From: owner-loud-fans-digest@smoe.org (loud-fans-digest) To: loud-fans-digest@smoe.org Subject: loud-fans-digest V2 #350 Reply-To: loud-fans@smoe.org Sender: owner-loud-fans-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-loud-fans-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk loud-fans-digest Sunday, October 6 2002 Volume 02 : Number 350 Today's Subjects: ----------------- [loud-fans] ack (a frosted mini-rant) [Boyof100lists@aol.com] Re: [loud-fans] ack (a frosted mini-rant) [Jeffrey with 2 Fs Jeffrey Subject: Re: [loud-fans] ack (a frosted mini-rant) On Sat, 5 Oct 2002 Boyof100lists@aol.com wrote: > Why can't people spell the name Volkswagen? Forchrissakes, Mark, if people are going to spell things not in American, why the hell should we buy their products? In fact, I think we should send a few cruise missiles their way (or worse, Tom Cruise). That'll show 'em. (Y'know, here's something I'm wondering: I believe it's the case that anyone born in America, even to non-citizens, is by that fact a U.S. citizen, right? But the Bushies and that ilk believe that life begins at conception, not birth - so that law ought to be amended such that anyone who's *conceived* in America is a citizen. And then we could have a great tourism slogan: "Fuck in America, and your kid's a citizen!" It could be a new impetus towards world peace - are we going to bomb a nation chock-full of U.S. citizens? Oh wait - I guess we would. New strategy! I just remembered that Florida has a law whereby women putting up infants for adoption who aren't sure who the father is are legally required to place public notices indicating every man whom they slept with during the relevant time. All these women should claim "George W. Bush" - or better, whichever genius state legislators proposed this law. If we combine these two laws, and encourage lots of foreigners to travel to Florida for sex holidays, we'll have a world full of U.S. citizens ostensibly fathered by George W. Bush - it's not as if he could disprove every claim. (This would also make Florida the most populous state in the nation, giving it the most electoral votes, thereby assuring that all future presidential elections are irremediably fucked up - which hopefully will speed the implementation of election reform.) Would W. bomb nations full of his own children? (Please note: this is not the same thing as W.'s children getting bombed, which happens on a regular basis.) Next up: my plan for peace in the Middle East...) - --Jeffrey with 2 Fs Jeffrey J e f f r e y N o r m a n The Architectural Dance Society www.uwm.edu/~jenor/ADS.html ::beliefs are ideas going bald:: __Francis Picabia__ np: the washing machine - Rose is napping ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 12:14:09 -0700 From: "Andrew Hamlin" Subject: Re: [loud-fans] Potentially offensive to Led Zep fans I'll check that out after I get my calzone. But really, why isn't everyone watching The Greatest Video Of The Century, George Michael's "Shoot The Dog"? www.georgemichael.com (hope it's still there!) Andy After having their 11th child, an redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. He said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: 1..2..3..4..5. At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. (forwarded by my mother last week) ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 16:21:35 EDT From: JRT456@aol.com Subject: Re: [loud-fans] ack (a frosted mini-rant) In a message dated 10/5/02 11:39:47 AM, jenor@csd.uwm.edu writes: << But the Bushies and that ilk believe that life begins at conception, not birth - so that law ought to be amended such that anyone who's *conceived* in America is a citizen. >> So Nat Hentoff is a Bushie, or of that ilk? Thanks for simplifying that complicated issue. And while I understand that a prude could be outraged by college students drinking, there's no evidence to suggest that W.'s children enjoy "getting bombed." It's not like they've been seen throwing up in public after a wild evening in a nightclub, or ever been arrested for driving drunk. If they ever were, I guess I'd concede that they might have a serious problem...but even then, no intelligent adult would be reduced to bringing up that behavior in a discussion of their parents' political beliefs. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 16:26:18 -0400 (EDT) From: Michael Mitton Subject: [loud-fans] My Day in Court With a free afternoon yesterday and all of the TV stations buzzing about the three people arrested in Portland for conspiring to wage war against the US, I decided to head down to the federal courthouse to go to the arraignment. The arraignments were scheduled for 3:00 but knowing that it would be a bit of a circus, I needed to get there fairly early to be sure I got one of the few spots available for visitors. As it turned out, I was the only visitor (that is, non-media or relative) there, and everyone seemed generally surprised to see me at all. I spent about an hour waiting in the lobby of the courthouse with about 20 reporters and three sketch artists. All of the reporters were busy working their cell phones, trying to get the latest information, or find out from their editors what