From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V8 #116 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Wednesday, March 31 1999 Volume 08 : Number 116 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: A feg-numeration ["Jason R. Thornton" ] Call to all London Fegs! ["Michael R. Runion" ] Re: The Apples in Stereo ["Gene Hopstetter, Jr." ] attnfgz [Eb ] Re: A feg-numeration [cinders blue ] Re: fegmaniax-digest V8 #114 [digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan)] counting fegs, VCRs, glass hotels [Bayard ] fitba [digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan)] Re: Feg numeration [digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan)] RE: The future of walkmans [Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer ] Fwd: [YouBetcha] White Sea Screenplay. ["Capitalism Blows" ] Re: Robyn/Feg/OTC dream ["Capitalism Blows" ] Re: counting fegs, VCRs, glass hotels ["Capitalism Blows" ] Re: Listening To ElfPower ["Capitalism Blows" ] Re: A feg-numeration [Capuchin ] Jumping fences [Natalie Jacobs ] RE: The future of walkmans [Aaron Mandel ] A terribly geeky quibble [VIV LYON ] Yellow Submarine / The Can Opener ["Partridge, John" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 15:32:30 -0800 From: "Jason R. Thornton" Subject: Re: A feg-numeration At 03:01 PM 3/29/99 -0800, VIV LYON wrote: >I'm going to tell you all about the fegs I've met. To date- Yowza, what a list! I'm disappointed. I missed TWO chances to meet up with Fegs in Chicago this weekend, at the OTC and Rufus gigs. Unfortunately, my schedule was filled with dinners and banquets out in the suburbs, and I couldn't make it to either gig. Alas. Hope everyone had a rawkin' good time without yours truly. So, the current count of Fegs I've Met remains at a big zilch. I *have* met up with the brother of one Feg lister, though, a number of times. Well, if Robyn's secretly lurking here, I've met HIM a couple o' times... Cheers! - --JT ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 19:01:20 -0800 From: "Michael R. Runion" Subject: Call to all London Fegs! Hey all, My wife and I will be traipsing through France for two weeks soon (April 18 - May 2). There's the slightest possibility that we might hop the train for a chunnely trip up to London for a day or two. Might any kind London-area fegs have a spare and dusty corner for us to sleep in? We won't have any sort of British railpass, so once we hit Londontown, we'll be stuck there. Back to y'all, Mike (soon to be a long way from dear old Florida) ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 18:06:47 -0600 From: "Gene Hopstetter, Jr." Subject: Re: The Apples in Stereo > From: Joel Mullins > Subject: The Apples in Stereo So glad people are chatting about AiS. I love 'em. > So how come no one ever told me that The Apples in Stereo sounded so > good? I seem to recall having blabbed madly about them a few times in this here list. Please allow me to do it again . > So, what's wrong with the Apples' most recent album? Nada. It's an all-out good-time blast. > From: Eb > > To me, individual Apples songs sound really pleasing and tuneful, but when > you put them together into a full album, they all sound exactly alike and > bleed into each other. And thus, my attention wanders. My mind wanders, too, but to me, it's all about *the vibe* -- -- and it's what my mind wanders *to* that's important (one of my favorite things about any work of art/example of expression is where it sends my mind). Anyway, sure, my mind wanders when I listen to AiS, but it wanders to fun, groovy places. When I listen to OTC, my wanders to, oh, drug parties during my college days and so on. Ya know what I mean? You ever listen to Wild Man Fischer and catch yourself wondering "What the hell's up with this guy?" I actually gravitate toward music that makes my mind wander. Nothing like a good Nurse With Wound record to set the brain afloat. But the best thing about AiS is seeing them live. They put on a great, care-free, rockin' show. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 01:23:52 -0800 From: Eb Subject: attnfgz > From: pinkmoon@fiberia.com > Newsgroups: rec.music.dylan > Subject: Attention Nick Drake fans!!! > Date: Sun, 28 Mar 1999 22:04:09 GMT > > There is a brand new Nick Drake mailing list! > > http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/NickDrake ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 19:54:37 -0500 From: cinders blue Subject: Re: A feg-numeration MC 900 Ft Michael Wolfe rapped: >Oh fuck it. If anyone needs me, I'll be down at the central >branch of the Multnomah county library poring through Christopher >Tolkien's Book of Lost Tales, volumes 1 through whatever, in >search of the definitive answer to this. woj chuckles and turns back to the eleventh goddamn volume of _the history of fucking middle-earth_ which has been putting him to sleep every night for the past month or five. +w ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 16:00:58 +1200 From: digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan) Subject: Re: fegmaniax-digest V8 #114 >Let's see...there's the Q gospel, that poem of Shel Silverstein's that the >goat ate...I recall some famous author's (Hugo? Tolstoy?) only manuscript >of a book being used to light a fire by a careless maid and some long >(15,000 page) technical paper on the Swedish Economybeing destroyed when >its author mistook a shredder for a copier. (I could look these stories p >if anyone _really_ cared) well, iof we're including documents as well as novbels, there's many of the records of the Italian government, stored during WWII in cellars for safety. Damp cellars. Documents written on glazed paper. After the war, the Italians discovered many of their documents had been turned into unfired pottery. Or is this an urban myth? James "Dancing about pottery is like talking about singing buildings" (Arthur Q Gruppenheimer III) ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 23:01:21 -0500 (EST) From: Bayard Subject: counting fegs, VCRs, glass hotels hi... this is a general fegs-up to report i will be in portland oregon and the san fegcisco Feg Areas from may 5-15. i am looking to meet fegs. fegs is the best. big thanks to those who are picking me up, putting me up and putting up with me. And this is important: if you met me for the first time in new york in november, please write me and tell me who you are. that was a worlwhind trip. i am updating my "feg life lust" oops! "list" and let's see, there were so many new people in NY! I think I am in the 40's somewhere, I want to do a fegpage that talks a bit about what people are like, like Viv did and like Mark G. has done too. That was when Capuchin got called crabby. heehee! He's not, really. not really! Not that it matters, but if your VCR is not "y2k" compliant I have heard of a way to trick it. Apparently if you set your VCR to the year 1972, that year had all the same dates on the same days as next year. Why go so far back? Well, maybe cos next year is a leap year. And it feels like 1972.... watch a hackman vid, you've nothing better to do... personally i rather feel the whole y2k thing is a country crock, anyone agree/disagree? i know most of you work in computers or at least near them, write me privately so eb won't get mad about going off topic... oh! the glass hotel got updated! some guy called peter longstaff (is that some kind of alias?) offered to help with better quality video and left a bogus email address! grrrr! http://travel.to/glasshotel =b "I AM NOT CRABBY!!!!!" -jeme ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 16:12:59 +1200 From: digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan) Subject: fitba >All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit, is a play on the title >of novelty hit All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth. But more >specifically refers to the table football game Subbuteo. This came with a >massive catalogue of potential team colours in which your homunculus >players could be painted. Dukla Prague Away Kit is as obscure as it gets. I heard recently that subbuteo has finally gone the way of all things and is an ex-game. Very sad. Never did see a strip for my old home town, but they didn't make it out of the conference and into Division 3 until I was on the other side of the planet in a land where footballers have funny shaped balls to play with. >Prag Vec (as in... At The Milkweg) were an agitprop Rough Trade band of the >late 70's. I own a single . Haven't played it for twenty years. FWIW, the Church's single "Metropolis" is supposedly about the Milkweg James (go the Bees!) "An is as laik to spek of musick as