing O at the end of the song? It looked about 15 rows back and on the left (when facing the stage)... Anyway... I have some Fiction in my head just waiting to get poured out in a post... but I ain't posting until I know if I can post more than one story (because if I can't -- I have to figure out which is my "best" *grin*) That's about all. Gadzooks! How odd... there was a ton of Bentent in this one! I must be losing my touch... - -Anne CD changer info: NIN: Pretty Hate Machine NIN: The Downward Spiral Primus: Sailing the Seas of Cheese Hole: Live Through This Van Halen: Van Halen I What can I say? I'm still recovering from last week. I promise that next week I'll be singing something other than: "hey pig yeah you hey pig piggy pig pig pig all of my fears came true" ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 09:05:42 -0600 From: Tina Archer Subject: My mom and Burt Bachrach So I called my parents and told them to watch the special because they love BB and all my mom said about BFF was that Ben had to read the lyrics and they looked like nice boys with their suits, but she couldn't understand how they were the same group that sings the song about give me my money back you bitch. You see my brother came home from school one weekend and was playing the disc in her car and forgot to take it out when mom drove the car and she happened to hear SFTD. Too funny from my 52 year old mom. She also couldn't understand why Barenaked Ladies consisted of 4 guys. Scott, I also don't know why Brian Wilson is suddenly getting all kinds of airplay. Weird. Also my 37 year old co-worker who is on vacation in Florida called me last night and tells me to turn on TNT because my favorite band is doing a cover of BB, one of her favorite performers and that we have something in common musically. I was LOL. Markus, can't wait for my very own Sinforosa disc. I love the debut tape. Peace all, T ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 09:06:05 -0500 From: "Scott A. Schneider" Subject: "and I promise to keep rockin' and rollin'..." In a duty to keep us all level-headed... Really, obsessing over the physical appearance (hair?) of the trio is a bit... well, obsessive, don't you think? In 40 years, I just hope Ben is still making great music; I couldn't care less about how much hair he has. But maybe that's wasted since we all are admittedly over-obsessed... thus our presence on this list, no? :) Okay, whatever, I digress. The Bacharach tribute was great... though it would have been a lot better without half of the other performers. Warwick makes me ill... yech. Mike Meyers was cute. I won't go on about anything else since I know you all see it and don't need to be told anything. So... how 'bout that Magical Armchair? Ha-- just reading the angstness of those people cracks me up. Poor Frank... he should abandon the whole thing and join us over here on the dark side... I think I've lost all composure... this post is starting to make very little sense. Perhaps I should get more sleep. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy tonight... whoohoooo! I can hardly wait. :) scott Now playing: Squarepusha'! ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 11:27:06 -0400 From: Carrie Subject: Again, no TV ruins the day... Aside from other complications, I missed the show due to not owning a TV. Did anyone tape it? Would anyone be willing to work something out? I'm a very nice person, contrary to popular belief, and would be eternally grateful... Regarding balding: It happens. I don't think it's a necessarily good or bad thing, but there are ways to do it ungracefully. I think the media likes to represent those who do it poorly (combovers, toupees, growing it really long where it exists), so some have a negative image. But what about those who bald proactively? Patrick Stewart! Now, I'm not part of the "Man, I'd love to clasp and rub that shiny pate!" crowd, but he doesn't avoid being bald. Bald is. Bruce Willis, acting aside, looks better now than he has, well, ever. Chopping it all off makes him look a bit badassed despite the deep recession. Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects? Another fine fine example of a good-lookin balding haircut. So I fear not the balding. I fear those who fear balding. Thank you. This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by Tide. Speaking of PSA, I was just in our bathroom stall, peeing, and someone had posted up a "Rohypnol Awareness" poster, full of facts about the new drug of choice. At the bottom, it said, "Tell your date that you are aware of Rohypnol and that even possession of the drug is a federal offense." I can see it now: Boy: "Gee, hi, Suzie! Are ya ready to go out to the movie? I brought you some flowers!" Girl: "Bobby, you can't fool me!! I know ALL about Rohypnol, also called "Rufies," and their effects! I also know that possession of the drug is a federal offense! Are you in possession of this drug?!!" Boy: "Gee, no, Suzie! We've been dating for months! What would I tell our moms?" Girl: "Ummmmm..... OK, let's go..." Carrie ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 12:26:06 -0400 From: Amanda McClintock Subject: SPICE Oh all of you with the cable, I envy you all... I am so bummed I missed two good BFF appearances where they weren't playing BRICK! Man this has put a dampener on my life... Hey if anyone taped it