From: les@jmdl.com (JMDL Digest) To: joni-digest@smoe.org Subject: JMDL Digest V4 #573 Reply-To: joni@smoe.org Sender: les@jmdl.com Errors-To: les@jmdl.com Precedence: bulk JMDL Digest Wednesday, December 22 1999 Volume 04 : Number 573 The Official Joni Mitchell Homepage is maintained by Wally Breese at http://www.jonimitchell.com and contains the latest news, a detailed bio, original interviews and essays, lyrics, and much more. ------- The JMDL website can be found at http://www.jmdl.com and contains interviews, articles, the member gallery, archives, and much more. ========== TOPICS and authors in this Digest: -------- Feeding the hungry NJC [Martin Giles ] Re: Joni and the piano [zapuppy2@webtv.net (Penny)] RE: Hell's bottom - NJC ["Wally Kairuz" ] Joni interview. Woodstock.com [MP123A321@aol.com] NJC Billie Holiday [Jamie Zubairi ] That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.1 (NJC and long) [Jason Maloney ] TTT poster for sale [Jamie Zubairi ] Blue Vote Reminder [Medric Faulkner ] Someone must... NJC [catman ] Eva Cassidy (NJC) ["Paul Castle" ] Re: That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.1 (NJC and long) [catman ] Re: Feeding the hungry NJC ["Catherine McKay" ] Collection of O'Keeffe Paintings Declared (NJC) ["Ken (Slarty)" ] Re: I have heard it ["Raffaele Malanga" ] Re: HOSL Folio [Susan McNamara ] re: bergman's nordic blues (njc) ["Catherine McKay" ] Seasons Greetings - miniscule Joni content [ZZScotty@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 10:21:46 +0000 From: Martin Giles Subject: Feeding the hungry NJC I got this email from a friend this morning. Havn't had time to check it out myself, but it sounds on the face of it to be a very good idea. See what you think. Go to the Hunger Site at the U.N. All you do is click a button and somewhere in the world some hungry person gets a meal to eat at no cost to you. The food is paid for by corporate sponsors. All you do is go to the site and click. But, you're only allowed one click per day so PLEASE spread the word to others. http://www.thehungersite.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 23:36:06 -0800 (PST) From: zapuppy2@webtv.net (Penny) Subject: Re: Joni and the piano < Subject: RE: Hell's bottom - NJC but of course! i have the lp! how could i forget! it makes me so mad that the "industry" won't release all carole's catalogue on cd!!! WHY WHY WHY! wallyk > It's from the song "Crazy" from the album "Touch The Sky" - quite a > country-sounding album, but one of my favourites ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 05:56:28 EST From: MP123A321@aol.com Subject: Joni interview. Woodstock.com Here is a link someone sent me re: Joni, I don't know if this has been posted already because i am way behind on my digest reading. Happy holidays. Maurice. http://woodstock1.m0.net/m/s.asp?H699099909X437805 ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 11:41:24 -0000 From: Jamie Zubairi Subject: NJC Billie Holiday In the spirit of next years BSN from our Joni, I have made the effort to purchase Billie Holiday's Lady In Satin which is an absolute gem. I thoroughly recommend this album, which is a remaster and apparently BH's favourite. Jamie Zubairi moderator malaysianactors at onelist.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 11:43:20 +0000 From: Jason Maloney Subject: That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.1 (NJC and long) Seems that the original bounced due to its length, so I've broken it up into more managable chunks. No hassle at all, Les :-) I should have realised it might be too big...... - --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My fellow JMDL-ers, I'm in an odd mood tonight. Things haven't been going so smoothly of late. Actually, things never go *that* well when you're up against it on a daily basis, just moving heaven and earth to keep your body and mind ticking over anywhere near like it ought to. I don't talk about it much to people, or even think too long or hard about it to myself, but I suppose that's what living is like for me. The end of another year always provokes a certain introspection, as I'm sure it does for many of us. Time to take stock and all that. For the most part, I will usually confine my reflections to what I liked most during the year : music, films, stuff like that. Sometimes I will allow an intermittent flicker of *something else* to cross my mind, musings over deeper and more complex issues. "Where the hell is my existence heading?", in short. I could turn that one over in my mind for a loooong time. So I'll be brief. It isn't my wish to ramble on too incessantly, and there's always the delete key. Use it well ;o) Perhaps my saving grace through all these years of struggling, suffering and so on, has been the fact that I never let things *build up* inside me. I keep track of my ever-changing and evolving circumstances, as well as my physical and emotional condition. I'm always checking over the various areas of my brain's filing system, checking for errors and updating information if necessary. If I know I'm not happy about something, or I can sense something in my life isn't right, I'll monitor it for a while before I try to even attempt tackling it. At times it can be wearying and time-consuming to have to deal with such a high-maintenence body and mind, but there really isn't any option. The consequences of letting things get out of hand are just not worth contemplating. So, I knuckle down and do my best. Mostly, that sees me through just about alright. I live in hope. Hope is my greatest motivator, and yet also my biggest enemy at times. It gives me courage, yet sets me up for some occasionally heavy falls. Then again, to quote one of my favourite lines from a movie - "Fear holds you prisoner...hope can set you free". I was almost paralysed by fear at one time in my life. Not any tangible or defined kind of fear. It was just *there*. Every day I set out to progress further along the road to conquering that fear. There are times when I truly feel that I am getting there, but almost as many times when something will happen to remind me that I've still a long way to go. 1999 has very much been that kind of year for me. (to be continued...) ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 11:44:55 +0000 From: Jason Maloney Subject: That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.2 (NJC and long) Everyone is different. Dreadful cliche though it may be, it's always important to bear it in mind. Especially when you are not part of what is known is *normal life*. Socially, emotionally, physically and experience-wise, I am not equal with the majority of folks out there. I never got to the point where I naturally grew up and started to deal with the outside world and the various kinds of people one would encounter each and every day. Since I have been on the internet, I have struck up on-line friendships with fellow M.E. sufferers (mostly of my own age-group), and a lot of us feel this way. We compensate for what we can't do and what we've missed out on, by being there for each other and sharing our concerns, dreams and desires. It doesn't fill the gaping void that we feel inside, but it's still something of worth. Getting myself on-line, and teaching myself about computers and the nature of the internet, has been a steep learning curve. There have been mistakes, misunderstandings, and other eye-opening experiences. Although I had a pretty good idea what kind of person I was, I had still not really interacted with groups of people on a regular basis since I was 14. How I behaved around others, and how I connected with people of different race, sex, nationality and so forth, was again an educational process. I expect it may be hard for many of you to fully comprehend such a scenario, but before I got onto the net and had e-mail access, I was at my wits end. I'd gone down all the avenues that were available to me in terms of treatments, finding social interaction with people and generally averting what felt could quite conceivably become a downward spiral into despair. My personality thrives on feedback from others. More unkind souls might cite it as "always seeking attention". However much my lifestyle had become that of a loner, it was not my natural place in life. I function best when I have people with whom I have a close, empathetic, genuine and honest rapport. The trouble was that for the majority of my life, I'd been sorely lacking in those kind of people. Sometimes I'd think I'd found them, and circumstances would distance us (often geographically). It's one thing knowing what you need and what's best for you, but quite another to actually find it and hold on to it. 1999 has thrown up a few occasions and situations where I almost believed my *search* could be at an end, or at least to some extent. It has also provided some of the *best* moments of the last 15 years. By the same token, it has given me plenty to mull over and try to come to terms with. One of the main differences between these past 12 months, and other years of recent vinatge, is that things actually *happened* outside of my little world that I exist in 99% of the time, here at home trying to keep all my symptoms at bay. An M.E. friend who is so like me in many ways that we are almost "like peas and carrots" (as Forrest Gump would say) thinks I have been extremely brave and determined to actually confront my situation and try to branch out as much as I have. She says it so often that one day I'll actually start to believe it. I do know that I have taken risks, and sometimes pushed myself beyond my capabilites, simply out of sheer restlessness and frustration. I don't think bravery comes into it. All of us are driven in some way. We all have particular goals that we seek to fulfill. There comes a point where you just have to think "to hell with it, I've got to give it a go, even if it could backfire". Emotionally, I am also pretty headstrong. I have values, principles and such that I find it hard to acquiesce to people I don't trust or respect. Blame it on my being a No.8 in numerology ;-) The most recent case of this was in my dealings with the editor of a music magazine. Having gained his interest by sending him examples of my writing, and offering my services upon a net-accquaintence's recommendation, I soon found myself on the receiving end of some bad-tempered bullshit created by his misplaced expectations and requirements. From simply offering to write reviews/articles on a range of artists and genres, I ended up chasing PR companies for free product to be used in mindless "compo giveaways". More worrying was his complete inability to grasp the reasons why said PR firm could not provide what he wanted so far ahead of the scheduled release date. Our communications became fraught and he repeatedly went on about all kinds of nonsense that left me frankly staggered. My gut instincts kicked in, and I realised there was no way I could work for someone who not only thought he was entitled to treat people like dirt, but who also lacked the intelligence to understand such a simple situation. Things got nasty, I told him where he could stick the article, and that was how my first steps towards being a music journalist ended. Welcome to the real world, kid. (to be continued....) ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 11:46:04 +0000 From: Jason Maloney Subject: That Was The Year That Was....Part 1.3 (NJC and long) Somehow, I can deal with those kind of setbacks. They make me ill, and leave me devastated for a brief time, but I'm not so bereft of self-belief that I'd let some idiot stop me before I'd even begun. It took someone else to intially give me the confidence in my ability to actually approach that editor, but that little show of positive feedback triggered a real burst of creativity which resulted in the completion and online appearance of my nascent website last month. I still don't feel able to haul my wares around other publications without persoanl recommendation, but in the meantime I keep beavering away on my site, getting used to working on a regular basis with a format that is designed to be read by the outside world. The feedback I have recieved from several people, some of you on here among them, has been greatly appreciated and served to give me the motivation to continue with it in a different way than I would have done if left to my own devices. There is proabably some sort of psychology invloved that necessitates this need for acknowledgement and vindication of what I am doing, and that carries over into my personal experinces with people as well. Maybe every one of us has it, certainly in one form or another. Relationships are something which I still getting to grips with. Even friendships have become a real challenge, and until I built up bonds with people on the net, they were also a source of great pain and frustration. Only recently have I felt that the old wounds and hurt has begun to recede. My confidence and self-esteem (when it came to others) were at an all-time low. I wasn't something I was used to, or something I could fathom. "Why?" was a frequent thought, and I still don't really know. A lot of it could be apportioned to the knock-on effects of becoming so chronically ill at a crucial time in a teenager's development, a time when all your peers are moving so fast towards adulthood that they cannot afford to stop and worry about anyone who falls behind. Even so, the run of bad luck I'd experienced was still hard to stomach. So, what about now? Well, in some ways recent events have only served to resurrect all those old worries, insecurities and feelings of vulnerability that ran through my life like the name of a seaside resort in a stick of rock. While I'm by no means back at square one, there is something upsetting about having thought you'd progressed only to find that some things never change. Then again, I do have the comfort of knowing (both in myself and from others) that my way of doing things, and my way of looking at things, isn't so misguided after all. Choices that I've made, decisions I've taken. Things that I've said which didn't quite lead to the outcome I'd intended or hoped for. All of this is just *life*, I suppose, but even at 28 I'm only just discovering it. I think the catalyst for this latest bout of intense contemplation has been developments on a more personal level with someone who I have become very close to, though not spent time with in *real-life*. This year has seen me get involved with three different people, and all very different situations in themselves. The first two were learning experiences, shall we say, and ones which probably helped me to find out more about myself and what was right (and wrong) for me. Again, although I was initially unsettled and stressed about the outcomes, I quite quickly felt able to move on and let the healing process take its course. The third - and latest - one, however, seems to have left me curiously stripped of something quite vital inside. Usually, if someone hurts me, or in some way *rejects* me, my anger will allow me to cut them out of my life and my thoughts, especially if they say things which make such feelings of anger inevitable. This time, it's not quite like that, and I have a new challenge on my hands. Again, it's really just another aspect of growing up, and coming to terms with life, but the timing of it has been unfortunate. While I accept that it's not perhaps healthy to pin your immediate hopes and future on one particular person, I felt that the situation had evolved to a point where such thoughts were at least valid, if not completely plausible. This was vindicated by the person in question, but unfortunately it wasn't what she wanted, despite occasional appearances and signs to the contrary. She is a complex person both by nature and from circumstance (a long-term M.E. sufferer like myself), and although we were able to communicate our differing perspectives in such a way that our friendship has not suffered but possibly strengthened, I am struggling to deal with those hopes and plans being scuppered almost before they had taken hold of me. She undertands this as much as I understand and recognize her reasons for *forcing the issue* in the way she did. I have the consolation of being told that my approach was a good and appropriate one, but I just picked the wrong person this time around. I tell myself that things will be okay, and I'll get over it eventually and be able to continue the friendship as before, but the reality isn't so easy. It's more the ramifications of such an outcome, and what significance it has in terms of the bigger overall picture that troubles me so. That's where I find myself right now. The pain of disappointment is still raw, and the time of year does not particularly help. I suffer from S.A.D. (I believe this affliction has been *trivialised* on the major UK soap Eastenders recently), and winter is a real battle for me. As ever, I will have to trust in hope and the unknown possibilties of the future. Anything can happen. Wow, I'm sure that was much more than any of you really needed or wanted to know! If you've actually read through it all, many thanks for listening. My best to you all, Jason. