From: owner-oztori-digest@smoe.org (oztori-digest) To: oztori-digest@smoe.org Subject: oztori-digest V3 #270 Reply-To: oztori@smoe.org Sender: owner-oztori-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-oztori-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk oztori-digest Saturday, November 8 2003 Volume 03 : Number 270 Today's Subjects: ----------------- [oztori] Tori's career has Alzheimer's/Parkinson's/some such other 'degenerative disease' - Pt 1 [Nathan "] [oztori] PART TWO [Nathan "®" ] [oztori] Hear snippets of TOAL tracks (incl SCFF & Angels!) [Nathan "®" <] Re: [oztori] Tori & her record companies need to wake up to themselves [A] Re: [oztori] Tori & her record companies need to make a bed, lie in it, go back to sleep [Andrew RAYFIELD ] [oztori] wrapped in plastic [Nathan "®" ] [oztori] 30 second clips of all TOAL tracks available at amazon.de [Natha] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 00:36:59 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] Tori's career has Alzheimer's/Parkinson's/some such other 'degenerative disease' - Pt 1 I think this was too large to fit the first time ;) So I've given it reduction surgery by splitting it into 2. If (god sometimes) it came through the first time, then, in the words of the 1993 Xmas #1 tune here (by Bryan Adams), "Please Forgive Me". Enjoy: - -------------------------------------------------------- Nov 7th, 2003: AUSTRAYAN STORY: Following on from this week's revelation that Hazel Hawke is suffering from Alzheimer's disease on Austrayan story, 40 year-old US singer-songwriter-pianist-prophet-librarian and one-time Y Kant Tori Read singer Tori Amos has revealed that she too, not only is battling with this neuropsychiatric illness; but also is being plagued by another on top of it - Parkinson's disease. No stranger to psychiatric illness, Amos carved a niche career out of writing kooky, depressing piano-based tunes for rape victims, computer addition victims, and repressed homosexuality victims. She rose to fame in 1980 at the tender age of 17, with her debut release, "Baltimore", which knocked Kate Bush's "Babooshka" from the top of the pop charts. Taking a leaf out of Kate's book, she took another 8 years to follow up this smash, with 1988's classic, "Y Kant Tori Read"; and another 4 years with her only decent record to date, 1992's "Little Earthquakes". Amos had achieved such success with this album that many bitter Madonna fans have blamed it for the commercial failure of her 1992 release, "Erotica". 'Roozi A', head of the Australian Madonna fan club "This Still Is My Playground" spluttered that Amos resorted to using "cheap, sexual, yet alluringly poignant, antics" such as humping a coke bottle strategically positioned on her piano stool to sell her "musically bare" album. Whereas Madonna apparently slogged it out the hard way: touring solo around the world with a tape-recorder & her ego. Referring to Amos as "pretty girl", 'Roozi A' seemed to represent a large number of pissed-off-about-this-'fact' Madonna fans (although he was noted to be wearing a Roozberry Swirl Girl necklace at the time), and even blames Madonna's 2003 "American Life" flop album on Amos's latest smash, "Innocent Eyes". Tori revealed to us today, in an exclusively poignant manner, that her body-map is riddled with *both* Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. The map of America included with her latest CD was a 'strategy' recommended to Amos's carers, by her speech-language pathologist, to help remind her of what country she was in. To the astute medical student, these diagnoses should come as little surprise. Amos's 'adolescent angst' music has been on a downward spiral since at least 1996. It was that year that Tori toured for the last time outside of the USA; and also the last time that she displayed any musical competency. [......TBC] ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. "Is THIS where we are, Nathan?! WAKE UP TO YOURSELF!!!" __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 00:40:26 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] PART TWO Part Two: - -------------------------------------------------------- Amos admitted to the press circa 1998 and 1999 that she had suffered 3 miscarriages - however, we can now exclusively reveal that these were the result of Amos's then early, yet incidious, onset of Alzheimer's: she simply forgot that she was pregnant and shouldn't do things like snort cocaine after downing 2 bottles of whisky. (which has also resulted in her croaky voice with now near-absent upper range that she once possessed). The Alzheimer's