From: les@jmdl.com (JMDL Digest) To: joni-digest@smoe.org Subject: JMDL Digest V2001 #398 Reply-To: joni@smoe.org Sender: les@jmdl.com Errors-To: les@jmdl.com Precedence: bulk Unsubscribe: mailto:joni-digest-request@smoe.org?body=unsubscribe Archives: http://www.smoe.org/lists/joni Websites: http://www.jmdl.com http://www.jonimitchell.com JMDL Digest Wednesday, September 12 2001 Volume 2001 : Number 398 The Official Joni Mitchell Homepage, created by Wally Breese, can be found at http://www.jonimitchell.com. It contains the latest news, a detailed bio, Original Interviews, essays, lyrics and much much more. The JMDL website can be found at http://www.jmdl.com and contains interviews, articles, the member gallery, archives, and much more. ========== TOPICS and authors in this Digest: -------- RE: JMDL Digest V2001 #396 ["Kate Bennett" ] RE: [Jonifest2001] RE: Overwhelming sadness ["Kate Bennett" ] Lucky Girl - njc [Kay Ashley ] Re: debra [colin ] Re: NYC today (long) [colin ] Today in Joni History: September 12 [les@jmdl.com] Today's Articles: September 12 [les@jmdl.com] Re: Lucky Girl - njc ["colin" ] list and email [colin ] Tragedy [pyramus@lineone.net] why not blame the Jews, NJC ["Laurent Olszer" ] Re: heaven & hell (long)(njc) [Gertus@aol.com] Re: why not blame the Jews, NJC [colin ] shock ["Robert Holliston" ] Has anyone heard from Emily? [Brian Gross ] why not blame the Jews? njc ["Dolphie Bush" ] yesterday, today [Mags ] Twisted images - NYC/DC (NJC) ["Chris Marshall" ] Re: heaven & hell (long)(njc) [SCJoniGuy@aol.com] Support ["Paul Castle" ] Re: shock [IVPAUL42@aol.com] Re: Overwhelming sadness [AsharaJM@aol.com] Re: Overwhelming sadness [IVPAUL42@aol.com] Re: NYC's Folks checking in [Bruyere ] and in the end [Mags ] the drone of planes at night... [Anne Sandstrom ] The drone of flying engines njc [RoseMJoy@aol.com] Re: list and email njc ["Bree Mcdonough" ] Sadness-njc [TerryM2222@aol.com] Re: Overwhelming sadness ["Victor Johnson" ] forgive my ignorance NJC ["Garret" ] RE: Gregg Cagno ["Donna J. Binkley" ] Re: why not blame the Jews pt2 NJC ["Laurent Olszer" Subject: RE: JMDL Digest V2001 #396 Azeem wrote "And the fact that one of the flights was apparently on its way from Boston to LA makes me shudder - I imagine some of the listers might have been on that flight a week ago after the Jonifest." We were on the American Airlines Boston to Los Angeles flight on Labor Day. So I am devastated & thankful at the same time... Praying for Peace, Kate ******************************************** Kate Bennett www.katebennett.com sponsored by Polysonics www.polysonics.com Discover the Indies at Taylor Guitars: http://www.taylorguitars.com/artists/awp/indies/bennett.html ******************************************** ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 23:48:43 -0700 From: "Kate Bennett" Subject: RE: [Jonifest2001] RE: Overwhelming sadness Happy Anniversary Pearl & Steve, How absolutely wonderful to hear this story which is the perfect antidote for today. ******************************************** Kate Bennett www.katebennett.com sponsored by Polysonics www.polysonics.com Discover the Indies at Taylor Guitars: http://www.taylorguitars.com/artists/awp/indies/bennett.html ******************************************** ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:02:23 +0100 From: colin Subject: Re: Hold on extra tight tonight! John and I are apart dutring the during the week-Mon to fri. We speak eevryday on the phone and always call eachother last thing at night. Right now I wish he were not in London. Bree Mcdonough wrote: > Today's events brings to mind that we should never let a loved one, friend, > spouse go, without and an embrace and saying a simple: I LOVE YOU! We never > no what tomorrow will bring. Or the next minute for that matter. > > So, if you are fortunate enough tonight to have a special someone in your > life, let them know your love for them and hold 'em tight. There is NO > guarantee of a tomorrow. (if you don't have a lover, partner, spouse, > friend, surely you have a dog or cat, something? Give them a special pet) > > My prayers are with everyone, stay safe > > Bree > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp - -- bw colin DAK,BRO GC, 950i 940,860,864, 260, 890,Silver 830 and 270, Passap 6000 Duo80 colin@tantra-apso.com http://www.tantra-apso.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 04:00:34 -0400 From: Kay Ashley Subject: Lucky Girl - njc Dear Listers, I am running on pure adrenaline now, up for almost 24 hours. Sounds like JoniFest, but it's not fun. Since I am a lurker, the vast majority of you don't know me at all, let alone know that I worked on the 103rd floor of 2 WTC until 2 weeks ago to the day. I worked at Aon Corporation for 4 years and still don't know what's happened to all the coworkers I left behind. I was in 7 Hanover Square (east side of Financial District, near South Ferry) working away when the horrible events took place. I wasn't even aware of it until coworkers started streaming in after 9 a.m., crying. I now work for Willis, a competing firm, and there are many former Aon people there. We were stuck without information, being told to stay in the building, and when 2 WTC collapsed, we had no idea what it was -- just that there was a huge noise, our building shook, and all the windows of all the other buildings we could see were shaking in their panes; and then the sky turned black. THe sky cleared a bit after a while and I and two friends considered bolting for the Brooklyn Bridge, hoping that it would be open for foot traffic. We decided that we were prepared to swim to Brooklyn if necessary. It was so terrifying b/c we had no idea what was actually happening. All we knew was that both towers had been hit. And we had no reason to think that we were safe staying where we were. After all, we were sitting smack dab in the middle of the financial district. So we were going to bolt. Then 1 WTC collapsed, and the sky turned even blacker. Naturally the "authorities" told us to stay put, which we did until the sky turned an acceptable shade of gray. I