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 07:15:06 EST From: FMYFL@aol.com Subject: Re: helen's bottom (NJC) Helen wrote: << but I think that's quite enough talk about my bottom, as the last thing I need is it to swell with pride! >> but Helen, your bottom will be the first JMDL bottom to see the millenium, it's famous! besides, I love the subject line of the post helen's bottom NJC. I think that's a great song title. Jimmy ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 12:23:41 -0500 From: "Paul Castle" Subject: The 12 Days of Christmas (Local Style) (NJC) Rainbow in Hawaii RainbowCrystal@webtv.net wrote (locally) >On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me; eight ukuleles, Wonderful! Do you know where I can get hold of 8 good ukeleles? Seriously. I want to encourage a friend who works at a Denmark Street music shop to start importing them. Thank you, Rainbow, for the local colour. All my best wishes to you. PaulC ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 12:00:32 -0000 From: Jamie Zubairi Subject: RE: NJC Bergman's Blues Clues you have the darndest case of 'Title Dyslexia' I've ever seen...:~) > > Bob Julie wrote It's true! I do this with song titles and even restaurants!. It's a terrible thing. I call "India Gardens" ---"India Palace" I call the local pottery paint-shop, "Color Me Mine," "Paint It Yourself." But on the other hand, I have excellent recall for things like.....where a person went to kindergarten It's not a brain malfunction. I do it too! It must be some sort of left/right brain type thing that sociologists and psychologists speak about. I never usually call things what they are, people, places etc. Usually a play on words. I have an Indian actor friend called Anil Desai, who unfortunately gets called Anal Desire. He doesn't know this though! ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 12:41:54 -0000 From: Jamie Zubairi Subject: TTT poster for sale Dear collectors I have just been surfin thru amazon.com and in zshops. I find that they are selling the TTT poster for US18 and US9.99 worth a look definitely Jamie Zubairi ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 05:15:04 -0800 (PST) From: Medric Faulkner Subject: Blue Vote Reminder Just a reminder to everyone that Blue is up for album of the century on a Rollingstone poll. Be sure to vote at rollinstone.tunes.com/centurypoll/default.asp Medric __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. All in one place. Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 13:48:50 +0000 From: catman Subject: Someone must... NJC know the recipe for Chopped Liver. Please!!! - -- "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 14:24:03 -0500 From: "Paul Castle" Subject: Eva Cassidy (NJC) Anne at asandstrom@allaire.com wrote: >Eva Cassidy also does a terrific version of "Poor Wayfaring Stranger" Talking of Eva, I recently found this [from Laura Bligh] on another discussion list (she has given me permission post this here on the JMDL) > >Radio is SUCH a powerful force. At our big family Thanksgiving > >dinner we were discussing my late cousin Eva (Cassidy) and how > >odd it is that her albums sell like crazy in the U.K. and in the Boston > >(U.S.) area, but she is virtually unknown elsewhere. The answer is > >radio airplay.... It seems to me that this power is abused much more > >in my country than in the United Kingdom, where major corporate > >conglomerates own both radio stations and record companies. > >Is this correct? In her reply to me Laura also says: > And of course, as you pointed out, Eva's albums are by no means strictly > "folkie." I should mention that she did record quite a few folk and > folk-style songs that have not yet been released. I'm hoping that if/when > there's another album, there will be some of that material included. > > In the case of Eva, the Internet has also been a big help. When > people hear her voice on the radio and want to buy an album, they > generally wouldn't be able to find it at the local record shop, but now >that Internet ordering is so common, it's not difficult to obtain almost any > commercially-released CD from anywhere in the world! That's why >Amazon.com has sold a TON of her albums. It's funny because Eva >would have been the last person in the world ever to shop by computer, >she was not at all machine-oriented. > > I don't know if you have visited my website about Eva -- if not, > here's the URL: > > http://www.erols.com/hoganandbligh/eva.htm > > I have lots of links to articles and reviews, and a couple of > interviews I did with members of her band, and some photos that > are not available elsewhere. I guess I'm the family representative > on the Internet, doing what I can to promote Eva. She was a very lovely > person as well as a wonderful singer. > > Good luck with your songwriting. It must have been exciting to have Mary > Black perform your music! > > Laura Bligh > Vienna, VA > near Washington,DC On her website, I particularly liked what her guitar player, Keith Grimes, said > "There are a lot of motives people can have for a career in music, > and some of them don't have all that much to do with music, but > everything Eva did was part of her musical statement, it was very > pure, it was an inspiration to be with somebody who put the music > first at all times. She was a good person, an honest person. And > she carried a lot more of the band's equipment than any other > female singer I ever worked with!" Says it all, really! PaulC ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 14:37:35 +0000 From: catman Subject: Re: That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.1 (NJC and long) > "Where the hell is my existence > heading?", in short. this may not be what you want to hear, but it looks to me as if you are growing and to me growth is what it is about. > > > Perhaps my saving grace through all these years of struggling, suffering > and so on, has been the fact that I never let things *build up* inside > me. I keep track of my ever-changing and evolving circumstances, as well > as my physical and emotional condition. I'm always checking over the > various areas of my brain's filing system, checking for errors and > updating information if necessary. If I know I'm not happy about > something, or I can sense something in my life isn't right, I'll monitor > it for a while before I try to even attempt tackling it. At times