From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V9 #108 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Saturday, April 29 2000 Volume 09 : Number 108 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Wazzup Elian? [Tom Clark ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Glen Uber ] Wazzup Elian? No freedom of expression? ["Thomas, Ferris" ] Ha! ["Thomas, Ferris" ] RE: Wazzup Elian? ["Thomas, Ferris" ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Christopher Gross ] Re: Wazzup Dave? ["Paul Christian Glenn" ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Stephen Buckalew ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Christopher Gross ] Re: Wazzup Elian? ["JH3" ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Jason Thornton ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Stephen Buckalew ] Re: Ha! [MARKEEFE@aol.com] Re: Wazzup Elian? [noe@corky.net] Re: Wazzup Elian? [noe@corky.net] Re: Wazzup Elian? [steve ] eh? [steve ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Jeff Dwarf ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [Jeff Dwarf ] Re: Wazzup Elian? [noe@corky.net] cuz fegz know everything (collectively, that is.....) [Jeff Dwarf Subject: Wazzup Elian? A laugh for today: http://www.geocities.com/elian_true/ - -tc ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 10:18:15 -0700 From: Glen Uber Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? On 27.04.00 09:48, Tom Clark wrote: > http://www.geocities.com/elian_true/ The lawyers arrived first. The site is no more... "The first thing we do, we kill all the lawyers." --W. Shakespeare - -- Cheers! - -g- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 14:39:10 -0400 From: "Thomas, Ferris" Subject: Wazzup Elian? No freedom of expression? Glen Uber professes > > http://www.geocities.com/elian_true/ > > The lawyers arrived first. The site is no more... Ugh. The site could offend. It could have been executed in a more professional manner (picayune artsy opinion here--it was done in Flash--but it cried out to be done better). Was it, however, something that the AP should have gotten their knickers into such a twist over? Why isn't Anheuser Busch wound up over it? Tomlin's response (posted on the site): - ---- I'm David Tomlin with AP. We've already written the Geocities copyright agent about your unauthorized defacing and display of AP pictures on your site there. I'm writing now about the display at: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php3?id=266 You are exposing yourself to liability for copyright infringement that can include both fines and possible criminal penalties. We'll go for whatever it takes to get our material out of your hands. Please acknowledge immediately that you understand and are taking down the display of AP pictures at the address above. David Tomlin AP 50 Rockefeller Plaza New York 10020 (212) 621-1796 dtomlin@ap.org - --- I may be wrong but it doesn't seem that the person(s) who made that webpage earned a dime for it (an absence of advertising/banners, the level to which it was accomplished, etc). Recognition, yes. Money? Don't think so. 774000+ hits in two days isn't shoddy for a free site (I looked at the thing for the first time yesterday morning and it had, I think, 120k hits on the counter and had climbed to 240k by lunch). Reading the AP's licensing terms (http://www.ap.org/pages/terms/index.html) does put the creator(s) in the wrong. Threatening to do "whatever it takes to get our material out of your hands" sounds a bit strong-armed, doesn't it? Speculation on what it would have amounted to if they tried to push the issue and leave the site up? The ISP would probably pull it in a second. The AP themselves is mostly responsible for the fervor over this kid's situation to begin with. Their insistence on inundating each and every media outlet with photos of this boy created the national attention it received. Was it worthy of it? In the long run? At the very base of the story, I would say no. What is newsworthy is the Clinton administration's complete disregard (yet again) for clearly defined laws and the intentional divisions between the Judicial, Executive and Legislative branches of government set forth in the Constitution. Isn't there a federal law against returning a refugee to a country with a history of human rights violations? Should be case closed right there, shouldn't it? Enough of this track, though. In short: God forbid anyone should get their 15 minutes poking fun at something the Press was responsible single-handedly creating. Lampooning an armed riot cop pointing an assault rifle at a scared 6-year old isn't something to be proud of. Is putting that cop there in the first place and taking photos of it to sell newspapers, magazines, and prime-time TV something to be? > "The first thing we do, we kill all the lawyers." --W. Shakespeare Amen, brother. - -ferris. