From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #279 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Thursday, July 27 2000 Volume 03 : Number 279 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: me again. [Katherine Alexandra ] ET: new poetreeeeee... [Summer Burton ] ET: ~till dawnbreak~ ["marty" ] ET: Now that i belong to you (another poem) [jaelle@tin.it] ET: poem [jaelle@tin.it] ET: poem ["Claudia" ] ET: Now that i belong to you (another one from me) ["Claudia" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2000 00:16:06 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: me again. you can respond if you want, if you would prefer not to, then dont, but of course words are appreciated, nasty, kind, sweet, gentle, cruel...ya, just practice that freedom of speech, i am fragile one though :) rambles at 12 am... UNTITLED (out of confusion). ya, we all look up to someone we all get lost in approval searching for someone to think that we are by far the best out of millions that it couldnt be any other way that somehow destiny rolled out this red carpet for us that somehow i am better then any other girl anywhere in this world and you are positively the most amazing man that has ever graced this earth we want to believe that there is nobody else that can make our hearts beat our minds burn that we are meant the impossibilty of this is tremendous yet we hold onto silly ideals that were thought of by some mad man that never did the statistics too many people here on earth he can't be the only one, he cant be the only one but we claim, together, in unison that no other compares that no other could ever do what the other has done. BACK HOME i have been lost inside of him now i am unsure of how to get back home even if i want to ever go back she asked me, what is it that i miss nothing i say. i want to say though, what i mean to say is the times inbetween the moments of brilliance in that suburb the truck stops and backyard parties the late nights laughing walking into a store and feeling at home i miss the familiarity the comfort the humid air dennys at 3 a.m. but instead i say nothing at all. i wont visit, i have no interest i miss what is no longer there. freedom to decide sometimes there is this sensation in me to second guess all of those choices that i painstankly made over coffee some months ago. there are times where i start to self-despise about that night that i searched for a way out. and here i am, thinking that i had some sort of choice, freedom, in what i did. how naive are we as people to believe that we have the freedom to go about and do whatever we want. we are forced, trapped, into each desision, on the basis of who we are. on the grounds that i am this girl that laughs a little too loud. and i am this girl that rode her bike a little too far from home one too many times, so i never got very scared of those faraway places that mom said to stay away from. maybe i should have listened to her a little bit more. but here i am, thinking that i could have stayed, thinking that i could have done something else but this. yet, anyone that would stare into my life would have known that yes, i would be doing this, and yes i would be thinking that i had the freedom to decide. IN PROTEST AGAINST PERSONALITY yes i want him to want me for my skin! i want him to grab ahold of my theighs and think of how great it would feel to just go a little bit higher...yes i want more then this stimulating...conversation. yes! i want him to stare right into my chest. i want him to dart away from my eyes! he doesn't even know my cup size! how dare he, he sees the hazel. PLEASE look at this ass. notice my hips. glance at me as though i am a woman, not some...friend. we sit here in our home, curled up, as though the idea of pushing yourself against me has never come through your mind. yet, it hasn't. i am the funniest thing you have ever seen, that is what you say between sips of that red wine. i am the smartet chick around, this college education is paying. thats what he comments while i study late, and he stares at me, yet he never wants to put that hand further. aunt pat, arkansas, jesus i write tonight because i cannot shut my eyes. what i see haunts me and angers me. she called tonight around 8 o'clock, in a rush, urgent. her familiar voice made me at ease, the way i have mocked her tones for so many years that now, my mother and i sound the same over the phoneline. it's aunt pat. the deaf aunt out in arkansas, i met her once. mothers side of the family is a secret, hidden from my suburban eyes. the poverty is to shocking, brings back memories, mother stays a few steps back as though my relatives are contagious. yet she says, aunt pat isn't doing well. 2 brain tumors, she doesn't have long. i listen to mother speak in a rush, she never sounds this way. always so cool and calm. matt has been beating her up momma says. aunt pats son has been throwing his fists towards this womans way, this woman that cannot hear a thing, only the anger in her sons arms. silence. god bless my mother, god bless aunt pat, god help, god help....i whisper it's strange the times i look to jesus, easily forgotten the next day, i question his existence. yet i search late at night for some sign that perhaps this isn't all choas.... SARAH i met her a month or so ago a pretty tanned girl with blue eyes 24, a woman now sophisticated clothing cigerette smoke nervous smile anxious eyes shifting of the legs sarah isn't doing so well. i just met sarah but she isn't doing so well and no one seems to mind that her daddy didnt give her enough love and now she is talking to me over coffee about those nights inside that place around the corner near the airport far out enough for the locals not to be around yet close enough for the bus to drop her off there she tells me about the wrapping of legs the g-string the flourecent lights the smoke the old men with the 20's the excitment over