From: owner-precious-things-digest@smoe.org (precious-things-digest) To: precious-things-digest@smoe.org Subject: precious-things-digest V6 #134 Reply-To: precious-things@smoe.org Sender: owner-precious-things-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-precious-things-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk X-To-Unsubscribe: Send mail to "precious-things-digest-request@smoe.org" X-To-Unsubscribe: with "unsubscribe" as the body. precious-things-digest Tuesday, August 7 2001 Volume 06 : Number 134 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: precious-things-digest V6 #133 [Beth Winegarner ] Re: precious-things-digest V6 #133 [Dracovixen@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 23:14:04 -0700 From: Beth Winegarner Subject: Re: precious-things-digest V6 #133 Matt wrote to someone else: > > in the rainn video, before singing leather, tori says she's singing it > > for the first time for someone since she first wrote the song or > > something like that... who is it? it's a guy because she says he and i > > don't think it's eric because i'm sure he'd have heard it since the time > > she had written it. > > I always thought it was Maynard from Tool.. which would make sense.. would > it not? > But I don't know.. anyway care to clarify? It was a man from Atlantic Records who'd been sent to England to find out what she was working on for the album. I can't remember his name, but Richard might. Beth - -- "Time to get scared, time to change plan. Don't know how to treat a lady, don't know how to be a man. Time to admit what you call defeat, 'cause there's women running past you now and you just drag your feet." (J. Jackson) _._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._ music reviews + stories + poetry + photography + collage + Watchers selkies + froud-faeries + esoterica + links = http://echoes.devin.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 03:32:03 -0400 From: "Tori" Subject: 1000 oceans Hi all... I never post, but today I just wanted to. I don't really feel comfortable talking to my friends about this subject, because I cry every time I do, and I'm one of those people who hates it when people see them cry. My mother died last thursday. 10 1/2 years ago my mom had this boyfriend. She wanted to leave him, but he thought otherwise. He beat her which caused an anurism (blood clot) in her brain. She had extensive brain damage, which rendered her incopacitated. Her body wouldn't work. She couldn't talk, and I don't even know if she knew she was alive. But, for 10 years my grandparents (her parents) took care of her at their house. I live beside them. So every day I would go to my grandparents house, but I could never go in her room. When I did, all I would do is cry anyway, and I didn't want to upset her just incase she know I was there. She screamed alot. That's all she could do. ... I had just turned 14 when it happened. I'm now 24. Last tues. my grandmother called and told me that I needed to go to the hospital because things didn't look good. Whereas earlier that day, they had told me she was doing better. I rushed to the hospital at about 11pm that night. When I arrived, I saw my uncle in the parking lot and I overheard him talking to my grandfather. He said,"They got her heart started back" It was like no one wanted me to know how serious the situation was. So, I went in and one of the nurses, who happened to be one of my friends took me to the ICU. I was walking down the hall, and they took me to the family room. Where I saw my grandma, and her hands were just shaking violently. My stomach just dropped and I thought they were going to tell me that she was dead. But they didn't. They just told me that they didn't think she would last until morning. I was shaking, but kept my cool. (I tend to disassociate. I expect my personalities to split any day now...) I asked to see her. They took me in the room, and I just thought I would crumble. And, I did. but only for a minute or so. Then I got my shit back together and kissed her and told her I loved her and that I was sorry that I couldn't come into her room more often. I was just in denial I think... They had an oxygen mask on her and she was gasping for breath. One of her lungs had collapsed, and she was comatose. Anyways... To try to make a long and sad story short, she did not die that night. Oh no... not her. She probably heard the doctor say that she wouldn't make it, and stayed alive just to prove him wrong. That's the kind of person she was... :) So all day Thurs. she was struggling soooo hard. They moved her to a room where the family could be with her at all times. I stayed in her room. There was nothing anyone could do to make me leave. I just talked to her and told her about my life and stuff... I finally had to go to sleep. so, I napped in a chair next to her bed. About 30 min. later, my aunt woke me up, because my mom had woken up and was blinking, and looking around. I jumped up, and told her not to be afraid, that I was with her and that I would take care of everyone, and I would be okay. She tried to say something, but she couldn't get it out... I said,"I know you love me, I've never questioned it. I love you too." Then