From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #358 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, October 22 2000 Volume 03 : Number 358 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: ~indrawl~ [shivergirl ] ET: thinkin in the dark [DrkShadws85@aol.com] ET: ~hamida~ [shivergirl ] ET: He has too much power... [GuMmIbEaRs ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 00:49:32 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~indrawl~ + my mouth, the cauldron the one all verbal hurt is born in i stir with sadness using utensils shaped like insults until just the right brew of take-back stew is steaming, ready for my loved ones' consumption + curious george in another incarnation piggybacking him around on the shoulders of my child-like imagination while the psychic sits next-door luring passerby, to prove there is no reason for hope, just look at one of several pick-your-own-adventures 20-dollar hooks so i send the people there for directions because i don't know how to drive yet and i'm just learning how to be on my own within the vehicle of this body failing to read karma in cards even though recognizing lifelines has become much more difficult, i try + this love experiment it happened when my heart asked for a transfer and i consented to experience someone different something that might work out for once outside the bounds and stages of obsession, infatuation, indifference + i bought a hat for the baby the baby we almost delivered yesterday consuming bags of cotton balls in the midst of constant sideways motion (partner-rotations ) i knew she was only waiting for 12 more chromosomes to finally come home + order form for some faeries, please on birthdays and tops of wedding cakes but nothing resembling anything confectionery just someone to accompany me with an autumn-crisp spirit an elf on her own adorned in a gown of leaves lent by her friends the trees making me feel enchantment shimmer all around these creatures you brought back to my window every night by simply believing in what no one else would see + she said: "your sister will be gone in three weeks," and you responded icily, "good," backing up your bitch comment at dinner but i noticed you still left the table crying eating your meal on the couch it was very good and the room will be yours the place our parents used to sleep my bed bigger and older than younger siblings you can't keep but tell me, will you take down my posters, pack away my knick-knacks as if they never existed, all because you can? because you're mad? + i used to love playing barbies with you on saturday mornings we'd have our own little village set up from the night before with a miniature closet full of velcro-clothes and the pink convertible forgetting cabbage patches under the slide at the park we hunted for them after supper even when it got dark do you remember? mine was named jonah and yours was called imelia then there was when we played house and you always got to be the mother even though you were younger and i always loved being the daughter being a child with you growing up was a blessing because it still feels that way today how you have always taken care of me but in all the ways sisters give love i feel like i was never good enough to have the honour of being older because it always seems like you are stronger more popular well-adjusted, less scarred while i have always had to run away from things and go real far just to show what people already know about you + ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 12:34:31 EDT From: DrkShadws85@aol.com Subject: ET: thinkin in the dark - --backdoor-- and i don't care if you dont want to listen anymore im gonna keep my voice raised just plug your ears walk away like we're both used to and i could care less if you don't come back because even if you do i won't be here i'm taking off to somewhere where you will not find me i'm going to a place you don't know im bringing myself to a state of awareness you can't push me around stop bringing me down sometimes i see the light but i'm to scared to enter through it just allow me a little more of someone elses guidance because i can see the difference i see how they have helped me while you sit against the wall laughing the whole time wishing me dead like i feel i already am - --who cares-- i watched the sun rise and talked to her but she didn't answer her rays just sat on my skin as i try to figure out what to do the sparkle i used to carry with me seems as if its faded away my hands are growing weary of holding this pen and i see myself slipping as i sleep you wouldn't understand because all my dreams are nightmares i scream throughout all the noise you making me wake up pillow calling my name can't lure me back you told a hold of my arm please let go im tired of things maybe i won't go anywhere right now but i'm headed for the gas station i need to pick up a pack of cigarettes i dont smoke fufilling the need is important maybe it will make me love myself more than hate there's probably something wrong with me just no one takes enough time to figure out what it is myself included in that ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 22:30:55 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~hamida~ + sticks and stones to smash the weaker sex's bones how old does misogyny have to be to progress to more advanced tools and chisel away at this war on women international invisible citizens persecuted in afghanistan cloaked around the excuse of islam with pre-holocaust conditions teeming with everyday hitlers checking to make sure the mesh is covering their women's perception as if by wearing a bur qua they can no longer see the deception of their men when the extinction of femininity is just an initiation fee into the extreme of the extreme fundamentalist army where she's not allowed to leave the house or work or even be alone in public with her sinful body without a male relative by her side she can only wither away and hide inside houses with painted windows because estrogen might peer out and contaminate passer-by who stuff you into houses when you used to be a professor and now you find you can only lecture your own mind not to curl up on the top bunk and eagerly embrace escape but you are weak and woman and your husband doesn't really seem to mind after all it's just another suicide of a fanatic, rebel evil she-devil who was meant to live by the moon but ended up being killed by the tide + ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 19:26:46 -0700 (PDT) From: GuMmIbEaRs Subject: ET: He has too much power... I am in the biggest state of confusion, so I decided to write about it. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have tried and tried to deney how i felt for you i have tried for almost 2 years to tell myself that i am not enough that i dont measure up yet when i look in your blue eyes i melt and i am trapped like a fly in a spider web you have this strange effect on me and i like it... yet i dont want to feel it... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dream at night to have you laying next to me to have your chest be my pillow and fall asleep to the sound of your heart or even to have you behind me and i be a perfect fit yet this is only a dream and it will always just be a dream.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wonder the streets at night thinking of you wishing that you might come and see me just happen to get lost looking for me you get out of your car and come to my side brushing the hair out of my face while whispering i didnt think i would ever see you again, i didnt think i would ever be able to kiss you. then you do A car drives by with its bright lights in my eyes and i arise from my thoughts !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Questions comments welcome ===== "-Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart." -Rose Walker __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Messenger - Talk while you surf! It's FREE. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #358 **********************************