exposing what we were taught is private not to be seen by anyone not even if they have enough money to feed us for the week but sarah is not a poor girl sarah doesn't snort cocaine sarah comes from the good side of town she is a top student good future sarah got lost with the rest of the girls she got lost with those divorce papers those alcholic drinks abusive boyfriends forgetfull mothers absent fathers she got lost with the giggles and blushes of being lolita sarah found herself around that corner near the airport she found herself in a room full of erections sarah says that things will get better they always do. VIRGIN WHORE my god, she is only 15. i want to stop her, smack her around. show her sarahs life. she is humming brittany spears, the current teen slut (hit me baby one more time...sometimes i run, sometimes i hide, sometimes i'm scared of you...the maschostic lyrics leaving the lips that have never touched a mans). she follows the lead of innocent flirtation, of lip gloss, plaid skirts, short shirts, she forgets her bra, open her legs a little wider, smiles as the boys pass her by. walking with a sway of the hips that not even mariyln monroe possesed. teased hair, blue eyes-shadow, little giggles, awkward legs, braces, the local virgin whore. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get Yahoo! Mail - Free email you can access from anywhere! http://mail.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2000 22:23:37 -0500 From: Summer Burton Subject: ET: new poetreeeeee... by me. whoo. - ----- *mix tape* i was going to make you a mix tape that matched you but i failed it was going to be made of mp3s and records, scratchy and skipping filled every minute with music, no dead air i was going to decorate the case with tiny pictures of you snapped from a distance and i was going to fill the tape with songs about you like four versions of "hide your love away" and some austingirl singin "i need this to be love" i was going to blend it all seamlessly, punk and pop and classical all ending on the same note, the note about your eyes it was going to be beautiful i don't know that i would have given it to you, i might have wanted to keep it for myself and play it constantly, a soundtrack for life, a blend for my days fire and rain ... she's an angel ... untouchable face over and over and over but i forgot how to sit down and start and eventually i lost it those songs were one by one doled out to other people "i need this to be love" reminds me of the raven haired boy and "fire and rain" reminds me of your new best friend and "she's an angel" has flown away and "untouchable face" is just "untouchable face" but it's lost all it's emotion i guess i could endlessly loop versions of "hide your love away" and then hide the tape away in some dark place where i'd never be afraid you'd find it but then i'd lose myself there too, lose my love too like i've lost you. - ---- *kate* she was my muse my mona lisa my everything she left me for better things and sometimes i still cry sometimes i still whisper hugs and goodbyes in her ear but she's not really there (she was never really there) the girl is beautiful everyone sees it but i see it from this whole other angle she has huge sad blue eyes long lashes a smile that would blow you away hair that's been bleached and dyed too many times breasts, hips, feet she has the body i always wanted and the face i always dreamt of the girl is so beautiful i wanted to tell you all the good things cause i remind people of the bad things too often trying to forget her trying not to care "she stole from me" "she lied to me" "i always gave her really big presents and she didn't get me anything" "she never complimented me" "she was the worst thing for my self-esteem" only none of those things really matters she didn't need to compliment me cause neither of us cared about me she was enough for both of us i was loud and obnoxious and gross and she was beautiful the girl was beautiful we would play games in the pools and i'd be delighted when she touched me that was enough for me i felt like i gained some of her power we went to disneyworld and held hands through all the dark rides we stayed up late nights and talked for hours i never got tired of her i always wanted her to stay forever i watched her ride horses and i was jealous of her, of them i was constantly jealous of her i was more jealous of the other people around her anyone she shared her laughter or smiles with anyone who got some piece of her i didn't i'd never been sexually attracted to her but i think some part of me wanted us to get married or something just so she'd stay but she didn't she went away and we never said our proper goodbyes i miss her more everyday and she edoesn't know anything about my life i have this life now, that's not her and i love it but i guess it's lost it's passion i don't live my life through the most beautiful girl in the world the most special thing i've ever known i'm just me, imperfectly pedaling along missing her at every new turn falling, waiting, turning around and seeing no one - ---- *this* this the kiss reminds me i am alive can i release myself into you? spill all the blood and vomit feelings into my words and poetry for you? into my kisses? can i release myself into you? you make me want to he makes me want to you make me you make me want to melt myself and drip deep into your throat sliding into every thought and seeping from your eyes, pure light i want to starve myself until i am tiny enough to fit into your mouth i want to become the pure invisibility of my own soul and then become you i would be beautiful i could be beautiful take me inside remind me of life of being alive you are you are everything i want to breathe i am everything you can breathe me you can breathe breathe. - ---- ~summer~ ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2000 23:36:15 +0200 From: "marty" Subject: ET: ~till dawnbreak~ hey, this first