From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V8 #51 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Wednesday, February 10 1999 Volume 08 : Number 051 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Rock n Roll Toilet (part 2) [Joel Mullins ] more pac nw whitemale pontificating ["Capitalism Blows" ] Re: Killer Apps... [MARKEEFE@aol.com] randian ["Capitalism Blows" ] the coolest thing i've read in a long, long time ["Capitalism Blows" Subject: Rock n Roll Toilet (part 2) All the eyes of the half-naked forest people turned to the heros of our story. Reg really wanted a beer, but a woman with breasts that seemed to sag to her ankles was standing in his way. Leo clutched Max and gulped. Janes and Jewels looked into each other's eyes with amazement. "What would happen next?" was the question on everyone's mind. Suddenly, a tall man wearing a huge headdress and other ceremonial garb walked into the clearing. The half-naked people immediately dropped to their knees in an act of worship. "What's going on?" Reg asked. "I don't know, but I don't like it." replied Janes. "They seem to be some kind of religious cult." said Leo. They wanted to run, run as fast as the Midland wind blows, but they were too entranced by what they saw to move. There were at least thirty half-naked cult members on their knees in front of this man. The man spoke. He raised his arms high. He announced, "I am the Lizard King! I can do anything." "Holy shit!" exclaimed Leo. "That's Jim Morrison. He really is alive." "Are you fucking nuts, Leo?" said Janes. "Jim Morrison is dead. This is just some guy who is obviously as crazy as you are." "I don't know, Janes." said Jewels. "He sure looks a lot like him. He even has a bottle of cheap whiskey in his hand." "Yeah, that's convincing." "Enough with this garbage. That is not Jim Morrison!" exclaimed Janes. "Well, that guy sure does look like him," said Reg. "I'm with Jewels and Leo. I think that's Jim Morrison." Just then, the-man-that-could-be-Jim began walking in the direction of Jewels. Janes backed away, scared there might be trouble. The-man-that-could-be-Jim then grabbed Jewels' hand and kissed it gently with his soft lips. She was already getting wet. He whispered, "Come with me child. Come with me to Love Street." The-man-that-could-be-Jim led Jewels off into the darkness of the forest and then into a cave filled with a soft mattress and thousands of notebooks covered in scribbled poetry. He sat her on the bed and began to kiss her neck, ears, and cheek. His hand moved across her stomach and then slipped up her shirt and began caressing her supple breasts. He pinched her left nipple and Jewels winced in delight. The desire that was coursing through her body was growing stronger. She wanted him. He slipped off her jeans and then her Victoria's Secret panties. She thought how lucky it was that she was wearing one of her sexy pair of underwear and not the ragtime drawers she'd worn last week. Next, the-man-who-could-be-Jim took off his own clothes and showed Jewels his ceremonial rod. She grabbed it tight in her hands, afraid that if she let go, she would lose it forever. She laid back on the mattress and opened herself to his longing thrust. As he entered her dungeon of sweetness, a song suddenly came into Jewels' head. It was "Break on Through (To the Other Side)." The-man-who-could-be-Jim moved in slow, smooth strokes that made Jewels feel like molasses dripping down a tree. She couldn't stand the exquisite feeling growing inside of her belly. She sat up and bit the-man-who-could-be-Jim gently on the shoulder as he pulled her hair back and stared into her deep blue eyes. "Sweetheart, love me two times baby. Once for tomorrow; one just for today." "Oh, Could-Be-Jim!" Jewels sighed breathily in his ear. "I'm gonna make your head spin, your dick limp, and your heart soft. You're never gonna let go of me..." The-man-who-could-be-Jim thrust like a raging bull into Jewel's sweetened bullring. Cries of passion could be heard rippling throughout the camp. Meanwhile, out in the hedonistic pleasure land, Reginald was eyeing the keg and the wench guarding the spout. "You're cute," he drawled smoothly, walking up to her. "And I'm thirsty." The well-endowed Nubian nymph sidled up to Reg and wrapped her arms around him. She drew his head down for a kiss. "I know how to quench your thirst," her throaty voice reached out. "Good," Reg smiled and grabbed a cupful of brew. "It's really important to find a woman who can ascertain a man's