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Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V4 #23
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eda-thoughts-digest     Sunday, February 11 2001     Volume 04 : Number 023




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                               Today's Subjects:
                               -----------------
  ET: keep away from me                                 [DrkShadws85@aol.com]
  ET: snow               [Katherine Alexandra <jackies_strength20@yahoo.com>]
  ET: studies in anwa #12  ["The wise and powerful Chuckman" <Dabidee@colleg]

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Date: Sat, 10 Feb 2001 14:40:00 EST
From: DrkShadws85@aol.com
Subject: ET: keep away from me

i wanted to share with you the words of my life
in a way that they would make sense in a way
that i would be quite so ashamed of them
i get up everymorning in the morning with black skies outside
i get tired never sleep wakeup school sleep
so people come and tow one of your cars away in the middle of the night
i guess things like that happen to everyone, or doesnt it?
so all of the money ran out a long long time ago
and girls only want to talk to me so they can rant about boys
when the only boy i want lives so far away it would take me years to walk
so i confess everything that i ever felt to people and they dont know what to 
think
this time im not going back to counseling because they didnt help me
they just told me the 'proper way to slit your wrist'
what a help that bitch was, and the one at this school already hates me
so i was walking home and it was snowing and someone was here and i walked 
right     
       away
down the road they left and i ran back to my little house
the telephone rings because no one else is allowed to use it
eyes so heavy not even toothpicks could hold them up 
so many wasted days so many wasted memories you go away and dont come back
i see you when i close my eyes and that makes me want to never open them
in my nightly prayers sometimes i pray not to wake up but pray mainly for 
everyone
       elses well being
i dont need all of these songs on the radio to hold my hand just to screw my 
head on the
       right way 

when you wake up in the morning i you should be able to reach your own hands 
and then
       take one and i cant do that anymore.
what i thought i knew was true was so wrong that it broke me down
i let the walls crumble some nights in hopes that someone would come along 
and hold
       me
tell me that everything is going to be okay even though i already know that 
everything is
       messed up and time doesnt fix everything and time doesnt erase all 
scars         
i was scared to tell someone (anyone) how i feel because they always tell me 
that its a lie
out of everyone in this world i am the only one that doesnt know how i feel 
because
       damnit everyone else knows just how happy i am
on the other side of the telephone i could smile while i cry and sleep when i 
tell them that
       im out with one of my friends it just a matter of how nieve they are 
and how much
       you believe me
but i dont lie, i rarely lie and when i do it its not like it something that 
i like to do, just
       something that happens
february is an exciting month as i watch all of my life crumble and fall to 
my ankles
just so happens that we lost the dust pan which really makes it hard to sweep 
up, makes it
       really hard to cleanup, makes it really hard to soak up the tears
     
i dont want to have to walk out of the door this time but i think that i may 
have to maybe
       it is time for me to leave
and its the fact that i realize it and everyone else is in denial
i could keep staring in the mirror also, but i dont need to hate myself 
anymore
and i need to learn to walk away punch the mirror straight in the face and 
not cry
dont cry anymore little girl, youre the 'tough one' with no emotion
so i could walk away, me my punk ass self, and i without any kind of heartache
i dont have any illusions about anything anymore
..everything is so black that i cant look out the window and remember what i 
saw
       yesterday
because today and tomorrow are so much the same that i dont know where im 
going

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 10 Feb 2001 14:13:08 -0800 (PST)
From: Katherine Alexandra <jackies_strength20@yahoo.com>
Subject: ET: snow

it's snowing.

today is one of those lazy saturdays where my roommate
and i swear we will clean up the apartment and i
promise myself to write that paper. my roommate has
never seen snow. he stares at it and wants to play.
but its not sticking. maybe later.
it's surreal to watch the flakes dance around. i'm
sitting by my window like a cat would, just curled up
watching the flakes. 
everything is meaningless.
this has brought a great deal of comfort for me. the
realization of the ultimate meaninglessness in
everytihng we do.
the flakes all seem so small.
my grade school teacher in florida once told me that
each flake is different. i never believed her.
i do now.
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------------------------------

Date: Sat, 10 Feb 2001 18:48:34 -0800
From: "The wise and powerful Chuckman" <Dabidee@collegeclub.com>
Subject: ET: studies in anwa #12

Studies in A Night Without Armor #12

There is true beauty in all she has to say,
I hear it, feel it, almost taste and touch it.
Every time she speaks, she speaks to me.
How I long to learn what thoughts never make the page.

I have no concept of whether or not it is art,
It's form and function are foreign to me.
But it is what I want from art,
An understanding, a thought, a curiosity, respect.

I want to meet her intellectually; I long to kiss her soul,
To touch the dirty hands she hides, and dirty up my own.
Reading pages, seeking truths that I myself have known,
Perhaps I want to find in her why I feel so alone.


By Charles Liotta
(I'm hoping this is the one place where I wont be mocked for writing such
a Jewel centered poem.) :)


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End of eda-thoughts-digest V4 #23
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