From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V10 #436 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Tuesday, November 20 2001 Volume 10 : Number 436 Today's Subjects: ----------------- BBC News | AMERICAS | Picture gallery: Bush gets the bird ["Stewart C. Ru] a moment of confusion [Jill Brand ] Strokes [Johnathan Vail ] Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey ["Fric Chaud" ] You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! [The Great Quail ] Time Lords ["Redtailed Hawk" ] Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey ["Stewart C. Russell" ] Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey ["Stewart C. Russell" ] RE: different strokes ["Poole, R. Edward" ] Re: continued cereal story [Michael R Godwin ] RE: Fruitcake ["SIMPSON,HAMISH (A-Sonoma,ex1)" ] RE: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's ["Poole, R. Edward" ] Re: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's ["Stewart C. Russell" ] More adventures.... [Mark Gloster ] RE: You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! [gSs ] Re: More adventures.... [Eric Loehr ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 10:31:53 +0000 From: "Stewart C. Russell" Subject: BBC News | AMERICAS | Picture gallery: Bush gets the bird Irresistable: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1665000/1665680.stm ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 06:55:00 -0500 (EST) From: Jill Brand Subject: a moment of confusion Max and Kay wrote: >Max: >>I had a dream about Junior High. Ray Davies was my teacher > >:-)And what did you learn? >-------------------------------------- > To be sentimental and to overly idealize the past... but I still love the Kinks anyhow. Max Well, this was all very confusing to me as it is only 6:30 in the morning and I haven't chugged any black fluid yet; consequently, I thought I was reading the Kinks digest...and then I realized that neither of you is on the Kinks digest. Anyway, if Ray had been my junior high school teacher, my notebook would have contained nothing but hearts. "You think that life's a vacation And you've no inclination To dust away the cobwebs of your mind, Now it's time for confrontation And I'm tired of being patient, So I've got to be cruel to be kind....." RDD - The Hard Way (from Schoolboys in Disgrace) Jill ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 07:42:23 -0500 From: Johnathan Vail Subject: Strokes I just found strokes on the radio this week (yes, I live under a rock in a cave...) so I wasn't tainted by the hype and I loved it. So while I make my way to the local BN can anyone point me to a source of MP3s for them? Especially the mentioned "NYC cops" that was dropped from the album? Web searches turned up a bunch of stale links although I understand they are causing some controvery by playing it live. Thanks feggy much, jv <- in a cluster of baboons that abuse themsleves with spoons ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 06:10:35 -0500 From: "Fric Chaud" Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey On 19 Nov 2001, at 8:48, Stewart C. Russell wrote: > you sure you weren't watching your ass, Fric? There's no need to get insulting , Stewart. I know you're just trying to anger me. If you think I'm playing stupid, you're mistaken. Do you ever contribute anything to this list except cheap shots? - -- Fric Chaud ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 09:41:28 -0800 From: The Great Quail Subject: You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! Ken writes, >i remember when you had nick cave as the entire top ten! Yes indeed -- and then Bjork came out, followed by Dylan! So now they are all about 3.33 of my top ten. I am just so amazingly impressed by both albums. The Bjork CD is fantastic -- to be truthful, I have heard it over a dozen times, and I am only beginning to process what she's doing. I don't even know what to call it -- post-rock? Harp rock? Art songs with electronic components? Whatever labels it dodges is cool for me, though. Obviously, there's a lot of similarities to modern Radiohead, but they still have a nervous, angst-ridden rocker approach, and Bjork is just, well, more at home in this sort of atmosphere, like she's visiting us *from* this weird musical place, whereas Radiohead seem like they are visiting *it.