From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V4 #21 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, February 6 2001 Volume 04 : Number 021 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: from under the stars [DrkShadws85@aol.com] ET: random ramble [Katherine Alexandra ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 5 Feb 2001 18:59:48 EST From: DrkShadws85@aol.com Subject: ET: from under the stars "Every person that I have met in this world is beautiful in some kind of way. Its just the fact that people overlook beauty because ugliness and bad things are easier to find. I know that from personal experience. Ive always been one to pick out the bad before I ever saw any kind of good. Thats one of the worst qualities that I have found in people. And oddly enough, thats what I find in myself."-Me ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 5 Feb 2001 17:55:04 -0800 (PST) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: random ramble (AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES....) giggles. loud obnoxious giggles. and he wondered why i shifted in uncomfort. he wondered why i asked such off the wall, silly questions. he wondered why i didn't feel loved. 13 months of long distance, weekend visits. 13 months of complication and blushes. never thought i could feel so alive. she glances at my nervously with her eyes darting. she thinks that i have lied to them, spilled out our collective childhood secrets of run ins with the police and hop scotch games that were never innocent. i try to tell her that i haven't told. i just whimpered to the wrong people, looking for some way out. out of this family, this tangle web of lies and denial and promises and somedays. but i love them. i tell him, that they sometimes answer to their promises. they are my best friends. they just aren't as normal as most. they have their own problems he calls this dysfunction with a pencil in his ear. i call it evolving from mistake to mistake, trying to finally be free. none of them are free. they are chained up with should's and shouldn'ts and they hate one another so passionatly that they forget to love. we sit there at the table, kleenex. his hair is balding and he has the nerve to write down everything i am saying. even though i am unsure of the truth. they are good people, i say. TAME ME i plucked at my eyebrows early this morning, when my eyes were still sore from the nights rest. or lack of it. slowly becoming obessive with every extra strand of hair, which belongs there and is attempting at fighting back the curse of me wanting to be tame. i want to be tame. somedays are harder then others. thats what i told my sister, when she phoned about her husband. she wants him to be tamed. but she can't seem to put her finger on whats wrong with him, as he stumbles home drunkenly with lipstick on his cheeks. i listen. she asks me why i left home in such a rush. why i must live so far away. that mom worries at dinner and dad speaks of me with a sigh. they are both proud, she insists...but still, why? i ask that sometimes to myself. but i wouldn't dare tell anyone that. i ask myself why i ever thought this would help, why i believed in the pacific so much. why i desperatly wanted out. and now i am out. now i am out. but i am not tame. i cannot be tame. i stumble through my life trying, to be tamed. to be what they want, a nice girl sitting up straight. i want to make everyone so proud. so proud. (but my eyebrows wont let me.) VALENTINE we are in the store. in the greeting card aisle. he laughs at a pee herman doll which is on display. he tells me, this stranger, this man whome i would never approach, who has an NSYNC haircut, a pretty boy. he is a funny man though, the sort that is more then just nice lips. i can feel him staring at me. this is nice,i think. i have not been stopped by a random stranger filled with flirtation for years, since i have cut my hair and it is no longer blonde. now men expect more out of me. i want to be lusted after for just one day. i want him to be completely unaware of my success, and faults, but to be just amazed by breasts. i have an ego that needs to be fed. the cashier comments on this man looking at me. he is waiting the cashier says. he tells the man my name. we smile all silly, i shift my feet. the card that i am buying is for my boyfriend. who is waiting for me miles away. __________________________________________________ Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! 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