From: owner-mad-mission-digest@smoe.org (mad-mission-digest) To: mad-mission-digest@smoe.org Subject: mad-mission-digest V8 #228 Reply-To: mad-mission@smoe.org Sender: owner-mad-mission-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-mad-mission-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * mad-mission-digest-request@smoe.org * with ONLY the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * For the latest information on Patty's tour dates, go to: * http://www.pattygriffin.net/PattyInConcertDB.php * OR * go to http://www.atorecords.com * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: mad-mission-digest V8 #___ gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. * Also, PLEASE do not quote an entire digest when you reply to the * list. Edit out anything you are not referring to. mad-mission-digest Thursday, September 9 2004 Volume 08 : Number 228 Today's Subjects: ----------------- MM: THE SWEET HARMONY EXPERIENCE PT 3 [MikeBrns4U@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 8 Sep 2004 10:50:41 EDT From: MikeBrns4U@aol.com Subject: MM: THE SWEET HARMONY EXPERIENCE PT 3 THE SWEET HARMONY TRAVELING REVIEW Boston Fleet Pavilion, 08/20/04 (w/ Emmylou Harris, Buddy Miller, Patty Griffin, Gillian Welch & David Rawlings) _________________________________________ (...And now the conclusion of the finale of The End of the review of the show continues on from the part 2 that you haven't read... Bigger, Longer and Uncut.) "...Better take Jesus's hand But put down that freebase first..." And that was Jerry Garcia dusting off the old bluegrass and low tides forever standard entitled, "Partnership For A Drug Lord Free America From Evolution." You're here with DJ Mike Burns down at the deep end of a Long Labor Day Long Lost Classics Weekend on WKKL-FM Cape Cod. Nice to hear good ol' Jerry grateful to be back from the dead in a new movie that debuted in limited release across the country just this past Friday, called Festival Express. All aboard the Drug Train anyone? Filmed in 1970 -- and consisting largely of previously unseen footage -- Festival Express, or "the longest rock-n-roll party in history," documents the legendary "happening" that was conceived as Canada's answer to Woodstock. What made it unique at the time was that the experience was portable: for five days, the bands and performers -- including The Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin & The Full Tilt Boogie Band, The Band, Buddy Guy, The Staples Singers, Ian & Sylvia, Delaney & Bonnie & Friends, ShaNaNa and The Flying Burrito Brothers, among others -- lived, slept, rehearsed and did countless wild things aboard a customized crazy train that boozed and oozed its way across lower Canada, from Toronto to Winnipeg to Calgary. Dubbed by Rolling Stone as "The Million Dollar Bash," the gang of wild rovers drifted from car to car getting involved in any number and all kinds of jams all night long, and then still tumbled out at each stop along the way to perform a mega-concert. Or not. See it was kinda funny, just like all the cigarettes they were smoking back then. Or like now still somehow. These festivals were fraught with tension. Many concert goers, following the lead of ticket-less fans at Woodstock the year before, thought the music should be free and protested at each tour stop. 1970 was the same year as the riot to make free the Isle of Wight Festival. Tickets for customers were $14 (or about $1400, a fair price in today's $5 trillion-debt US economy). Toronto was interrupted by people trying to crash the gates. One scene shows Garcia asking the crowd for "a half-hour of coolness" while the performers took a break. Then the Dead ran out the back door to play a free concert protesters in a nearby park. But were those Canadian bastards grateful? Not on your life. Never trust a hippie. Just like you should never trust a Canadian. First they provide illegal sanctuary for Viet Nam draft dodging pussies. Then they refuse to back you in another false oil hate-war for oil against foreigners across the sea, or a false drug hate-war on your own citizens at home. Canada wouldn't join the Coalition of the Willing To do the Killing For the Drilling And the Spilling of Blood And the Filling up the "Ah Boohoo" Graves in Iraq. And them Back-Baconeers are now in the slow but steady process of signing