* (Uh, yeah, that makes sense.) I am pleasantly surprised and amused at how many non-pop and non-rock people are getting into Bjork, like it's "ok" for a "serious music" fan to like her for some reason. It's also so obvious that she's in love with me -- the way she wears all those swan dresses for me is just too cute. And I love when she says, "Oooh, Quail" in that adorable accent of hers! But I wish she would stop stealing my socks. And the Dylan CD -- I'm surprised more Fegs aren't talking about it. It's one of those albums that just keeps getting better and better with every listen. And the fact that it came out on September 11 gives it a weird aura, a certain unexplainable vibe -- I know that in a few years, listening to it will irrevocably bring back the atmosphere, impressions, and feelings of the last few months. It really seems almost prophetic, it amazes me that the album was written before the 11th. At first I thought I was crazy, or reading too much into it, but I've read a few reviews and articles by people saying the same thing. (I've heard that about the new U2 album, also, but that's already a year old.) - --Quailabix PS: This two week long cereal thread is my punishment for griping about political topics, isn't it? - -- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Great Quail, Keeper of the Libyrinth: http://www.TheModernWord.com Better hope deferred than none. Up to a point. Till the heart starts to sicken. Company too up to a point. Better a sick heart than none. Till it starts to break. So speaking of himself he concludes for the time being, For the time being leave it at that. --Samuel Beckett, "Company" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 06:44:38 -0800 (PST) From: Jeff Dwarf Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey Fric Chaud wrote: > Stewart C. Russell wrote: > > you sure you weren't watching your ass, Fric? > There's no need to get insulting , Stewart. I know you're just > trying to anger me. If you think I'm playing stupid, you're > mistaken. > > Do you ever contribute anything to this list except cheap shots? i think we're pretty well rounded in our forms of abusive, anti-social behavior, rather than just relying on mere cheap shots. i mean, we regularly use snipe remarks, character assassination, bon mots, not to mention the comfy chair. and heaven forbid you mention brian wilson. ne: Corn Chex ===== "The kind people have a wonderful dream: Bud Selig on the guillotine." -- Morrissey (well, almost) "Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." -- John F. Kennedy Yahoo! GeoCities - quick and easy web site hosting, just $8.95/month. http://geocities.yahoo.com/ps/info1 ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:13:46 +0000 From: "Redtailed Hawk" Subject: Time Lords A man's life of any worth is a continual allegory. John Keats Ross--Reed is going to do something with Poe material? Now -theres- something to give thanks for. - ------------------ Max: >To be sentimental and to overly idealize the past... but I still love >the >Kinks anyhow. Hmmm. Interesting, time is a big theme for both the Kinks and Robyn--thou Robyn's use of it is more open-ended. Love both. My weakness is being sentimental for what never was, for what the past suggests. For the history that never got recorded or recognized and is therefore in some ways still open ended. Some weird old-fashionedness which is how the future gets made. Ive always been fascinated how many true leaps forward conceptualize themselves at first as revivals of something which has been lost. The Renaissance, Punk, The Arts n Crafts Movement. Its almost like trying to redo the past in the present is a good way to make something that doesn't reek of present formula or superficial trendyness. Or time folded in on itself automatically makes for complexity. Didn't Dr Who say that? - ---------------------- Robyn's physical appearence has been gifted on one of my Namo characters(cept I make him even taller;-). And in a nice bit of irony I make him an Episcopal priest. Without much of a sense of humor. Heh, heh. Its so much fun moving the dolls around the dollhouse. And sorta scary when they come to life and start moving themselves. - ------------------------ James: >They're about an inch square (maybe slightly smaller), a malt brown colour, have a squared grid pattern on them, and sometimes come connected together in pairs (making me think they're made in a sheet like postage stamps). Choclate-covered grahaeme crackers?? Nilla wafers are great anyway, try with ice-cream and some fruit. - ------------------------------------ Happy approuching Turkey or Vegan or whatever Day to US fegs. Kay A man's life of any worth is a continual allegory. John Keats _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:24:53 +0000 From: "Stewart C. Russell" Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey Fric Chaud wrote: > > If you think I'm playing stupid, you're mistaken. doesn't look like it from here, bucko. I think playing stupid comes very naturally to you. > Do you ever contribute anything to this list except cheap shots? Nope. Cheap shots is my game. Oh, that, and cereal. Stewart ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:25:52 +0000 From: "Stewart C. Russell" Subject: Re: You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! The Great Quail wrote: > > PS: This two week long cereal thread is my punishment for griping > about political topics, isn't it? you ain't seen nothing yet. We haven't even started on: * milk choice (skimmed/semi-skimmed/full-fat/Jersey) * "breakfast condiments" (sugar -- and types thereof; cinnamon; salt^) * spoon choice (weight/balance/dynamics/materials) * The Bowl Question ("When is a mug acceptable?") I reckon we'll stll be breakfasting by the