From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #220 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, June 6 2000 Volume 03 : Number 220 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: ~waterbabies~ [shivergirl ] ET: angst. [Katherine Alexandra ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2000 20:09:52 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~waterbabies~ + bosom appraisals 34B; yep, that's all of me; should we stop talking now-- or is there something else that you'd like to see? + jesus' apprentice feeling like a heathen in christian country at a wedding surrounded by my beatific brethren; there is a young man; he is clean-shaven; he is singing, and i am listening: to lyrics and sound, but funnily enough, they are not about girls-- or even boys-- that are against the liturgical rules-- but beings, and i am curious: you can't cuss. you don't drink. you are only eighteen, but already you've forgotten how to think; have you lost the will to wonder as well; experiencing only the need to thank the lord profusely for the pain disguised as a blessing; and does your god do all your pondering for you too? is this his almighty, self-given tautological right, divine command theory and all, after all? since his only male-child was conjured up and dropped down propped up with nails involuntarily donning a thorny, earthly crown; yet ready and willing to die for our sake, we suppose, and i peruse the bible and the sign of the father, son and holy spirit i hastily make but i really don't know; and sitting in this pristine building, witnessing all these human genuflections, it comes upon me like a holy revelation: that i have only been baptized once, as an undecided child; and i believe in buddha, and witches and faeries, besides. + psychic flowers i will marry the boy next door the inscription informs the next day not before but i was not worrying about words and locations then i was only feeling the glow of a sure-fire yesterday of a caught bouquet in a crowd of cats who were trying to catch the end of aloneness and ensure the end of loneliness in one cattle-call, estrogen-charged push-and-shove dash while others watched wiser to the wiles of reckless frivolity but maybe contagious happiness is more the outcome i ought to hope to expect and let myself from two obviously happy creatures in love and not just with the idea after witnessing their voice-caught-in-throat hand-held, ring-flying-across- the-room wedding pact maybe it is indeed possible maybe i really will be next + ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 5 Jun 2000 18:10:00 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: angst. lost in their expectations (his parents) we sat in the car next to each other around the curvy roads of washington the evergreen trees passing us by and you mentioned them, the woman who gave birth to you and the man who let the seed go in. 2 weeks back i ate omletes over their table and talked about the news we avoided subjects that went along the lines of my childhood and stayed clear of any triggers . and i spent the past 15 years trying to regain some identity after everything went down. and i have tried to define myself by everything but what he did and i have avoided subjects that make it seem like my background is less then perfect but they know. if they hate me, then let it be about my age, my hair, my giggle but don't place it on the secret that he shared with them. dont place it on statistics that i am going to do what he did they said that they want their son to be with a girl a little more healthy someone a little less dysfunctional i sat there over the breakfest table while they psychoanalyzed my laugh because i love this man.... they warned him that i wil become too dependent that he will turn into a councellor that my problems need to be fixed because nothing has ever happened to them completely out of their control and they have never had to justify why their past got a little rocky and they want me to prove that somehow i deserve this angel. i know why she cries (an explanation to my sister). i know why she cries in middle of the night. and i know why her bones are so frail. but i cant tell anyone. they just look around at her perfectly oraganized spice rack, with the messy kitchen and wonder if she is crazy. they watch her fall apart in the grocery store, and wonder if she needs to be taken away. her eyes dart a little more then they should and her laugh is manic. i know why she cries from the depths. i know what he did. i know why she can't look me in the eye. and why we never became close after the wall was built. i know why she is never going to be the same and why i never want to mimic her again. i know she cries from the depths late at night. why she ends up in fetal position after she allows him in. i know why she has faded and is no longer who she was. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? 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