From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #414 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Thursday, December 28 2000 Volume 03 : Number 414 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: ~Words [Sara ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 27 Dec 2000 20:35:29 -0500 From: Sara Subject: ET: ~Words Okay,...So my boy has made me depressed again. I know...It happens. It's ridiculous that one person can have just a pull on my emotions...I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down. grrrr Sick of it. So..this 'poem' I just kinda sat down at the key board and typed it. It's long and it's just a bunch of ramblings....but Hey, read it if you want, and if you have anything to add or say, just send it my way. ~Words. I want to speak and I have so much to say but i can't because it's all about him. It's all about him. Why is it I can't shead him from my back Why? Why. why why why. Ah Why,...his favorite word. His favorite word not mine. I have no words of my own. He took them all from me into his beautiful voice, Well, I shall steal Trent's words from him since he was the one who gave me Trent. 'This thing is slowly tearing me part and I'm starting to scare myself'. 'just fading fucking reminder of what I used to be.' The problem is that 'I just want something I can never have.' I can never have him, but I've give so much of myself to him. and I feel like my exsistance is no longer mine. But his and I don't want him to have it anymore but I want him, I can't help it. And the Pain of my existance without him is unbearable. But the hope of joy from an existance with him makes it unbearable to give him up, and so I'm stuck! I'm Stuck! I'm stuck in this awful place! and I'm no longer me and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Because I like being me. I like Me. I Love Me! and I wish he would enjoy me or give me back. But the end I want to be me again. this is not me. this is not me. These are not my thoughts These are not my words. Aleast not the Real me. This was the old me. and I don't like her. How can I be empowered if I gave the power to him? But did I? Did I really give the power to him. NO. The power is in me. It is a gift. My Gift. My Strength. NO I won't let him have it. It is Mine. and I'm taking it back! The real me doesn't wallow in self pity. The Real is confident and spoiled, yes,..my whining for what I want and can't get needs to stop. Yes. It is his loss and until he figures it out. I need to stop obcessing. Yes, Those sound Like MY words They sound like my words and I want to believe them. But now that I have my voice back what is it that I want to say.... .......... "No thing I do don't do no thing but bring me more to do it's true I do imbue my blue unto myself, I make it bitter." Fiona Apple 'On the Bound' http://:homepages.go.com/~mysteriousraven/door.html ******************************** www.chickclick.com Sign up for free email. http://chickmail.chickclick.com Win free stuff! http://contests.chickclick.com ******************************** ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #414 **********************************