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 14:46:23 -0500 From: "JH3" Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? Ferris T. writes: >Isn't there a federal law against returning a refugee to a country >with a history of human rights violations? Should be case closed >right there, shouldn't it? I'm no lawyer, but I can say with almost complete assurance that there no such law exists, and it would be a serious violation of international law if one did - not that that's ever stopped the US in the past. In fact, recent INS court decisions have taken a distinct turn in the opposite direction - deporting women back to countries where people practice ritual wife-murder, genital mutilations, etc., with nary a thought for their well-being, apparently. (Maybe it's because they're women and all the judges are men, but that's certainly not an excuse by any means.) >Lampooning an armed riot cop pointing an assault rifle at a >scared 6-year old isn't something to be proud of. Maybe not, but if it were me, I'd feel more pride in *that* than in, say, "Titanic." (Sorry, Q...) ANYWAY: I just sent this joke in to the XTC list, but in case anyone thinks it's actually funny, you get to see it here first: In order to cash in on the Elian Gonzales hype, the Miami Heat basketball team has decided to rename itself the "Miami Relatives." Did you laugh? I made it up myself, though I imagine others have come up with similar ones by now. John "smelly-on-Elian" Hedges ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:15:39 -0400 From: "Thomas, Ferris" Subject: Ha! "Late Night" in the doghouse with Pets.com April 27, 2000, 9:00 a.m. PT http://home.cnet.com/category/0-1007-200-1770755.html Online pet supply store Pets.com says the friendly reputation of its kitschy "spokespuppet" has been defamed by a foul-mouthed dog puppet featured on NBC's "Late Night With Conan O'Brien." In a federal lawsuit filed last week, Pets.com accuses "Late Night" writer Robert Smigel, creator of the show's "Triumph the Insult Comic Dog," of defaming the ubiquitous sock puppet. "Triumph is a rubber dog that...regularly uses vulgarity, insults both the humans and other dogs around him, and often conducts physical attacks of a sexual nature on female dogs," the complaint says. The lawsuit goes on to say that in "an attempt to harm the Sock Puppet's audience appeal and...to increase Triumph's popularity through a public 'controversy' or 'scandal,'" Smigel has claimed to media outlets that "the Sock Puppet is a 'rip-off' of Triumph." The lawsuit names only Smigel and not the show or NBC. It seeks unspecified damages and legal costs. Marc Liepis, a spokesman for "Late Night," said neither the show nor Smigel would comment on the lawsuit. But he noted that the cigar-smoking Triumph made his debut long before the arrival of the sock puppet. Liepis said Triumph first appeared on Late Night on Feb. 13, 1997. The Pets.com puppet made its debut in August 1999. Copyright 2000 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. ______________________________________ Ferris Scott Thomas programmer McGraw-Hill Technology Division Farmington, CT 06032 860.409.2612 860.677.5405 (fax) mailto:ferris_thomas@mcgraw-hill.com (work) mailto:ferris@snet.net (home) Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:19:58 -0400 From: "Thomas, Ferris" Subject: RE: Wazzup Elian? JH3 sprach: > In order to cash in on the Elian Gonzales hype, the Miami > Heat basketball team has decided to rename itself the > "Miami Relatives." I smirked. The flip side: "Why is Clinton so hesitant to make a decision in the Elian case?" "The last time he decided where to put a Cuban he nearly got impeached." ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:34:20 -0400 (EDT) From: Christopher Gross Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? On Thu, 27 Apr 2000, JH3 wrote: > Ferris T. writes: > > >Isn't there a federal law against returning a refugee to a country > >with a history of human rights violations? Should be case closed > >right there, shouldn't it? No, there's no such law. A person call apply for asylum if they have good reason to believe that they, personally, will be persecuted, but just living in a dictatorship is not sufficient. Now, if his uncle could prove that Elian printed an underground anti-Communist newspaper or tried to organize an independent labor union, he might have a chance with his asylum case.... If merely living in a country with a record of human rights violations was enough, a couple of billion people would be legally entitled to asylum in the US. > In fact, recent INS court decisions have taken a distinct turn in > the opposite direction - deporting women back to countries where > people practice ritual wife-murder, genital mutilations, etc., with > nary a thought for their well-being, apparently. If we're thinking about the same case (in a Pennsylvania court, 2-3 years ago or thereabouts), the woman seeking asylum on grounds of genital mutilation did succeed. The first judge to hear the case ruled against her (apparently he had never heard of FGM and thought it was just some bizarre story the asylum-seeker made up), but he was overruled on appeal. (So there, something good does happen occasionally.) > In order to cash in on the Elian Gonzales hype, the Miami > Heat basketball team has decided to rename itself the > "Miami Relatives." > > Did you laugh? I