to dans at bilding" - Geoffroy of Wycherley (attributed) James Dignan ***NOTE NEW EMAIL ADDRESS*** Dunedin, New Zealand ***NOTE NEW EMAIL ADDRESS*** ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 16:27:14 +1200 From: digja611@student.otago.ac.nz (James Dignan) Subject: Re: Feg numeration >7. Woj. The main man himself. Intimidating and cuddly at the same time. >How does he do it? > >8. Pathetic Doug, or is Doug Pathetic? Once more, couldn't be farther >from the truth. Very well-spoken and well-endowed. With hair. I meant. > >9. Tim Jones. He's got an English accent! Groovy! > >10. Chris Donnell. Didn't talk to him much, but he seemed like a >requisite cool cat a la the Globe of Fegs. whoa...back up a second there... is there a Tim Jones on this list? Or is this world becoming smaller all the time. I know a Tim Jones, a Tim Jones who is not on this list (AFAIK), but whom I have sent Robyn music to, and who surprised me on one occasion by admitting that he knew of the Great Quail (he'd been in contact with him via the Libyrinth). This Tim Jones also has an English accent. I realise that England has 50 million people and that if 2% of them are called Jones, and 1% of them are called Tim that is still 10,000 Tim Joneses but I have to ask... James (who hasn't met ANY fegs, although he's spoken with a couple on the phone...) James Dignan___________________________________ You talk to me Deptmt of Psychology, Otago University As if from a distance ya zhivu v' 50 Norfolk Street And I reply. . . . . . . . . . Dunedin, New Zealand with impressions chosen from another time steam megaphone (03) 455-7807 (Brian Eno - "By this River") ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 08:00:07 +0100 (BST) From: Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer Subject: RE: The future of walkmans >>>>> "Michael" == Michael R Godwin writes: Michael> PS What happened in the Grimleys this week? I was out Michael> celebrating my birthday and missed it! Don't know; sorry. I don't do television very often, if at all. - -- Stewart C. Russell Analyst Programmer, Dictionary Division stewart@ref.collins.co.uk HarperCollins Publishers use Disclaimer; my $opinion; Glasgow, Scotland ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 08:06:23 +0100 (BST) From: Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer Subject: Re: The Apples in Stereo >>>>> "Joel" == Joel Mullins writes: Joel> So how come no one ever told me that The Apples in Stereo Joel> sounded so good? I got FreeAmp recently and can now listen Joel> to MPEG clips instead of that RealAudio crap that sounds Joel> like comlete shit. RealAudio has a much smaller bandwith; a 28.8 Kbps RA sounds loads better than a 32 Kbps MP3 [converted with an affordable encoder]. Joel> So, what's wrong with the Apples' most recent album? It's one of my favourites. Just haven't been yelling about it. Stewart - -- Stewart C. Russell Analyst Programmer, Dictionary Division stewart@ref.collins.co.uk HarperCollins Publishers use Disclaimer; my $opinion; Glasgow, Scotland ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 23:23:41 -0800 From: Eb Subject: karmic retribution? Is this Fabio/bird story the most bizarre thing you've ever heard, or WHAT? Eb ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 01:11:44 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: Fwd: [YouBetcha] White Sea Screenplay. thought this was pretty interesting, despite all the spelling errors. From: Cinewalt@aol.com Reply-To: YouBetcha@onelist.com To: YouBetcha@onelist.com Subject: [YouBetcha] White Sea Screenplay. Date: Mon, 29 Mar 1999 22:40:03 EST From: Cinewalt@aol.com Don't know if this has been discussed, but I have read and own a copy of thescript for To the White Sea that the coens have been shopping around for the last few months. It doesn't look like it will get made. I personally wouldn't bank on it. It would cost over 60 million to produce, and with barely any dialogue and an ambigious storyline, the odds are against it recouping that sum, especially considering that Fargo is the ONLY coen bros film to gross at least 60 million. "How?," you ask... I work as an intern in the development department of Destination films, a startup company. The fact that Destination was one to recieve the script is testamonial to the fact that it's already been shopped around everywhere else. No one in their right mind would greenlight this. It's really too bad, because it would be fascinating to see... Very violent and graphic and weird. More of a drama than the Coens usually do, but then again, I'm sick and tired of war films, so maybe I'm glad they probably won't make it. I'm not in the mood to describe the whole screenplay, so if anyone has specific questions about it, let me know... - -A.H. Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 01:13:27 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: RE: The future of walkmans it's the subject line that wouldn't die. this has been bugging me for the whole time. shouldn't it be walk*men*? Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 01:34:29 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: Re: Robyn/Feg/OTC dream the hell you say! i fuckin' LIVE for fegdream reports! you hear what i'm sayin', natalie jane? i fucking LIVE for them! by the way, that's a good point. what *should* the b-side of Elizabeth Jade be? assuming it's the first single, as it ought to be (although, i remember debora reporting *ages* ago that there was a video for Viva Sea-Tac.) ok, i can do this. i won't describe them, because i'm too lazy. besides, i don't want to horn in on vivien's turf. but i love them all to death. god, i hope i'm not leaving anyone out. 1. glen uber 2. sydney coastworth 3-5. mark b., .chris gillis, stephen from benitia 6. dan poppe 7. jeme brelin 8,9. reichstein twins (of "reichstein twins" fame.) 10. mr. john barrington "lobsterman" jones 11-13. bayard catron, cynthia peterson, daniel saunders 14. paul montagne 15. chuck from idaho (is he still on the list?) 16. jeannine uhrich (long-since departed, i think.) 17. chris franz 18. mark gloster (aka "the rubber shark".) 19. nick winkworth 20. russ reynolds 21. tom clark 22. john partridge (though i had my photo graph taken with carrie g., alyssa, and dean g. (and even swapped tapes with dean g.) i was never properly introduced to them. nor improperly, for that matter.) 23. michael keefe 24. renee lynne 25, 26. debora kent, vincent 27. michael wolfe Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 01:37:22 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: Re: counting fegs, VCRs, glass hotels damned right i'm sending these individually, rather than "consolidating"! you got a problem with that, eb? <"I AM NOT CRABBY!!!!!" -jeme> that's not a *real* capuchinquote. that's a girly, underpantsy, pink doily, tea party kind of capuchinquote. here's a *real* capuchinquote: "WHAT THE FUCK? THERE'S A HOUSE BURNING IN THE MIDDLE OF I-5!" and don't anybody forget it. Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 02:03:23 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: Re: Vic & Kevn you always see "apalachicola" in hurricane watches and/or warnings (good news, all! only two months until hurricane season.) did you create a tape, mike? Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 02:18:16 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: Re: Listening To ElfPower what he said! i see they'll be heading down the east coast in the next week or so. if anyone's going, please Please PLEASE pick me up a copy. i'll send you robyn goodies in return. or pictures of eb making stir-fry. whichever you prefer. shouldn't that subject line have been Listening to *The* ElfPower, though? don't know why i'm so nit-picky on subject lines these days. From: mrrunion@palmnet.net Reply-To: mrrunion@palmnet.net To: undisclosed-recipients:; Subject: Listening To ElfPower Date: Tue, 23 Mar 1999 12:02:54 -0800 Hey all, I was stumbling through the Elf Power site looking at their discography: http://www.arches.uga.edu/~sponge/ Looks like they've covered "Listening To The Higsons" on their latest E.P.! Info is that this will mainly be available at the upcoming shows with OTC. Cool. Mike (would someone like to offer to buy me a copy...Bayard?...anyone?) __________________________________________ Sent using WebInbox. "Your email gateway." Check us out at http://www.webinbox.com Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 03:40:40 -0800 (PST) From: Capuchin Subject: Re: A feg-numeration OK. First, I don't expect to read much mail this week. Training course at work is keeping me from wholly connected machines. On Mon, 29 Mar 1999, VIV LYON wrote: > I'm going to tell you all about the fegs I've met. To date- Dear lord. I think this is going to be a thread Eb truly hates. > 3. Bayard. A truly charming fellow. One of the kindest people, blah blah > blah. All the tropes apply. But aren't y'all tired of people singing his > praises? He's kind of jerk, if you ask me (I say this merely to > introduce some variety into the desciptors used for him). No, I promise. He's kind of a jerk. I hope none of you ever EVER have something he wants. He's relentless. (You know I love you, Baybay.) > 14. Do phone conversations count? 