it can > be wearying and time-consuming to have to deal with such a > high-maintenence body and mind, but there really isn't any option. The > consequences of letting things get out of hand are just not worth > contemplating. So, I knuckle down and do my best. Mostly, that sees me > through just about alright. Good for you. I wonder if you realise how courageous you are. MOST people do NOT do this-they never look at themselves, examing their beliefs, their thoughts or their behaviour. They just bungle thru life blaming everyone else for their lot. You have the willingness to look, listen, learn and change. These are wonderful gifts to ahve and they will see you thru. > > > I live in hope. Hope is my greatest motivator, and yet also my biggest > enemy at times. It gives me courage, yet sets me up for some > occasionally heavy falls. Then again, to quote one of my favourite lines > from a movie - "Fear holds you prisoner...hope can set you free". I was > almost paralysed by fear at one time in my life. Not any tangible or > defined kind of fear. It was just *there*. You are not alone there. fear has been my biggest enemy. I learned to name my fears, to understand them. As a result some have gone, like the fear of not being good enough, of not being liked or loved. Others I cope with. No one lives a life without fear. The basis of fear is fear of annihalation/death. Part of the human condition. Most ignore it and in fact deny it all together so they search for acclaim, success, youth, money, sex, drugs and rock n roll! > Every day I set out to > progress further along the road to conquering that fear. There are times > when I truly feel that I am getting there, but almost as many times when > something will happen to remind me that I've still a long way to go. > 1999 has very much been that kind of year for me. This is normal. You, like me and everyone else, will not get 'there'.It is the journey that counts. Life is a process not an event. Again the fact you are willing to take this journey says much about your character. > > > (to be continued...) - -- "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 14:38:18 +0000 From: catman Subject: Re: That Was The Year That Was....Part 1.3 (NJC and long) Jason Maloney wrote: > Somehow, I can deal with those kind of setbacks. They make me ill, and > leave me devastated for a brief time, but I'm not so bereft of > self-belief that I'd let some idiot stop me before I'd even begun. Glad to read that! > It > took someone else to intially give me the confidence in my ability to > actually approach that editor, but that little show of positive feedback > triggered a real burst of creativity which resulted in the completion > and online appearance of my nascent website last month. I still don't > feel able to haul my wares around other publications without persoanl > recommendation, but in the meantime I keep beavering away on my site, > getting used to working on a regular basis with a format that is > designed to be read by the outside world. Again this shows your courage. > > > The feedback I have recieved from several people, some of you on here > among them, has been greatly appreciated and served to give me the > motivation to continue with it in a different way than I would have done > if left to my own devices. There is proabably some sort of psychology > invloved that necessitates this need for acknowledgement and vindication > of what I am doing, and that carries over into my personal experinces > with people as well. Maybe every one of us has it, certainly in one form > or another. No man is an island and we all need validation. > > > Relationships are something which I still getting to grips with. Even > friendships have become a real challenge, and until I built up bonds > with people on the net, they were also a source of great pain and > frustration. Only recently have I felt that the old wounds and hurt has > begun to recede. My confidence and self-esteem (when it came to others) > were at an all-time low. I wasn't something I was used to, or something > I could fathom. "Why?" was a frequent thought, and I still don't really > know. A lot of it could be apportioned to the knock-on effects of > becoming so chronically ill at a crucial time in a teenager's > development, a time when all your peers are moving so fast towards > adulthood that they cannot afford to stop and worry about anyone who > falls behind. Even so, the run of bad luck I'd experienced was still > hard to stomach. This is all part of growth and learning. It hurts. The net is a good place for this. I don't get anywhere near as wound up as I used to or hurt now. But it takes time to learn and being human, I fall and forget and allow someone to really get under my skin. Your experince is noraml.Yes you did miss out importantly when you were a child. There is no going back, you can't have what you didn't get. I once believed that therapy and growth would wipe out my childhood and give me waht i had missed. i have found that that is not true at all. nothing gets wiped out. But we learn to live with it and to have it become postive instead of negative. Unfoirtunately, those who did have what they need growing up not only don't understand that we didn't but also have no idea how that actually affects us daily, minute by minute. Our whole thinking is different. we see the world differently, and therefore experince it differently. Now that doesn't make us wrong, lie I used to think. I used to think that those who grew up healthily were normal and we were not. Now I know we are just different and in many ways have the upper hand. In that if we grab hold and grow, we develop things like understanding and compassion ad tolerance more so than those. Suffering, whilst awful, does have it's benefits-IF one chooses to learn from it. > > > So, what about now? Well, in some ways recent events have only served to > resurrect all those old