turn of the year, if all goes well. Stewart ^: yes, Scottish people put salt on things like porridge and French Toast ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 10:36:08 -0500 From: "Larry O'Brien" Subject: RE: You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! The Great Quail wrote: > > PS: This two week long cereal thread is my punishment for griping > about political topics, isn't it? >you ain't seen nothing yet. We haven't even started on: >* milk choice (skimmed/semi-skimmed/full-fat/Jersey) Whole Milk, REAL butter (preferably unsalted). >* "breakfast condiments" (sugar -- and types thereof; cinnamon; salt^) Sugar, honey, maple syrup, tabasco sauce for the uberbreakfast food -- OMELETTES >* spoon choice (weight/balance/dynamics/materials) Spoon? >* The Bowl Question ("When is a mug acceptable?") The only thing a mug is acceptable for is coffee.... >I reckon we'll stll be breakfasting by the turn of the year, if all goes well. >Stewart ^: yes, Scottish people put salt on things like porridge and French Toast They put salt on "grits" down south. Disgusting. It's my understanding that the Scottish diet consists almost entirely of lard, butter, sugar, cream, salt, whiskey, ale and tobacco. Being part Scottish, I suppose that explains a lot of my eating habits, but you'll never get me near a Haggis. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:36:26 +0000 From: "matt sewell" Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey Hmm... With you on the cheap shots, but in terms of cereal you are a criminal... and don't think I haven't forgotten about your frankly offensive comments about malt... Matt "the malt, Stewart... the. malt." Sewell PS aren't cereals *far* more interesting than all that techie stuff? Stewart was asked: > > Do you ever contribute anything to this list except cheap shots? > >Nope. Cheap shots is my game. Oh, that, and cereal. > > Stewart - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:44:24 +0000 From: "Stewart C. Russell" Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey matt sewell wrote: > > PS aren't cereals *far* more interesting than all that techie stuff? absolutely. I only use computers for something to do between bouts of cereal. And malt sucks. Fric Chaud probably has a web page about it. Stewart ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 11:14:54 -0500 From: Ken Weingold Subject: Re: 2001: A Space Odyssey On Tue, Nov 20, 2001, matt sewell wrote: > > PS aren't cereals *far* more interesting than all that techie stuff? Depends. I find it extremely annoying when cereals like Captain Crunch totally irritate the roof of my mouth. What is it that does that? I know I'm not the only one who gets that. But Frosted Cheerios? Pure heaven. - -Ken ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 11:26:46 -0500 From: "Poole, R. Edward" Subject: RE: different strokes > The Strokes remind me of many bands but none at all, every time I >think I have put my finger on a sound it drifts into something else, >but here is what I hear: Velvet Underground, Iggy and The Stooges, >Buzzcocks, and Wire. > The singer really impresses me the most except for the constant >distortion on his vocals. Once again, Feg has provided an excellent recommendation -- I *do* live under a rock (well, under two small children, which, when it comes to hearing new music -- particularly seeing live music -- amounts to the same thing). The first I heard of The Strokes was yesterday's discussion on the list. With two record stores on the way to the metro, I picked it up on the way home, and... WOW. (side note: my iPod has 50MB (out of 5 GB) of space left -- I had to delete some songs to find room for the Strokes. After sampling a few tunes, I ended up clearing room for the entire album. I only have 3 complete albums on the iPod (others have at least a few songs deleted): Mogwai "Rock Action," The Minutemen "Double Nickels on the Dime" (which really boosts the iPod's # of songs statistics), and, now, the Strokes "Is This It.") another side note: I fail to understand why the "best of 2001" discussion yesterday omitted Mogwai's "Rock Action." I'm not going to bash Bjork or Nick Cave (I haven't heard the Dylan), Mogwai's 2001 effort is *at least* as good as those discs. So, the Strokes. Yes, I hear VU (that sure narrows it down, eh?) I also hear Archers of Loaf, Polvo, and Erectus Monotone. I like the vocals (though I understand Lang's point -- the guy has a great voice & doesn't need to hide it) -- I think mainly because the processing makes them blend into the guitars so well -- everything, really, has the same consistent bite to the sound -- drums, cymbals, bass, guitar, vocals -- that reminds me of a Steve Albini production, but sweeter. I think I'll get a few more as stocking stuffers. Highly recommended for anyone still waffling. ============================================================================This e-mail message and any attached files are confidential and are intended solely for the use of the addressee(s) named above. This communication may contain material protected by attorney-client, work product, or other privileges. If you are not the intended recipient or person responsible for delivering this confidential communication to the intended recipient, you have received this communication in error, and any review, use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, copying, or other distribution of this e-mail message and any attached files is strictly prohibited. If you have received this confidential communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply e-mail message and permanently delete the original message. To reply to our email administrator directly, send an email to postmaster@dsmo.com Dickstein Shapiro Morin & Oshinsky LLP http://www.legalinnovators.