story they should be working on. A Boston Globe reporter was working on a background piece about how Portland has the image of "sedate, progressive" city, but it has a strong extremist fringe. I tried talking to her about what a silly story that would be, but her cell phone kept interrupting. I didn't have a copy of the indictment, but wanted to glance at it. There were several TV reporters that I recognized, and I approached one (the best looking, of course!) to borrow her copy. We were chatting while I glanced through the indictment, and when she finally gathered that I wasn't a reporter, she started interviewing me. The series of questions were all of the inane things you see when the average guy on the street is interviewed (Were you surprised? How does it make you feel to hear this is going on in your own city?) The indictment had four counts, conspiring to wage war against the US, giving material support to Al-Qaeda, and two weapons charges. The first half of the indictment explained all the bad things that Al-Qaeda and the Taliban have done over the years, and the second half was a series of money transfers from the woman in Portland (October) to the other people in China. The only evidence in the indictment that suggested these folks actually intended to help Al-Qaeda was an email from one of the suspects saying they had trouble at the border to Afghanistan, and a reply email warning about marines in the area. At the indictment, two arranged to have it delayed until Monday because their lawyers were not present (they had stand-in lawyers). The woman wore traditional Muslim clothing with her head and face covered except for the eyes. She also was very respectful of the judge--of the three, she was the only one to include "your Honor" with everything she said, and she even thanked the judge. The most interesting of the three defendents is Patrice Lumumba Ford. After the arraignment, I had the chance to talk to Ford's brother who is lawyer down in Eugene and who will be co-counsel. Ford's father was a Black Panther back in the day, and Ford is indeed named after Patrice Lumumba, the pre-Mobutu leader of Congo that the CIA helped to assasinate. (I noticed that none of the papers picked up on this.) Ford has a degree in East Asian studies from Portland State, and has a Master's Degree in Chinese through Johns Hopkins (he never studied at Johns Hopkins--it was a program in China). By all accounts, he was a very bright, kind student. He twice served as an intern for Portland's current mayor. Though apparently, after he left, he sent some emails to the Mayor's office that they considered threatening, and they forwarded them to the police. While I admit that these sorts of impressions don't mean much, looking at the three defendants, it was hard to imagine them as radical muslims who want to take down the US. All three wree very calm, and they showed no attitude whatsoever. Even reading the indictment and taking everything it says as fact, it was hard to imagine a strong case for "conspiring to wage war against the US." I mean, if my memory of geography is right, even if they had gotten into Afghanistan from China, they would have come in behind Northern Alliance lines. So I have my doubts about these three folks being guilty of the charges. I think it's clear that they weren't connected with Al-Qaeda in any way. And it's not clear from the indictment that they were trying to get in to Afghanistan, or even if they were, that they would then be waging war against the US. (Can we file charges against Dan Rather for going to Kandahar?) Of course, the government is going to demand that much of the evidence remain sealed for national security purposes, so we may never know whether there is a case against these folks. - --Michael ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 17:40:06 EDT From: JRT456@aol.com Subject: Re: [loud-fans] My Day in Court In a message dated 10/5/02 1:29:10 PM, mlmitton@phoenix.Princeton.EDU writes: << A Boston Globe reporter was working on a background piece about how Portland has the image of "sedate, progressive" city, but it has a strong extremist fringe. I tried talking to her about what a silly story that would be, but her cell phone kept interrupting. >> So was this trip notable because you don't get out of the house often? You'd probably be surprised at how much interest the FBI's Domestic Terrorism Unit has in Portland and its surrounding areas. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 20:57:51 -0400 From: "Brett Milano" Subject: [loud-fans] RE: funniest joke in the world Heck, I know better jokes than that. For instance: Guy goes into a doctor's office and asks for 500 mg of Viagra. Doctor says, "Why do you want that? At your age, that much can kill you." Guy says, "But I really need it. My wife, my ex-wife and my girlfriend are all coming to town this weekend." Doctor says, "Okay, but I need to see you first thing Monday morning." Guy says thanks and walks out. Monday morning, guy comes in with his arm in a sling. Doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" Guy replies, "They didn't show up." ------------------------------ End of loud-fans-digest V2 #350 *******************************