worries, insecurities and feelings of > vulnerability that ran through my life like the name of a seaside resort > in a stick of rock. While I'm by no means back at square one, there is > something upsetting about having thought you'd progressed only to find > that some things never change. Then again, I do have the comfort of > knowing (both in myself and from others) that my way of doing things, > and my way of looking at things, isn't so misguided after all. Choices > that I've made, decisions I've taken. Things that I've said which didn't > quite lead to the outcome I'd intended or hoped for. All of this is just > *life*, I suppose, but even at 28 I'm only just discovering it. You are right-it is about life and growing. It isn't a linear thing. we go backwards and forwards all the time. If we are doing it right, then after each time period we notice wwe are further along than we thought, even after the slips backward. the geral motion is forward as long as we remain open to it. > > > I think the catalyst for this latest bout of intense contemplation has > been developments on a more personal level with someone who I have > become very close to, though not spent time with in *real-life*. This > year has seen me get involved with three different people, and all very > different situations in themselves. The first two were learning > experiences, shall we say, and ones which probably helped me to find out > more about myself and what was right (and wrong) for me. Relationships with people are about learning, or should be. > Wow, I'm sure that was much more than any of you really needed or wanted > to know! If you've actually read through it all, many thanks for > listening. And many thanks to you for trusting enough to write this. It is a PRIVILAGE when someone shows enough trust to be open and honest about their feelings. feelings are very precious and delicate. To trust another to be careful with them, to be gentle with the self you have just revealed, is an honour and not to be treated glibly or sneered at. I hope my lenghty reply has not been presumptuous. bw colin > > > My best to you all, > > Jason. - -- "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 14:38:09 +0000 From: catman Subject: Re: That Was The Year That Was...Part 1.2 (NJC and long) Jason Maloney wrote: > Everyone is different. Yes we are all different. Unfortuantely many don't accept that, deifference frightens them. Hence all the bigotry. > Dreadful cliche though it may be, it's always > important to bear it in mind. Especially when you are not part of what > is known is *normal life*. Sorry, but their is no such thing as normal life. > Socially, emotionally, physically and > experience-wise, I am not equal with the majority of folks out there. Rubbish!!!! You are worth no more and no less than anyone else. Your experience, feelings etc are all yours and they are valid. You are worthy because you are a human being. Our worth comes from being not from doing. > I > never got to the point where I naturally grew up and started to deal > with the outside world and the various kinds of people one would > encounter each and every day. Not growing up? You could have fooled me! > Since I have been on the internet, I have > struck up on-line friendships with fellow M.E. sufferers (mostly of my > own age-group), and a lot of us feel this way. We compensate for what we > can't do and what we've missed out on, by being there for each other and > sharing our concerns, dreams and desires. It doesn't fill the gaping > void that we feel inside, but it's still something of worth. This I idenify much with. That gaping hole I feel and know so well. I have learned to live with it. None of us can actually 'know' what it is be in someone elses shoes. All we can do is offer support and empathy.Due to my past experienced, not being loved growing and being abused etc, left me feeling I didn't belong, didn't deserve anything good, feeling I was evil, that there was something wrong with me. I know differently now. I have also found out that many many people feel this way for an array of reasons. The people we look upon as being successful and 'normal' are full of fear and pain and anxiety too. it doiesn't work to compare your insides with other people's outsides. > > > Getting myself on-line, and teaching myself about computers and the > nature of the internet, has been a steep learning curve. There have been > mistakes, misunderstandings, and other eye-opening experiences. Ditto. Getting my pc showed me I wasn't thick. I am completely self taught. i can claer it off and build it all up again. I left school at 15 and believed I was thick even tho i left with 9 a's, 1 b and 1c at o level. I thought that was just a fluke! > Although > I had a pretty good idea what kind of person I was, I had still not > really interacted with groups of people on a regular basis since I was > 14. How I behaved around others, and how I connected with people of > different race, sex, nationality and so forth, was again an educational > process. I was 38 befoore I had this opportunity. Like you, I have learned so much from it. it has opened me up, given me much more confidence, more knowledge, more compassion, less self centeredness. The latter is easy to be in because it is a bit like having a toothache. If your tooth hurts, it is going to be jolly hard to think of anything else thus you become tooth centred. well it is the same with the self-it hurts and you become self centered. But thru the interent one can learnt hat there are others out there who have had the same or similar experience and although we each are unique in our reactions to them, we do share a common bond. > > > I expect it may be hard for many of you to fully comprehend such a > scenario, but before I got onto the net and had e-mail access, I was at > my wits end. I'd gone down all the avenues that were available to me in > terms of treatments, finding