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 16:33:04 +0000 (GMT) From: Michael R Godwin Subject: Re: continued cereal story On Tue, 20 Nov 2001, The Great Quail wrote: > PS: This two week long cereal thread is my punishment for griping > about political topics, isn't it? I expect you'll be fascinated by this recent article on muesli physics. Apparently the laughable 'sieving' hypothesis and also the more sophisticated 'granular convection current' hypothesis are both up the creek! After years of investigation, an hypothesis allowing for the existence of air pockets in the muesli is the latest development... - - Mike "butter side down" Godwin PS I remember a 4-cereal advert for Cheeri-Os, Sugar-Os, Crackerjacks and Starkles. This was some time ago (1964ish?) - and the jingle went: "Cheeri-Os, Sugar-Os, Crackerjacks and Starkles" [then with more enthusiasm] "Cheeri-Os, Sugar-Os, Crackerjacks and Starkles!" The tune was all on 3 notes in a blues scale. Assuming it was in G, the first line went something like GGF, GGBb GG FF BbG. So did the second. AFAIK, only Cheeri-Os survived much beyond the initial campaign. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 09:46:11 -0700 From: "SIMPSON,HAMISH (A-Sonoma,ex1)" Subject: RE: Fruitcake > oh no, not Malt Loaf! That's the nastiest substance in the universe! > Bleah! Argl! (etc). I will never return to Scotland while dear Sir Sean is forced into a penniless exile and while that insidious Malt Loaf is still sold to poor defenseless old ladies (who are the only ones who seem to like it!) > no, it's not that -- all the butter in the world couldn't stop malt loaf > tasting like industrial effluent. It tastes like proper, decent fruit > loaf with tar added. I find the best way to make it palatable is to take a healthy(?) helping of butter, put it on some Jamaica Ginger Cake, and feed the Malt Loaf to the neighbours dog!! >> Stewart, have you been refusing your nice extract of malt again? > only for the last lifetime. ....but I do like my malt straight! (H) np - VAST "Visual Audio Sensory Theater" ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 08:48:25 -0800 From: "Jason R. Thornton" Subject: RE: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's At 10:36 AM 11/20/2001 -0500, Larry O'Brien wrote: >^: yes, Scottish people put salt on things like porridge and French >Toast > >They put salt on "grits" down south. Disgusting. Grits is good eating. I usually smoother mine in butter and pepper. Don't usually put salt on 'em. But I ain't really from the south - only some of my relative are. I do, however, for breakfast sometimes make a Chinese rice porridge called "jok," with pork and other assorted goodies in it, upon which I sprinkle a healthy dose of salty soy sauce. Tasty. >On Tue, Nov 20, 2001, matt sewell wrote: > > > > PS aren't cereals *far* more interesting than all that techie stuff? When are you people going to realize that the corporate cereal conglomerates are merely brainwashing you with their sugar-coated, milk-soaked propaganda, and slowly eroding your right to free speech by evilly trademarking their brand names? Keep breakfast pure! Except for whoever it is that makes Cocoa Pebbles. Those guys rock. At 11:26 AM 11/20/2001 -0500, Poole, R. Edward wrote about the Strokes: >I think I'll get a few more as stocking stuffers. Highly recommended for >anyone still waffling. *drool* Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, waffles. - --Jason "Bjork loves me, not you, Quail" Thornton "Only the few know the sweetness of the twisted apples." - Sherwood Anderson ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 12:00:48 -0500 From: "Poole, R. Edward" Subject: RE: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's Thorton: >Except for whoever it is that makes Cocoa Pebbles. Those guys rock. [me]: >>I think I'll get a few more as stocking stuffers. Highly recommended for >>anyone still waffling. Thorton: >*drool* Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, waffles. Which, of course, makes me wonder -- has anyone (else) tried "Homer's Cinnamon Donuts" cereal? Not that great, really, and they missed the golden opportunity to call them "Homer's Cinnamon D'oh!