From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V7 #325 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Wednesday, August 26 1998 Volume 07 : Number 325 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Patti [dwdudic@erols.com (David W. Dudich)] Tidbits. [Patrick Welker ] We Are Not Us ["The Oval Orifice" ] Zero the Hero meets Tarkus! [The Great Quail ] Robyn Hitchcock Film and Album Finally On the Way ["Gene Hopstetter, Jr."] Re: the song list [M R Godwin ] The Lord of the Rings movies ["Gene Hopstetter, Jr." ] Re: fegmaniax-digest V7 #324 [edoxtato@ssax.com] The 70's [Rich Plumb ] Re: The Lord of the Rings movies [M R Godwin ] MY open letter to Eb [lj lindhurst ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 01:08:49 GMT From: dwdudic@erols.com (David W. Dudich) Subject: Patti On Tue, 25 Aug 1998 20:28:06 -0400 (EDT), you wrote: > >------------------------------ > >Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 20:47:07 +0930 >From: dlang >Subject: Patti & Bob in adelaide > >I dragged my swollen foot and my wife along to see Patti Smith and The Big Z at >Adelaide entertainment centre last night. I took the D6 along too. >I echo Mr Quail and Lj 's mega enthusiasm for Ms Smiff.I am now a confirmed >Pattiphile and will seek her out wherever she goeth . The woman has charisma, she >emotes , she plays frigging soprano sax and crazy guitar, she recites Ginsberg onstage >and she rocks! What more can any red blooded idiot require of an arist .My wife even >said that she was good and she is VERY hard to please. My only gripe was she only >played 45 mins as she was the support act. >His Bobness is much improved from his last concert here, which I enjoyed heaps, but >many disliked . A solid 100 minute + set which plundered from all era's of the Dylan >catalogue .Wonderful stuff from one of the best writers and performers ever.. >I'll trade both tapes for prime Robyn and for the Bob Mould freaks on the list , I have > >an excellent solo concert from the early 90's in Melbourne if anyones interested. >dave > welcome to the club, dave! For Patti is AWESOME in concert. While she isn't infailable (just like Richard Thompson made the awesomely Fleetwood Macish 70's bullshite "First light" and "sunnyvista" (along with other bum tracks), I thought "Gone Again" couldv'e been better with a full band on every song, and "Wave"'s production SUCKS!.. But in concert....wow. In fact, for those interested, I am organizing the Patti SMith "babel-list" tshirt...want one? -luther >------------------------------ ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 19:59:58 -0700 (PDT) From: Patrick Welker Subject: Tidbits. - --> In '81, we moved to Phoenix, and I discovered a >whole new world of >music via >an old radio show broadcast Sunday nights from Apache >Junction (outside >of >Phx)... this show played EVERYTHING and taught me that >you label soup >cans, not music... So I started to listen to >everything... INCLUDING >reggae and >ska music and right when I was starting to really get >into this great >source of >music<-- I know that radio station, it is rather groovy isn't it!? I haven't been in that direction in close to ten years. I'm uncertain if it still retains it's charm..... - -->I do believe that I have that flexi. It was a >freebie from the BOB >magazine. >I have never listened to it, and do not have the >capability to send it >through >the computer. If you want more info or a trade of >some sort let me >know. - - -Kim<-- I am interested. I don't really have anything to trade though. Trading seems to imply that I have purchased objects that I have no real use for. And I am much to cheap, ok poor, to spend my hard earned greenbacks so frivolously. But, if you're willing to it sell outright, I can part with a some loot. Let me retrieve my money-sock. Does anyone know how many languages he's recorded 'Alright Yeah' in. Cheers, Pat. _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 02:18:44 -0700 From: "The Oval Orifice" Subject: We Are Not Us Karen Reichstein suggested: > Now for a heated discussion of "What celebrity do people think you look > like?" I posted my list of "famous twins" already, but for the sake of this discussion: 1. Julian Schnabel (Hand's down winner. We must have been seperated at birth 20 or so years apart) 2. Peter Ustinov (When he was younger and not so distinguished- looking) 3. Art Garfunkel (it is/was