and rolling and smoking papers to decriminalize weed. Meanwhile they already offer relief to their citizens who get sick from breathing in the burning of oil fumes from the roadways and the hashpipes. They provide universal health care no less. It's enough to make the great American health care for profit at all costs system SICK. And Canada is of course responsible for Terrence and Philips, that tag-team of fart-merchants that corrupted that sleepy Colorado town of South Park. T&P are the big shake your money makers of that monster movie "Asses Of Fire," featuring their mega-hit, # 1 ringtone in the US of A, "Fuck You, Uncle Fucka." Something needs to be done "a-boot" those two foul mouthed yobs. [spotlight center stage. Mike breaks out in song:] Times have changed Our kids are getting worse They won't obey their parents They just want to fart and curse America is having trouble What a sad, sad story Need a new leader to restore its former glory [Chorus down stage in the dark:] Where oh where is he? Where could that man be? We looked around, and then we found The man for you and me And now it's... [Mike cuts the music:] Cut it! It's the man of the hour time. So here he is now, America's favorite Democrat rat fink bastard, that lovable ol' neo-nazi southern white supremacist dentist, your very own United Snakes Senator, The Georgian that put the Pit & The Pendulum in the Peach - -- in fact he even plans to cut the frog right out of The Frog & Peach and he's just the mad doctor to do it -- The 4th Reich Master of Disaster, Zell Miller. [fanfare and applause as spotlight goes down and then lights come full up to now reveal a dentist's chair center front stage. a right wing crowd of delegates is seated in rows of stadium chairs down stage, facing the audience. Mike sits down in dentist hot seat. surgeon in red and black enters stage far right. he then waits for complete and total silence...] [Zell:] Is it safe? [Mike:] Safe? Safe for what? [Zell:] Is it safe? {Mike:] Safe to be a Kerry supporter? [Zell:] Is it safe? [Mike:] To be a Democrat and yet... still be the sound off keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention? [Zell:] Iz it safe? [Mike:] Oh, it's very safe. This country will swallow any pill of National Hunt Front swill. [Zell:] Eez it safe? [Mike:] Yes. Couldn't be more safe. Bush is up in the polls. TeX-Ass Uber Alles. Like wearing the goat horns for reading The Pet Goat, and then bombing in the movie that's a hit in spite of you, Fahrenheit 9/11, never happened. Like enabling Voodoo Enronomics & Halliburton's One Hell of a Burden never happened. Like allowing Abu Ghraib's Grave Error and Ohsoduh's Drifter's Escape never happened. I Lied I Came I Lost Iraq. Like it all never ever happened. Thank you America once again for not paying attention. [Zell:] Eez eet Zafe?! [Mike:] No, it's not safe. It's not safe at all. Bush will get upset. Upside of the head bitch-smacked in November. As for you, Fuck You, You Uncle Cracka Uncle Fucka! You're a traitor to your party and your species. If I ever see you on the street, I will slap you across the face with a used love-glove, challenge you to a southern far from gentleman's duel, and send you straight to hell. Zell. [Zell cuts into a fresh tooth in Mike's mouth. Mike screams in horror and passes out. Zell:] Get him out of here. He doesn't know anything. [lackey strong men wheel Mike and dentist chair off stage] [Zell:] Why, I know vut is safe... [Alternates turning from chorus down stage to the audience while singing and goose stepping around:] Blame Canada! Blame Canada! It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along Blame Canada, Blame Canada! They're not even a real country anyway Heck no, blame Canada, blame Canada! With all their hockey hullabaloo And frog-lover, John Kerry, too [Everyone is standing and goose stepping and nazi saluting and singing loudly and proudly for their country:] Blame Canada Shame on Canada! For the smut we must stuff the trash we must stash the laughter & fuck must all be undone we must blame them the cause of fuss before somebody thinks of Blaming us! [lights out and spotlight on far left corner. dead man Mike stands alone, now with pitchfork in hand and devil's horns on head. Mike sings:] Or you can just blame that Take No Quarter Franco-Unamerican Cannucka Mutha Fucka Mika