and will make copies, I will do many favors for it!!!! PLEASE! But I must stop selling myself now. It's like 60 and humid out now, which is great for Michigan Spring (we normally don't get a spring, it goes from 30 to 80 over night!) On a Hannah note, I too am prying to the rogain gods for Ben... Hmmmmm, what else... Oh here's an interesting little bit of education for ya'll: My best pal just got back from 2 months in Ireland, and she said that if you were ever scared by the SPICE GIRLS Don't go over there. EVERYTHING is spiced out! She tried to buy a new pair of shoes 'cause hers were wearing out, and all they ever had were platform sneakers that were baby pink or sparkly. She also was on a bus with this mom and her 3 year old, the kid got roudy so the mom said, "Come on dear lets sing spice girls... I'll tell ya what I want..." and the little girl joined in... Summer(my pal) was horrified... Anyway this is just to be happy it ain't like that over here!! Fight for your right! Amanda McClintock ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 12:47:45 -0400 (EDT) From: Some Young Punk Subject: And I'm back! Hey all! I know you've missed me, but I've just been searching for a new e-mail quote. Couldn't find one I like, so I'm stuck with Ani. Ah well, I could think of worse fates. ;) Anyway, I caught the Bacharach special last night. You know, now that I think about it, Ben does kinda look like him... Nah, I'm not even gonna dream about that thread. ;) I do hope they extend the song and put it on their next album. And as far as I know, I'm still waiting patiently for tix to go on sale for the Grand Rapids show. Anyway, laters all! Hail Eris! ERIC _______________________________________________________________________________ "You can call me crazy if I fail, All the chance that I need Is one in a million, And you can call me brilliant if I succeed." -Ani DiFranco, "Swan Dive" _______________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 12:01:09 -0600 From: "Erik C. Lyons" Subject: Part One -- The Journey Presents Itself... Pidder padder, pidder padder. The rain was coming hard that summer evening. Weather bulletins in the area warned of possible tornados, however, the boys were on a tight schedule and had no time to pull over and wait out the storm. Ben, Darren and Robert had just finished a show a few hours ago in a small town in Nebraska. They had loaded up their Winnebago and hit the road for an overnight drive to the next venue in Indiana. Robert was driving while Ben and Darren drank Heineken and shot craps. "Ben, you better quit slammin* those brewskis down so fast!* Robert yelled. "You know you have to drive next.* "Ah, pipe it down up there bass boy, I*m takin* Darren to the cleaners.* Ben responded. "Um, Ben,* Darren said, "I think you are the one who needs to go to the cleaners, judging by the smell of YOUR clothes.* "Oh yeah?* Ben questioned, "Just shut up and roll the dice, or I*ll be introducing you to my smell...up close and personal.* Just as Darren swung back his arm to fling the dice, Robert yelled in terror, "Tornado!! And it is coming right for us!* Sure enough, a twister one mile in diameter had a beat on the Ben Folds Five Winnebago. Within seconds of Robert*s scream, the twister had engulfed the vehicle and sent it spiraling upwards. "Oh Goddamn, I said GODDAMN!* Darren yelled, "Where*s my beer?* No sooner did he speak did the bottle of beer slam into Robert*s head. "What the hell? Darren, I told you to keep your drink in a cupholder you prick!* Robert told him. "Would you guys shut the HELL up,* Ben yelled, "The Winny is about to fly out of this twister we are in. We better strap our seatbelts on.* Ben, Darren and Robert composed themselves long enough to secure their bodies in their seats. However, it was not going to be protection enough. Ben and Darren*s excessive drinking was to haunt them this day. The beer bottles they had failed to secure were flying around the Winny and soon all three men were knocked unconscious after the continuous assault of the bottles battered their skulls. The tornado had continued along it*s path and left the Winnebago lying in a cornfield. As the sun broke that morning, the three musicians slowly awoke from their beer bottle induced nap. Ben opened the side door on the battered Winny and stepped outside. "You guys better come out here,* he spoke, "you are not going to believe what is out here.* Robert and Darren emerged from the wreckage and stood in awe at what was before them. "Darren,* Robert said, "would you look at that! Can you believe it?* Darren just ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. "I can*t believe it. And look around! Not a phone in sight. Man-o-man, is my girlfriend going to be mad if I don*t call her.* The three men looked at each other and instantly knew what needed to be done. Without a word, they went back to the Winny to prepare for the journey which was about to begin. Behind them stood the object which fueled their passions. A giant billboard, standing alone, reading seven words: "SPICEWORLD, U.S.A. * A Great Place to Live!* As they walked to the Winny, Ben whispered to himself, *Who do those chicks think they are? I*m going to get those bitches once and for all.* _________________ to be continued.... ------------------------------ End of The Rockford Files V1 #89 ********************************