the hair, dude! When I was fifteen or sixteen I had the "Art-fro") 4. Van Morrison, circa "Moondance" (this was especially true when I weighed 40 lbs more than I do now) 5. Brian Benben 6. Bill Maher 7. depending on the angle from which I am viewed, Billy Bragg When I was a teenager, someone told me I looked like the demon child Damien from "The Omen". Hrmm.... My best half looks a lot like Gillian Anderson. When she bleaches her hair blonde, she resembles Meg Ryan (especially when she smiles). My brother looks like Troy Aikman's (quarterback for the Dallas Crack...er...Cowboys) and Willow's bastard son. Back me up on this, Markg and Nick and Cliff! We already know that Sharkboy and James Dignan look alike, so that point is moot. ;-) BTW: I always believed (and still do) that Tom Clark would win a Robyn Hitchcock lookalike contest were there one to enter. Russ Reynolds and Nick Winkworth: I'm working on it, but nothing is coming to mind...Russ looks like my Uncle Randy, but none of you know him so forget it. Although I think you'd like him. Randy that is, not Russ. But you probably like Russ too, though, right? Or maybe not. Enuff already! Exit light; enter night, - -g- )+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+( Glen Uber Email: uberg@sonic.net ICQ UIN: 13311304 Web: http://www.sonic.net/~uberg "The war on drugs is a joke and we the people are the punch line." --From a letter to the Editor The Santa Rosa Press Democrat, 31 July 1998 )+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+( ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 98 08:40:37 -0400 From: The Great Quail Subject: Zero the Hero meets Tarkus! Bayard asks: >Has Robyn performed a >Gong tune, a Carl Palmer tune, or a Carl Palmer gong tune of which i am >unaware? Yes, actually. At the secret 1993 "Bumbleshite" gig, which was held on a floating, vaguely donut-shaped raft in the Susquehanna River, Robyn opened his forth set of the evening my completely duplicating the setlist of the historic ELP/Gong Festival held on that very same floating donut exactly a decade ago on that night. And at that earlier show, Carl Palmer did indeed team up with Daevid Allen to sing an improvisational song they called "Clippety Cloppety Brainfry Beat." The original work lasted thirty-seven and a half minutes, and ended only when Keith Emerson fell off his piano and into the river. (According to sources quoted in "Uncle Bob's Prog Magazine," by the way, Keith was supposedly stoned on thirteen ounces of Miskatonic Blue, and claims that he had suffered a vision that Greg Lake would one day become a jaded, corpulent lounge singer the size of the floating donut; and that he leapt overboard thinking he was, in fact, playing the gig on a giant, floating, donut-shaped Greg Lake.) (But you can never trust Uncle Bob.) Robyn's rendition was of course much shorter, because a local fly fisherman mistook him for David Bowie in "The Man Who Fell to Earth" and swamped the donut in a drunken attempt to get his autograph, and perhaps (we can only darkly surmise) become covered with weird alien goo. Although I am sure that by now Woj, Lobsterman, or Glen has sent these to you, in case they were negligent, I will include the lyrics -- or at least the ones that Robyn was able to get through: "Clippety Cloppety Brainfry Beat" By Carl Palmer and Gong Floating donut From outer space Floating donut From outer space Floating donut From outer space Floating donut From outer space Floating donut From outer space yeah I said Floating donut From outer space Floating donut From outer space My name is Carl Palmer/Yes it truly is Gong may be the soda/But I am like the fizz So now I am in Asia/Isn't that a scream? But you all bought the record/Just for Roger Dean ELP may forget me/That would be a howl But I am very evil/So I curse thee Cozy Powell! I am the evil drummer My sticks will never cease! Dave Gilmour can't protect you So run away Denise! He's busy beating Roger For the "Final Cut" release And E-flat's in the future Being stalked by meece! The Fegs are at the door-- There are no Fegs at the door. . . . The Fegs are at the door-- There are no Fegs at the door. . . . . . . and so on until the "splash." I'll loan you the tape if you need it, but Robyn only gets through three minutes of piano. >-Corrections. Is it Leopardskin Pillbox Hat, not >Leopard-skin Pill-box Hat? If you mean Dylan's song about the