immediate needs." She stepped back, surprised. "You want me to give you head, too?" Reg smiled. "Hey, cool thought." As Leo paid homage and apologized profusely to Max, Janes wandered around the camp, curious at all the bodies that gyrated, jumped, and languished in different poses. He wondered how they could stand to live in such filth. He really wanted to start cleaning. "Get it out of your head, Janes," Eukalalie spoke, coming up to Janes with a special smoke in her hand. "I know what will help." Janes took a long and thoughtful drag - smoke wafting around him like a halo. "Where are we? And what the hell are these people doing? I mean, are they cannibalistic?" Eukalalie raised an eyebrow at his skepticism. "I don't know man, but I got this joint from an ex-chicken coop repairman. He told me that he was feeling pretty restless in life and this troop pulled up right when he needed them." Janes looked around, trusting his instincts. "Something's not right about this itch at all. I just need some time to figure this out." All of a sudden, the crowd heard Leo scream. "They fuckin' neutered my dog!! Who the hell said they could do that? Son of a bitch!" After a few drags on the joint, Eukalalie spoke. "I don't think that was just weed. Janes' voice echoed in reply. "No o o o o o o o o ? ? ? ... Wow, something's come over me. I want to get down and dirty like these people. I've never felt like this before." "Me neither. Let's go see what Jewels is up to; I haven't seen her in a while." After a quick look around the camp, Eukalalie and Janes found the love nest of the-man-who-could-be-Jim. "Wow! Look at him go! Hey, what are you doing?" "Come on, let's join in." So Janes and Eukalalie undressed and joined Jewels and the-man-who-could-be-Jim. They were rather pleased to have more company. In fact, the-man-who-could-be-Jim clapped his hands and two very attractive young redheaded women came from the back of the cave and also joined. "Now that's more like it!" exclaimed Janes. The six free spirits took turns with each other time and time again. Every so often the-man-who-could-be-Jim lit up his six-hosed Huka with what he called his "love-your-buddy-bud." This special drug seemed to bring out the animal in Janes. Because of his extremely high intelligence, he really knew how to please the four girls. The fact that an imitation celebrity with incredible drugs was present also helped to set the mood. After the love fest was over, each person had gone to pleasure land at least 20 times. Of course, that was 14 hours later. Finally, at about 10:00 am the next morning the whole camp had gone to sleep. Reg had finished off half the keg and Leo the other half. They passed out in each other's arms on the ground, using rocks for pillows. III. A cool breeze awakened Max and the five heros of the story the next day. Jewels opened her eyes to see only the inside of a basket. She looked at her travel companions laying next to her and hollered, "Wake up! Where are we and why do I only see wicker around me?" Instantly everyone woke up and started wondering where the strange tribe of people from the night before had gone. Reg asked, "What in the hell is that hissing sound?" Leo stood up and shouted while looking out of the huge basket that they were in. "Guys? You won't believe where we are!" The others stood up to the realization that the five of them were in a hot air balloon floating above a mysterious town somewhere in the USA. The skyline included a nuclear plant, a lemon tree, and a statue of a pirate riding a horse. Eukalalie whispered, "Look, the tribe left us a bag of that wonder weed and a bong. I guess we're off on a new adventure." The End ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 14:43:10 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: more pac nw whitemale pontificating apologies *again*, already! you gotta admit, they did talk a lot about labor in there. a source's bias and its veracity are two different animals entirely. don't be dumb, jeme. are you honestly suggesting that the entire thing was fabricated? how could such a manoeuvre possibly make any sense whatsoever? Counterpunch is actually quite well-known inside the beltway. and cockburn is the only radical syndicated columnist in the country (molly ivins is okay, but she'd certainly have to be considered liberal. william pfaff says some interesting things once in a while, but also says a lot of stupid things. sean gonsalves is pretty decent. and that's about it, really.) he's possibly the