'Cause if they do, then Jeme counts. > Does he ever. What the FUCK does that mean? > 15. Also, Michael Wolfe. Michael, you know I'm right about the > geneaology of the Bagginses. I'd appreciate it if you backed me up a > little more enthusiastically. _I'M_ right. Give credit where credit is due. Michael just agreed with me (and disagreed with you, I might add). > Well, that's it so far. I'm off to Portland this weekend, so we'll see > if I can rack up some more, or at least make numbers 14 and 15 more > legitimate. Suddenly I don't feel so good... OK... not that I'm competing, but here are some fegs-I've-met from memory: Karen, Carole, JBJ, MichaelK, MichaelW, PaulM, SusanD, Nick, TomC, MarkG, Cynthia, eddie, Daniel, ChrisF, Chuck, Bjorn, Bayard, Sydney, Glen, Russ, JohnP, Debora, Vince, Renee, and some people I'm stupidly leaving off this list. THese are the familiar fegs you know and love (though, I suppose, most of you don't know Chuck or Bjorn... but hey, Bjorn is pictured in the background on eddie's picture page. Some random person is "flipping the bird" from off-camera and Bayard is smiling and some other folks are there... well, that's Bjorn in the background with the beard. Label it right, eddie!). I know and love more fegs than this, but they've slipped the surly bonds of my mind. And if the phone counts, well, there's a whole heck of a lot of them. And after Friday, Viv counts. Boy, does she ever. J. "What the FUCK? This GODDAMN sports car was FLYING off I-5!" - me. - -- ________________________________________________________ J A Brelin Capuchin ________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 10:23:39 -0500 From: Natalie Jacobs Subject: Jumping fences Now, I may be easily impressed 'cos I don't go to shows very often, but if I am not mistaken, Olivia Tremor Control rocked the house last night in Detroit. Elf Power were pretty good, too, but they just couldn't compete. I'll be writing a more detailed review for my website if anyone's interested in hearing more. Minor star-fucking: my friend and I wandered into the club a little early and sitting at the bar was - yah! The gnome-like trumpeter from Neutral Milk Hotel! I wanted to say something to him but all I could think of was "Hey, you're the guy from Neutral Milk Hotel!" So I refrained. (Unfortunately I had no tinfoil with me.) I also chatted briefly with Laura, the very nice zanzithophonist from Elf Power. She signed my E.P. (which, incidentally, contains Elf Power's rendition of "Listening to the Higsons"). And now I know what a zanzithophone looks like... n. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 11:22:28 -0500 (EST) From: Aaron Mandel Subject: RE: The future of walkmans On Wed, 31 Mar 1999, Capitalism Blows wrote: > > > it's the subject line that wouldn't die. this has been bugging me for > the whole time. shouldn't it be walk*men*? the thing is, because of trademark issues, the company CAN'T set a standard. trademarks are properly adjectives, not nouns, so sony has to insist that the correct pluralization is "Walkman(tm) portable stereos". i am not really clear on why this is. as far as i know, it does not cause trademark dilution for a thing's only name to be a trademark -- that is, "Boston Marathon" is trademarked, and they don't have to prevent people from calling it by name in order to keep it. but i am not a lawyer. a ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 09:02:56 -0800 (PST) From: VIV LYON Subject: A terribly geeky quibble (forgive if I already sent this, but I haven't seen it yet, so I'm resending) I wrote- > > 15. Also, Michael Wolfe. Michael, you know I'm > right about the > > geneaology of the Bagginses. I'd appreciate it if > you backed me up a > > little more enthusiastically. And then Jeme wrote (erroneously)- > _I'M_ right. Give credit where credit is due. > Michael just agreed with > me (and disagreed with you, I might add). Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some dirty laundry to air. Now, this isn't my dirty laundry, so perhaps I'm stepping over the line, but I assure you that it's in the public's best interest to know that A., Jeme Brelin has never read the Silmarillon and hence has no right to discuss anything like the origin of any characters, no matter how prosaic, from the cosmogony of J.R.R. Tolkien, and furthermore- B. He never even read the TRILOGY! NEVER! What a LOSER! Let's all laugh at him, shall we? Now, as for Michael Wolfe agreeing with you, I can only presume it was because he was actually in the room with you at the time, hence afraid for his very life should he voice an opinion contrary to yours, lest dire and grim circumstances surround the final minutes of his travail upon this earth. We all know how grumpy you can be; nay, crabby even. Vivien _________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1999 09:01:44 -0800 From: "Partridge, John" Subject: Yellow Submarine / The Can Opener So I was listening to yet another Beatles Anthology piece of merchandise and it was a version of Yellow Submarine with Ringo starting with a rap before launching into the song we know so very very well. The Can Opener copies the rhyme scheme and meter of Ringo's rap perfectly. Even the accents seemed similar to this (non-UK and therefore accent-deaf) listener. This caught me totally off guard. I assume the Beatles Anthology boot tapes have been floating around forever and the Thothy Three thought it would be fun to goof on it. And then there's the explicit reference in the lyrics: It sawed up Chinese railwaymen 5 With cutlass and harpoons It opened fleshy submarines And dug in them with spoons Yikes. Yellow Submarine meets Itchy and Scratchy. By the way. Someone noticed the Various Artists compilation being auctioned on eBay that had SYTYIL and WYI and someone else correctly identified it as A&M Records 75021 7239 2 and then someone else said it wasn't in Robynbase. Is too! It's just listed as "Various Artists" because that's what the actual item has as the title on the spine. As the main source of discography information for Robynbase, I take these matters very seriously. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 31 Mar 99 12:38:11 -0500 From: The Great Quail Subject: ...do you, Mr Jones? James Dignan writes, >whoa...back up a second there... is there a Tim Jones on this list? Or is >this world becoming smaller all the time. I know a Tim Jones, a Tim Jones >who is not on this list (AFAIK), but whom I have sent Robyn music to, and >who surprised me on one occasion by admitting that he knew of the Great >Quail (he'd been in contact with him via the Libyrinth). This Tim Jones >also has an English accent. I realise that England has 50 million people >and that if 2% of them are called Jones, and 1% of them are called Tim that >is still 10,000 Tim Joneses but I have to ask... Yes, that is the same Tim Jones. And with those words, let me begin. Mr Jones is indeed a List member. LJ and I first met him during the Great Secret Robyn Gig show here in New York City. I was introduced by him, and I remarked that he looked like Kenneth Branagh on speed. (Which he does.) He then began to enumerate the intimate details of my life and my whereabouts for the last several years, and revealed to me and LJ that he was watching us during the Sessions at West 54th Street Rufus taping. He did not approach us because we looked "angry." It was not the first time he watched us from the same location, either. He informed us that he was there, at the FegFest 98, hiding behind Bayard's tape deck and observing the porch through a pair of binoculars. He was there during my first date with LJ, dressed like Jill Sobule and sitting with Gary Assassin at the next table. . . . I remarked that I found these things rather amazing, and for lack of a wittier comeback I lamely asked him where Emma Thompson was. He bore into me with his piercing blue eyes and began to recite the exact contents of my underwear drawer, including my set of Aquaman underoos as well as my collection of Wonder-Bras, all flung at me by enthusiastic fans during my recent tour of New Zealand as frontman