From: owner-joni-digest@smoe.org (JMDL Digest) To: joni-digest@smoe.org Subject: JMDL Digest V2013 #1630 Reply-To: joni@smoe.org Sender: owner-joni-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-joni-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk Unsubscribe:mailto:joni-digest-request@smoe.org?body=unsubscribe Website:http://jonimitchell.com JMDL Digest Tuesday, November 12 2013 Volume 2013 : Number 1630 ========== TOPICS and authors in this Digest: -------- RE: Joni's Miscarriage - 20 things you didn't know ["Susan E. McNamara" <] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 15:44:41 +0000 From: "Susan E. McNamara" Subject: RE: Joni's Miscarriage - 20 things you didn't know I would say Yes that is Larry next to her. Funny how I always think of him as looking like Joni's twenty-something husband! :-) Susan Tierney McNamara email: sem8@cornell.edu - -----Original Message----- From: owner-joni@smoe.org [mailto:owner-joni@smoe.org] On Behalf Of est86mlm@ameritech.net Sent: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 9:30 AM To: joni@smoe.org; Barbara Sullivan Subject: Joni's Miscarriage - 20 things you didn't know Barbara, After reading your post I searched for this article on JM.com. I remember reading this article from 2012. This may have been the first time I read about Joni's miscarriage. Can't remember for sure. It also explains how they remained friends.....there's alot of love between them. Joni was really happy in their marriage, for a long time. Eventually Larry was dealing with depression. That must have been a really hard time, especially if Joni was feeling needy. The entire article is very informative. Larry, said how his mom had multiple miscarriages when he was a kid and it was completely kept out of view. My mother also had a miscarriage and never showed any emotion when talking about it other then saying something like "It's God's way of letting a baby go when there is something wrong." So, I grew up with that attitude.....kind of no big deal.....until I lost one of my own and read a book called "Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death" (Sherokee Ilse) that I realized I wasn't the only one that was so completely devastated by a loss. And that a miscarriage is just as devastating as stillbirth and infant death. They are all equally devastating, is what I came to realize. I can feel for Joni, having felt she had to give up one baby, now loses one she longs to keep, forever......and hubby isn't around grieving with her. I know for me I was very upset because I never saw my husband cry or say anything, after the initial loss. I, never being one that cried, now couldn't stop. I know I had a big blow-up with him about it. He had to assure me that he did cry but alone.....and sometime on the way home from work he told me he'd pull to the side of the road because he couldn't see with all the tears in his eyes. I needed to hear that....because I did feel so alone in my grief and loss of the future with this child, and experiencing a very real 'aching arms' which may be a similar feeling to what an amputee experiences with phantom-pains with the loss of a limb. I've often read that many marriages do end after the loss of a baby/child. Such a very stressful and emotional time. One would think a couple would become closer, but it can have the opposite effect with one's world turned upside down. And, I would imagine maybe more so if one doesn't have any other children to think of. Anyways, it's heartwarming to see Larry's warm feelings toward Joni, even now that he's remarried with his own child. I could swear that this is a pic of Larry at Joni's 70th. What do you think? Sure looks like him. http://statigr.am/p/585846758156102430_104798417#/detail/585846758156102430_104798417 Laura http://jonimitchell.com/library/view.cfm?id=2487&from=search One of the reasons your marriage with Joni ended was that you fulfilled a recording commitment after she had a miscarriage. So many people in our industry feel they only have so many years to work. Many later realize what is more important in their life. You are now older, remarried, and have a child. Have your priorities changed? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Do you regret that decision? Of course, I do. If I really look thoroughly at the situation that was at hand at that moment, and what I knew after the fact or what I know now, I would have behaved very differently. I have to attribute the mistake to youth and being somewhat ignorant as are a lot of men to the depth, and the seriousness of what is involved in a miscarriage for a woman. I just didn't know about it; although my mom had multiple miscarriages when I was a kid. It was completely kept out of view. [In 1985, Joni Mitchell and Larry Klein discovered she was pregnant. In her first trimester, however, Mitchell miscarried. Klein had lined up a recording date at The Wool Hall in Beckington-Near-Bath in Somerset, England that would be his first major production; recording an album with former Cars' bassist Benjamin Orr ("The Lace"). Klein delayed leaving until Mitchell said it was okay for him to go. Mitchell apparently came to view the decision as her husband giving his job a higher priority than her health. In 1991, their marriage fell apart.] You learn from a first marriage. You learn to balance the personal and the work. Yeah. I will be honest. I still wrestle with the complexity of juggling those things. But absolutely I always have to elevate family over work now. I have to say that it's hard. It's hard at times because things get tangled up where you think that, "This is going to move things forward in way where I will be able to provide certain things to my family in a better way if this works." ------------------------------ End of JMDL Digest V2013 #1630 ****************************** ------- To post messages to the list, sendtojoni@smoe.org. Unsubscribe by clicking here: mailto:joni-digest-request@smoe.org?body=unsubscribe -------