most respected muckraker since izzy stone. if it got out that he'd been making up words to put in others' mouths --and it obviously would get out-- his career would be over, for all intents and purposes. at any rate, it's possible they lifted the entire thing from: . er, where were you looking? i found tons just doing a basic metacrawler search. if you've no objections jeme, i'll forward your skepticism to cockburn via the ava, where the article also appeared. honestly? i thought it was about the coolest thing i'd seen all day. anywho, their URL is listed here: . don't tell that to david duke and pat buchanan. besides, i'm not sure how "extreme" their statements are considered, unfortunately. wait a second. this is real? i honest-to-god thought this was to be taken as satire. i think that's certainly true in the industrialised countries. not so sure about the third world, though. cool! does this mean i have to cough up my magic cards? 'cause i've gotta tell you, much as i love you and want to do right by you capuchoid, i've been seriously thinking about offering them for sale on ebay. have you seen the prices those cards fetch? it's fucking scary! wondering why you choose this as an example, rather than, say, saudi arabia, which is probably the most fundamentalist country in the world (and oh-by-the-way happens to be a major u.s. ally and, after israel and turkey, possibly the major recipient of u.s. aid)? or the taliban, another great friend of the state department. i'm not aware that saddam's religion has much, if anything, to do with any sort of policy he generates. maybe i'm just missing it. oh, gawd. examples, please, terry. in fact, if you can show me even *one* example of an inaccurate source that i've quoted or cited, i'll buy you an ice cream. if you're talking about the refascisisation of europe and asia following the war (and the american coziness with fascist/totalitarian regimes in general, both before and after the war) then you're off your rocker. even the most cursory glance at the footnotes and bibliographies of the sources i mentioned in that thread (and i could give a lot more, if you want) would bear it out. (as would, i feel compelled to add, even the most rudimentary knowledge of american history and foreign policy.) i know you like to think it's just a bunch of leftists sitting around jerking each other off. but i'm afraid it's just not the case. besides which, as i've mentioned before, leftists don't need to stand there and simply quote each other. the right hangs itself quite ably. as i've said in the past, the best sources generally turn out to be declassified government documents, the memoirs of the participants, and the business press. read The New Competition, by arthur j. eddy, for example. he was some big shot turn-of-the-century plutocrat, who wrote this book whining about how uncompromising and harsh was the market, and how badly big business needed the federal government to step in and save their asses. or read teddy roosevelt's The Winning Of The West, and you'll swear that he was the first nazi. or read moynihan's memoirs. he was the ambassador to the u.n. when indonesia annexed east timor and carried out the highest mass slaughter proportional to population since the holocaust -- almost exclusively with u.s.-supplied weapons. (this was principally during jimmy "the human rights president"'s administration, incidentally, although the occupation continues to this day. if the u.s. wanted to, it could end it TOMORROW.) moynihan was given the charge of rendering the u.n. incapable of preventing the slaughter, and boasts in his memoirs about how he did just that. i'm looking at a list prepared in 1969, then revised in 1975, by the congressional research service, of all instnaces of use of u.s. forces abroad up until 1945. from 1798 until our invasion of the soviet union, there were 119. the justification given in the vast majority is "to protect american interests." or "to protect american lives and property when the natives became troublesome." things like that. not a single mention of containing communists. same is true of the 26 instances between the soviet adventure and our entrance into the war. you know. it's not that the truth isn't available. it's that it's somewhat difficult to access, and certainly you won't encounter it without doing some legwork. fortune magazine. after the war it was *filled* with editorials about the need to indoctrinate americans with the "capitalist story", lest labor begin to get out of hand