made it up myself, though I imagine others > have come up with similar ones by now. I think Dave Barry said that Miami Relatives would be a good band name. (I don't usually read Dave Barry; it just kinda happened.) - --Chris ______________________________________________________________________ Christopher Gross On the Internet, nobody knows I'm a dog. chrisg@gwu.edu ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 15:33:03 -0500 From: "Paul Christian Glenn" Subject: Re: Wazzup Dave? > I think Dave Barry said that Miami Relatives would be a good band name. The best band name that Dave Barry ever created: Slippery Spleens > (I don't usually read Dave Barry; it just kinda happened.) I *always* read Dave Barry. I am, as we speak, listening to Dave Barry reading his own "Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need" on cassette. :) Paul Christian Glenn pcg@mailandnews.com Eon Chamber http://eonchamber.port5.com Currently Reading: "Being Dead" by Jim Crace "Tomorrow I'm planning to write the great book In which I will capture our time Set forth the fury, the sound and the look, If I could just make up my mind." -- T.S.T. ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:35:04 -0400 From: Stephen Buckalew Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? This may seem nasty, and usually I'm a pretty sensitive sorta person, but.... If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half with a buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half to Cuba. Both sides would have gotten what they wanted, and then I'd never have to hear about it again..... S.B. *************************************************************** "...isn't it good to be lost in the wood..."--Syd Barrett *************************************************************** At 04:34 PM 4/27/00 -0400, you wrote: > >On Thu, 27 Apr 2000, JH3 wrote: > >> Ferris T. writes: >> >> >Isn't there a federal law against returning a refugee to a country >> >with a history of human rights violations? Should be case closed >> >right there, shouldn't it? > >No, there's no such law. A person call apply for asylum if they have good >reason to believe that they, personally, will be persecuted, but just >living in a dictatorship is not sufficient. Now, if his uncle could prove >that Elian printed an underground anti-Communist newspaper or tried to >organize an independent labor union, he might have a chance with his >asylum case.... If merely living in a country with a record of human >rights violations was enough, a couple of billion people would be legally >entitled to asylum in the US. > >> In fact, recent INS court decisions have taken a distinct turn in >> the opposite direction - deporting women back to countries where >> people practice ritual wife-murder, genital mutilations, etc., with >> nary a thought for their well-being, apparently. > >If we're thinking about the same case (in a Pennsylvania court, 2-3 years >ago or thereabouts), the woman seeking asylum on grounds of genital >mutilation did succeed. The first judge to hear the case ruled against >her (apparently he had never heard of FGM and thought it was just some >bizarre story the asylum-seeker made up), but he was overruled on appeal. >(So there, something good does happen occasionally.) > >> In order to cash in on the Elian Gonzales hype, the Miami >> Heat basketball team has decided to rename itself the >> "Miami Relatives." >> >> Did you laugh? I made it up myself, though I imagine others >> have come up with similar ones by now. > >I think Dave Barry said that Miami Relatives would be a good band name. >(I don't usually read Dave Barry; it just kinda happened.) > >--Chris >______________________________________________________________________ >Christopher Gross On the Internet, nobody knows I'm a dog. >chrisg@gwu.edu > > > ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:52:32 -0400 (EDT) From: Christopher Gross Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? On Thu, 27 Apr 2000, Stephen Buckalew wrote: > This may seem nasty, and usually I'm a pretty sensitive sorta person, but.... > > If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half with a > buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half to Cuba. > > Both sides would have gotten what they wanted, and then I'd never have to > hear about it again..... I must admit, the intoxicating prospect of never hearing about Elian again would be enough to tempt a decent person into all kinds of heinous acts.... - --Chris ______________________________________________________________________ Christopher Gross On the Internet, nobody knows I'm a dog. chrisg@gwu.edu ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 15:38:51 -0500 From: "JH3" Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? Chris G. writes: >If we're thinking about the same case (in a Pennsylvania court, 2-3 years >ago or thereabouts), the woman seeking asylum on grounds of genital >mutilation did succeed. The first judge to hear the case ruled against >her (apparently he had never heard of FGM and thought it was just some >bizarre story the asylum-seeker made up), but he was overruled on