From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #225 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, June 11 2000 Volume 03 : Number 225 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: poems [shell ] ET: Getting very personal... ["Dr. RomeAntic" ] ET: [shell ] ET: ~billy's everlasting boyne~ [shivergirl ] ET: songs? [Angeljlr98@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 15:31:47 -0700 (PDT) From: shell Subject: ET: poems Untitled He said "I never meant to hurt you and I don't want you to cry, but you're not what i need anymore" and followed with "But don't think i don't love you, that's not true" Though I know inside he was saying I was nothing he needed and maybe i never was. In hindsight though, I saw this coming. "Certainly I'm not afraid of a little smack in the face" But you need to know I built my world around you. Everything was catered to you. and you up and take a fucking sledgehammer to it like it means nothing to anybody, because one day you woke up and it just wasn't there. And try as I might, I still don't get it. But, that's what he said. ~~~~ Keith Feeling my heart swell in having you tell me everything I wanted to hear for so long. Hearing "I knew the whole time that I loved you, I just didn't know how to word it. But I can't live without you" Then I snap out of my daze just in time to see you hug her and say "It feels great to know you feel the same way" as I notice that sentence doesn't end with the name Courtney. ~~~~ Salt Acid It shouldn't, but it does. It stings like cyanide tipped thorns. It's you. It's him. It's her. I's everybody that's let me down "You call me strong, you call me weak, but still your secrets I will keep" It's everyone that made me cry, that taught me to hate and fear when I should have been protected. It's everytime he's walked by, eyes undeterred by me didn't noticed I cared. It's everytime the other one stole from me what was physically mine. It's memories that won't leave me alone. ~~~~ Feel free to commment. Court _______________________________________________________ Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite Visit http://freelane.excite.com/freeisp ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2000 01:25:03 +0200 From: "Dr. RomeAntic" Subject: ET: Getting very personal... I'm emotinally drained.... exhausted... so I'll just post this poem I just wrote... that is part of the reson... USE OF ME I've been shaking my head all day and all night after I read your confesion around noon... this strange day you brutally wanted to avoid the truth but couldn't help yourself knowing it will get to me I'd be upset even though it's none of my business and you're just a friend that just happened to be the first person i loved It destroyed my day my visions of sun and images dancing after a good morning sleep til noon I just woke up to you It's been years... and you're disappearing not like smoke it's something I can't inhale because it does not fill me... it empties... a leach... and all of this with more and more words I get from you cause it's all different and I should long have stopped caring since you did your best not to face me as an option in my mind Yesterday you celebrated your new status I bet it was just revenge on him and you act like the world's a better place leaving me the only one hurt by this episode and I wasn't even there I'll carry my fake strength til I can crawl no more I'll celebrate my tender feelings till they kill me it looks like you'll be pulling the trigger And it should've long been over yet here I feel betrayed by a friend for being a person with stupid actions when I was the stupid one so many times and forgave myself blaming it on inevitability but it's different since I can't recognize you You were a friend in need and he was there taking care of his needs while I hundred miles away make plans of saving you from starvation and your soul from dying sadly realizing I'm the best you got But you can't seem to find use of me 1:21 11.6.00 - -- Have fun and stay beautiful Chim-Chim BubbleChunks A.K.A. Dr. RomeAntic, an angel with the worst stroke of luck and a flash of revelation "Oh, no! If she couldn't sleep I know she'd tell herself that she might need A little time to stop her heart from bleeding so Like me, but I guess she's doing fine I wonder if she knows she's on my mind" Blessid Union Of Souls ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 17:11:59 -0700 (PDT) From: shell Subject: ET: Dear Angels, Well my summer vacation has certainly started off with one big fucking bang. This man that I hate with every molecule in my body (Chris, you know who he is and why i hate him) keeps thinking he's going to move in with my mom (into our house)... And anyway, last night he was drunk off his ass and was in my backyard waiting for my mom to get home, complaining about me. He was saying "Well, she's done running her mother's life and my life and I'm moving in August first...and if she doesn't like it she can run away or kill herself, or even better, do both, for all I care..." and I mean, it doesn't matter to me what on earth he thinks of me, I don't want him to like me quite frankly, but I didn't do a damn thing to him to make him say I've been running his and my mother's lives and that I should kill myself! I mean, Jesus H., he's half the reason I almost did that in the first damn place! But the thing is everything he said was about how I was trying to run his life when I didn't do anything to him! He's the one