felt nothing, amazingly enough. Pure survival instinct kicked in. I knew that everyone I knew at Aon, including one of my 2 housemates (who worked on 104), could be dead. But I felt nothing. I took several piles of paper towels and soaked them in water, stored them in plastic and put them in a shoulder bag. Drank water. Visited the ladies room. (Very practical.) Called parents at each juncture of decision making. "We're going." Another call. "We're staying, the sky is black with ash." Another call. "No, now we're REALLY going," in response to my mother's tears and I-love-you's. So finally we went, at around 11:30. We walked onto Water Street and then South Street, cutting north to get to the bridge. On the street I found a tombstone: a piece of Aon stationery on the pavement, with the lower left corner burned. Only charred pieces of paper left to mark the existence of a huge corporation and more importantly, a community of people. Talk about impermanence. I got to the bridge and finally it started to sink in. I looked behind me at the space where I used to proudly point for visiting family and friends, "See, I work waaay up there..." ... and there was nothing but a huge plume of smoke, ash and dust. Nothing was left. I feared the worst for my friends. I just didn't see how anyone could have gotten out in time. And finally the adrenaline stepped back enough to allow tears. And then helicopters started flying very close to the bridge and I noticed official-looking people far up ahead. And I realized with a sickening feeling that we were still very much in danger. Somehow I managed to jog over the walkway in dressy mules, thinking, "Gotta get off the bridge, get me the FECK off this FECKING bridge!" (FECK and FECKING have loomed largely in my vocabulary today.) Eventually I did get off the bridge, got into downtown Brooklyn safely (Pearl, I thought of your daughter -- glad to know she and husband are OK), saw a branch of my bank, and true to siege mentality, withdrew large sums, destined for the mattress. I finally made it home by 3:00 or so -- sunburnt, blistered, exhausted and stunned, but safe. Came home to find out that my housemate, by a miracle of timing, reached the 104th floor of 2 WTC seconds after 1 WTC was hit (flames from 1 WTC were already licking through a broken window), and immediately turned around and managed to get on the elevator all the way back down to ground level (miraculous in itself, as standard evacuation procedures at the WTC are that elevator service stops and you have to use the stairs.) So, she may very well have been on the last elevator ride down that didn't become a roast. And she was already running on the street toward Battery Park when the second plane hit 2 WTC. She made it to the Brooklyn Bridge before the collapses (and resulting clouds of poison) occurred, so as irony would have it, she actually made it home first. If she had been 5 minutes later, she would not have made it out. Just 2 weeks ago I would have been in my cubicle on 103, busy at work at 8:45. Who knows if I would have made it. I feel extremely lucky, extremely blessed and extremely loved. I came home to worried voice mails and emails, some from people in Sweden, Germany and England who didn't realize that I had a new job -- so naturally they feared the worst. And in my stunned daze, it took me a while to realize that, oh, right, of course people are worried about me... it seemed strange to lack emotion, and even now at 3:30 a.m. I vacillate between grief and utter numbness. I keep seeing the towers in my mind's eye. I used to go to my Park Slope rooftop and gaze at the Manhattan skyline and admire the engineering that Ayn Rand must surely have loved (the only thing I really have in common with her.) Brilliantly reflecting sunlight on a beautiful day (as today was); sparkling up the night with its lit windows and safety lights. I went to my rooftop today and I swear I could see them behind the smoke if I tried hard enough. But there's no denying the truth: there is a gaping, smoking hole where the towers used to be. They, and god knows how many of the thousands of people who worked there everyday, are gone. Gone. I keep seeing pictures of all the people I worked with, scanning the floors in my mind, placing everyone in the cubicles and offices, seeing their smiles, hearing their laughter, hearing the familiar banter that seems to grow only in workplaces, hearing the frequent sarcastic complaints that are common to the Dilbert experience... seeing the view from my window on the north side of 2 WTC, looking up the island and seeing the beautiful Chrysler Building, seeing Central Park on a clear day... and none of it exists any more. It does not Exist. I cannot travel a quarter mile up in the sky in a silly box on a metal string and visit my old friends in my old workplace. I will never see that view again in the same way. Because the vantage point itself does not exist, except as a theoretical point in space. All these things live only in my memory now. How is that possible? Today I concentrated on communicating with family and close friends. I have not yet dared to try and find out what happened to my coworkers at Aon. One friend (in addition to housemate) I know is OK... but I'm afraid to open the box. How many people am I going to find are gone? How long will it take to find out? How many funerals can I endure? Right now it seems easier just to remember everyone as I left them 2 weeks ago... Today I learned that, truly, all we have is Right Now. If I ever need reminding, all I need to do is climb up onto the roof. Thanks for listening. Kay ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:17:09 +0100 From: colin Subject: Re: debra I can't help but imagine that if yesterday had been Debra's last day with us, that she would have taken with her the negativity aimed her recently. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:18:25 +0100 From: colin Subject: Re: NYC today (long) I was hardly breathing as I read this and all the other posts from listers. Debra, it is amazing you are with us to tell your story. i cannot imagine what you must feel this day. my love as always colin xoxoxo ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 04:09:31 -0400 From: les@jmdl.com Subject: Today in Joni History: September 12 On September 12 in Joni Mitchell History: 1994: From Wally's Bio Page: [Today] Joni and Larry stopped by Santa Monica, Ca. radio station KCRW-FM and taped a broadcast with DJ Chris Douridas for his excellent series "Morning Becomes Eclectic." This hour-long broadcast is noteworthy because of the stellar sound, and the fact that Joni and Larry were performing together on the air for perhaps the last time. In conversation, Joni spoke of their separation for the first time, and said they were obviously still friends. The show was broadcast on the morning of October 25th. (Click the link for a complete transcription of the interview.) More info: http://www.jmdl.com/articles/docs/940912mbe.cfm http://www.JoniMitchell.com/LARadio94.html - ------------------------ Search the "Today" database: http://www.jmdl.com/today ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 04:09:31 -0400 From: les@jmdl.com Subject: Today's Articles: September 12 On September 12 this article was published: 1994: "Morning Becomes Eclectic" - KCRW-FM (Interview - Audio Transcription) http://www.jmdl.com/articles/docs/940912mbe.cfm - ------------------------ The JMDL Article Database has 631 titles. http://www.jmdl.com/articles ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:22:16 +0100 (GMT Daylight Time) From: "colin" Subject: Re: Lucky Girl - njc Today I learned that, truly, all we have is Right Now. If I ever need reminding, all I need to do is climb up onto the roof. Thanks for listening. Kay Thank you for sharing this with us Kay. If it makes any difference, I rmemeber who you are. So glad you are safe and sad you went thru this. love colin ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:39:54 +0100 From: colin Subject: list and email this new form of communication we all use has really opened our worlds hasn't it? Were it not for it, yesterday would have been something that happened a long long way away. Instead it is like it was here. Four years of bonding and sharing lives. Yesterday i was numb and shocked, today my throst is coinstricted and i feel breathless. So far it seems our list has escaped this abomination. Waiting for news of listers has been difficult. I am glad we share with eachother here and the love we show eachother. No not hypocritical at all-all families have troubled times and we are family. Love isn't always smooth and we is often tinged with hate. We all, in the heat, say things we regret, things that shame us. we are human. but we love is what we could remember instead of the hate. It would have hurt my heart for ANYONE to have been hurt by yesterdays events. There is no one on this list to whom I would wish harm. We are called to love eachother not like eachother. There is a difference. No matter what pain a person has caused, to build hate for them is damaging, especially for the hater. Whilst it is tempting to sya that the squablles are petty and unimportnat, that would not be true. They are opportunities for gorwth, for learning and for love. As humans we need to be tested, to learn and to grow. And we do so thru diffiuclt times. If everything was lovey dovey and smooth we'd stagnate and be weak and dull. And then evil would flourish. love to all colin xoxoxoxo - -- bw colin DAK,BRO GC, 950i 940,860,864, 260, 890,Silver 830 and 270, Passap 6000 Duo80 colin@tantra-apso.com http://www.tantra-apso.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 10:16:15 +0100 From: pyramus@lineone.net Subject: Tragedy May I add my sincere feelings of disbelief and horror at yesterdays abominable atrocities. I would like to pass on my heartfelt sympathy to anybody who has lost friends or family, as well as my admiration at the dignity and bravery shown by the survivors and the emergency services. This is a terrible tragedy. The list of those lost will be a long one. Absent family and friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Such losses are painful. Think too of all those orphaned children. After the dust settles on this tragic event I am sure that the people of the U.S.A. will be determined to rise from the ashes and show the world the true meaning of human spririt. It is in their nature. What is the world today? It is not what it was yesterday. It has changed. Maybe for the better maybe for the worse, but it will certainly be different. I naturally hope and believe it will be for the better. Kevin ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 11:29:21 +0100 From: "Laurent Olszer" Subject: why not blame the Jews, NJC I know this is a cheap shot, but does anybody still have criticism about Israel's concern for its safety and survival, and its handling of the situation? As I said, action speaks louder than words. 1 year of intifada = 593 Palestinian dead. 1 hour of terrorism = 50,000 dead (guess-estimate) Peace treaties are seldom worth the paper they're written on, especially with parties with a bloody track record. And yet Israelis have been willing to give back so much for such a peace treaty. Did you guys see Palestinians dancing in the streets on TV? Well you won't again: filming of joyful demonstrations have been forbidden in Palestinian controlled territories as of last night. What, freedom of the press? Sorry, it doesn't look good for public relations. I'm surprised there is no Snakebite URL posted yet saying the Zionists are ultimately responsible for these attacks. I'm not worried, it will come because it always has. Laurent ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 05:33:13 EDT From: Gertus@aol.com Subject: Re: heaven & hell (long)(njc) John van Tiel's post was the most moving I have ever read on this list and there have been quite a few moving ones over the years. It expressed so well how something wonderful can be shattered in an instant and how we need to treasure what we have. Amongst all the posts of love, concern and shock about what happened yesterday there have already been calls, even on this list, for revenge. Please all think carefully before we think about revenge. Is this really what we want? Love to all especially in the US. Jacky ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 11:30:51 +0100 From: colin Subject: Re: why not blame the Jews, NJC I cannot believe you have used this occurance to further your own cause. This is sick. Not it wasn't a cheap shot, it was disgusting, outrageous, cruel and mean spirited. You have lost any respect I may have had for you and your stance. Shame on you. