From: owner-jewel-digest@smoe.org (jewel-digest) To: jewel-digest@smoe.org Subject: jewel-digest V3 #466 Reply-To: jewel@smoe.org Sender: owner-jewel-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-jewel-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk jewel-digest Monday, August 31 1998 Volume 03 : Number 466 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * jewel-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY the word * unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * For the latest information on Jewel tour dates, go to: * http://jewel.zoonation.com and click on "TOUR" * OR * go to the OFFICIAL Jewel home page at http://www.jeweljk.com * and go to the "What, When, Where" section * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: jewel-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- Text of: interesting mention of Jewel in San Jose Mercury News [Horter!] An Angelfood Website? [Swing0508@aol.com] Site pic [pErFeCt ] WHAT BASKET?! (in reference to Jewel show at Geneseo) [MAXMOUZE@aol.com] Re: Text of: interesting mention of Jewel in San Jose Mercury News [MAXM] Re: WHAT BASKET?! (in reference to Jewel show at Geneseo) [MAXMOUZE@aol.] ANWA worth $ [SWTHRT9758@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 15:39:38 -0700 From: Horter!!!! Subject: Text of: interesting mention of Jewel in San Jose Mercury News At 04:37 PM 8/29/98 -0600, Charlie Watkins wrote: >Read the article, if you dare, at >http://www.mercurycenter.com:80/premium/svlife/docs/badsongs27.htm Published Thursday, August 27, 1998, in the San Jose Mercury News Since the '70s, bad songs just haven't delivered the goods BY WILLIAM FRIAR - Contra Costa Times THEY just don't make 'em like they used to. Bad songs, that is. I mean, really bad songs. Songs so excruciating, the title alone brings on convulsions. Let's try an experiment: "Mandy,'' "Wildfire,'' "Endless Love,'' "Reunited,'' "If I Were a Carpenter.'' Any palpitations yet? Cold sweat? Hives? OK, let's ratchet it up a notch: "I Honestly Love You,'' "We Are the World,'' "All By Myself,'' "Torn Between Two Lovers,'' "Feelings.'' Hurts, huh? At least one of those songs will stick to you like fungus. Already, folks around the Bay Area are firing up their word processors, preparing to write letters of the "But-I-love-that-song!'' variety. Of course, you do. That's what makes them so insidious: They get to you despite their sheer vapidity. Everyone's been manipulated by a wretched pop song. I've wept along with a few of them myself, especially during one stormy high-school romance. Never mind which songs. (OK, OK: "All Out of Love,'' "Still'' and "Endless Love.'' Satisfied?) Transcendental awfulness In any case, this is not an attack on bad songs, but rather a celebration of those that achieve transcendental awfulness. But there's nothing being concocted today that comes close to the songs listed above. Don't start in with Hanson or the Spice Girls. Bubble-gum pop and novelty songs don't count. They may be annoying in the short run, but they're like hitting your thumb with a hammer: a sudden sharp pain that fades fast. Two of the most reviled songs of the last few years -- "Macarena'' and "Barbie Girl'' -- flamed out quickly. (Granted, a Mattel lawsuit helped show "Barbie'' the door.) "It's when you've got somebody writing something like 'Copacabana' and they really want to touch someone, that's when it comes off as pathetic,'' points out Jim (``The Big Cheese'') Monack of the Cheeseballs, a Bay Area band that re-creates the cheesiest tunes of the '70s and '80s. People won't be dancing to novelty or bubble-gum songs at their weddings 10 years from now. They probably won't even have to endure the Living Strings version when they're shopping for pasta sauce. It's the Serious songs that have a lethal half-life. Even "Copa'' doesn't quite cut it by that criterion. Too razzmatazz. A good bad song needs syrup. As in "All By Myself.'' Or "You Don't Bring Me Flowers.'' Or "Sometimes When We Touch.'' A maudlin story helps, too, as in "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town.'' A vet in a wheelchair. A cheatin' woman. Homicidal jealous rage. Great stuff. Love songs lend themselves to tripe and treacle, but there are lots of other nifty bad-pop sub-genres. There's the strident message song, for instance: "One Tin Soldier (The Legend of Billy Jack)'' "Abraham, Martin and John'' "In the Year 2525'' The '70s soared By the way, guess what the subtitle of that last one was? "Exactitude & Terminus.'' Perfect or what? The Golden Age of bad songs was, of course, the '70s. Need proof? In 1977, "You Light Up My Life'' clung to No. 1 for 10 weeks. That makes it one of the most successful singles ever. The '70s decade was also marked by the story song, from "Delta Dawn'' to "Billy, Don't Be a Hero'' to "Taxi.'" (You know: ``Harry. Keep the change.'') Not to mention "Ode to Billy Joe.'' And the greatest of them all: "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast.'' Lionel Richie did his best, but over-the-top wretchedness was harder to come by in the '80s. We had entered a more cynical, ironic age, and maudlin songs were on the way out. And forget the '90s so far. The grunge revolution made musicians too depressed even to fall in love, let alone write bad songs about it. But now we've entered cheerier, changeable times. The economy is good and all that, and people are ready for vapidity once more. There must be someone out there up to the challenge. Maybe a guide to the essence of bad songs would help. There seem to be five qualities all truly horrible pop songs share: 1. Mawkishness 2. Grating vocals 3. A catchy but lousy melody 4. Trite and/or tasteless lyrics 5. A vague air of creepiness Mawkishness we've already examined. Horrid melodies are beyond words. As for grating vocals, think Joe Cocker sounding like he's having a nervous breakdown at the end of "You Are So Beautiful.'' Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and Michael Bolton try, but their oral loop-de-loops just can't compare. Vague creepiness? How about Michael Jackson's love song to man-eating rats ("Ben'')? Or Bread's "If,'' which concludes with the Earth coming to a halt and the lovers being flung into space. Or all those death songs. Actually, they're usually dying songs, which is even creepier: the dying lover song ("Last Kiss''), the dying family song ("Alone Again (Naturally)''), the dying singer song ("Seasons in the Sun''). Notice the music to these songs is often upbeat. Or how about "Touch Me in the Morning.'' The title alone is enough to give you the willies. Which brings us to lyrics. Some of the best bad songs have lyrics that sound good until you give them any thought at all. "Three Times a Lady.'' What does that mean? Is that like an amplifier that goes to 11? "Baby Come Back,'' pleaded the short-lived Player in '78. ``There was something in everything about you.'' Huh? "I'm All Out of Love,'' another distraught lover sang. No he's not. He's madly in love. The opening of that song is a classic, even by the standards of Air Supply: ``I'm lying alone/with my head on the phone/thinking of you till it hurts.'' Maybe he'd feel better if he took his head off the phone. So, applying the five rules, what's the worst song of all time? It's gotta be "(You're) Having My Baby.'' It's got it all. The melody is insipid and unforgettable. It oozes maudlin adoration. The singing is downright smug. And the lyrics. Tasteless, sexist, repulsive and creepy: a) She's not having her baby or our baby. She's having my baby. b) The singer gushes over his woman's ballooning belly. c) He reminds her that ``you could have swept it from your life/but you wouldn't do it.'' Bringing up abortion in a love song. Wow. This is a masterpiece. The song was written by Paul Anka, who's also responsible for Sinatra's "My Way'' and Tom Jones' "She's a Lady.'' Anka plays Reno on Friday and Saturday. Tickets may still be available. Can "Baby'' ever be topped? Unlikely. But there is one hope left for the younger generation. Her name is Jewel. So far, most folks have just heard her bouncy little pop numbers. But she's got two songs on her debut with real potential. The first is the title tune, ``Pieces of You.'' It's a message song about intolerance of all kinds. The victims include gays and a ``fat boy.'' The chorus finds her crooning out the insults people hurl at them. When Jewel sang this at Lilith Fair last year, her own fans laughed. The other is "Adrian,'' about a boy who has "an unfortunate accident in a canoe'' that leaves him in a vegetative state. Jewel gets weepy and petulant as she urges him to wake up. I can't wait for her second album. End of article A couple comments from me: I can't wait til he hears Fragile Flame (Fat Boy goes to the pool...) I have heard fans laugh at PoY. I find it a little silly sometimes too. Heck, I may have even met this guy at a show and been one of the ones laughing. Horter ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 21:12:14 EDT From: Swing0508@aol.com Subject: An Angelfood Website? Does anyone know if there's an Angelfood site somewhere out there? I'm guessing there is, but I just became an EDA the otherday and am quite new to all of this. If there is, could someone send me the link? Also, we all know of Jewel first promo recordings; Save the Linolium (I think I spelt that right), etc. If any of you have any of those, could you record it to a file on your PC and send it my way? Again I am still new and I wouldn't have anything to give back, besides anything you could already get off the web. So try to write back on any of those if ya could. Thanx! - -Jay The EMS Angel ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 18:16:36 -0700 (PDT) From: pErFeCt Subject: Site pic Okay, I went to the site GGTA ( http://listen.to/ggta ) and saw that cool pic (you know, the one with jewel sitting with her writing and it said 'A site without armour').(and by the way i loved the site) Then I went to the new dutch sight ( http://members.xoom.com/Jewelimpala/index.html )and it had almost the same thing! Now is this like a freebie where you can change it to fit your site? Can somebody email me if know annything about this? Please? Thanks! Carolyn the "PeRfEcT" little angel "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."~Jewel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't forget to visit my web pages! http://start.at/TeEnZiNe http://welcome.to/mytitanic ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 21:20:45 EDT From: MAXMOUZE@aol.com Subject: WHAT BASKET?! (in reference to Jewel show at Geneseo) On a compliation tape I have called "Geneseo [Tape 2 of 2]" Jewel is about to sing "A Very Big Girl" and she goes "Hi, having fun?" and then she goes "Tell you what, if anyone can make a basket, I"ll give you....my guitar. I'd be so impressed if you could do that". Does anyone know what she meant? Make a basket with what to where? And why would making a basket be so impossible that Jewel would bet her guitar that no one could do it? - -- Mark ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 21:23:19 EDT From: MAXMOUZE@aol.com Subject: Re: Text of: interesting mention of Jewel in San Jose Mercury News In a message dated 8/30/98 6:19:11 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Horter3@paonline.com writes: << The first is the title tune, ``Pieces of You.'' It's a message song about intolerance of all kinds. The victims include gays and a ``fat boy.'' The chorus finds her crooning out the insults people hurl at them. >> When did she ever mention a "fat boy" in Pieces of You? I believe that was Fragile Flame which he forgot was an entirely different song after attending a concert. - -- Mark ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 21:42:58 EDT From: MAXMOUZE@aol.com Subject: Re: WHAT BASKET?! (in reference to Jewel show at Geneseo) Just so you guys know, the live version of "A Very Big Girl" was on the second Geneseo tape but it was a filler/bonus so it wasn't performed there. I still don't know the origin of the performance but would love it if someone could tell me... ;) - -- Mark ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 22:15:29 EDT From: SWTHRT9758@aol.com Subject: ANWA worth $ HI everyone, in this music store in time square they were selling a signed ANWA for $100. It was in a glass case so I don't know if its the limited edition one. If it was most of us made a $100=) Be well all CLint the beautiful angel ------------------------------ End of jewel-digest V3 #466 ***************************