appeal. >(So there, something good does happen occasionally.) Okay - I hadn't heard she'd won her appeal. I don't hear much out here, in the boonies... But haven't there been other cases? And would it have been overturned if there hadn't been quite a lot of media coverage? Of course, it's hard for me to admit that the media can sometimes be a force for good in our society... I'm pretty sure I first heard about the Jordanian woman being sent back to almost certain death (also pending appeal, but apparently she was under a family fatwah-sort-of-thing for losing her virginity to someone other than the guy her father had arranged for her to marry as a child) only last October. Meanwhile, I myself wrote: >...I can say with almost complete assurance that >there no such law exists... Another thing about us folks out here in the boonies is we got ourselves a right funny way with that there English language there. JH3 ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 13:51:32 -0700 From: Jason Thornton Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? At 04:35 PM 4/27/00 -0400, Stephen Buckalew wrote: >If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half with a >buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half to Cuba. We've developed cloning technology. Why not just make a whole slew of Elians? Then everybody could have one, even Eb. - --Jason "recently sued for copyright infringement by the Red Hot Chili Peppers for wearing a sock on his manhood" Thornton ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:56:30 -0400 From: Stephen Buckalew Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? Oh man...cool...I want *MY* Elian!! Now!!! S.B. *************************************************************** "...isn't it good to be lost in the wood..."--Syd Barrett *************************************************************** At 01:51 PM 4/27/00 -0700, you wrote: >At 04:35 PM 4/27/00 -0400, Stephen Buckalew wrote: > >>If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half with a >>buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half to Cuba. > >We've developed cloning technology. Why not just make a whole slew of >Elians? Then everybody could have one, even Eb. > >--Jason "recently sued for copyright infringement by the Red Hot Chili >Peppers for wearing a sock on his manhood" Thornton > > > > ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:58:04 EDT From: MARKEEFE@aol.com Subject: Re: Ha! Gee, I used to kinda like that spokesdoghandpuppetguy, too, before he started playing "hardball" like this . . . before he started trying to ruin people's LIVES!! - ------Michael K., remembering a much more innocent time, when Lambchop* was the only sock puppet in town. *in no way affiliated with Kurt Wagner's Nashville country-soul 13-piece band ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 00:19:15 +0200 From: noe@corky.net Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? > > Ferris T. writes: > > > > >Isn't there a federal law against returning a refugee to a country > > >with a history of human rights violations? Should be case closed > > >right there, shouldn't it? > > > In fact, recent INS court decisions have taken a distinct turn in > > the opposite direction - deporting women back to countries where > > people practice ritual wife-murder, genital mutilations, etc., with > > nary a thought for their well-being, apparently. > Hello guys and girls. remember me? well it's been nearly 2 years since I unsubscribe, in which I manged to acchive a Research LLM. I decided to stay quite for a few days see what's goin' on, who are the major players in the field and than rush in, but being the above the first msg I got, and considering it's not the exact RH related stuff, I said what the hell (I actualy said what the fuck, but I'm still not comfortable to write it). I must tell you guys from here in Israel, you look preaty bad over that Elian issue. you, refer generaly to Americans, excuse me, I know you look alike but your'e not all the same. live alone the political profit tried to be gain on that little boys behalf, the patronising sound coming from your great land, is badly disharmonized with the ploralist, human right anthem we hope the world will march to. the cold war is over - you won it boys, other countries can run their buisness and have thier cultures without you to judge them. more important is that the US joined the convention to prevent child kiddenuping. which is exactly what Elians mom start and his relative proceeded. basic rules of human rights include the right not to be teared from your family, and with all respect to american culture and environment of community Elians dead is to decide where he is to grow. not you. true he's cuban and some of you think that all this over pigmentizing prevent him from making the right decisions, but those days are over. get real and know that human rights is a duty. aduty that anericans obliged to just as the rest of us, ezpecially concerning your'e not so far ago past. luv u all music is the best. NOE (the lost and now returned boy) ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 00:26:03 +0200 