From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest)
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Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V4 #63
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eda-thoughts-digest       Sunday, April 29 2001       Volume 04 : Number 063




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                               Today's Subjects:
                               -----------------
  ET: trying to hold it all in                          [DrkShadws85@aol.com]

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Date: Sat, 28 Apr 2001 10:47:46 EDT
From: DrkShadws85@aol.com
Subject: ET: trying to hold it all in

I was swept away with nothing left in my arms
I was lost and I didn't think that it was possible to be found
I had forgotten that I existed and I didn't want to
forget all of the memories that I had once had I know you don't
hear my cry out to the air that was taken from me
there's no food in the cupboards and there's people yelling all around me
telling me I'm nothing
I still have it better than you do
I just wanted to breathe for you and give you everything that you can't have

~~

Sitting on my little bench hearing all the words you are screaming
the way that you say, "FUCK YOU" doesn't help the situations
at all. Sometimes it does nothing but make everything worse I had to
leave this time because I can't take all of these things anymore. They hurt
too much. I don't think that I even have right now because I'm bent over in
all of the pain in my body. The pain that was delivered with no intentions
of being taken back. I didn't have the heart to make you feel all of the 
things
that you've made me feel. Please don't embarrass me in public anymore, I'm 
enough
of an embarrassment to myself. I cant stand sitting here feeling empty and not
doing anything about it; the only things that could be done about it
are things that I shouldn't be thinking about. Growing up mother taught me 
not to
break any promises. I've become her little failure, maybe its just the way 
that
I see things through my eyes. And I cant sit here thinking about right now, I 
have to
sit and wait for the future. It doesn't feel like its coming, I wanted to 
reach out for 
you. You wouldn't let me, my problems are always nothing, at least
that's what you are telling me right now.

I pulled out my cd player because its the only thing that ever can console 
me. The only
constant that can see my tears and I don't have to avoid it after they fall. 
I'm so tired
of always having to avoid these people. They don't know me, I don't know 
myself. I wanted
to reach out and feel you and for you to look at me and say its all okay, even
if made you a failure to your mother (because it was all a lie). 

~~

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End of eda-thoughts-digest V4 #63
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