again. and the need to get the taxpayers to prop up, through the pentagon, the economy, which was beginning to slide back into depression as the pent-up demand following the war began to wane. chomsky's told the story that he was once invited to give a talk about u.s. foreign policy, at which many --possibly all-- members of congress were in attendance. he decided to cite *exclusively* government sources, and said he was met with blank stares all 'round. so those are just a few examples. one, deciding not to tell you something is every bit as dishonest as telling a straight-up lie. let's use the east timor example. coverage in the new york times, which had been not inconsiderate during the civil war period, became unfit to print, in fact fell to, literally, zero, as the massacres proceeded. (in other words, as the blood became traceable to washington, d.c.). there are zillions of examples of this type of thing, although this could be the most drastic/damning example. two, quoting verbatim the state department's lies, for one example, while perhaps being technically "true" (that is, it's "true" that the state department said thus and so), is exceedingly irresponsible. three, tarring and feather good investigative journalists like gary webb, mike gallagher, and smith and oliver, and literally running them out of the profession doesn't exactly demonstrate a zealous guardianship of accuracy. terry, sometimes i really do wonder which fucking planet you're living on? they sell based on their ability to deliver readers/viewers/listeners to their advertisers. nothing more. er, have i ever told y'all about the Anderson Valley Advertiser? "the best god-damned publication in the motherfucking universe?" yeah! that one. $38 to: ava, box 459, boonville, ca, 95415. do it NOW! exactamundo! (oh, hey. eb, i saw a tom bosley/marion ross commercial where they were in a grocery store! had the sound turned down, so i couldn't tell you if they were using their christian names, their "screen" names, or what. but there you go.) and what happens when an industry becomes profitable? is it turned over to the taxpayers, which built it? or is it turned over to private "enterprise" that they may now profit from it? and, are all subsequent subsidies/tax breaks/giveaways/etc. then summarily ended (he asked, sniggering madly.) but why not? why shouldn't remuneration be based on effort rather than results? if it ain't agitprop, it ain't shit! i just made that up, heh. don't *totally* believe it, of course. but it has a nice ring, don't you think? yes, cockburn defends his papa to the point of irrationality. and i could definitely do without his personal vendettas (especially the one against orwell.) no doubt about it, there is that 5% of cockburn's writing that i absolutely detest. but i'm willing to forgive him that 5%, because the other 95% is so valuable. and the supposition that his writing is based upon, "not caring about truth, just advancing an agenda" is quite unfounded, i'm afraid. fucking KILLER subject line, though, Lord! good question. i like to use the analogy of a footrace. (michel, you may have already heard this from me once before. michel r., that is.) supposing you line everybody up and tell them to run a 100-metre dash, and that they will be paid according to how they finish in the race. clearly, footspeed is distributed normally. which is to say, you can pretty much guarantee the same results week after week. more or less. so, how many people that weren't blessed with blazing footspeed are after a while just gonna say, "scuv it! i'll get just as much walking. or jogging. or whatever." and how much effort will those on the far-right end or the normal curve really put into it, knowing that with even minimal effort they're going to end up somewhere in the top 5%? what if, on the other hand, you got paid based on the group's *total* elapsed time? and the more the group improved week to week, the more it'd be remunerated (and yes, the rewards would presumably be divided evenly amongst the participants.) don't you think people would be "high on life"? that they'd work together? that they'd try to help each other out? that even the fastest would take a keen interest in various ways to help out the slowest? and that the slowest would be only so ecstatic to help out to *the best of their abilities*? (oy, i already know jeme's going to eat me alive on this one...) or perhaps you have to grow up with a certain degree of ignorance to not feel it? well, in the interests of "full