Albanian dictator, it's "Leo Pardski Npil L'Boxhat," but maybe you speak of another Dylan tune, or possibly a Dan Bern song. >- Deletions. Which is correct, "My Eveline" or "Eveline" or "Evaline" or >"My Evaline"? I want to delete any entries that are not right. No need to spell it backwards, that's ENILAVE. . . . - --Quailstalker +---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+ The Great Quail, K.S.C. (riverrun Discordian Society) For fun with postmodern literature, New York vampires, and Fegmania, visit Sarnath: http://www.rpg.net/quail "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." -- H.P. Lovecraft ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 98 08:40:47 -0400 From: The Great Quail Subject: i love meeces to peeces >AKA Mousestalker Um, Cliff . . . on behalf of myself and the whole List, I need to ask you an *important* question. Is it "Mouses Talker," or "Mouse Stalker?" And if it is indeed the latter, are we to envision an insane Mickey peeping in our windows, or more in the order of cats, owls, hawks, Toms, Scratchies, Ross Overburies, et al? - --Quail +---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+ The Great Quail, K.S.C. (riverrun Discordian Society) For fun with postmodern literature, New York vampires, and Fegmania, visit Sarnath: http://www.rpg.net/quail "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." -- H.P. Lovecraft ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 98 08:40:54 -0400 From: The Great Quail Subject: The Red Wagon Maker OK, Fegs -- to the satisfaction of Ebbles "Dude" Garcia, I must come out of the closet with this public confession -- I am beginning to *love* Rufus Wainwright. LJ bought the album shortly after Eb recommended it, and I confess my first thought was, "Is this some kind of joke?" I thought he was another Ron Sexsmith type. But, unlike Ron's work, there was something about olf Rufey-boy that made me wish to hear the CD again . . . and again . . . and again . . . And finally I realized that I was listening with the wrong ears, that I was trying to fit RW into a lounge-music mode or something. But when I listened to him with my love of Brecht, Weill, Ute and Fozzie Bear in mind, I began really liking the songs, and now I can't get the freaking CD outta my player. (It was the "ship with eight sails" reference, from "Threepenny Opera," that served as the hook that first snagged my mind's ear.) His voice, his lyrics, his delivery, the orchestration -- it's all growing on me quite nicely. God *damn* this means that my "current best of 98" list is *awfully* close to Eb's . . . oh, oh. Well, I suppose I can feel safe that Shane McGowan's "Crock of Gold" isn't on his, so there may be hope for me yet. . . . but then Eb likes the Pogues, so . . . why oh why can't Phish release something soon? Oh yeah, on other music recommendations, for those of you that like "contemporary classical," the new Tan Dun CD ("Out of Peking Opera") is fantastic. The middle work -- "Death and Fire, a Dialogue with Paul Klee" is one of the best works I've heard in a while -- very dark and questing, turbulent yet oddly humorous . . . very enjoyable. Also Gavin Bryar's "Man in a Room, Gambling" is very *very* good, and has some terrific pieces which are delisiously lush and wonderfully romantic without being at all sappy, trite, or obvious. And the "Gambling" pieces are a real trip to listen to, as well. . . . Hmmm . . . . time to play "Metal Machine Music" and do some country line dancing while whistling Renaldo and the Loaf tunes, just to get back to musical normality. . . . - --Quail +---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+---------+ The Great Quail, K.S.C. (riverrun Discordian Society) For fun with postmodern literature, New York vampires, and Fegmania, visit Sarnath: http://www.rpg.net/quail "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." -- H.P. Lovecraft ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 09:30:26 -0400 From: "Gene Hopstetter, Jr." Subject: Robyn Hitchcock Film and Album Finally On the Way From . [What? No mention of "I've Got A Message For You" appearing the film? Drat!] Robyn Hitchcock Film and Album Finally On the Way The unlikely collaboration between singer-songwriter Robyn Hitchcock and filmmaker Jonathan Demme will finally hit theaters this fall, preceded by a soundtrack album. Storefront Hitchcock is scheduled to open Nov. 18 in