started affecting her musical output from as early as 1998, when she seemingly forgot that she was skilled pianist, and resorted to hiring 'rent-a-band' to make "From the Choirgirl Hotel". The diagnosis came as little surprise to those around Tori. She had, in a sense, admitted that her memory was starting to decline on the 1990-penned track, "Sweet Dreams", with lyrics such as "elephant mind, missy, you don't have". Nonetheless, Amos soldiered on... marrying sound engineer Mark Hawley (who Amos has revealed to us, she thought he was former beau Eric Rosse at the time - however, soon became aware that he wasn't when his production skills weren't up to scratch as were Rosse's) in that same year. For 1999's "To Venus and Back", it seemed that Amos began forgetting to include melodies in her tunes. Her character around this time also began to discintigrate; where for a moment, on 1000 Oceans, she began to believe that she was a frumpy middle-aged singer of the Celine Dion mold. During this time, she also bizarrely began to believe that her hair looked flattering with a perm and/or extensions. The year 2000 was a 'reality check' year for Amos, who hid from the limelight as she supposably became 'pregnant' with Mark's child (it has since been revealed that this child, "Tash", was adopted by Mark Hawley and his gay lover, Marcel Van Limbeek; and named after their favourite style of facial hair on other men). It was during this time that things went from bad to worse for Amos - her motor skills (and songwriting) were starting to become increasingly rigid - a classical feature of Parkinsonism. Her speech also started to become increasingly slurred (although she had never been a very clear articulator in song), and her voice became harsh and monotone - another tell-tale sign of PD. Making the best of what little musical skill she had left, Amos recorded & mixed 2001's "Strange Little Girls" in the space of 1.5 days. However, by this point, it was clear to all but the most delusionally-devoted and obsessive fans that Amos couldn't quit 'cut' it musically as she once could. The Parkinsonism also resulted in Tori losing many of the normal range of facial expressions; although she was able to cover this for a period by everyone assuming she had just been botoxed up to her scalp. The photo depicted on the front cover of 2002's "Innocent Eyes" has Tori standing apparently in the middle of nowhere, poignantly reflecting upon 'the land' (it has now been exclusively revealed to us that Amos was merely snapped looking at potential places of burial once the AD/PD runs its inevitable course). Regressing back to an almost child-like state with the Alzheimer's, Amos insisted that a limited edition of "Innocent Eyes" be released with a trinket, to appeal to the young children who listen to her albums. The 'final nail in the Amos coffin', however, came just recently, with the news of her soon-to-be-released best of, "The Whole Story". For the cover of "The Whole Story", Amos is pictured in a 1940s-esque frock. Her caregivers have stated that she now thinks she is 'back in the war' with the Alzheimer's; and that she is somehow fighting for 'her' native Cherokee land back from the evil white men (whose arrival she also blames for her becoming fat - even though of late it also looks as though she has been forgetting to eat). In the press release accompanying The Whole Story, Amos is seen referring to herself in 3rd person. The Alzheimer's is at such an advanced stage now that she truly now believes that she is no longer the same person who created this body-map of music. She has also regressed back to the early 90's by re-recording 2 mediocre-at-best b-sides from the period, "Sweet Dreams" (cleverly again with the "elephant mind.." lyrics) and "Mary". The 'medicine wheel' she has been talking about alot of late is actually her pill-box. Amos is required to take around 30 tablets a day now just to keep her functioning (and barely, at that). Although her caregivers state that is not even a third of the pills she was popping in the early/mid 90's with recreational & psychiatric drug use. Coincidentally, Amos's now married surname, "Hawly" bears the first 3 letters of the surname of Hazel Hawke. Researchers are currently including the pair of them in a study to establish the link between names and ones' statistical chance of contracting a degenerative neuropsychiatric illness. Amos, who once sung in 1996, "nobody calling on the phone... 'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome" on her hit "One of Us", has coincidentally denounced her hatred of religion and has become best of buds with fellow Parkinson's sufferer, the Pope! She said something about having a place in his rubber robe when her 'time time time' comes.... "The Whole Story" is available in streaming format on Amos's web-site (or so she now believes), Charlotte's Web. - -------------------------------------------------------- Nathan. ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. "Is THIS where we are, Nathan?! WAKE UP TO YOURSELF!!!" __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 01:34:13 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] Hear snippets of TOAL tracks (incl SCFF & Angels!) For those whose superego ain't the best: http://www.circuitcity.com/frame1.jsp?b=g&c=1&upper=head.jsp&lower=clickthrough.jsp&redirectTo=http%3a%2f%2fccity.thestore24.com%2fPop%2fSearchResults.asp%3fSEARCH%3dTORI%2bAMOS%26section%3dAll%26si%3dccity-prod&com.broadvision.session.new=Yes&inleftcat=Music&ct=0&BV_SessionID=@@@@0275490153.1068197568@@@@&BV_EngineID=cceiadcjleejfdmcfngcfkmdffhdfgo.0 lol how appriate to have 'circuit' in the domain name. N. ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. [me] "LOL I 'admire your frankness'," [Jarrod] "Thank you. I learnt from the best (i.e you)." - - 7th November 2003. __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 19:46:35 +1000 (GMT+1000) From: Andrew RAYFIELD Subject: Re: [oztori] Tori & her record companies need to wake up to themselves On Thu, 6 Nov 2003, Nathan [UNKNOWN] . wrote: > GREAT - just what we all love - more downloadable-only > tracks. *rolls bloodshot eyes* > > > And I could care less about these 'card catalogues'. > I never visited the Scarlet's Web site once. I > watched the stupid DVD that came with the limited SW > once. The 'trinket' has stayed in the box. > > Although 'we' might act like it online, Tori fans are > *not* (for the better part) 9 year olds. > > > Nathan. I've never unwrapped the SW box :) HIMH and TBAAG should have them up sooner or later - one would think. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 19:48:35 +1000 (GMT+1000) From: Andrew RAYFIELD Subject: Re: [oztori] Tori & her record companies need to make a bed, lie in it, go back to sleep On Fri, 7 Nov 2003, Daniel Nolan wrote: > > >[Nathan, please roll your bloodshot eyes for me.] > > Can I bite my knuckles for him as well? > > Regs, > Dan. > No, but you can suck his malformed toes. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 01:48:47 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] "bah" I can't get those stupid links to work on that TOAL snippets page, so I guess I will have to 'wait'. BUT.. from reading a thread about it on @forumz, YES, it ****IS***** the Arman Van Helden single mix of Pro Widow on it. LMAO @ those ppl there who were like "i'm sure it can't be", and Tori herself for talking about Pro Widow in that crappy press-kit thing as if it was all deep & meaningful to her. "It's gotta be big indeed". Nathan. ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. [me] "LOL I 'admire your frankness'," [Jarrod] "Thank you. I learnt from the best (i.e you)." - - 7th November 2003. __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 01:52:36 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] wrapped in plastic Andrew RAYFIELD wrote: > I've never unwrapped the SW box :) LOL - another case of 'not having found the right time yet'? I'd keep it 'wrapped in plastic' if I were you - - that way you can sell it for about $3 instead of $2 in a few years time. > No, but you can suck his malformed toes. Where oh where is my "Fergie"? Squidgy. ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. [me] "LOL I 'admire your frankness'," [Jarrod] "Thank you. I learnt from the best (i.e you)." - - 7th November 2003. __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 13:11:36 -0800 (PST) From: Nathan "®" Subject: [oztori] 30 second clips of all TOAL tracks available at amazon.de http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000E2Y9A/qid%3D1068227287/sr%3D2-3/ref%3Dsr%5Faps%5Fprod%5F3%5F1/302-6197096-8644853 Nathan. ===== "Yes, you are cynical, Nathan. I suggest you try being positive for one whole day, and see how you feel after it. If you're not happy with the results, stick with the cynicism." - Jarrod, 5th November 2003. [me] "LOL I 'admire your frankness'," [Jarrod] "Thank you. I learnt from the best (i.e you)." - - 7th November 2003. __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Protect your identity with Yahoo! Mail AddressGuard http://antispam.yahoo.com/whatsnewfree ------------------------------ End of oztori-digest V3 #270 ****************************