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 04:24:30 -0700 From: "Robert Holliston" Subject: shock I still can't quite accept that this unimaginable thing has happened, even though I've been glued to CNN all day, and like most of the rest of the world, have seen - over and over again - footage that is as surreal as it is horrifying. My deepest condolences to people who, like Anne, are waiting for news about loved ones who are still missing. And profound, tearful relief every time an email has come in from or about a New York JMDLer who is safe. Patrick, Kay (who until very recently worked on the 103rd floor of the South Tower), Debra, Alison, David, and anyone in NYC and DC: you are very much in our thoughts and hearts right now. Even more, my prayers are for anyone who may still be trapped and clinging to life under God knows how many feet of debris (as I type this, CNN is announcing that two people have been rescued from beneath the rubble). I can't begin to imagine the fear experienced by the passengers on the four hijacked planes, or by the folks immolated in the World Trade Center. Nothing in my 45 years has ever shocked me as much as this. It seems we really don't know what we've got till it's gone. We lost many people yesterday, and every human life is sacred and irreplaceable. North Americans have lost any sense of security, something I don't believe will be restored within the lifetime of even the youngest JMDLer (then again, many countries elsewhere in the world have never enjoyed a moment's security). Other listers have said this and better, but it's worth saying again, especially since the 4th Jonifest is still a fresh memory. Every moment spent with the people we love, friends and family, is beyond any estimable value or price. How easily we forget that! Today, after this appalling act of terrorism, we saw people, professionals and bystanders, risking (and in some cases, sacrificing) their lives in an effort to save total strangers. It may be a small indication of the basic goodness of human beings, but I'm ready to cling to it. What other choice is there? Much, much love to you all Roberto _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 07:53:30 -0400 From: Brian Gross Subject: Has anyone heard from Emily? It would seem that our family here is all accounted for, after yesterday's tragedy, except for Emily and Courtney. Has anyone heard from her? still numb, almost 24 hrs later, brei - -- After twenty-three years you'd think I could find A way to let you know somehow That I want to see your smiling face Forty-five years from now. --Stan Rogers ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 06:53:41 -0500 From: "Dolphie Bush" Subject: why not blame the Jews? njc Laurent, I have always been a solid supported of the Israeli state and will remain so for reasons that I will not go into here. I have read the postings here between you and the others and did not want to get involved because I figure it did not matter whether I did or not but after reading your last post I cannot help myself. "Cheap" is definitely the right word and I now have an image of who you are that cannot be changed. You are doing nothing to help the cause of Israel. I do not like the Palistinians and the site of them dancing and celebrating in the streets after this tragedy made me ill, however, I don't like you either. You are not representative of all Jews so stop trying to act as if you are. I know of one regular poster here who is from Israel. That person does not use this venue for this kind of crap and as a matter of fact I was playing backgammon last week with an Israeli on Yahoo. They Arabs were mentioned. This person said "they're okay." The bottom line is that you have some psychological issues that far transcend the issue itself. Your blind fundamentalism is no different than those crazies that have committed these crimes. For once, I agree with Colin. Shame on you but I doubt that you are capable of that emotion. Mack ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 08:09:44 -0400 From: Mags Subject: yesterday, today I laid down a promise the night before last to answer each and every one of the emails sitting in my inbox...I have been so deeply touched by the love, friendship and caring that has been demonstrated on this list to others and to myself. That was my plan for yesterday. Yesterday. My day off. After a long intensive haul of seven straight days in a row, the last day stretched into ten hours, I was so completely immersed in the work I do. I am one of the people in the background of a community pharmacy. I am part of a team of people who provide palliative care for those who spend their last days at home. As an IV technician, I am hypnotized by the whirr of the fan in the sterile procedures hood much of my day, and while I prepare antibiotics and cassettes for pain I think. And I think some more. I think about how meaningful my work is ...and I hope and pray that the work I do does in fact help those suffering on the inside and on the outside of illness. Oh it takes a village. I was looking so forward to my day off. Yesterday. A glorious day all to myself. No chores ahead. I was biting at the bit to get into my mail and send responses to my old and new found friends and family here on the jmdl. My life line. I drove Miranda to school, something I don't usually do on such a glorious day as yesterday. However, yesterday, I did. And on the way there, traffic was lined up for blocks, so I had to take another route. Dropped her off at the side of her school, heard her say, Mom, I really love you as