disclosure," i suppose i should mention that i do have an amiga 500, which i purchased years and years ago so that i could play Sensible Soccer (which was later updated to full-on Sensible World Of Soccer.) gotta be the bitchinest computer game i've ever seen. better than Agent USA, even. unfortunately, i rarely if ever have time to play it anymore. and if/when i ever buy another computer, it ain't gonna have any micro$cuzz bullshit on it, believe you me. http://leb.net/iac/ "As we often see in US foreign policy, other nations' attempts to defend themselves from US attacks are defined as aggression." --Jake Sexton ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 14:50:10 -0800 From: Eb Subject: K I just hope that Woj's website is allotted enough space to archive the last few days of posts. ;) Eb ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 17:38:37 EST From: MARKEEFE@aol.com Subject: Re: Killer Apps... In a message dated 99-02-10 16:12:05 EST, Jeme and John write: << >>Anyway, I've been thinking about the Killer App for other technologies. >>Those that came before the term itself. TECHNOLOGY: KILLER APP Photography: Porn Videotape: Porn >> And, of course: Internet: Porn - -------Michael K. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 14:57:10 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: randian i'm a randian, to the core. get out of the hospital soon, randi!! ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 15:23:21 PST From: "Capitalism Blows" Subject: the coolest thing i've read in a long, long time i'd have linked you to it, rather than sending the whole thing, but you can't link directly to individual articles. nardwuar the human serviette is lead singer of a punk rock band called The Evaporators, based in, i believe, vancouver. they've been around for ages and ages, but i've never seen a show of theirs. nor do i even have any of their records, although i have looked around for some a little bit. apparently, their gigs are quite a lot of fun. he also interviewed rollins a few months ago. that was good, but nearly as good as this one. he said he'd heard that rollins' penis is the size of a soup-can or something like that. by NardwŸar the HŸman Serviette (First appeared in The Rocket magazine, 2/10/99) Q&A with Nikki Sixx, bassist of Motley CrŸe. (For this phone interview I had my friend Mark "Kleinz" Kleiner-Vancouver's No. 1 Motley CrŸe fan and singer of the band Jungle-sit in on the action.) Nardwuar: Who are you? Nikki Sixx: Who am I? Nardwuar: You are Nikki Sixx! Nikki Sixx: Am I? Nardwuar: You are Nikki Sixx! You have the best name in rock 'n' roll, don't you? Nikki Sixx: [Laughs] I don't know! I always thought Johnny Thunders was a pretty good name. Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx, though, is the best. It is the basis from which all metal names are built upon! Sixx, drugs and rock 'n' roll! Like, Nikki Sixx! I love the Ks and the Xs! It is amazing, Nikki! Nikki Sixx: Well, thank you very much. Of course, I was born that way. Nardwuar: You certainly were! Nikki Sixx: Ya ha ha ha! [Laughs] Nardwuar: Your name is so awesome, Nikki, that a friend of mine named her daughters Nikki and Brandy, after you and your ex-wife, Brandy Brandt! Nikki Sixx: Well, hopefully the bad name won't install some badness on her! [laughs] Nardwuar: Now, Nikki, wasn't there a Nikki Sixx impostor a few years ago? Wasn't there some guy that went around and aped you? Nikki Sixx: Uh, yeah, I actually got sued by myself. Nardwuar: Were there any parallels to the Peter Criss impersonation? Nikki Sixx: I thought it was closer to the McCartney one, but, you know, all the guy basically wanted was his royalties. Which were my royalties, but it was me who was suing me. It's very confusing. Nardwuar: Were you guys friends with the Circle Jerks when you started out around the punkish era of 1980? Were you friends with the Circle Jerks at all, Nikki? Nikki Sixx: They used to hang out with us and stuff, yeah. Nardwuar: Were you much into the punk scene? Like, did you see the Germs? Nikki Sixx: Oh, God, man, that's like my roots. Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx, are you from Seattle? Nikki Sixx: Yeah. Nardwuar: When did you leave Seattle? Nikki Sixx: When I was about 17; no, maybe 16. Nardwuar: Because Duff from Guns N' Roses is, of course, from Seattle-did you ever see the Fartz or any of his earlier bands? Were you into the music scene back then? Nikki Sixx: Well, me and Duff are kind of like the pimple on alternative's face. Nardwuar: That's ready to be popped and explode! Nikki Sixx: They like to write about Seattle but they leave out Hendrix, they leave out Heart, they leave out me and they leave out Duff. [and they leave out queensryche! --et] But they talk about Pearl Jam a lot! Nardwuar: Well, I heard, Nikki Sixx, that [guitarist] Mick Mars, just between you and me, is from Canada, that he's really from Newfoundland! And that he is embarrassed of his Canadian roots! Is that true? Nikki Sixx: No, Mick told somebody that because Mick always lies. Mick likes to tell everybody a different story. I never even know when his birthday is. People e-mail me and say, "Tell Mick happy birthday for me." And I'll go up to Mick and go, "Dude, is today your birthday?" And he'll go, "No." Nardwuar: Gene Simmons' wife, Shannon Tweed, is from Newfoundland, Canada originally! Nikki Sixx: Well, they grow 'em big up there! Nardwuar: What do you think about Gene Simmons? Does he wear a wig, Nikki Sixx? Nikki Sixx: You know, you'd have to ask his hairdresser. Nardwuar: Because Tommy Lee apparently says that Gene wears a wig. Nikki Sixx: Well, I guess you'd have to ask Tommy Lee. Nardwuar: Is Axl Rose bald? You've seen Duff. Is Axl bald? Is he going bald? Nikki Sixx: That I don't know either. You are going to have to take this interview up with the hairdressers of Hollywood. Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx, didn't Tommy Lee say some mean things about wigs and sexuality in Spin recently about Paul Stanley? He said, "You see Paul Stanley going out with two blondes, but he's not really into that!" Nikki Sixx: Mmm. You know, I don't know. I guess I'm going to have to stop reading William Burroughs and start reading very educational papers like Spin. Nardwuar: Well, it just seemed kind of strange; it's weird that you people seemed to have some sort of personal crusade to put down the Kiss revival, whereas Kiss had, like, your song "Hooligan's Holiday" in their pre-gig tape! Nikki Sixx: Well, they've got good musical taste. Nardwuar: Why were you dissing Kiss? Nikki Sixx: I didn't diss Kiss. Nardwuar: What would be Vince Neil's or Tommy's impetus to diss Kiss, Nikki Sixx? Why would anybody want to get mad at Gene Simmons or Paul Stanley? Nikki Sixx: You know, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Nardwuar: Nikki, describe the moment that you knew originally you had to boot Vince. Like, you know, Vince Neil had to leave the band. What went through your head at that point, Nikki? Nikki Sixx: What went through my head? God. Dude, who knows? That's so long ago. Nardwuar: Like when you did the auditions for the new Motley CrŸe, if Mark from the Bullet Boys had got the gig, do you think there would have been a need for Vince Neil to rejoin the band? Nikki Sixx: [Laughs] Dude, you're asking some odd questions that I don't have answers to, you know. Nardwuar: Well, check this out, Nikki Sixx, believe it or not, there is a Motley CrŸe tribute band out of Passaic, New Jersey that only does stuff from the 1994 John Corabi [Neil's fired replacement] period called Motley Corabi! Nikki Sixx: Cool! Nardwuar: Motley Corabi! In fact, their big thing on their rŽsumŽ is that they recently played warm-up on the Shark Island/Sleez Beez co-headliner tour! Nikki Sixx: [Laughs] Sounds like a big gig. Were they playing a phone booth? Nardwuar: What do you think about the metal tragedies that have happened? Like, the poor thing that happened between Vince and Razzle of Hanoi Rocks. The drummer for Warrant now packs video boxes. You guys tour with Ratt and after the tour, a guy from Ratt ends up on the streets. You guys do some more touring; you produce Poison. Are you responsible for Poison, Nikki? Nikki Sixx: Who produced Poison? Nardwuar: You guys! Because you guys set the stage and then you upped the glam ante with Theater of Pain. You guys had Theater of Pain! You upped the glam ante. You spawned Poison. Are you responsible for Poison, Nikki Sixx? Nikki Sixx: God, wouldn't that be a horrible thought? Nardwuar: And, Nikki, I was also wondering: Were you declared dead on the operating table after a Persian smack overdose? Nikki Sixx: Yeah, it was Persian smack. Yes, it was. Nardwuar: And did you have any near death experiences? Nikki Sixx: Um, [to find that out] you'll have to watch the VH-1 "Behind the Music." Nardwuar: Nikki, Kleinz actually knew a guy who had all of Vince's tattoos, exactly! Nikki Sixx: Really? Kleinz: He lived in a shack behind my old house. Nikki Sixx: [Laughs] He lived in a shack!? Kleinz: He did. Nikki Sixx: Ah, that's pretty funny stuff! Nardwuar: It's wild, also, that Pamela Anderson played Vince Neil's sister in his video two years before she met Tommy Lee! Nikki Sixx: Well, there you go. Nardwuar: Like, she's friends with Vince Neil, and then she marries Tommy. Tommy should have been mad. Like, you know, "Pamela, you're a traitor, you hung out with Vince Neil!" It's weird. Nikki Sixx: It's such an incestual little world, isn't it? Nardwuar: Have you guys done any guest spots in movies? Bret Michaels of Poison has a partnership with Charlie Sheen. Nikki Sixx: Right. Nardwuar: Have you ever done anything with Charlie Sheen, Nikki Sixx? Nikki Sixx: No, I haven't. Nardwuar: You never went to Heidi Fleiss' house with Charlie Sheen? Nikki Sixx: No. Nardwuar: Were you ever a bad boy with Heidi Fleiss? Come on, Nikki! Nikki Sixx: No, I'm an angel. Nardwuar: You never used any wine bottles for wild sex? Nikki Sixx: Not me, dude. Nardwuar: This friend of mine, the Metal Queen, once used her big and beautiful babe friend as "bait" to get backstage at a CrŸe gig. She offered her friend to the guys in return for backstage access, and she said your road crew was "easy." Nikki Sixx: The road crew was easy? Nardwuar: Indeed! Nikki Sixx: Well, those guys are bad boys, you know. But not us; we're good. Nardwuar: Have you ever thought, Nikki Sixx, that it's time to just take the bull by the horns? Like stop being seriously devoted to your marriages and start partying again with girls in cowboy hats? Ever thought, "Let's screw it and go for it!" Nikki Sixx: Uh, no, absolutely not. Nardwuar: The other night in Toronto, a friend of mine was really upset because you canceled a private party to be on "Rockline!" She was all stoked to meet you, and you canceled it to do "Rockline!" You guys did "Rockline" instead of partying? What about the olden days? That's kind of bullshit-canceling a party for "Rockline." Nikki Sixx: Yeah, I mean, can you imagine? We should have hung out with strippers and bimbos and done some cocaine instead of, like, promoting our record. [Laughs] Nardwuar: Nikki, have you ever "honked the horn" at all? Because in the Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson sex video, the best part is when Tommy honks the horn with his member! I love that! That's the best part, isn't it? Nikki Sixx: What do you mean? Nardwuar: You know, when Tommy honks the horn of the speedboat with his cock, Nikki Sixx. Nikki Sixx: What? He did what? Nardwuar: Like he takes his cock during the Pamela Anderson vid and he honks the horn of the speedboat. Like, he uses his cock like a finger and honks the speedboat's horn! Nikki Sixx: I haven't seen it, bro, so I don't know what you're talking about. Nardwuar: Well, you do get dirty, though. Didn't Motley CrŸe get pretty dirty, Nikki Sixx? You guys had that contest a few years ago to see who could have the most groupies without bathing? And you went, like, six months! Is that true? Nikki Sixx: Sure. Nardwuar: Sure? That doesn't sound too definite, Nikki Sixx. Nikki Sixx: Well, anything you say. Nardwuar: No, you read about that in a magazine, right Kleinz? Kleinz: Yeah! Nikki Sixx: Well, see, that makes it true. Nardwuar: OK, how about this, Nikki Sixx? There were those dirty promotional urinal mats that said, "We're back!" Like, you're taking a piss and you look down in the urinal and there are promotional urinal mats saying, "We're back!" to signify the return of Vince Neil. Do you remember having those authorized at all? Nikki Sixx: Yes, I do. Those are beautiful. Nardwuar: So there you go! There is some dirtiness to Motley CrŸe! Nikki Sixx: There you go. I guess we'll have to end it on that. Hey, listen, thanks a lot. Nardwuar: Oh, Nikki, just a few other quick questions here. Nikki Sixx: I've got to go, bro. Nardwuar: Please? Just a few other quick questions. A few other quick... Nikki Sixx: Dude, I've got another interview waiting right now. All righty? Nardwuar: Just a few other quick questions. Nikki? Nikki Sixx: Dude, I've got to go. Nardwuar: Please, can we at least go "doot doola doot doo" to you, Nikki Sixx? Nikki Sixx: [Hangs up] MOTLEY CRUE play the Opera House in Spokane 2/13, Valley Center in Yakima, WA 2/14, the Paramount Theatre in Seattle 2/15 and Arlene Schnitzer Hall in Portland 2/17 and GM Place in Vancouver, B.C. 3/28. © 1999 NardwŸar the HŸman Serviette ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V8 #51 ******************************