From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V7 #1 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Friday, January 9 2004 Volume 07 : Number 001 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: just an old bit.... [rawhite78@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2004 21:59:47 EST From: rawhite78@aol.com Subject: ET: just an old bit.... Hmm... just a bit of old prose I found while cleaning out my 'puter... Ranger Row was not much of a ranch hand. It was not because he did not try, in fact it could be that he tried too hard. He couldn't rope, couldn't ride, didn't know how to weld, and in fact probably didn't know which end of the cow the feed went in... Oh, he did alright if you had a pile of dirt at point A, and you wanted it at Point B, but given time to think about things he would have the whole ranch in an uproar. It got to the point to where if any of the other hands heard him mumble "well, hell" they would all run as if their lives depended on it, which they just might have. Last time anyone heard him say those words, the hands were all together doctoring the cows. Slow work... Two riders would cut a calf from the herd, rope him and drag the calf to the other hands. Ranger Row would hold the calf while one of the other hands gave the shot. Naturally, the calves didn't particularly like being roped and hauled to get a hole poked in their hide, so they would be a little hard to catch. Ranger Row was getting a bit bored and before long he had a plan "Well Hell, boys," At this the other hands cringed, "Let me show ya'll a trick." Row ambled to the truck, while the other hands looked at each other, trying to see who'd be the first to run. Ranger Row didn't have much of a life back then, and so he spent his nights watching Animal Planet. It seemed every time one of those funny dressed cowboys wanted to doctor their critters they'd just shoot him with one of those tranquilizer dart guns. Hell, that'd be alot faster than doing it by hand, right? Row didn't have one of those guns, but he was always ready to improvise, adapt and overcome. Coming back to the corrals Ranger row tossed a box of shotgun shells to a hand, "Joe, cut the pellets out of these shells.. Dove season's over anyway, Danny, run up to the truck and get some more hypos" Ranger Row ordered. The planned seemed strange, but no stranger than some others, so to avoid a fight, everyone just watched. Row slid one of the now pelletless shells into the scattergun, locked the breech, and dropped one of the hypodermic needles down the barrel. Now, you wouldn't think so, but the ballistics of a tranquilizer dart is quite a bit different from a needle shot out the business end of a 12 gauge! Whereas on television the wildebeest would fall down asleep; Marisleno, head hand, fell down with a half inch hole in his thigh. Before he passed out he was heard saying something about killing that "no good, no account son of a bitch.." Everyone agreed that he would have probably said more had he not passed out. So, as you can see, Ranger Row never let common sense get in the way of a plan. After that, the boss pretty much worked Row by himself, and that is how he got saddled with the job to clear 600 acres of land with a brand new air conditioned, heated bulldozer. For all his faults, Ranger Row was a damn good dozer operator. For the first few days everything went really well. The brush got cleared, and Row didn't come up with any homicidal plans. Since the incident, (that is what Marisleno's lawyer was calling it) Ranger Row tried hard to just lay low. He worked hard on the brush, and enjoyed just listening to the radio. Until just after lunchtime Friday. Ranger Row had just uprooted a huge cedar tree, and as the roots tumbled up in the air he caught the flash of color in the dirt. Looking closer, Row soon discovered that the color was moving! He jumped off the dozer (remembering to put in park this time) to investigate. Sure enough, Ranger Row had dug up a snake. "Well, Hell, that'd look good at home... hmm what is that poem... Red and yellow Kill a fellow... wait, no maybe it's red and black kill jack! Damn, I dunno" Row, looked, and thought, and still couldn't remember what pattern meant that the snake was poisonous. But he did have a good animal book at home, and he figured he could just check it out there. So, Ranger Row gingerly picked the snake out of the roots, and started back towards the dozer. "Hey, wait... what'll I put him in?" Row queried aloud. His truck was all the way across the pasture, and Mr. Petty sure wouldn't want him to waste time to go all that way for a snake. Then he remembered the 22 ounce fountain drink he had on the dozer. Row carefully climbed up the track, slurped the last bit of Dr. Pepper, and started to put his new friend away. It was a tight fit, but at last Row got the snake in the cup, and the plastic lid back on top. Smiling, Ranger Row went back to work with his cup o snake in the cup holder. It should be mentioned here that the month of march (and november) is a hard month on snakes. Some days are cold, others hot, and the snakes are sick, just starting to move again after winter. It would be like having PMS, Hypothermia, heat exhaustion all at once. Add motion sickness from the bouncing and vibration of the bulldozer, and it does not take a genius to see that there was bound to be one pissed off snake in that cup. The rest of the day went by as normal, except that Row had started talking to the snake, even going to the point of naming it Alfred. By quitting time Ranger Row had fully explained that Alfred would have a good warm home until the weather evened out, and then he'd be free to go anywhere in Merkel his little snake body could take him. Just before dark Row parked the dozer, and turned back to the cup holder. The cup was empty, the lid missing. "Alfred.. Where you at guy?... Here snakee, snakee... 'Fred? Where you hiding?" Row looked all over, but couldn't see "Alfred" anywhere. Finally figuring that "'fred" must be curled under the seat, Row gave up and climbed off the dozer, remembering to shut the door so Fred wouldn't get cold at night. "See ya monday fred! I'll bring you a mouse or something, bro." Halfway home Row remembered that Marisleno sometimes came out to run the dozer on weekends. Ranger Row shrugged at the thought and said "I hope he does't scare Alfred!" ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V7 #1 ********************************