New York City and will play in select markets around the country soon thereafter. A special screening at the annual CMJ music convention in New York is also in the works, and Warner Bros. publicist Rick Gershon tells Wall of Sound that Hitchcock himself plans to escort a print of the film across England and will speak before it is shown. Shot in December 1996, Demme's documentary chronicles four unorthodox live performances by Hitchcock in an actual Manhattan storefront window. The film mixes songs (both old and new) with the artist's quirky spoken-word introductions and stream-of-consciousness stories that are as much a part of his shows as the music itself. Austin Chronicle writer Russell Smith, who saw a cut of Storefront Hitchcock at this year's SXSW music conference, described Hitchcock's "whimsical, mind-bending between-song raps" in the film as "free-associative neural purges [that] range from a line or two to soliloquies of 10 minutes or more. While they're obviously delivered for calculated effect, their heedless, careening defiance of familiar narrative logic nixes all suspicion of prescripting." On Oct. 27, three weeks before the film opens, the soundtrack to Storefront Hitchcock arrives. Like the film, the live album highlights new songs, including "1974," "Let's Go Thundering," and "Where Do You Go When You Die?," along with Hitchcock favorites like "Glass Hotel," "The Yip! Song," "Alright, Yeah," and a cover of Jimi Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary." The CD will also retain many spoken-word introductions, though they will be separately indexed on the disc, to allow users to play only the music if they so desire. Not every song in the film is represented on the CD and vice versa, a theme which will carry over to all releases related to Storefront Hitchcock, says WB publicist Gershon. A gatefold double-vinyl edition of the album is also in the works, which will not only offer six additional songs not found on the CD (among them "Statue With a Walkman," "You and Oblivion," and "Airscape") but different "verbals" between the tracks. Fans may remember that Warner Bros. has done this kind of thing with Hitchcock before, releasing an alternate version of his last album, Moss Elixir, on vinyl only as Mossy Liquor, which included different takes than those used on the CD. Gershon adds that the eventual home video release of the documentary is also expected to be longer and offer still more performances from the Storefront gigs. Since production on the film wrapped, Hitchcock has been hard at work writing and recording new tracks for a full studio album expected sometime next year under the tentative title Jewels for Sophia. ++++++++ Gene Hopstetter, Jr. + Online Design Guy http://extra.newsguy.com/~genehop/ ++++++++ Yoda. The other white meat. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 14:37:37 +0100 (BST) From: M R Godwin Subject: Re: the song list On Mon, 24 Aug 1998, Capitalism Blows wrote: > > traditional? * I will try to check this out. > > this is a soft boys song on the b-side of the Flesh No. 1 flexi. it > *was* written by "tyler," but i always figured that was a different > tyler than aerosmith's tyler. * Definitely not. the Wink Martindale hit version dates from c1961. > > It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry -- dylan? * Definitely Dylan. > > Legalized Murder * No, it's English spelling, Legalised Murder. > > elvis grbac * No, it's by Sam Phillips and Junior Parker > > the byrds? * Definitely Byrds, I'm not sure who wrote it. > > is this song really by the kinks? i'd never have guessed! * I would have said it was called "Tired of Waiting for You" if it is indeed the Kinks number. > > trad.? * This has come up several times. There was a definitive folk arrangement by someone (before the Byrds) on which all modern readings are based. > > duplicate? (Bottle Of Bread) * This is surely from the Basement Tapes, which means it is probably by Dylan or Robertson or Danko. - - Mike Godwin ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 09:53:59 -0400 From: "Gene Hopstetter, Jr." Subject: The Lord of the Rings movies I think it's about friggin' time, too. I'd prefer a Lord of the Rings trilogy over a Star Wars trilogy any day. And we should start a campaign to get Robyn hired to play Aragorn, too. Hmm, I wonder who should play Smeagol? From Co-Hobbitation Wired News Report 6:00pm 