From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V9 #75 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Sunday, March 26 2000 Volume 09 : Number 075 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: fuck census: here's your *real* assignment (15% homoeroticism content) [Eb ] Catpower [James Dignan ] The Parable Of Eb's Ass ["CORNHOLE ARMAGEDDON" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 00:20:29 -0800 From: Eb Subject: Re: fuck census: here's your *real* assignment (15% homoeroticism content) Eddie: >eb's whining all over my dimpled ass 'cause i haven't updated the "eb >tribute site" (not its official name, but i suppose i could be enticed to >"make it so") in what seems (to him, eb) like ages. Oh jeeeez, Eddie -- it's not like I was seriously "whining" about the site not being updated. I was just teasing you! Meanwhile, I don't even want to think about why so many "ass" references pepper your recent posts about me.... Eb, already in a dour mood tonight, after hearing Grandaddy's disappointing new album (I really had high hopes for this one) ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 00:20:44 -0800 From: "Paul Montagne" Subject: Cat Power Covers Album Funny that I start reading todays disgest at precisely the time I'm listening to Cat Power's new covers album. Its very sparse, with Chan Marshall accompanied by either a piano or acoustic guitar. The covers (there is one original) really run the gammit, from the Stones "Satisfaction" to "The Sea of Love" to VU's "I Found A Reason". Her version of Nina Simone's "Wild Is The Wind" is particularly melancholic, evoking the same mood as the sparser cuts on say, Big Star's Third or Pavements "Slanted and Enchanted". The reference made in a previous post to Mazzy Star is close, but there is not a sign of feedback or percussion on this record, then again Ive never seen ANYONE as listless as watching that woman perform for an hour! So as far as the live Cat Power experience, it may not be unlike MS. Anyway, I digress.... As I read Michael's description of "spare and mopey po-mo folk music" I had to laugh, cuz, I really dig that stuff too. That comment pretty much sums up this record. By the by, she will be in Portland next month, Mr Keeefe, make sure you get your tickets. :-) ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 10:34:24 +1200 From: James Dignan Subject: Catpower heh. I'm a slight degree of separation closet to Robyn than I thought, perhaps, since Catpower have recorded a version of a song by one of NZ's Jefferies Brothers (IIRC a This Kind of Punishment song by Graeme Jefferies), both of whom I have met. James nf - Colombia. Horizontally striped broad yellow over narrow blue over narrow red (ratio 2:1:1). Similar to Ecuador's, except for the aspect ration and the fact that Ecuador usually puts its coat of arms in the centre (to avoid confusion). James Dignan___________________________________ You talk to me Deptmt of Psychology, Otago University As if from a distance ya zhivu v' 50 Norfolk Street And I reply. . . . . . . . . . Dunedin, New Zealand with impressions chosen from another time steam megaphone (03) 455-7807 (Brian Eno - "By this River") ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 00:38:48 PST From: "CORNHOLE ARMAGEDDON" Subject: The Parable Of Eb's Ass INTRODUCTORY REMARKS: Why "The Parable Of Eb's Ass"? Why now? It is to be hoped that the answers to these questions will be to the reader, upon immersion in the text, so toweringly apparent as to render them (both separately and in toto) null and void. As such, we shall set them aside. If, as Dostoyevsky once theorised, the ass (hereinafter, "'Baked Potato suffused with a boiling demi-glaze'") is the window to the soul, then what are we to make of young Eric Broome, whose ass is of the meatiest timbre? Whose ass, indeed, is more magnificent than the light of 1,000 times 1,000 suns, amplified yet one-hundredsfold? The following story should not be interpreted as a "comment" upon the "Los Angeles-isation" of the "hinterlands", though such will no doubt be the rage in the ivory towers of academe (heaven help us all if those damnable Foucault-ites get wind of it). Neither should any inferences to Marvin Gaye be propounded. For this is a "straight" morality play; nothing more, nothing less. As with any morality play, "entertainment value" or "readibility" or "street smarts" are out the window. VERSE I: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT" On the First day, God said: "Let there be Eb's ass." And there was Eb's ass. And God sang out, "Behold! In My wisdom, I have given you Eb's ass (hereinafter, '"Baked Potato suffused with a boiling demi-glaze"')!" And all the angels were in awe. And then God cried out, "Yea! Eb's ass is the most perfect concept in all of My creation." And all the angels replied, "Verily!" (save one angel, Mortimer, who replied, "Triple-A!" (and thus was born the USDA's meat-grading system)). VERSE II: NOUS SOMMES DU SOLEIL On the Second day, Jesus noticed Eb's ass occupying his accustomed seat at the right hand of God. Jesus began rolling up his sleeves, preparing for a rumble. His steely gaze presaged his words, "Eb's ass, I hereby call you out!" God, who had been changing the batteries in his handheld "Tetris" game, and so had not noticed Jesus' entrance, was taken aback. "See here, Jesus, what is the meaning of this? You will apologise to Eb's ass, *this instant*." Jesus wavered. "But Father. Eb's ass is situated in *My* chair!" God motioned to Eb's ass. "Please turn 'round three hundred sixty degrees, Eb's ass." And Eb's unclothed (for, on the afternoon of the First day, god had decreed that Eb's ass, being of such delicious perfection, was never to be clothed, not even during Passover) ass rose from his/Jesus' chair, and turned 'round three hundred sixty degrees. God looked at Jesus, arching his eyebrows. "I see what you mean, dad. Eb's ass is wicked enough to plant into my head impurities which probably haven't even yet been invented. But couldn't it sit on your left, and perhaps a half-metre behind you?" "I HAVE SPOKEN!" thundered God. And though Jesus brooded for forty days and forty nights, still God did not change His mind. VERSE III: "SWIFTER, HIGHER, STRONGER" On the Third day, Eb's ass begat fourteen asses. And those fourteen asses begat still fourteen more asses each. And each of these one hundred ninety-six asses begat yet fourteen more asses. Despite the two thousand seven hundred forty-four ass begattings, still only Eb's ass (known (to differentiate it from its descendents) in some circles as the "master" or "proto-" ass) was the only ass of the lot blessed with radiance. By that is meant that Eb's ass was lighted internally, and could therefore be witnessed even in the absence of an ambient source of light. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V9 #75 ******************************