for the short-lived group, "Bring Me the Head of Greg Dulli." I remarked that it was a bit odd for someone I had never met to know all these things about me, but Tim just smiled enigmatically and winked in that sinister offhand way that the English have apparently mastered. The rest of the evening went by rather calmly, although I must confess that I was a bit out of sorts, and could not get my strange new "friend" out of my mind. . . . So I began to do some research into Mr Jones, and discovered that he has a Web site of his own -- one that detailed the secret lives of all his neighbors, in fact. Probing a little deeper into his site I was astonished to discover a section that demanded a password to continue. Although I thought it a bit odd, I began trying passwords and was amazed when I cracked the code on my third attempt. ("HELENABONHAMCARTER," by the way.) Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the password lead to a whole seperate Web site -- one that listed each and every member of the Feg List, including pictures, biographical data, and a map with little cones blinking on and off, one for each Feg. . . . I gasped in shock -- this was like Mike Runion and Bayard having a wet dream, this was an obscene monument to Fegdom. . . . but why was it secret? Why has Mr Jones never revealed this to the List? Firing up the coffee pot and throwing "Metal Machine Music" into the CD player, I began assimilating my new find. . . . Oh my Fegs, the sheer density of the information was staggering, and the data left no stone unturned. The things I saw! A MPEG of Bayard's first tentative steps, dressed in an adorable little Frog jumper; GIFs of macrame projects made by Capuchin in Sunday School (all in black yarn); Vivien's grade-school report cards (good grades, but the teacher noted that she had an unnatural fixation on Sean Cassidy and was trying reach his mother on the school phone); a letter Jon Fetter wrote to the Tooth Fairy when he was sixteen that mispelled both "bicuspid" and "ectoplasm;" Eb's very first reviews as a rock critic (a scanned image of a Nancy Sinatra Eight-track, her face scribbled over in red crayon, and a LP sleeve of Claudine Longet covered with heart stickers); a five-year old Natalie making a babysitter out of Reynolds Wrap; records of Eddie's attendance at every single meeting of the John Birch Society since 1976; even a picture of Joel Mullins, showing him to be a fifteen-year old transvestite from Guam. . . . it was all there, a cornucopia of secrets and facts, records both trivial and profound, every last detail of our lives reduced to gig after gig of datafiles. But WHY? Why was he doing this -- why would he even *want* to do this? Even Commander Lang wouldn't go to such trouble, not even to document a conspiracy or win a game of Australian rules football! But I did not flinch, my brothers and sisters . . . I began a deeper investigation. But what I found is not pretty, and I was hoping to spare the List -- that is, until James Dignan wrote, and in his innocent words I recognized the first sparks of curiosity that ignited the fire under my own feet, that relentless flame that burns wherever pursuit of the truth is needed to shed light on the darkness. So in order to spare poor Mr Dignan, I felt that it was my duty to finally reveal to you all what I found out -- even though Mr Jones may very well be reading this as well, and even now has sent his . . . his . . . well, whatver the English send after people when they want to threaten them. A stern warning, perhaps, coupled with a small increase in the price of tea? Hard candies with jellied centers? A remake of the Avengers? Mr Bean . . . ? Whatever happens, I will brave the consequences of my actions and continue my story, a tale that, dare I say, makes Denise Sharpe look sane. . . . TO BE CONTINUED +---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+ The Great Quail, K.S.C. (riverrun Discordian Society, Kibroth-hattaavah Branch) For fun with postmodern literature, New York vampires, and Fegmania, visit Sarnath: http://www.rpg.net/quail "The people asked, and he brought quails, and satisfied them with the bread of heaven." --Psalms 105:40 (Also see Exodus 16:13 and Numbers 11:31-34 for more starry wisdom) ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V8 #116 *******************************