From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V4 #94 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Monday, August 6 2001 Volume 04 : Number 094 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: I wrote this late last night... [Tudegirl08@aol.com] ET: No One Has Darkness Quite Like You. [Nikki ] ET: where do i begin? [Katherine Alexandra ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 16:24:41 EDT From: Tudegirl08@aol.com Subject: ET: I wrote this late last night... I miss how we were and of course how we've been I love how we'd talk and how I'd feel within The way you'd make me laugh and the way my face would brighten There's no other person for me you make me more enlightened I still think of you no matter what time of night you complete my heart without you, I am dark without light I hold onto a part of you as you break a piece of me my insides ache when i dream of what we could be I need you tonight but now is like all other if we were just together I'd hold on to you forever ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 06 Aug 2001 08:05:03 +1000 From: Nikki Subject: ET: No One Has Darkness Quite Like You. Hey all, I'd love comments, good or bad, please tell me. Nikki No One Has Darkness Quiet Like You. The sun never shines, Where you live. The sky is dark, a promise Of eternal rain. You stroke your keys, So lovingly, like a familiar chair. How dear to you, Those friends whose faces unknown Are diamonds in your mind. Stories of men and women Who share your life, You replay to the people You have never met. But these stories never include names. And as you sulk in your corner, Always dark, always so lonesome, You fear this is life. Your only sunshine is the dear man, To whom you owe so very much. Those sweet little things he has never promised, But you can forever imagine. Tap, tap, tap, click, click, click, Through a modern code  that lovely code. You believe he will give you that which you crave, Hundreds of miles away, love doesnt question space. You speak already of the future, This happy man, so attuned to his world, And you, alone, in darkness, Quivering against yours. As you make your many plans, Click, click, click, tap, tap, tap, And relay these to your golden man, And he can see your darkness, Plus the need to invade his shimmering world. There was once a musician, Who promised you nothing. But your imagination ran away with your mind, And he broke the temporary light he gave you. Please dont hate me as well, you cried, And poured bitter tears across your keys, When all is hate and all is black, Youre the only thing I have. And he sighed frustration across miles, I never loved you, he thought, Across the land you felt his doubts, And you understand, finally, What it means to be alone. Permanently and always alone, No one has darkness quite like you -Nikki Whatford - copywrite. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 20:31:15 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: where do i begin? *this is more of a theraputic rambling then anything else. and how do i begin the day, with all of this pounding inside of me and filling into my bones. no matter what my words are, no one will listen, and if they do, they wont believe me. because i have believed that people were wrong before and i know that it is much easier believeing that it doesn't exist, or wont happen. now i am unaware of who i am becoming. i'm in this perpetual state of confusion and shock. slowly the events are slipping away from my memory and all i have of proof is the way that i am mocked when entering a room. a girl should never say no. once a girl pushes away, she is crucified by the towns people for wearing that skirt and having that lipstick. so i keep my mouth shut and wonder through the aimless town, trying to avoid those that i once knew. people, people that would sit in a semi-circle with me on sunday nights while smoking dope and drinking beer, people that once laughed at my jokes and offered advice, are now asking me not to enter their homes. they are taking his side.without asking me, without hesitation, what happened to you. why did you run out crying? they don't care. because no one wants to believe that such a friendly man, such a charming person that can put anyone to ease would actually hold such anger. and i am the fool for accepting the date and for falling in love, briefly, with the charming character that he provided for me. and over a meal and a boat ride, i allowed him to have my trust. i am to blame. he promised that nothing would happen. i believed him and trusted him. i slowly lost all self-respect that i ever held, i threw out all wisdom that my mother and sisters have pounding me with for 21 years, and i allowed myself to fall into his prey. i did this without even being aware,i did this with laughter, smiles, hug, kisses. i felt safe. all that i can remember is crying and saying no. i said it loudly. the others had to of heard. i was sensible, all i could think of how he wasn't wearing a condom. i told him he could go on, but please, be kind enough to wear a condom. please don't inflict harm twice. he stopped. the rest is too hard to write down, or it looks too emotionless when written down. it means nothing once on paper and i cannot describe the emotions without watering them down and forcing them into words. it has to all be a mistake. he, the man who seduced me with knowledge of every book i have read, he could not be the one that would hurt me. where do i go from here? what do i do now that almost a week has gone by and my body still feels numb. and lost. 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