is the song lyrics to a song i hope to hear on the konsert this saturday in the garden :) the next part is from me. ~huggies to all of ya~ oh and comments would be lovely indeed, thanX :) maRty ~believe in me~ (song by: marie fredriksson :) when all the lights have burned out / and darkness is all you can see / when your eyes have lost their shimmer / when you have nothing more to give / i hear you / i see you / i touch you / when no one wants to believe in you / listen to me / you can always believe in me / i listen to you / when all doors are closing / and nothing is what it was / then i am here i am your friend / when there is nothing else left / i hear you / i see you / i touch you / when no one wants to believe in you... / when you want to forget about the world outside / when you want to shut out all that you see / and everything you hear. + my voice was trembling / my tears fell down / like little dewdrops / falling in love / i could hear / your heartbeat / next to mine / there on the phone tonight / i could feel moments in you / old loneliness mating / with-in happiness and yellow / you i am bathing / tonight in love / lets bring the flashlight / the sky is starbright / and yes we'd lose our way / but here is good to stay / till dawnbreak meet night's vision / yumm / the kastle was there swell / turn on the day. + welcome home from fairweather tonight, my taRa* i love you. :) *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* "look at yourself only through the eyes of those who loves you, and you shall see; you have become the one you wanted to be." ~me ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2000 00:46:47 +0200 From: jaelle@tin.it Subject: ET: Now that i belong to you (another poem) Now that i belong to you For so long i buried my happiness under a tomb of loneliness. For so long i felt so different, too different to belong to anywhere, to anybody. For so long i blamed my weakness for the bad reception every single dawn used to give me. Now i found the key to be true to myself, now i found the path that leads me to the happiness i've always looked for, now i found the peace of belonging to someone who loves me for who i really am. Now that i belong to you. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.~ - - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2000 00:45:14 +0200 From: jaelle@tin.it Subject: ET: poem An ancient soul trapped in my solitude constantly tosses and turns under the grey sky of my restlessness. Its breath lies heavy on my heart like its old memories full of sorrow that dim my eyes with a perpetual melancholy whose origins are unknown to me but familiar like my own skin. Like a shadow it melts in my thoughts and its spectral smile hypnotizes my freedom. So i keep running and searching, trying to fill with my future the empty spaces its past sorrows and tears have left in my heart. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.~ - - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2000 19:19:00 +0200 From: "Claudia" Subject: ET: poem An ancient soul trapped in my solitude constantly tosses and turns under the grey sky of my restlessness. Its breath lies heavy on my heart like its old memories full of sorrow that dim my eyes with a perpetual melancholy whose origins are unknown to me but familiar like my own skin. Like a shadow it melts in my thoughts and its spectral smile hypnotizes my freedom. So i keep running and searching, trying to fill with my future the empty spaces its past sorrows and tears have left in my heart. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.~ - - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2000 19:24:00 +0200 From: "Claudia" Subject: ET: Now that i belong to you (another one from me) Now that i belong to you For so long i buried my happiness under a tomb of loneliness. For so long i felt so different, too different to belong to anywhere, to anybody. For so long i blamed my weakness for the bad reception every single dawn used to give me. Now i found the key to be true to myself, now i found the path that leads me to the happiness i've always looked for, now i found the peace of belonging to someone who loves me for who i really am. Now that i belong to you. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.~ - - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 27 Jul 2000 19:42:44 -0700 (PDT) From: GuMmIbEaRs Subject: ET: From the f***** up files of Bif Hello~ Like the title??? Here they are /////////////////////////// Muse What a beautiful word As is lewd Words that I wish I could say many times Over and over ////////////////////////////// I have a muse He does not know he is My muse but he is If only he knew How his face looks When he smiles makes Me smile Twice as big And when I see him In a picture my whole Body gets numb And my knees get weak His style of clothes makes Me want his clothes I daydream Of are kisses And of are love making His kisses so sweet and gentle Sometimes I think I Created him Like I have created so many Other men in my stories But this one is real Every inch of him is real But only if he knew I was Real… ///////////////////////////// Sweet chocolate kisses With lust and passion Combined Equals A hella lot of nookie //////////////////////////////////// As I sit here with my shorts That has holes on the inside of my leg I try to feel beautiful When all I feel is dirty Even though my skin may be dirty I thought that maybe My soul My heart Or even the insides of me Would be clean But there not They have discusting scars On them making seem Ugly Unruly Now tell me again why I am pretty?? /////////////////////////////////// Questions, comments, problems and tramuas welcome Bif ===== "-Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart." -Rose Walker __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Kick off your party with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #279 **********************************