she squeezed my hand. This in itself was a precious moment I will treasure always. Tears well up in my eyes for her. For her suffering. I need to believe ... she will be okay...she will be okay.... my newest mantra. The mantra of a mom who has been through way too much around loss around losing children and seeing my Mimi girl like this has been so hard. Helpless. That's how Ive felt about it. *It* has been easier because of the mass of support via email I have received lately. All of which I was going to go through yesterday. I was going to tell you yesterday how much your love and support means to me. On my way home, caught in the snarls of Main Street traffic, I decide to turn on the CBC radio. Something I rarely do. I crave peace and quiet especially in the morning hours of the day. I am thinking about where I will go for a walk, when I will speak with my beloved Brei on the phone...yesterday. I hear the voice of Andy Barry on the CBC...he is speaking with someone about the International Film Festival..films created by gifted, talented artists from all over the world. My mind sidesteps to my international family here. Yesterday, my thoughts turn to you. Then the talk on the radio turns to a new film on the Holocaust. My swirling thoughts are stopped in their tracks. Then my mind goes to a thousand places all at once. I long to relay the story of this new film to Brian. I sit out in my driveway hanging on to every word so that I can get it right, straight. I did this only yesterday. The programme is long. I decide to resume listening inside. I quickly turn the key and run upstairs and turn the radio on. Again, this is something I rarely do. I crave silence, especially on my day off. Yesterday. I am listening to the bits of soundtrack which conjure up the images provoked by the creator of this film, I begin to shake. The images are far too real for my comfort level. They talk of babies. I am so vulnerable to this . The ramifications run deep inside me. Naturally, like a reflex, my thoughts turn to Brian. Yesterday. All of a sudden, there is some surreal announcement that the WTC has been hit. I am also hit... by shock and disbelief and fear. I think of my beloved joni family members who I just spent the weekend with and my mind is racing now. Adrenalin has taken over. Yesterday. I pick up the phone and call Brian. He's at work now. I ask him if he's heard the news. He hasn't. Shock. He cant believe it either. After a few moments, he has to attend to a business call, he will call me back. Another moment in our shared life. I turn on the TV. Definitely something I never do, however, yesterday, I could not believe my ears, so I had to see it , I just had to. I am such a visual person, perhaps seeing would help my scattered mind make sense of it. I saw it all. Yesterday. The phone rings only a few minutes later....sweet relief, Brian's voice. He is watching with me as we try to figure out what the hell has hit the first tower. We see flames and smoke billowing out of the top...and wonder and wonder. All of a sudden, we see the image which is now burned into memory...a second plane. At first I think..oh they are doing a computer generated reinactment. Crazy. Then they are telling us that this is real. A second plane has hit the second tower. Has the world gone mad? What the hell is happening .... we are both getting really upset. Oh God, cant we turn back the clock and change yesterday? Then we hear the panic filled news about Washington...a plane has gone down smack into the Pentagon. Oh God. And then the buildings are flaming even higher and hotter and the whole thing goes out of control and they are screaming terrorist in our midst. More news of hijacked planes...images painted through the fear in otherwise calm reporters. Smoke in our eyes. I cannot believe this happened only yesterday. Yesterday. I feel sick. Brian is 500 miles away from me. This thought keeps coming to the surface as we watch the horror unfold. 500 miles and in another country. Ripped apart. Separated by miles and borders. Borders which will no longer give us easy access to each other. My mind races. How long will it take me to drive to Mimi's school and then to the border and then to Brian. I need to be with him. Now. Then I hear that the borders are closed. Shut down. Damn yesterday. We are so scared. We watch the images together and cry and cry. We are so afraid of losing communication with each other....we say "DONT hang up!" At this point, we feel we are headed for even more destruction. In these frantic moments watching all hell break loose on this glorious day, we think that full blown war has broken out. How the hell is this possible??? How??? Brian and I tell each other over and over, I love you, dont ever forget that. I can almost feel his arms around me. I feel horrible in this moment thinking I will never feel those arms around me again. The love of my life so far away. We spend the next two hours or so on the phone. We will not hang up. We will not leave each other. We begin to talk about the family members who live in NYC...everyone we saw at the Fest...all the people who flew from Boston to home. I cannot think straight anymore. We are worried sick and are heartbroken and shocked for the ramifications are so great. So deep. So endless. We will never be the same again. All because of yesterday. Our love is fortified. In the midst of images, rubble, smoke, fire, poisoned air....one thing remains. This love I share with this magnificent man who has given me my life back. He has become my reason for being. We find Rose in NJ on the phone and then Bob Murphy and Jimmy and Polifka via bouncing emails over the course of the day ...thank God for the internet where we can, at the very least, reach out through our words. My send box is full to the brim with of reassurances and shared wild emotion over this whole thing. I see a name on line and let out a big sigh. Relief amidst the horror of yesterday. Yesterday I find you. You are okay. Yesterday. Strangely enough, I have the best night's sleep I have had in ages. I sleep as though I am knocked out. Maybe I