From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #339 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, October 1 2000 Volume 03 : Number 339 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: Satan's Plead(poem) ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET: Riddle(poem) ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET: Chat Rooms ["John" ] ET: Lunch ["John" ] ET: poems poems and more poems [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: louder noise from kat [Katherine Alexandra ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 11:12:01 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: ET: Satan's Plead(poem) Hey there, I wrote this(and the next poem) earlier this morning. I started out writing a poem about trust and went to think about something else and realized how they both could be the same thing. As always, comments, etc are welcome but not required, and if you don't want to receive my poems anymore, let me know please :) Take cares and Have a Fantastic Day! :o) -Seth ==================================================== Satan's Plead by Seth D. Fulmer 9-30-00 You don't trust me I don't blame you With heaven in your eyes You turn to him for advice He tells you to turn on me He tells you to dislike anything that breathes sorrow on our petty little lives Why don't you trust me though What did I do to you I've never hurt you or even been disloyal Some people can talk to me about absolutely anything at all You seem to reach for him and then life is all wonderful What does he do for you though He can do nothing that I can't There are times that he's faulted that I myself have conquered Yes, He has faulted too the infallable one He may be perfect in your human eyes but to me he's just another pathetic angel He gained work in synagogues and churches telling the priests true lies He made the whole world wonder about things that they never ever thought about before like eternal life, and saving oneself from evil beings like me and like you and amoral things like sex, and pure hatred and deceiving poor beings who don't know their fate But do I really look to you like I would really hurt you? You see on me bones and flesh and a skull and a brain and appendages What do you see or hear or smell that would give away something hidden to tell you that I was so evil and to make you not want to trust me ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 11:16:46 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: ET: Riddle(poem) Hi again :) This is the 2nd poem I wrote this morning. I was walking back upstairs in my apartment and thought about this and well, went into my thinking mode where I think like a female(scary thought!)...Then well I just went wild with it again. It doesn't seem complete but I'm not sure what else to put. Any questions, etc. send to me :) If ya wanna be taken off, let me know too...Take cares and Have a Great Day! :o) -Seth ======================================================== Riddle by Seth D. Fulmer 9-30-00 I am perfect I have flaws I am all those in between I am good yet I am bad and I mess those up who mess with me I'm a demon and a goddess and a human too with wings I create for other mortals a true sense of satisfaction and they all think I'm an angel What am I though? What are you? Who do you say that I am? I don't care what others say I just am who I appear to be Do I speak badly to you Do I speak the truth Have I ever let you down or Have I let you in on the secret when life turned out to be a mystery Do you see wings or do you see horns When do you ever see my flames Never I can say because I don't have any I'm innocent as any angel could ever be Who do you say I am? What am I really There are those men who say I'm evil I would cast them down easily without thought of their justices and then who is there to stop me? When heaven in all its glories send angels down to stop me I don't need a PhD in Rocket Science to see that I can't beat them So I simply run and hide But why should I really run? I have never done anything wrong But still you wonder who I am Think, then speak, then tell me ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 10:52:20 -0700 From: "John" Subject: ET: Chat Rooms Just a few lines about a boring night on chat John _______________________________________ Chat Rooms 11pm air is cool sky is black touching down in cyberland finding nameless people in nameless places Into general chat I drift hitting a Hi storm=20 putting a waco on ignore what's the weather like there small talk so small Chat so devoid of life people watching through a haze chatters like actors on a stage changing names day by day ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 17:03:17 -0700 From: "John" Subject: ET: Lunch Just something I wrote on my way home from lunch the other day,any = comments good bad welcome John ____________________________________________ Lunch Eating lunch at nearly noon the restaurant, all but empty through the windows I watch the river boats line its banks aeroplanes fill the sky In the distance a church bell strikes noon the restaurant now alive with dinners women who lunch businessman chatting about their latest deal a corporate guy hunts a dropped receipt, no free expensive paid lunch = today the old couple in the corner reminisce about old times Lunch is over now and peace has returned watching the planes rise into the sky Jets full of people I sit wondering where their going home, on an adventure or just tourists Along the river bank the river so quite so peaceful following its course of centuries=20 as I wonder along.=20 Just something I wrote on my way home = from lunch=20 the other day,any comments good bad welcome John ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 02:15:08 EDT From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: poems poems and more poems I watch him walk around the table his hands are in his pockets and i think my heart is in there too, being squeezed between his fingers i watch him for signs of... well anything so i can know for sure. he seemed to have put all of his clothes back on okay How much harder is it now that it's concrete? it was concrete from the beginning but i didn't want to believe - i brushed past the cautionary tape to stand in the middle but now i'm stuck. stuck here struggling, watching him walk down this stretch of cement. he offers a hand but i know where it's been. i look for a sign, to crack this solidifying nightmare. he walks on cheerfully his legs swiniging and my heart being crushed inside his pocket. ~~ The meadow will replant me so I have roots so strong you can't pull me apart. my mind melts down through the soil, my spine is attached to every blade of grass. i can hear the guitar next to me a million miles away. i can't move a muscle. i don't think anyone can see me, they won't step on me they will avoid me but they can't see me and they all blunder carelessly hurting careless meltmeltmeltmeltmelt the guitar chors are my lungs expanding. no one can see me no one will know that i'm lying here and can be pulled apart. ~~ I blink the sleep from my eyes I wonder if you slept at all last night when I cralwed into my sleeping bag only to find jealousy and rage, rolling together, sweating They were warm feasing on the pit of coldness in my stomach I lay shivering trying to ignore overlook block out everything except the warmth of people around me But I noticed when you left when the wind blew and things