From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #389 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, November 28 2000 Volume 03 : Number 389 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: the awkwardness of old friends [Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: the awkwardness of old friends > the awkwardness of old friends. > > my father once told me that we all grow up, > sometimes > we lose each other through this growth. i never > listenned to him about this kind of thing, always > thought he couldn't possibly understand the bond > between me and my friends. now that i'm a little > older > i am learning that dad is right. we all grow, and > sometime apart. wish i could sit down with her, like > we once did, and ask her why. why she dissapeard > into > the essence of average. what happened to her > brilliance? her laughter? her dreams? > i remember empty sugar packets on the table of our > local denny's. back in the tropical weather and pink > flamingos. i remember chain smoking and black > coffee. > i remember promises of beautiful weddings and dreams > of someday universities. both, love and education, > ending up in dissapointments. > drove her to the airport after a thanksgiving > weekend > of awkward pauses. tried to make her feel a little > better after he broke her heart. thought she would > at > least ask me what i thought of the West coast. > thought > she would of at least asked me about my plans. > caught > myself feeling obligated to be around her. caught > myself biting my tongue one too many times. caught > myself no longer wanting to be in this. > waved at her from the gate. we both will be back > home > for christmas. maybe then she will be ok. until then > i > can no longer answer those collect calls early in > the > morning. i no longer have the energy to mantain > something that is already dying, i know when i am no > longer wanted. good bye brooke, you will be missed. > Yahoo! Shopping - Thousands of Stores. Millions of > Products. > http://shopping.yahoo.com/ Yahoo! Shopping - Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. http://shopping.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 27 Nov 2000 01:39:06 -0800 (PST) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: seeking wise words of advice. please. adviceadvice, I AM SEEKING ADVICE!!! oh please wise ones out there help me through this little bump in my life... as some of you know, i have moved out to the west coast. i have been lonely at times & i don't really know many people out here. but at the same time, i am very content and this is what i was searching for. my friend ryan moved out here and is my roommate. he moved here about 3 months ago. i have been here since may. i told ryan he could moved out here if he wanted bc he didn't know what else to do with his life. this is the problem: now my 2 other best friends are also moving here. both wanted to move in with ryan and i, but i told them that only one can, taryn. the problem: i have put myself into this situation. my 3 best frinds don't know each other and i am nervous about them all becoming friends. here's why: 1. one of my female friends has been a slut lately and i know she will sleep with my roommate. this makes me very uncomfortable. he would sleep with her. they both think the other person is hot, blahblahblah. what makes me uncomfortable is that i am worried about the aftersex, and how it would affect my relationships w/ my friends. my female friend has been known to use nice guys. i don't want to have to choose between my friends and i am also going to feel like the third wheel. which will suck. 2. the whole purpose of moving out here is being defeated. i wanted a chance to grow and to be away from my past. i feel like my past is colliding in with me.i love these 3 people more then anything else, but i can't handle them being in my life. i want a new beginning. i want them to dream their own dreams, move to their own place, set up their own life. i feel very trapped. 3.i know this is a petty jealousy, but its real. what happens if they all really get along and somehow i get into an arguement with them? the ultimate fear is that i will be forgotten and through something silly lose all 3 of my best friends. i feel like worlds are colliding. i feel stuck. if they hate each other, then it will be awkward. if they love each other, it will be awkward. 4. i am afraid i will resent my friends for doing this. they never really asked, they all assumed i would say yes, and i can't say no at this point. i feel like they didn't consider how i would feel in this situation. after all the times i have said, "i love starting off new" they never heard what i was saying: please don't move out here. i know there is really nothing i can do. but i just feel so trapped and uncomfortable. i want my own life and it seems impossible to ever leave the past. one of my chick friends is visiting me in december to check out the city. she is the one i am most umcomfortable with moving out here, and she is who i am closest to. i feel like i revert back to high school with her, i want to move on. she is also manic depressive and i really dont want to deal with some huge dramatic arguement....its weird, now that we live cross country, we get along the best. we talk on the phone about twice a week, we have become closer...i like how things are. i know there isn't much i can do...but i am just scared of one day blowing up at all of them and saying: WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS???? should i tell them of my fears and how i feel? or will it only come across negative??? please help. kat! Yahoo! Shopping - Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. http://shopping.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 27 Nov 2000 18:47:32 -0800 (PST) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: kat rambles on and on and on and on HIDING IN FICTIONAL STRENGTH we tried to run away from our problems. all of us finding different hiding places...wanting to forget the mistakes that we made and how daddy always told us to be strong. she went to love, he went to alcholism, i went out west. she ended up with bruises and a baby, he needs rehab, i'm lost. but daddy, i'm staying strong. depending on others to survive, placing blame to everyone but ourselves. we thought we could survive without the past. we all tried to be strong. he gave me a strong first name, my last being borrowed and false, easier to pronounce it this way grandpa said. trying to show my ancestors that they have done alright. always proving to someone else that we aren't fools. thinking about how things have turned out. how i'm alone another night. just wanting to let dad know that i'm not strong anymore. Yahoo! Shopping - Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. http://shopping.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #389 **********************************