was. Maybe it was all too much. I know that to be true. And good God, it really did happen. Yesterday. Today the sun is shining. I breathe deeply. I pray that the worst is behind us. I pray for the souls whose lives were taken yesterday. I thank God for the reports from the NY listers, our hearts go out to you as you are so terribly close to it all. I cannot imagine. This morning, I wake at 630 and rush to the computer to find another avalanche of mail. I scan and try to take in the words. Words. I am once again reduced to tears and so many feelings of gratitude and horror and fear. I am swept back into the depths as I read the heartwrenching story from Kay Ashley, John VanTiel...Pearl...Debra....Colin ... everyone. Backflash. I am back on the beach by Atty May's ... standing in the glory of that moonlit night arm in arm with five countries, watching John and Claud , Claud and Brian touch hearts in support of one another...slipping my hand inside his as I listen to Chris Marshall tell us how deeply moved he is well beyond words to be here. To be with us. I remember it all like it was only yesterday. As I read, I take inside me to deep and safe places, your stories, your yesterday thoughts, prayers for peace and safety....yesterday. May the expressions of peace and love we sent across the world yesterday fill in all the holes inside each and every one of us today. sending you love, hugs and hope. Mags np: silence - -- And this loving is a drawing close, a tuning in, an opening. Until one perfect moment; but how can it be expressed? A receiving, an enfolding as I cradle you in my arms. Within my heart, within my soul, You are my true love. --Lui Collins - --- _~O / /\_, ___/\ /_ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 13:25:35 +0100 From: "Chris Marshall" Subject: Twisted images - NYC/DC (NJC) Something approaching supreme irony struck me just now, when watching footage of Palestinians celebrating in the street following the attacks on NYC and DC. The news presenter was talking about the fact that many people in the middle-east have cause to hate the US (and indeed the UK, and much of the western world), while on screen, a number of the celebrating people could be seen wearing designer clothes of Western origin, including one young man in a "Replay" (jeans) T-shirt. It's kinda like "we hate you, but we'll take your cool goods, thanks very much". I don't pretend to understand it. The delight on the faces of small children alarms me also. It doesn't bode well for future generations being any less extreme than the present ones. Depressed, - --Chris ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 08:46:57 EDT From: SCJoniGuy@aol.com Subject: Re: heaven & hell (long)(njc) <> I printed it out immediately so that I could re-read it, save it, treasure it for years to come. Thank you John for sharing your gifts with all of us. My world is a much better place because you're in it. Pearl & Steve, congratulations on your anniversary. It's an inspiration to me. Bree, I DID in fact hold my family tight last night, and we cried, and told each other how much we meant to each other. Kay & Debra, thanks for sharing your hearts & experiences with me in the midst of your emotional & physical exhaustion. My thoughts have been with all of you in these areas. Yael, thanks for singing to me...I needed that lullaby. Bob NP: Paul Weller, "The Changingman" ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 13:46:01 +0100 From: "Paul Castle" Subject: Support If there is any support - practical or emotional - I can give, I would like all on the list to know that I (and all other UK list members, I'm sure) will do the best we can. If anyone, for example, is having a problem reaching friends and relatives in the UK to tell them they are OK, please e-mail me, and I'll phone them - Please ask - I would like to help - and I shall do my best. Talking to my mother, who lived through the London Blitz, she says it was the strong community support and its sense of humour, flying in the face of such adversity, that got the people back together again. Please take care PaulC ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 08:59:42 EDT From: IVPAUL42@aol.com Subject: Re: shock In a message dated 9/12/01 7:25:59 AM Eastern Daylight Time, roberto1011@hotmail.com writes: > Other listers have said this and better, but it's worth saying again, > especially since the 4th Jonifest is still a fresh memory. It was only the fourth? I thought the first Jonifest in Pittsburgh was 1997, which would make this last one the fifth, but I could be mistaken. Paul I ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:02:29 EDT From: AsharaJM@aol.com Subject: Re: Overwhelming sadness Thank you, all of you that have posted uplifting and loving words these past 2 days. I can't stop crying and thinking about this terrible tragedy, and how all our lives are forever changed. I did not know anyone personally on either of the planes that left Boston, but know many, many people that did. Sometimes I think it really stinks to be so sensitive and have such an open heart, because it feels so very personal to me, and I truly just can't stop the tears. There is a price to pay for wearing your heart on your sleeve. I can only read a few messages at a time, before I am overwhelmed again, but I am so very grateful for this community, this family I belong to here. Thank you for being there with your comforting words. Hugs, Ashara ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:05:51 EDT From: IVPAUL42@aol.com Subject: Re: Overwhelming sadness In a message dated 9/12/01 9:03:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time, AsharaJM@aol.com writes: > . I did not know anyone personally on either > of the planes that left Boston, I'm glad you did not know John Cahill of Wellesley, Mass., because according to AOL's list he was on BOTH flights out of Boston. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:05:21 -0400 From: Bruyere Subject: Re: NYC's Folks checking in this good to know! i have been soooo worried. love and faith to all, heather At 11:10 AM 9/11/01 -0500, Michael Paz wrote: >Just got off the phone with Alison who is packing her truck to move home >right now. She sez to tell everyone that her and Jeff are ok and that here >cell in not working. Just wanted you all to know. > >Love > >Michael ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:08:28 -0400 From: Mags Subject: and in the end no matter what, we still have each other and the love and expressions of love which are so evident on this list and beyond. we shall overcome. je me souviens. i remember. mags. - -- And this loving is a drawing close, a tuning in, an opening. Until one perfect moment; but how can it be expressed? A receiving, an enfolding as I cradle you in my arms. Within my heart, within my soul, You are my true love. --Lui Collins - --- _~O / /\_, ___/\ /_ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:25:41 -0400 From: Anne Sandstrom Subject: the drone of planes at night... Just as I started to drop off to sleep last night, I heard something that I normally wouldn't pay any attention to. A plane. I'm a few miles from a military base. I heard them all night. And another, just as I'm writing this. I'd like to make one slight editorial comment. Sorry, I don't recall whose post this came from. My apologies to that JMDLer for my being so careless in forgetting. The post read "All I care is that people dont become too patriotic and decide to hurt innocent victims here in the US that had nothing to do with anything." It's just the writer/editor in me, I realize. Drives my friends and family nuts. I agree with your sentiment entirely, but would suggest you might reconsider the word "patriotic" and use "vengeful" instead. For me, patriotic means doing what I did yesterday. I voted. (small local election...) It's ok to be patriotic - proud of the people who do everything from the mundane to the heroic to make the country a better place to live in. Proud of those who stand in line to give blood, proud of 200 firefighters who lost their lives trying to save others, proud of the passengers of Flight 93, who it appears thwarted the hijackers' attempts and lost their own lives doing so. It's ok to be proud of the principles of one's government, and better still to work, even in small, local ways to make it better. It's not ok to be vengeful. To indiscriminately lash out at anyone who's different from you or doesn't share your point of view. I hope I'm not belaboring this (but I guess I am). Sorry for being so long-winded. lots of love Anne ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:32:46 -0400 From: Mags Subject: Re: Overwhelming sadness Ashara, I hope you know how much you are loved. You are our mother , our angel, our saint, our beloved friend. Because of you, we had the opportunity to gather together in the sanctuary of your home . In the midst of all those wonderful moments, little did we realize just how those days together would serve to fortify us so that we could endure yesterday with strength. Over the course of being a part of this jmdl family, we have learned how to reach out, to lean on each other, to hold each other close in our most vulnerable moments in your kitchen, in your music room, in the candle room. For me, this is the essence of life. To know that I am never alone. Ever. Because of you sweet angel Ashara. I am so thankful to you our beloved Ashara, beyond words. love, Mags and Brian. AsharaJM@aol.com wrote: > Thank you, all of you that have posted uplifting and loving words these past > 2 days. I can't stop crying and thinking about this terrible tragedy, and how > all our lives are forever changed. I did not know anyone personally on either > of the planes that left Boston, but know many, many people that did. > Sometimes I think it really stinks to be so sensitive and have such an open > heart, because it feels so very personal to me, and I truly just can't stop > the tears. There is a price to pay for wearing your heart on your sleeve. I > can only read a few messages at a time, before I am overwhelmed again, but I > am so very grateful for this community, this family I belong to here. Thank > you for being there with your comforting words. > > Hugs, > Ashara - -- And this loving is a drawing close, a tuning in, an opening. Until one perfect moment; but how can it be expressed? A receiving, an enfolding as I cradle you in my arms. Within my heart, within my soul, You are my true love. --Lui Collins - --- _~O / /\_, ___/\ /_ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:40:07 EDT From: RoseMJoy@aol.com Subject: The drone of flying engines njc I just heard the drone of flying engines. I'm these guessing were 2 huge military aircraft carriers flying very low overhead. You can't imagine the fear that has just overtaken me. Rose in NJ still sitting on the edge of her seat rosemjoy@aol.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 06:42:59 -0700 From: "Bree Mcdonough" Subject: Re: list and email njc Colin: I've read your post several times, so true, such beautiful thoughts! God bless you! Bree >From: colin >Reply-To: colin >To: joni >Subject: list and email >Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:39:54 +0100 > > > > > >isn't always smooth and we is often tinged with hate. We >all, in the heat, say things we regret, things that shame us. we are >human. but we love is what we could remember instead of the hate. >o >NO matter what pain a person has caused, to build hate for them is >damaging, especially for the hater. > >Whilst it is tempting to sya that the squablles are petty and >unimportnat, that would not be true. They are opportunities for gorwth, >for learning and for love. As humans we need to be tested, to learn and >to grow. And we do so thru diffiuclt times. If everything was lovey >dovey and smooth we'd stagnate and be weak and dull. And then evil would >flourish. > >love to all >colin >xoxoxoxo > >-- >bw >colin >DAK,BRO GC, 950i 940,860,864, 260, 890,Silver 830 and 270, Passap 6000 >Duo80 >colin@tantra-apso.com >http://www.tantra-apso.com _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:56:43 EDT From: TerryM2222@aol.com Subject: Sadness-njc Though