From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #352 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, October 14 2000 Volume 03 : Number 352 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: Losing You (poem) ["John Turner" ] ET: Angel of Mercy(poem) ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET: few things i find mucho inspiring..just thought id share :o) [DrkShad] ET: poetry smoetry [Katherine Alexandra ] ET: (no subject) [DrkShadws85@aol.com] ET: Today & Yesterday ["John Turner" ] ET: Downtown ["John Turner" ] ET: Broken home.... [GuMmIbEaRs ] ET: a feeble attempt at a short story/prose:) [Naomi Subject: ET: Losing You (poem) just a little something I wrote, any comments good or bad welcome John Losing You Time has moved on and you my one true companion are no long here never again shall I hear your voice or see your smiling face through the years you were the one who was always by my side ending’s are so sad but so inevitable time taking its course as the years roll on Places we visited together and things we did forever in my memory the people we loved also the ones we hated life being such a mix bag of joy and pain at times hard to know which You have gone now to the unknown place the place from where no one has returned secrets that one day we will find out our self is there meaning to all this our mortal coil slowly unwinding _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 10:46:41 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: ET: Angel of Mercy(poem) Hey all, I wrote this last night and finished it today. I was going to finish it tomorrow and add on today but I like this the way it is. Comments, questions, flames, and general notes about life are always welcome but not required. If you don't wish my poems, let me know and you won't receive them. Take cares and Have a Great Day!! :o) -Seth P.S...Ohmigosh! I just read this preview and thought to myself "He's soo cute when he does this"...I am scaring myself now :-/ Uh oh ================================================================ Angel of Mercy by Seth D. Fulmer 10-14-00 The feelings rise up The passion resigns An angel of mercy has just gone to hide She went home to stay I stay here and wait for my angel of mercy to return to my side She misses me so much indeed Sometimes she regrets her trip I tell her it's for the better when she returns we'll be together kissing, hugging, holding each other making it all up quite rapidly Our love will be stronger than ever forever and we will just know how much each was missed The relationship of friends lives and the longing yet continues I love her and miss her so much and then I call her by name I am laying here in bed tonight I think of her intense beauty I feel her hair upon my forehead and her hand on my cheek She thinks of my sweetness I love her great voice What did I do to ever deserve such an angel in my life? But I dare not lose control now I need to make myself calm again I feel like I'm falling deeply then I climb back to the top She says she's in pain tonight And I feel so in control If I didn't have the pain myself I'd make myself into an angel watching out for her immortal soul making her feel no stress Washing away the problems she faces and filling her only with emotion I'd love to see her smile once more I'd love to feel her embrace But that is way too selfish of me and so I am just there for her sending her warm and sweet love as angels in disguise in her life Keeping her all safe and calm until the time is perfect But alas now I change myself for good into a metaphysical ball of energy I disperse myself amongst the creatures on this tiny, miserable little world No more hormones, no more emotions No more physical needs or desires I simply am able to be there for the world and when I am needed they call me ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 13:50:25 EDT From: DrkShadws85@aol.com Subject: ET: few things i find mucho inspiring..just thought id share :o) anyday..by ani difranco i will lean into you and you can be the wind i will open up my mouth and you can come rushing in you can rush in so hard and make it so i can't breathe i breathe too much anyway i can do that anyday i just wish i knew who you were i wish you'd make yourself known probably you don't know i'm her the woman you want to call home i'll keep my ear to the wall i'll keep my eye on the door 'cause i've heard all my own jokes and they're just not funny anymore i laugh too much anyway i can do that anyday have you ever been bent or pulled have you ever been played like strings if i could see you i could strum you i could break you make you sing but i guess you can't really see the wind it just comes in and fills the space and everytime something moves you think that you have seen its face and i've always got my guitar to play but i can do that anyday +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Drive..by:incubus Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear. And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer. It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal. But lately I am beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive? It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around. But lately I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself my light is found. So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. Yeh. Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive? Would you choose water over wine.... hold the wheel and drive? ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 11:12:10 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: poetry smoetry the story of a midwestern breakup yah, girl you think everything is going so fine. 3 years of loving that man. and everything got all wrapped up into indiana love until you realized you had nothing except this man, and this empty apartment. with all of your little friends that you played "someday" with are all now living out their dream, moving away, dancing fancy free. and you are still holding on, convinced this one is the one, convinced all those people are wrong. yet somehow things seem to rumble and the plans start to fall. and girl, what do you do now? try to run so far from all that you have become. try to call those friends that have moved on, and ask them, how, just how could this happen to you? planned out the future, from the wedding to the kids, talked about the ring, thought he had been saving, now your all alone in that empty apartment asking me on the phone, how? how could this have happened? DIGGING DITCHES we stood in the hallway me with my failed exam you with your proffesur eyes telling me not to worry about that D shocked. asked me if i wanted to dig ditches and i said no asking me if i was good at digging ditches i said no you told me that you wont ever hold it against me if i can't dig ditches (hope thats true). got a phone call last night from the boy that took my virginity back when i was 16. surprised to hear from him and all his drunken parties. going to college for the all night keggers and girls and proud of his fast decline sometimes we just don't want to be reminded of the past. like that night i got so drunk out at Pitta's. they had to carry me inside, throwing up, a little girl trying hard. kept telling stories of those good ol days back home. he wonders, why i haven't been back in 7 months. i dont know. he wonders, if when i come back, will i go back to Pitta's for one more party with the guys. hits you in the face of who you were after trying to hard *moving cross country* *new hair* *new people* to leave yourself behind. UNTITLED cut my hair yestarday in an i-hate-myself-kinda rage the boy over there said that i look kinda cute in my glasses (i dont want this anymore) hid behind blinds for too long now standing out like a sore thumb (because i care) seem to be the only one anymore trying hard to fix the wrongs wanting to leave off where my mom gave up __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Messenger - Talk while you surf! It's FREE. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 15:28:00 EDT From: DrkShadws85@aol.com Subject: ET: (no subject) step into where i am not known and you will see something different the outside disguises in the inside after years you are ready to listen but now im not ready to tell i dont feel comfortable its none of your business because when i reached out and cried you turned me away you still want to by the look in your eyes +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ let me grow my precious wings and escape from a place like this i send you the pictures of me smiling and laughing while i kill myself inside my inspiration is fading away though i refuse to believe it stop getting the weekly phone calls you stopped missing me your life went on without a single thought of compassion ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Flicker-flacker in the candle wax you think sometimes that the world is ending but its only a dream i cant find something im proud of to show you my hands are to dirty to let you in i dont want to turn you down but im so ashamed of myself ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 21:46:27 BST From: "John Turner" Subject: ET: Today & Yesterday just a little something I wrote today Today & Yesterday The alarm clocks brakes the silence of morning bring in another day year after year, the routine of my life but today is different The house stands silent no breakfast waiting on the table no one to tell me the news of the day no happy face to great me A freshly ironed shirts hangs ready to wear the kitchen as the night before no groceries or newspapers Opening the curtain, people are into their daily routines today is the day, no more wondering when, its now mom's leaving home for the last time Wearing the shirt she ironed for me its time to say goodbye,the black cars sparkle in the winter sun wind blowing through my hair Day is turning to night again tomorrow other people will be say goodbye to someone one day that someone will be us The day nearly over, mom's words repeating in my mind enjoy your self its later than you think for I was once like you are now, I put things off and now its too late _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 22:16:01 BST From: "John Turner" Subject: ET: Downtown Downtown The moon is full tonight moonbeams falling on the sidewalk people walking by party goers stumbling home people returning from work a cop pounding his beat An urban city awake shadows of the night streets filled with a sense of darkness fog drifting through the city an eerie quit hangs in the air Dark alleys and old buildings a cat meowing as trash cans fall cool jazz rising from the basement bar as a drunk is thrown out the light from the door illuminating the alley While uptown people are eating in fine restaurants arriving by limo to see and be seen the beautifully women and the old hags with money destined for the social column in the city rag _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 16:33:04 -0700 (PDT) From: GuMmIbEaRs Subject: ET: Broken home.... if you even read the whole thing repsond if you want nothing i do is right i only fuck up my grades my life my body guys (LEts not go there) flunking and not caring being a girl who can say yes i have attemtped suicde and in return got a bodily high i have cut myself sissors are now a pain i have wished rape opon myself and at time in the middle of the night i still do i have had fights with lockers they have always won i have been bulemic and at time i wish i still was and i am told that i am not screwed up??? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ i asked you why are you still with him? you dont love him and you simpley said no but i have to because i have you ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++= you watch the phone like was the TV if you are alone well who faults can that be your keys your bag your car they are where they always are.... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ===== "-Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart." -Rose Walker __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Messenger - Talk while you surf! It's FREE. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 20:30:44 -0700 (PDT) From: Naomi Subject: ET: a feeble attempt at a short story/prose:) comments welcome. much love, nai. - --- She dug under her bed until she found the box : metal, with a key... safely storing all her oldest, unspoken memories. She took out the first one... a tiny blue book with clowns on front. She laughed... she was actually scared of those jolly creatures now. My how things change. She flipped open to the first page... then the second, third, fourth, and so on... glancing over it. Mostly notes about what she'd watched on TV that day or her one and only love forever... or, as it turned out, until the end of 6th grade. Funny how everything felt so important, so certain. Looking back at all these names that made up her life... she felt a slight sadness. Is this how it would be looking back on her life now years down the road? She hoped one day to reach the point of real certainty... really knowing what she knew... instead of fleeting, but strongly held beliefs. What was the point afterall, if it all just went away in the end? What was the point in believing... if one day you'd stop or inevitably find something better to put your faith in? It was hard, thinking these thoughts. It scared her, the lack of answers. She needed an escape. *** Ricky was someone she'd known forever. Well, only just under a year... but it felt like they'd gone through a few lifetimes together already. She'd never been close to anyone like she was close to him. He was her best friend, her soulmate. She couldn't even imagine her life without him anymore. They were just born to be that way, it seemed. He was always there for her, and she was always there for him. There was this unspoken connection. One night he was up all night worrying over nothing at all.... and she had been kept up all night with a feeling something wasn't right with him. It was scary sometimes, realizing how much a part of eachother they'd become. At the same time though, she wouldn't give it for anything. It was a good feeling, knowing that no matter what there'd always be someone to catch her if she fell. It helped her sleep at night. *** Her graduation was drawing near. She admitted to herself that she'd come to dread it more than she welcomed it. Final abandonment of her childhood; was she ready to face the "grown-up" world... on her own? It seemed exciting, but also scary. She could never go back... the finality of it made her anxious. As hard as any of the moments of the past 17 years of her life might've been... somehow she knew the challenges to come would be of a new variety. Not as simple (complex as they seemed at the time) or innocent as the "trauma's" she'd known. She wondered if she could do it. Wondered if she'd fail. A thousand worries and wonders rattling around her brain... and only one thought drowned the others out and brought her peace. Contented for the moment, she fell back to sleep. *** She gripped the railing as she leaned over the edge. Her breath caught in her throat... it was so beautiful. She'd gone to a water dam right outside town to clear her head. She remembered the first time she'd come here, not too long ago. Felt like ages. It had been somewhere around 1am... a warm and clear summer night. She smiled thinking about it. It had been the best summer of her life. She wondered if there'd ever be another like it. Once she might've thought not... but she had new eyes now. She was hopeful for the time to come. She laughed at her own contradiction. Hopeful and fearful... could they really be entangled in the feelings for the very same thing? Could you want and anticipate something just as much as you felt anxiety at it's arrival? But, no, it wasn't anxiety she felt... it was excitement. Excitement and hope. Deep down she knew everything was going to work out. For all her misgivings or uncertainties... she knew in her heart the best was only to come. She pulled her jacket tight around her as a chill blew over her bones. Stepping away from the rail she headed back to her car. It was going to be okay. ===== "What is Desire? Desire is... complicated. One person always wants the other person more." -VS __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Messenger - Talk while you surf! It's FREE. http://im.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #352 **********************************