25.Aug.98.PDT Time Warner's New Line Cinema has said it will invest US$120 million in a live-action film trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkien's classic The Lord of the Rings. While a mediocre animated version of the story was released in the 1970s, "it's one of those books that has had the 'unfilmable' tag -- for just cause," said New Zealand director Peter Jackson (The Frighteners Heavenly Creatures), who will head the production. The trilogy is slated for release in theaters in December 2000. Famed Tolkien artists Alan Lee and John Howe will employ computer technology and some 1,200 special effects shots to reduce the movie's actors to the size of hobbits, the book's dwarf-like central characters Jackson said. Most of the action will be filmed in New Zealand. Academy Award-winning producer Saul Zaentz (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The English Patient), who bought the film rights to the trilogy from Tolkien himself more than 30 years ago, will be among the series' executive producers. The trilogy had already been signed over to Disney's Miramax Films, but work on the project stalled when Miramax wanted the three books compressed into one film. Miramax allowed Jackson to seek another production company, while retaining an undisclosed interest in the project. New Line has also picked up rights to The Hobbit -- the story that predates the trilogy. ++++++++ Gene Hopstetter, Jr. + Online Design Guy http://extra.newsguy.com/~genehop/ ++++++++ Yoda. The other white meat. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 09:15:42 -0500 From: edoxtato@ssax.com Subject: Re: fegmaniax-digest V7 #324 Susan Well... I'm innerested in the Chicago FegFest. What sorta dates are we looking at here, etc, etc? I couldn't mail you privately as our mail server kept kicking the mail back to me. It doesn't like your address. I dunno why and it's too early in the morning to sort it out. Look after yerselves... - -Ed, Doc, gotta Zombie Woof behind my eyes this morning. Or mebbe it's just my allergies. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 10:16:40 -0400 (EDT) From: Rich Plumb Subject: The 70's I hate 70's nostalgia. It's almost totally bogus. I started high school in 1971 and graduated from college in 1979. In my nearly all-white suburban high school the music that ruled was Chicago, The Eagles, Led Zepellin, what was then known as classical rock and space rock (Floyd, Moodies, ELP, YES) and singer-songwriter shit like James Taylor and Cat Stevens. Disco first appeared around 1974 as I recall. There was a very tiny minority who wore the polyester fashions of the day, but virtually everyone else dressed like hippies in ripped faded jeans and with long hair. Even the jocks and geeks. Check out "Dazed and Confused" for a bit more authentic view of that great decade. Maybe that show will play some Soft Boys, they're a great 70's band. rich p.s. I'd like to welcome Cliff the mousestalker. And please tell us more about Albino Brown, I've never heard of him. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 15:36:13 +0100 (BST) From: M R Godwin Subject: Re: The Lord of the Rings movies On Wed, 26 Aug 1998, Gene Hopstetter, Jr. wrote: > Co-Hobbitation > Wired News Report > > 6:00pm 25.Aug.98.PDT > Time Warner's New Line Cinema has said it will invest US$120 million in a > live-action film trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkien's classic The Lord of the > Rings. *It isn't a trilogy. It's a story in 6 books which was marketed in 3 parts because Allen & Unwin didn't think anyone would buy one big book. > a mediocre animated version of the story was released in the 1970s, *Has anyone seen this? I understand that Terrence's unfavourite "Wizards", (which I have seen), was the dry run for LotR. My understanding is that it only goes as far as Helm's Deep, half-way through the story, which seems pretty weedy. > Famed Tolkien artists Alan Lee and John Howe will employ computer > technology and some 1,200 special effects shots to reduce the movie's > actors to the size of hobbits, the book's dwarf-like central characters > Jackson said. *Is this sensible? I would have thought that the Time Bandits approach, using short actors, was the way to go. > Most of the action will be filmed in New Zealand. *James and co: Is NZ entirely the right place? I would have thought there was no substitute for Herefordshire and the Forest of Dean for the Shire, and the Gobi Desert for Mordor. But I'm sure that you have the scenery for Ithilien. *As for casting, I would have thought RH was more of a Legolas than an Aragorn. Presumably John Hurt will do Smeagol. Now, what about Gandalf and Saruman? Maybe one person to play both? - - Mike G. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1998 11:20:49 -0400 From: lj lindhurst Subject: MY open letter to Eb dear eb: Your extreme daily sarcasm has inspired me to tell you everything there is to know about me. I feel that I should approach you like the police approach a hostage-taker-- in other words, if you know a few personal details about the individuals that you are "taking hostage" day in and day out with your merciless rockcrit witicisms, then maybe you will take pity on our wretched souls... As you all know, I was born on a turnip farm in southern Arkansas. My family was extremely poor, and since we could not afford hospitalization for my mother, my father delivered me using only a jar of Vicks Vap-o-Rub and a pair of ice tongs (however, I fared much better than my younger brother, "Dirt Devil," let me tell you!). Life on the turnip farm was hard. And all we ever had to eat was turnips. Turnips, turnips, turnips-- turnip pudding, turnip stew, turnip mignon, open faced turnip sandwiches au jus, turnip pie with turnips ala mode, ecch, it was just too much. What I wouldn't have given for a nice fresh beet in those days. And besides that, after my dad died in a mysterious "accident" involving a plastic shopping bag and a rubber band, my mom went through a LOT of husbands. I mean, she was a virtual black widow, always tramping around with a new man and then "accidentally" killing him (huh, and she thought she could FOOL US by acting all surprised when they'd turn up at the dinner table with Safeway bags over their heads). Since we were so poor, my sister "Wirehanger" and I were forced to go into the nearest town and work as child labor in a Sergio Valente designer jeans factory. In fact, it was while working there that I suggested to Sergio that he overdye the jeans so completely that they turn your skin blue when you sweat. And my suggestion paid off-- people were crazy about the new "blue crack" look, and Sergio was most pleased with his 9 year-old ingenue, who had by now succeeded in making him ten million dollars AND winning his heart (he was quite charmed by the indentations in my skull) . To reward me, he allowed both my sister and I to work in an AIR CONDITIONED wing of the plant. Of course, all of the other girls in the factory were crying foul because of our special treatment, but we didn't care what they thought and happily went on to a luxurious life of sewing cute little patterns on vivid blue back pockets for the next 8 years. Well, things went afoul roundabout 1984. Designer jeans were totally out of fashion, and Sergio had taken to violent bouts of drinking during which he would force all of us in the Back Pocket division to sew in a perverse synchronicity while he blared Shaun Cassidy's "Hey There Lonely Girl" over the loudspeakers. At his worst moments, he threatened to turn the entire factory into a Shaun Cassidy iron-on decal plant, but I always managed to calm him down by allowing him to drink Southern Comfort straight out of the dents in my skull. Tragic as this tale is, this is where I was first exposed to music, and I mean GOOD MUSIC, you know- rock and roll! I had never heard of this so-called "Shaun Cassidy" before, and the way he used all of those drums and guitars all together *at once* was mesmerizing to me. I had to find out more! By this time, Sergio had also begun an involvement with a 12 year-old in the Zipper Division, so Wirehanger and I left the quickly declining designer jeans plant, and headed for the nearest Big City, which was Little Rock. Oh the wonders of Little Rock! We were such rubes, my sister and I! We had no idea that there were such marvels awaiting us outside of the world of designer jeans. We walked around gape-mouthed, amazed at this new fangled world! Neon lights! Walk/Don't Walk signs! Shoes! We approached every stranger we met, pointed to a bleary Xerox of the cover of Sergio's "Born Late" 8-track, and inquired "Where is Shaun Cassidy? Where is Shaun Cassidy?" But alas, no one seemed to know. I stayed in Little Rock for the next ten years, trying to figure