From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V4 #82 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Monday, June 25 2001 Volume 04 : Number 082 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: ~shifting a person's meaning~ ["shivergirl" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2001 19:20:03 +0100 From: "shivergirl" Subject: ET: ~shifting a person's meaning~ + i am writing for you now i love you now but all the page corners turned down above incomplete stretched-out sentences that surround so many stories abandoned have made me wary of anticipating any further chapters with anyone (not just you) simply because i'm not sure if the words will decide to appear (whether the will turn out to be true) indelible and infinite like something that doesn't go out of print or maybe the other way intoxicatingly transient like having a good emotional cigarette only to find nicotine is not what you mean to crave after all + your awkward attempts at english literacy have led to increasingly moving poetry notwithstanding your earnest approach to editing all your physical correspondence at least once before sending it to me scribbling out wrong tenses like past guesses giving up on capitals altogether except for business purposes did you know it's your frequent error of using the singular that makes me gain a whole new appreciation for the pluralism i've found in you your delicious determination wanting to write to my heart yet not knowing how to start except in a foregin tongue in order to be trusted not to steal the same sterile worn-out words used by other webster-lovers whose memory is as relevant as an outdated dictionary i sometimes search out just to see how much the meanings have stayed the same even if the definitions have decayed to a point that they no longer come up in conversation + the green glow of the phone as it blinks and beats like an inanimate heart signalling me to your side as you play croquet on the lawn writing it'll soon be time to pick seven flowers to put under my pillow for midsummer's eve so that i may dream about the man i will celebrate many pagan summer rituals with to come and i reply playfully, yet seriously more forcefully assured than this time last year of who i want to be undeniably with saying, somehow i could be mistaken but haven't they already been picked? + for igor i crept into your den like it was a place forbidden because i had not been given prior permission to enter this particular hub of your peculiar creativity always slightly disturbing like something unseen that endlessly perturbs maybe it was that peripheral darkness of us comforting each other that led you to seek light elsewhere somewhere other than the scenes that comprised stirfry dinners we made together imagining the day we would celebrate my first publication banning intimacy eventually because it distracted you from remembering my traumas and made it harder to break up with me well i needed you to revert the hurt along with that month of pretend to learn how to ease you out of my life although no remission could make amends for the way i felt when you started using phrases like i still care about you and i stupidly refused to believe it was actually what you meant until you went and proved how bad you are at correspondence and my love was locked inside a vault i don't think you even remember exists + ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V4 #82 *********************************