Burnsa in a-Hella Cause I'm the number one son of a son of a Bastard Molson son I get so lonely down here While up there in Mad Missionary land Life is oh so grand And no one ever gets sand in their blue suede shoes I want to be up there, too They say I don't belong I must stay below alone Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to play with my bone What is evil anyway? How is there reason to the rhyme Without evil there could be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes [lights up full on same rows of stadium chairs still down stage, now filled with Patty Griffin fans. there is a video screen front stage right, facing sideways so both fans and audience can see. screen will alternate between scenes of decay, degradation, death, to pictures of Big Brother Bush and the rules to live by or you die spelled out in big letters. concert host enters from behind it. Mr. Murph Mackey alternates from singing to fans and audience:] There are times when you get suckered in By drugs and alcohol and sex with women -- mmkay But its when you do these things too much That you've become an addict and must get back in touch You can do it, it's all up to you -- mmkay With a little plan you can change your life today You don't have to spend your life addicted to smack Homeless on the streets giving hand-jobs for crack Follow my plan and very soon you will see, it's easy mmkay Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole" Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold" Step 3: With bitch drop the t because bich is Latin for generosity Step 4: Don't say fuck any more because fuck is the worst word that you can say So just use the word mmmkay! [Griffin fans:] We can do it, it's all up to us - -- mmmkay (mmmkay) With a little plan we can change our lives today [Mr. MM:] You can change it today [Fans:] We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash Homeless on the streets giving hand-jobs for cash Follow this plan and very soon you will see It's easy mmkay! [Mr. MM:] Step 1 [Fans:] Instead of ass say buns, like kiss my buns or you're a buns hole [Mr. MM:] Step 2 [Fans:] Instead of shit say poo, as in bull poo, poo head and this poo is cold [Mr. MM:] Step 3 [Fans:] With bitch drop the t because bich is Latin for generosity [Mr. MM:] Step 4 [Fans:] Don't say fuck any more [Everyone:] Cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say [Mike steps forward from fans:] Fuck is the worst word that you can say We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck nooooo!!! [Mr. MM:] You're cured, you can go! [Everyone standing and facing the audience:] We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash Homeless on the streets giving hand-jobs for cash Follow this plan and very soon you will say, It's easy mmmkay! [Fans:] It's easy mmmkay! [Mr. MM:] It's easy mmmkay! [Fans:] It's easy mmmkay! [Mr. MM:] It's easy mmmkaaaaaaaayy [Fans:] It's easy mmm It's easy mmm It's easy mmm It's easy mmmkaaaay [Mr. MM:] Mmmkay Mmmkay ...Everything is super When you're gay! [close curtain. Mike comes out from behind curtain:] OK, Mr. MM. I'll be good now, I promise. I have no choice. I have my Vulgarity V Chip newly implanted in my brain. Every time I curse I get an electric shock. Here I'd like to thank Trey for the songs. No, not that Trey. Trey Parker that is, from South Park. But actually I would like to thank Trey Anastasio for choking the life out of Phish. Now they don't have to hear no more stinking Phishheads gurgling ever again in Deadhead chat room land. Always looking for the positive here. Thank you all once again for coming to our little review. Drive safe now. Casey Jones you better watch your speed. And next time you throw a train, invite me... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Mike Burns 4 U all who feel they've been burned once again by Boston's least favorite bastard son. *SHOCK* Ahhh! Son of a bich. So join him won't you please for Pt 4 and he'll make up for all his sins with a clean cool jerk, giving you the real final end time conclusion to The Sweet Harmony Experience, with set list and links, and everything that you desire. I never lie and I'm always right. Even when I'm all ways left... Mike Burns has left the building... ------------------------------ End of mad-mission-digest V8 #228 *********************************