out where oh where I had gone wrong. Wirehanger quickly picked up a scorching case of gonnorhea from a bus station toilet, and got shipped back to the turnip farm after only a couple of months. That was fine with me; her habit of incessantly asking ME where Shaun Cassidy was had started to get on my nerves. Of course *I* didn't know!! That's WHY I was in Little Rock!! Duuhhhh....some people are so stupid!!! So I stayed in Little Rock, sleeping in various residency hotels with odd men who wanted me to put my mouth in the FUNNIEST places in exchange for a shower and a place to sleep. I never understood this practice, but I happily complied since sometimes they would also give me cigarettes. (And it was in this way that I met my one true love of all of my life: CIGARETTES! I can't get enough of 'em! Whoever invented these wondrous little cylinders of pleasure should be given a medal, I swear. I smoke and smoke and smoke. Sometimes I smoke over 400 cigarettes a day. It's wonderful.) Meanwhile, things were starting to look up for me. I secured a job at a nearby "Musicland", thinking that if Shaun Cassidy were to be found anyplace, it would DEFINITELY be there. I was a fast learner-- they used this complex "alpabetical" filing system for all of the records, which only took me six months to master (they told me that was the fastest any Musicland employee had ever learned it!). After a year, I was on to more advanced record filing, splitting the alphabetized records into sub-categories such as "pop" and "classical". The management was amazed at how far I had come (and how willing I was to put my mouth in funny places), and I rapidly started climbing the rungs of the Musicland Ladder of Success; within four years, I had worked my way up to operating the CASH REGISTER, and after six years, I was finally given the title of "Crew Leader", which meant that I not only operated the cash register, but I also was allowed to clean the employee bathroom! By now I had gotten my *own* room at the residency hotel, and I even had a little bit of money ($146) saved up in a Safari coffee can underneath my mattress. Life was good. I was eating beets every day, and I had all but given up on my dream of finding Shaun Cassidy. I had moved on to more challenging music, such as ska and reggae. I felt my mind expanding, my soul enriched. (Do you see, Eb? Do you see how hard it was for me to find this musical enlightenment that you so easily take for granted? This same hard-won enthusiasm that you seem to delight in stomping down every chance you get???) But I felt as though I had to move on. Sure, Little Rock had infused me with a tremendous amount of culture, but I needed to get MORE, I needed to "find myself". I needed to look beyond those racks and racks of prettily-packaged, well-lit compact discs, and see the TRUE ME. The REAL LJ Lindhurst. You know? So I headed east. I never realized how BIG this country was, until I tried to hitch a ride to New York. I mean, come on! It couldn't have been much further than Nashville, but you would be surprised at how many people are unwilling to go the distance for a young woman with nothing more than a dream and a willingness to put her mouth in funny places. But inch by inch, I got there. (By now it was 1996, and Shaun Cassidy had truly been out of the mainstream for a good three or four years.) Since I was a Musicland career girl, it wasn't difficult finding work-- I quickly secured my current job at the Penn Station Musicland mobile cart ("Discs on Wheels!"), and instantly began wowing my co-workers with my knowledge of the Musicland filing system. And that is how you find me today. Yes, I have definitely come a long way from my days on the turnip farm, and I still have a glimmer of hope that one of these days Shaun Cassidy himself is going to step off that Long Island Railroad, but I have fought hard and truly *earned* my current appreciation of music which you find so FUNNY, Eb (and what's with only having ONE name??? How pretentious! What, are we supposed to think you are some kind of "Liza" or "Oprah" or something?). So just remember that next time you feel the need to show off your smarmy "college" education, Mr. I-Think-I'm-So-Big! Not all of us had it handed to us on a silver platter. Think about it. respectfully yours, lj lindhurst ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V7 #325 *******************************