-Nuts." ============================================================================This e-mail message and any attached files are confidential and are intended solely for the use of the addressee(s) named above. This communication may contain material protected by attorney-client, work product, or other privileges. If you are not the intended recipient or person responsible for delivering this confidential communication to the intended recipient, you have received this communication in error, and any review, use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, copying, or other distribution of this e-mail message and any attached files is strictly prohibited. If you have received this confidential communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply e-mail message and permanently delete the original message. To reply to our email administrator directly, send an email to postmaster@dsmo.com Dickstein Shapiro Morin & Oshinsky LLP http://www.legalinnovators.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 17:39:18 +0000 From: "Stewart C. Russell" Subject: Re: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's "Poole, R. Edward" wrote: > > they missed the golden > opportunity to call them "Homer's Cinnamon D'oh!-Nuts." "Homer's D'oh!-Nuts" is a brand of doughnuts here. And we all know that that interjection came into common use in the Jennings books, by Anthony Buckeridge: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CBandM/message/2467 Stewart ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 18:14:52 +0000 (GMT) From: Michael R Godwin Subject: Re: bjorkflakes and Dylan-o's On Tue, 20 Nov 2001, Stewart C. Russell wrote: > And we all know that that interjection came into common use in the > Jennings books, by Anthony Buckeridge: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CBandM/message/2467 Fossilised fish-hooks, Russell! Old Wilkie will explode an atom bomb in the dorm if you let people know about that. The whole thing could turn out to be an ozard prang! - - Mike "Blotwell" Godwin PS I have this great idea for a plot which involes a large cartwheel. I wonder if anyone will notice I've used it twice before? - AB ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 10:55:56 -0800 From: Mark Gloster Subject: More adventures.... Eb looked up from his Candied Dandruff Meat Pillows and noticed his own irritation at the thought that a mushy bird had plucked his thoughts again. Apparently the insulation value of glass, steel, wood, skin and bone were not enough to keep the New York bird away. "I'm going to have to stuff Weetabix up my nostrils and wear Nilla Wafers over my eyes to keep that damn I-Am-So- Great-Sparrow-Thingie outa my head." He was actually involved in a remorseful existential conversation with himself somewhat around the lines of: if I have thoughts which are not completely unique am I alive? Just then the phone rang. "Hi, this is Eddie. Can I talk to your ass, please." Normally this would make him chuckle, but even Eddie could not hurl him into giddiness. As if in a complete daze, he brought the receiver down to rest behind his dockers-covered ass and continued his pondering. For some time he gazed, drooling, at the wall of his Los Angeles flat. Motionless. Unblinking. Like a teenager in a philosophy class. The razor line between original profound thought and profane inanity was slicing into his soul. At least shaving all the fuzz off it. It was not the hostile recorded message on the telephone that brought him back to consciousness much later, but the blaring alarm that happens after the evil hag voice tells you to hang up the phone now that shook him back into reality. "Oh, crap, Eddie called. I wanted to speak to him. Well, maybe my ass took a message." It didn't. It seemed that the bird, eddie, and now his ass were all part of the conspiracy. Someone must be blamed. First he thought about Hal and that Dave guy from 'strailia. No, I don't want to give those guys too much credit. "It must be either Jeme or Vivien's breasts that are doing this to me." That is to say that Jeme as a whole being or Vivien as she pertains to her own mammaries that could be causing all of this. Oh, and those other people from that part of the earth. And the greens. But mostly Jeme. Or Vivien's breasts. As always, this had the effect of cheering him up. "A rational mind is a great thing if you know how to work it," he chiggled to himself. A whold day had gone by, but he had the lionshare of his sanity back. "I think I'll go out to see a show." "No, tonight is special." He doffed his striped yellow shirt with the pudding stains and his well-travelled dockers. He slid the wall panel aside and pulled out his leather pants, jacket and hat. He carefully drew out the gold chains and envelope from the little stash box. After clasping the links of the chains around his neck he removed the fuzzy dark hairs and theatre adhesive from the envelope. Glueing the brillo-like substance to his chest he felt himself getting excited. He looked at himself in the mirror on his way out. "You look mahvellous, sweety!" he said as he gave himself a wink. "Those old ladies at the home won't be able to