she slipped back into the coma. I sat back down, and just rubbed her arm.... Then later wed. night I had to get some sleep... I just couldn't stay awake anymore, so I went into the other room and slept on the couch. My grandma woke me up and told me that she wanted to go home, because she was tired. I begged her not to go... Then the nurse came in and told us that her kidneys had stopped functioning, so it was only a matter of time. I stayed in her room until about 7am and then my boyfriend and I went down to the cafeteria for some breakfast. I hadn't eaten very much, so I needed something... Before I went, I said,"Mom, I'm going down for breakfast... I'll be back in just a few minutes. I love you." My boyfriend and I went down to eat... by the way... my boyfriend stayed with me for the entire time. I called him tues night, and he drove to the hospital at 2 in the morning, and he would not leave my side. I'll be eternally thankful for that. He is a godsend... truly. When we came back up, I saw my grandma in the hallway and she said,"That's it. It's over. She's gone." I dropped to my knees and just screamed. I had missed it!!!!!!!!! I wanted to be with her when she went! I was soooo upset over that. and I just couldn't believe it had actually happened. She had actually died. I had been fearing this day for 10 years! And here it was. The moment that I had thought I was prepared for. well... I wasn't prepared. You simply cannot prepare yourself for this. After I got myself together which took about 6 minutes... I asked to see her. I went into her room, and I saw her lying there. Not breathing. I rushed to her bedside and I said, "You're free.. you're free... you're free... You don't have to live in this prison anymore." And I kissed her on the forehead, and I just cried and cried. I didn't want to leave her. I hated myself for not going in her room more often. What if she did know what was going on?!? And I just ignored it because it was too hard for me to deal with. I chose to act like it didn't happen. Anyway... I found something disturbing about myself. I would have no problem being a mortician... I did my mother's make up for the viewing. And I had no emotional feelings about it whatsoever. I didn't cry at all... as a matter of fact, I don't think I felt anything at all. It wasn't gross. I guess that It was just something I had to do. I didn't want anyone else doing it. My mom was a party girl, and it just wouldn't do for her make up to be below her standards... Her funeral was yesterday. They had all of this depressing "Jesus my Savior" crap playing... I'm sorry, but I'm jaded when it comes to religious ritual. So I pulled out good 'ole To Venus And Back, so the last song they played was 1000 Oceans. It totally described the way I felt. She has earned her right to be running through the solar fields... She suffered more than anyone I've ever seen. She had the strongest will to live I've ever seen in a person. When that man beat her like that, he meant for her to die... and she said Fuck You! you can't kill me!! I'm gonna live, You SON OF A BITCH... YOU JUST WATCH!!!!!!! That's just the type of person she was... Stubborn as an ox. If you cut out her heart, she would refuse to bleed. God, I miss that woman!!!!! I've missed her for 10 years, and I have mixed emotions about her death. On one hand, she no longer suffers, and on the other hand, she's gone, and I'll miss her, and It sucks. I feel like I should be devestated and crying all the time. But, I just can't do that. She wouldn't want me too. I'm sure there will be plenty of that in the future... My birthday is always hard for me... and so is x-mas. But, I've always got my trusty Tori Amos collection to get me through it. I swear... they are the songs I never wrote... Thanks to everyone who read this. I'm sorry if it was depressing... I would just like to say to everyone who is reading, don't wait for anything... there may not be a tomorrow, and having regrets sure does suck... I love you all! hugs ~~Tori~ ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Aug 2001 15:51:26 EDT From: Dracovixen@aol.com Subject: Re: precious-things-digest V6 #133 Did I miss this link!?!??! What link?!?!? Black Dove In a message dated 08/05/2001 10:24:26 PM Pacific Daylight Time, owner-precious-things-digest@smoe.org writes: > well, once that mp3 link came across.. i immediately went and downloaded.. > and > i will say it's absolutely great to have such a clean mp3 to listen on the > first listen*L* i listened to Enjoy the Silence, bout 5 times on repeat.. > getting a feel for it.. the first verse i wasn't too keen... but as the song > progressed,.. i began to get a much more better feel of it.. it's quite.. > *dark*.. i love the simple piano and strings.. and the barely there > accompiament vocals are lovely... i put it in with the rest of my mp3 list, > so > it'd be in rotation, and it's fitting quite nicely as is SLG and HofG.... so > far, i've liked them all.. HofG was a bit off to me tho the first 30 times i > heard it tho..but since being in rotation in my player i've gotten to enjoy > it.. ------------------------------ End of precious-things-digest V6 #134 *************************************