I'm usually in lurk mode, I do try to monitor the pulse and temperature of the list. With the horrible events of yesterday playing over and over in my brain, I just wanted to check in and hug all of my friends here. My step-sister lives 5 blocks from the Towers. She was able to run north to her ex's apt near Washington Square and is fine. Still need to check in with a few other relatives, but hopefully all is fine as I've not heard otherwise from the family pipeline. Sadly, Terry ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 10:00:37 -0400 From: "Victor Johnson" Subject: Re: Overwhelming sadness > Sometimes I think it really stinks to be so sensitive and have such an open > heart, because it feels so very personal to me, and I truly just can't stop > the tears. Just a few days ago I was overwhelmed by the beauty of this community, this jmdl, and now I am overwhelmed with sadness. It's hard to function, so surreal, and yet very real. I remember thinking of how beautiful the clouds were on my flight home, how utterly gorgeous they seemed, like some kind of heavenly garden, now forever tainted by these events. I thought about how the Simpsons went to New York, and Homer parked his car right in front of the World Trade Center and got a boot on it, and how he went up to the very top of tower 1 only to find that the bathroom was out of order, and he had to go all the way down and then up to the top of tower 2, just to use the bathroom, and then, he was so determined to get home, he drove his car with the boot on it, all the way through New York City. That's how hard it feels to function, accomplish anything right now... I am grateful for the love that is here.. Victor Victor Johnson http://www.cdbaby.com/victorjohnson "Velveteen rabbits and moonbeams, Come when you lay down your head. While you are sleeping, they kiss you and tell you, That you are the reason the sun lights the sky." Scarlet-V. Johnson ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 15:34:41 +0100 From: "Garret" Subject: forgive my ignorance NJC As some people here may remember, i'm not a very politically minded person. I have enough trouble understanding the Irish government system, let alone the American system. Watching the media coverage of the tragedy of the last 25hours i realise that now is not a time that my apolitical ways (is that even word??) stand to me. I have a request; I would like to know something about the Federal Government- what is it? How does it work? How does, for example, a mayor and a governor fit in there. And what is the role of the FBI etc? I think that this knowledge would further my understanding of the relief effort currently being discussed by the Mayor of NY on television. dont get me wrong, i *do* have some idea, as it has been explained to me before, but i'm not exactly sure. i would be obliged greatly if someone could fill me in, but keep it a simple, thanks. GARRET ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 09:30:14 -0500 From: "Donna J. Binkley" Subject: RE: Gregg Cagno Hi All, Everyone please send up your prayers for our Gregg Cagno. I believe he lives in PA and works in NY areas. I sent him a private email yesterday to check on him and he has not responded. Also for my cousin Lance Goodwin who worked at the World Trade Center. There has been no word about him, we cannot reach him or his partner at their home. Thanks to all of you for your support and prayers at this terrible time. May God help us. Love Donna - -----Original Message----- From: les@jmdl.com [mailto:les@jmdl.com]On Behalf Of Mags Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2001 8:08 AM To: joni@smoe.org Subject: and in the end no matter what, we still have each other and the love and expressions of love which are so evident on this list and beyond. we shall overcome. je me souviens. i remember. mags. - -- And this loving is a drawing close, a tuning in, an opening. Until one perfect moment; but how can it be expressed? A receiving, an enfolding as I cradle you in my arms. Within my heart, within my soul, You are my true love. --Lui Collins - --- _~O / /\_, ___/\ /_ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 17:34:46 +0100 From: "Laurent Olszer" Subject: Re: why not blame the Jews pt2 NJC Colin wrote: > I cannot believe you have used this occurance to further your own cause. This is > sick. Not it wasn't a cheap shot, it was disgusting, outrageous, cruel and mean > spirited. You have lost any respect I may have had for you and your stance. Shame > on you. > Too bad you cannot see the connection between the attack and history and causality that led to it. Furthermore, I can't help noticing that your comments are harsher towards me than towards the terrorists themselves. What's wrong with this picture? Can't a Jew make a commentary without being called names? ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 12 Sep 2001 11:29:51 EDT From: RoseMJoy@aol.com Subject: To Gregg and all, survivor database In a message dated 9/11/01 11:27:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time, greggno@hotmail.com writes: > I'm floored and in shock and still can't believe this is real, > but I know it is. This world just makes no sense today. > I worked in World Trade Center 2 for 2 years and am > praying for friends there who are hopefully OK. > I don't have a whole lot of hope after seeing those buildings > crumble, but I'm trying to keep some some faith. > Please send some prayers for survivors in NYC and DC. > Give blood if you can. They need type O blood bad now > and I fear they will need a whole lot more tomorrow. > > If you go to http://www.ny.com/wtcform.html, they have built a World Trade Center Survivor Online Database in an effort to help people find out about their loved ones. Hope this helps, Rose in NJ NP: Everything is Changing rosemjoy@aol.com ------------------------------ End of JMDL Digest V2001 #398 ***************************** ------- Post messages to the list by clicking here: mailto:joni@smoe.org Unsubscribe by clicking here: mailto:joni-digest-request@smoe.org?body=unsubscribe ------- Siquomb, isn't she?