social interaction with people and > generally averting what felt could quite conceivably become a downward > spiral into despair. I don't find it at all difficult to comphrehend. Others will not either, but some don't have the courage you have to say how they are or were. > > > My personality thrives on feedback from others. More unkind souls might > cite it as "always seeking attention". You know, if someone is seeking attention, it is because they NEED it! We all NEED attention, whether we deny it or not. > However much my lifestyle had > become that of a loner, it was not my natural place in life. I function > best when I have people with whom I have a close, empathetic, genuine > and honest rapport. The trouble was that for the majority of my life, > I'd been sorely lacking in those kind of people. This is a natural healthy need for all people. Authentic relationships. Sorely lacking for many. > One of the main differences between these past 12 months, and other > years of recent vinatge, is that things actually *happened* outside of > my little world that I exist in 99% of the time, here at home trying to > keep all my symptoms at bay. An M.E. friend who is so like me in many > ways that we are almost "like peas and carrots" (as Forrest Gump would > say) thinks I have been extremely brave and determined to actually > confront my situation and try to branch out as much as I have. She says > it so often that one day I'll actually start to believe it. I do know > that I have taken risks, and sometimes pushed myself beyond my > capabilites, simply out of sheer restlessness and frustration. I don't > think bravery comes into it. All of us are driven in some way. We all > have particular goals that we seek to fulfill. There comes a point where > you just have to think "to hell with it, I've got to give it a go, even > if it could backfire". But it is bravery. If it wasn't, then more people would fight for life just like you are doing. > > > Emotionally, I am also pretty headstrong. I have values, principles and > such that I find it hard to acquiesce to people I don't trust or > respect. So you are principalled and stick to your guns. Again bravery and something to be proud of, not descibe yourself as head strong! Such descriptions usually come from others who wish to put us in our place. As for your first steps as a musci journalist, well they were just your first steps. There are more to take. Every journey satrts with one step, to be corny but thruthful. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 09:38:34 -0500 From: Anne Sandstrom Subject: RE: Eva Cassidy (NJC) Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this, Paul. My sister just gave me "Eva by Heart" and I love it! Anne ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 15:06:03 GMT From: "Catherine McKay" Subject: Re: Feeding the hungry NJC I was a bit leery about this - it sounded like one of those chain letter things. I mean, why do they have to do it this way? Why don't they just provide the food or the money anyway? What if you don't have a computer or internet access? Am I missing something? Are they saying they'll let people starve until someone clicks that button? (But, on the theory that if it can at least do no harm, I did it anyway.) Catherine (in Toronto) cateri@hotmail.com >I got this email from a friend this morning. Havn't had time to check it >out myself, but it sounds on the face of it to be a very good idea. > >See what you think. >Go to the Hunger Site at the U.N. All you do is click a button >and somewhere in the world some hungry person gets a meal to eat >at no cost to you. The food is paid for by corporate sponsors. > All you do is go to the site and click. But, you're only >allowed one click per day so PLEASE spread the word to others. > > http://www.thehungersite.com > ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 10:12:51 -0500 From: "Ken (Slarty)" Subject: Collection of O'Keeffe Paintings Declared (NJC) Collection of O'Keeffe Paintings Declared Fakes KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Reuters) - A collection of paintings, displayed over the years in a Kansas City museum and in exhibits across the United States as notable works by the famed American artist Georgia O'Keeffe, have been declared fakes, a museum spokesman said on Tuesday. A group of art experts broke the news to officials of the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art after a series of evaluations of the 28 paintings, known collectively as ``The Canyon Suite.'' When the works surfaced in the 1980s they had been heralded by a host of art experts. ``Everyone is heartbroken over this,'' said Dan Keegan, executive director of the museum, which highlighted its 1994 opening by showcasing what were thought to be the O'Keeffe paintings. Kansas City banker and philanthropist Crosby Kemper Jr. and a Kemper family foundation paid $5 million for the watercolors in 1993 and gave them to the museum where they were exhibited off and on over the years. The collection was also loaned out for exhibitions elsewhere, Keegan said. But questions about the authenticity of the paintings were raised in October with the publishing of a highly regarded scholarly catalog of O'Keeffe's works that made no mention of The Canyon Suite. Subsequent investigations by the museum and by experts from the National Gallery of Art determined the paintings could not have been made as thought from 1916-1918 when O'Keeffe lived in Canyon, Texas. Some of the papers used for the paintings dated from the 1930s and some from the 1960s and were of a different type than O'Keeffe typically used, the experts said. ``We're not sure if this was an intentional fraud or someone incorrectly assigned them to the work of O'Keeffe,'' said Keegan. ``That is the $5 million question.'' The museum is in the process of seeking a refund from New York art dealer Gerald Peters, who said previously he would pay back the purchase price if the paintings were not authentic, Keegan said. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 10:19:58 EST From: Siqwomb@aol.com Subject: re: bergman's nordic blues (njc) Jimdles, Hi! Okay, I doubt if ANYONE here remembers me since I believe it's been over a year since my last posting. However, I just happened to scan through my Joni Mail and discovered this thread on Bergman. This made me jump, since I remember seeing "Wild Strawberries" in film class (which I loved) followed by a parody starring Madeline Kahn (I'm not sure if it was Mel Brooks' doing, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were) called "The Dove" in which the characters all spoke in a hilarious Swedish-English mangled language, with subtitles. I almost peed myself watching it, it was that funny. Has anyone else out there seen it? I would love to get my hands on a copy of it, if anyone knows where one is available. Also, for you Bergman fans out there (and fans of parody) be sure to check out the French and Saunders (British sketch comedy starring AbFab's Jennifer Saunders and co-creator Dawn French) parody of "The Seventh Seal." I don't recall which episode it is on, but most episodes are available on video, and this one is a must. They also did a great "Gone With the Wind" and "Misery" parody, too. Kills me every time. Anyway, that's about all I have to say, other than I wish I had more time to keep up with the list, because every time I get a chance to, I miss you all more and more! Thank you to Wally Breese for the great job with the site, and for the engaging story of his weekend with Joni. May you have a happy and healthy new year! Here's looking forward to Joni's new album. Keep kicking ass, Joni. You do it so well! Love, Womby (Laura the Womb Queen) "Wombstock" It's so crowded There's no room So we've got to get ourselves Back to the wo-oo-oomb. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 15:26:39 -0500 From: "Paul Castle" Subject: The 12 Days of Christmas (Local Style) (NJC) I've just noticed (in the dictionary) that Ukuleles can also be spelt Ukeleles (and that the word is derived from the Hawaiian meaning "Jumping fleas"). Now I understand the tuning! Book 'em, Danno PaulC ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 17:19:41 +0100 From: "Lori REASON" Subject: Three Wise Women - NJC Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men? They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts. My weird way of saying Merry Christmas to all! Lori in france ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 08:42:06 PST From: "Raffaele Malanga" Subject: Re: I have heard it Jamie Zubairi wrote: <> The cover of River is on the CD single of Turn, maybe Travis' latest, I'm not sure. I also know that they have recorded another Joni's song - Urge for Going - on a previous CD single. I'll take this chance to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a good apocalypse, as my friend and lister Martin wrote. Very funny! and very true, I'm afraid. Raffaele in London ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 11:51:37 -0500 From: Susan McNamara Subject: Re: HOSL Folio Hi Chuck! merry merry! I have the HOSL songbook and yes it does have good photos but the guitar chords are standard. It might be good for pianists. Guitar transcriptions are better on the JMDL guitar site! (just my humble opinion!) :-) Sue ____________________ /____________________\ ||-------------------|| || Sue McNamara || || sem8@cornell.edu || ||___________________|| || O etch-a-sketch O || \___________________/ "It's all a dream she has awake" - Joni Mitchell ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 16:59:26 GMT From: "Catherine McKay" Subject: re: bergman's nordic blues (njc) Siqwomb (no penis envy there I guess!) says: >This made me jump, since I >remember seeing "Wild Strawberries" in film class (which I loved) >followed >by >a parody starring Madeline Kahn (I'm not sure if it was Mel Brooks' >doing, >but I wouldn't be surprised if it were) called "The Dove" in which >the >characters all spoke in a hilarious Swedish-English mangled >language, with >subtitles. I remember seeing something like that too on TV, but I don't remember whether or not Madeline Kahn was in it. Somehow I think it might have been a Monty Python thing, but I'm not convinced of that either - I think I'd remember for sure if it was the Pythons dressed as women (I always liked the one where the two working-class "ladies" are discussing Sarte and what he meant by something, and they start arguing about it, so they head off to France to get the word right from Sartre). The people kept saying "Die Doove!" and so on. If anyone else remembers who did it, please speak up - jeez, now it's driving me nuts! Catherine (in Toronto) cateri@hotmail.com ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 12:06:44 EST From: ZZScotty@aol.com Subject: Seasons Greetings - miniscule Joni content Seasons Greetings from a relatively new member (since October; I've posted once before). Before leaving to Cozumel, Mexico for Christmas, I wanted to just say hi to folks. I have met some very nice people here, particularly Bob (JoniGuySC) and Dan (Kleronomos). Thanks again Jenny for introducing me to the list. But mostly, I wanted to say hello to everyone who makes this list a community. I look forward to reading the digest every day, and hope to be part of this for a long time. And, thanks Joni for being swell. ------------------------------ End of JMDL Digest V4 #573 ************************** The Song and Album Voting Booths are open! Cast your votes by clicking the links at http://www.jmdl.com/gallery username: jimdle password: siquomb ------- Don't forget about these ongoing projects: Glossary project: Send a blank message to for all the details. FAQ Project: Help compile the JMDL FAQ. 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