From: noe@corky.net Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? Jason Thornton wrote: > At 04:35 PM 4/27/00 -0400, Stephen Buckalew wrote: > > >If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half with a > >buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half to Cuba. > > We've developed cloning technology. Why not just make a whole slew of > Elians? Then everybody could have one, even Eb. > > --Jason "recently sued for copyright infringement by the Red Hot Chili > Peppers for wearing a sock on his manhood" Thornton Can I have a pair? I'd love to have an Eliantwin. forget it send me one I'll clone the other myself, or coming to think about it I can do with a cell (just don't send a sperm) NOE ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 21:49:44 -0500 From: steve Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? noe@corky.net: >I must tell you guys from here in Israel, you look preaty bad over that Elian >issue. you, refer generaly to Americans, excuse me, I know you look alike but >your'e not all the same. Hey, as far as Elian goes, I think *I'm* looking pretty good. Anybody want to start a pool on the date of Marisleysis Gonzalez's next fainting spell? - - Steve _______________ We're all Jesus, Buddha, and the Wizard of Oz! - Andy Partridge ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 00:40:14 -0500 From: steve Subject: eh? >Hey. >I'm not a lumberjack, >or a fur trader... >and I don't live in an igloo >or eat blubber, or own a dogsled... >and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, >although I'm certain they're really, really nice. > >I have a Prime Minister, not a President. >I speak English and French, NOT American >and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'. >I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. >I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing. >DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation, >AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL. > >A TOQUE IS A HAT, >A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH, >AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!! > >CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS! >THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! >AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! > >MY NAME IS JOE!! >AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!! www.iam.ca - - Steve __________ Iąd sit down and meditate but my ass is on fire. - Bill Nelson ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 23:38:10 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff Dwarf Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? JH3 sed: > In order to cash in on the Elian Gonzales hype, the Miami > Heat basketball team has decided to rename itself the > "Miami Relatives." i still like the plausible name for the proposed charlotte expansion NBA team formed at the same time as the heat my friends and I had: the Charlotte Sometimes. hell, i still call them that. Christopher Gross wrote: > On Thu, 27 Apr 2000, Stephen Buckalew wrote: >> This may seem nasty, and usually I'm a pretty sensitive sorta >> person, but.... >> If I were Fuhrer of this great land, I'd have sawed the kid in half >> with a buzz saw, and given one half to the relatives, and one half >> to Cuba. isn't that a Bible story or sumpin? >> Both sides would have gotten what they wanted, and then I'd never >> have to hear about it again..... > > I must admit, the intoxicating prospect of never hearing about Elian > again would be enough to tempt a decent person into all kinds of > heinous acts.... how has the media survived the last 5 days without being allowed 24 hour surveilance of the wee lad. i mean, the only thing we didn't see him do in the last five months was crap. probably because they were saving it for may sweeps. hell, the kid probably was faking constipation just so he could be alone for a bit. ===== "Life is just a series of dogs." -- George Carlin __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online and get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 23:41:08 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff Dwarf Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? steve wrote: > Anybody want to start a pool on the date of Marisleysis Gonzalez's > next fainting spell? i have 9:30AM saturday. since if we just use dates they'll be way too many ties. ===== "Life is just a series of dogs." -- George Carlin __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online and get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 13:15:55 +0200 From: noe@corky.net Subject: Re: Wazzup Elian? steve wrote: > noe@corky.net: > >I must tell you guys from here in Israel, you look preaty bad over that Elian > >issue. you, refer generaly to Americans, excuse me, I know you look alike but > >your'e not all the same. > > Hey, as far as Elian goes, I think *I'm* looking pretty good. > > To me steve *you r* looking good always, and on any matter NOE ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 03:57:19 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff Dwarf Subject: cuz fegz know everything (collectively, that is.....) which mael wrote "this town ain't big enough for both of us"? a) ron mael b) russell mael c) ron mael and russell mael or was it written by one or both of them with someone else (and if that, who). ===== "Life is just a series of dogs." -- George Carlin __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online and get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 29 Apr 2000 00:07:03 -0700 (PDT) From: Jeff Dwarf Subject: Pitchfork Review of Cap'n Keegan's latest http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/k/keegan_tim/out-of-here.shtml Tim Keegan and Departure Lounge Out of Here [Flydaddy] Rating: 7.6 Anyone who knows me knows that I like really, really sad music. I mean, I really enjoy sad music. To me, the only good love song is one where someone ends up shooting themselves, or a child get hits by a car, or someone is misunderstood, something like that. I enjoy sad music to the point that it's irritating to my friends. I'm the only person I know whose favorite instrument is "slow rhythms and lightly squeezed accordions." I wallow in musical angst as shamelessly as a stray dog wallows in stinky trash. People spontaneously weep when they enter my room, and my CD collection looks like the soundtrack of a "Wonder Years" episode, the one where Winnie dumps Kevin's pudgy ass like a bag of hot rocks. So when I find an album that makes good, sad music, I get excited. I know that to be enthusiastic about depression isn't the coolest thing on earth, but any album can tune into that crying, dumped-after-the-prom part of the human psyche without coming off sappy or wimpy is about as rare as a lunar eclipse, so I reserve the right to smile at others' heartaches. That's why Tim Keegan and Departure Lounge's Out of Here (a fittingly dismal name) is such an extraordinary find for fellow mope-o-philes like myself. It's 11 tracks of heartbreaking indie-rock that never turns clownish or dumb, inducing foot-tapping, even as you're sobbing like an eight-year-old girl. The thing that probably makes Tim Keegan's mastery of grief-rock sound so natural, is that he's British (or at least British sounding). The British, being from a rainy island where everyone talks funny and eats boiled food, know about some misery. And Departure Lounge makes it a point to carry on the long distinguished tradition of English misery in their music. Out of Here channels every classic, depressed English musical influence it can, from the Smiths to Nick Cave to low-key Pink Floyd all the way up to such current limey whiners as Blur and Radiohead. Sad music is a dangerous genre to play around with. By its nature, it's very high-school and very juvenile in a "I'm in a pain that no one else understands" kind of way. The only way to make this kind of music without sounding completely pretentious is to (1) write good songs to back all the posturing and (2) not take yourself too seriously. Luckily, Out of Here has both problem areas taken care of. The songwriting, usually courtesy of Tim Keegan, is smart and incisive. Every song, although more or less about the same thing -- lost love -- is sad in its own unique way, giving the album a musical variety that most "sad" albums don't come close to achieving. At times, Departure Lounge seem to be in danger of going overboard with the depression bit and selling out their credibility for cheap drama, but the music always comes in to squash these doubts. The best example of this is the melodramatically titled "Save Me From Happiness." Though the title is maybe a bit over the top, the song itself turns out to be a strange and wonderfully effective blend of Leonard Cohen-ish ballads and traditional Irish folksongs. Another album highlight, "Stay on the Line," features a guest appearance from ol' Robyn Hitchcock -- it's a dreamy ballad that somehow weds acoustic guitar, synthesizers and effects-laden vocals. If you don't Out of Here's instrumental closer into account, the album ends on an up-note cheery enough to appear on a "Sesame Street" record. It's a song about large smiles, warmness and love called "We Got Everything We Need," and it's as repulsively happy as its title implies. Maybe for that reason, it's the album's one misstep. Maybe it's the fact that it comes out of nowhere and throws off the rhythm of an otherwise masterful record. Or maybe it's the fact that the damn song is performed as a campfire sing-a-long. More likely, it's a combination of all these things that make it worth skipping over entirely. In closing, I just want to say: "Sad people of the world unite." We've lived under the tyranny of these smiling assholes for too damn long now. There are enough of us to band together and rule the world, if we can ever manage to get out of bed in the morning. Until then, we'll just all weep sourly into our pillows, the pleasant, tear-friendly music of Tim Keegan and Departure Lounge as our theme music. - -Steven Byrd ===== "Life is just a series of dogs." -- George Carlin __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online and get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V9 #108 *******************************