resist you at the dance!" He made up a melody in his head that was worthy of a boy band that went along with the words "We are SO totally gonna score tonight!" As always, the story you have read is true. The names have been changed to make you put Weetabix up your nose and slather your ass in Marmite whilest whistling U2 songs about eating more turnips. We were unsuccessful, however at changing the names of two characters which are both mammaries, but in the sake of political correctness we should say that there is nothing wrong with mammaries- existential ones or otherwise. All the best, - -Markg ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 14:17:28 -0500 (CDT) From: gSs Subject: RE: You too, can bjork Dylan in a cave! > They put salt on "grits" down south. Disgusting. Sugar in the morning and salt anytime after that. And of course butter all day long, plus the whole milk and pickled pigs feet. But we've been trying to go international since you know when so it's not unusual to see couscous in the afternoon. gSs ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:30:56 -0500 From: Eric Loehr Subject: Re: More adventures.... Hey, Mark, Just 49,438 more words, with 10 days to go.... (only 49,366 if you count the mammatical note at the end). Eric, who also doesn't have all the words, and not in the right order, either. At 10:55 AM 11/20/01 -0800, Mark Gloster wrote: >Eb looked up from his Candied Dandruff Meat Pillows and noticed >his own irritation at the thought that a mushy bird had plucked >his thoughts again. Apparently the insulation value of glass, >steel, wood, skin and bone were not enough to keep the New York >bird away. "I'm going to have to stuff Weetabix up my nostrils >and wear Nilla Wafers over my eyes to keep that damn I-Am-So- >Great-Sparrow-Thingie outa my head." > >He was actually involved in a remorseful existential >conversation with himself somewhat around the lines of: if I >have thoughts which are not completely unique am I alive? Just >then the phone rang. > >"Hi, this is Eddie. Can I talk to your ass, please." Normally >this would make him chuckle, but even Eddie could not hurl him >into giddiness. As if in a complete daze, he brought the >receiver down to rest behind his dockers-covered ass and >continued his pondering. > >For some time he gazed, drooling, at the wall of his Los >Angeles flat. Motionless. Unblinking. Like a teenager in >a philosophy class. The razor line between original profound >thought and profane inanity was slicing into his soul. At >least shaving all the fuzz off it. > >It was not the hostile recorded message on the telephone that >brought him back to consciousness much later, but the blaring >alarm that happens after the evil hag voice tells you to hang >up the phone now that shook him back into reality. "Oh, crap, >Eddie called. I wanted to speak to him. Well, maybe my ass >took a message." > >It didn't. > >It seemed that the bird, eddie, and now his ass were all >part of the conspiracy. Someone must be blamed. First he >thought about Hal and that Dave guy from 'strailia. No, I >don't want to give those guys too much credit. "It must be >either Jeme or Vivien's breasts that are doing this to >me." That is to say that Jeme as a whole being or Vivien >as she pertains to her own mammaries that could be causing >all of this. Oh, and those other people from that part of >the earth. And the greens. But mostly Jeme. Or Vivien's >breasts. > >As always, this had the effect of cheering him up. "A rational >mind is a great thing if you know how to work it," he >chiggled to himself. A whold day had gone by, but he had >the lionshare of his sanity back. > >"I think I'll go out to see a show." > >"No, tonight is special." He doffed his striped yellow shirt >with the pudding stains and his well-travelled dockers. He >slid the wall panel aside and pulled out his leather pants, >jacket and hat. He carefully drew out the gold chains and >envelope from the little stash box. After clasping the links >of the chains around his neck he removed the fuzzy dark hairs >and theatre adhesive from the envelope. Glueing the >brillo-like substance to his chest he felt himself getting >excited. > >He looked at himself in the mirror on his way out. > >"You look mahvellous, sweety!" he said as he gave himself >a wink. "Those old ladies at the home won't be able to >resist you at the dance!" > >He made up a melody in his head that was worthy of a boy >band that went along with the words "We are SO totally >gonna score tonight!" > >As always, the story you have read is true. The names have >been changed to make you put Weetabix up your nose and >slather your ass in Marmite whilest whistling U2 songs >about eating more turnips. We were unsuccessful, however >at changing the names of two characters which are both >mammaries, but in the sake of political correctness we >should say that there is nothing wrong with mammaries- >existential ones or otherwise. > >All the best, >-Markg ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V10 #436 ********************************