that fucked up his life... Not me dammit! Feel free to comment... Court Bug _______________________________________________________ Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite Visit http://freelane.excite.com/freeisp ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 21:43:55 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~billy's everlasting boyne~ + how many independent judicial inquiries into century-old festering sectarian iniquities does it take for the children of ulster to put down their collective baton and muster civility towards one another; stop tossing tribalism into the air as they strut superiority along the sidewalk on the twelfth of july; but they say it is our democratic right to preserve out heritage; it is equivalent, but far from equal, to those pagans' perfectly acceptable st. patrick's day parade; so why can't you just let it slide, as community relations come crashing down all season long, onto the heads of brothers, like a silent hidden bomb, along with any hope of peace, nevermind a chance, at reconciliation; when protestantism becomes religious sadism and political elitism; when Catholicism was and is still equivalent to being a second-class citizen, surrounded by billy's brethren; the black flags being waved by the invaded are the only real sings of protest evident here, minus the arrogant, misplaced union jacks, and an explosion of the colour orange, trying to blot out the native green of the patchwork fields that have absorbed too much blood to know when change has finally come ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2000 21:44:11 EDT From: Angeljlr98@aol.com Subject: ET: songs? I haven't written anything too recent, but I also haven't posted anything on this list since 1963, so here are a few songs I wrote since the last time I posted...at least. Ship In A Bottle (Jan. '00) I hear you whispering my name as though soft-spoken could make this all okay Ya know, I cried 1,000 rivers today A tear for each time I let myself walk away Last week's paper's still rest on the lawn I can't seem to fall asleep for very long because I toss, and I turn, and I dream, and it hurts. I'm not saying that I love you any less and why I feel this way is anybody's guess I'll build you a fort to keep you warm at night cuz I won't be there through the morning light Have another cappaccino, baby It's the least I can do And I can blow off some steam And get on with what I came here to do I don't wanna talk about it...we always talk about it I'm all about being bottled up Just stick a cork in me and send me on a cruise, and I don't care if I reach port I got nothing left to lose I'm not saying that I love you any less and why I feel this way is anybody's guess I'll still build you a fort to keep you warm at night cuz I won't be there through the morning light Just tell me you care for me, and that tomorrow you'll be here with me Maybe I might change my mind, give me peace of mind, for once I'm not doing this out of spite just trying to keep my sanity And maybe you can help me bring myself back to me Just tell me that you won't love me any less and tell me why I feel this way, or at least make an honest guess I'll be your fort, I'll keep you warm at night and I'll still be here through the morning light through the morning light through the morning light through the morning light - --jm To Fall Into (March '00) I guess it was a while ago before you were so familiar before I even knew your last name I guess I lost my grip on life about ready to give up but I held on tighter just the same Cuz I thought it’s where I had to be something in there needed me to stay and I thought I’d either sink or swim didn’t know the option stood to float away So I lie folded, and then came you Guess I didn’t think about how easy you were to fall into To Fall Into So the days all blended into the next and you called me on everything didn’t mean I’d stop the fight But my shield collapsed and I stood bare You took me in to nurture me and held me through the night As you unfolded me under the moon Guess I began to realize how easy you were to fall into to fall into to fall into - -jm Scared (May '00) After bout an hour of trying to go back to sleep I finally get the strength to pull myself up I light my cigarette, and watch the smoke curl round my fingers My to-do-list for today starts off with something like - -Don't smoke. - -Write a song. - -Avoid drinking. But I'm tired of making rules, and I'm tired of making plans I'm tired of thinking. He says, "You look scared, don't be scared" "I'm always scared" "Don't be scared" "I'm always scared" Most days I don't know what I'm doing and other days I just don't care So I stare into the mirror for some kind of answer to anything at all And I guess I should step off my high horse and make some sense out of what I've become But it's warmer up here, and I still live in fear of being anything more than numb He says, "You look scared, don't be scared" "I'm always scared" "Don't be scared" "I'm always scared" And I guess scared is what I am cuz scared is what I'm used to being I still hold my hands over my eyes through the scary scenes And hello is such a thin word, so I I speak to you in dial tones And I feel you feel me through the phone He says, "You look scared, don't be scared" "I'm always scared" "Don't be scared" "I'm always scared... I'm always scared." Good day, people =) Love, Jamie ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #225 **********************************