got just a little colder Here I am my hair is damp from the mist and struggle all that matters is sleeping by myself tonight evading the bed where jealousy and rage lie the lure of their company is strong But it is time for me to get warm. ~~ Does it hurt the way I can't stand you avoid you ignore you did it hurt when she bit you to the bone and cut me out of your life? I'm not going to go back it hurts me to hate you it hurt when you let her in the way you run together not looking back the way i struggle up staris you don't even notice it hurts to watch you especially since you don't look better from my removal Did it hurt when i hurt? Did you want to fix it? ~~ I've been here swinging so long I rock in my sleep Unconsciously I sway and sway and the wind blows in circles around me forming ladders through the trees and I never want to leave But if you stay here I would rather go Because you don't rock me to sleep anymore and I have to admit my dreams have left me hanging my heart my head my hands are swaying untethered I'm a fickle wind and there's no one here to hold me. ~~ I surround myself with hands and shoulders warmth and body heat and there's nothing to do but laugh and shriek and pretend to sleep .I don't have to meet your eyes. .I don't have to talk to you. don't have to watch you I don't have to (but I do) remember what you mean to me All I want is to forget sink into the dozens of welcoming arms not realize the absence of the one pair that I will never let hold me again. ~~ I miss you like I miss Dr Pepper the way i only drank it for the sugar the way you and caffeine work together to render my heart useless i miss your carbonation cold and sweet the way you slid down my throat now that I'm not allowed to drink you up i'm thirstier than ever pour me a glass of *that* ~~ you're bad for my teeth frying my hair snagging my sweater hangnails stubbed toes because i miss you. you're as blind as the journal that helps me see all everything is in front of you bald and unraveled I bit into you and break my teeth glad you don't see the truth behind my pain wondering what would have been different if we had been a healthy +thang+ ~~ 16 lights in this hallway each more flourescent than the next voices from the classrooms i wish i could find my answers in the back of a book Girls walk in pairs now that we've been shown what unsafe is mindless i'm frustrated because i'm turning into them wanting the answers handed to me and finding no joy in the learning i think it's time to get out leave this hall with the flourescent lights learn the why's to the solutions in my own classroom ~somewhere where there are trees~ ~~~~ royaroyaroya ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 17:41:52 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: louder noise from kat change (recapture me) its becoming increasingly difficult to grasp a sense of who i am. since i am self-absorbed and paranoid of lack of self discovery, surrounded by self-help books and movies, pop-psychology and philosophy, i'm lost in mess of who i am. but in all reality, i'm bored as hell of these same eyes staring back at me, wanting desperatly for some change. she said though, kat, you have had a lot of change. you don't even live at home anymore! you have a new hair color! you have a new education! i still need a change. thought he was the right one so i invested some money onto phone bills and surrenderd sleep for long talks about how we need a change. routine is overwhelming me. sitting around liberal arts kids, smoking pot, talking about how fucked up this world is. he's gonna vote for nader, i'm gonna vote for gore. same arguement coming up. headache. met a bush supporter last night, a 20 year old boy brought up from a good family out in idaho. got bored with his philosophies about capitilism and just wanted a change for this country. realized today how similar i am to dad. fear struck in my bones when i noticed my arrogance. wanted to hide under a rock and pretend this world will eat me up, spit me back out, and make me nice. spent most of last night eating mint chocalote chip ice cream due to my boyfriend and our nonexistent relationship. cute hippie girl that reminds me of lavendor and unicorns told me to be careful because you can't depend on ice cream, soon you'll get one of those headaches. and god i did. but pretended not to and moved on to wine. can't end it with him, even though i am bored, and god am i ever bored. just want a heated arguement or passion to recapture me. He Asked Me he asked me over the phone, which has become our comfort blanket, why i sounded so sad. and i didnt want to answer. he persisted. i smiled. he knew it was fake. so i told him this wasn't what i had planned. i feel old at the age of 20. i can see the wrinkles. i had plans of Him during those college years. i had plans of our future together in coffeehouses and parks. i had plans of bitter arguements and wonderful mkae up sex. i had plans. i made those plans at the age of 8. i made plans of feeling beautiful and loved. and i do. but he was meant to be here. my plans were to meet him one day in class, i had accidently dropped a pencil. not one night in a political chat room. even though we spent that summer together, and became, no longer the cliche of the x generation, we are back to the same phone calls. and god i wanted more at the age of 20. i want so much more then this. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos - 35mm Quality Prints, Now Get 15 Free! http://photos.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 22:07:35 EDT From: DrkShadws85@aol.com Subject: ET: Angel Reminets Im stuck inbetween the silence wake me with your rage wake me with my insignificance or leave me peacefully to dream my nightmares ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 23:25:24 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~gwyn~ + wearing my ring on my left hand to see it what it feels like watching a picture of you print out that i took in new york actually come out right and the end of all unknowing was in the blink of a flash i mastered with ignorance long after the motel marathon of one-sided compromise was over i walked out away into the night leaving music for you to listen to in my wake to make it all better + i am the holy ghost of the girls not the saint or martyr ever just the mysterious, name-changing world you cross yourself with whenever life is becoming too sticky-happy when it's sickeningly healthy and never better the discordant note you like to hear to reaffirm your own strangeness i play willingly my voice high and sweet from being higher than you farther from the equator + the law of awe a woman must genuflect in the presence of her man such tremendous intellect i never felt so stupid from learning so much from discovering you never possessed excalibur + scruffy stunted photographer renews his license on lust as he creeps closer and looks at her pale heart unsure of her lips she is trading her age for something she missed with daddy blue panties and dry martinis wads of desperate money the getaway car he steals to give to her to leave drive off and save her life from saving a man she should not be with in the first place so he is standing in the window like he said he would be turning out the light as he watches her go like he told her to so long ago past the liquor store back home + ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #339 **********************************