From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #214 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, May 30 2000 Volume 03 : Number 214 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: recent babbles about love, grammar and punctuation omitted [BRONCOBAN] ET: sm o ke [Mango Ara ] ET: p.s. [Mango Ara ] ET: A couple of poems i just wrote ["Claudia" ] ET: uno [Mango Ara ] ET: I don't want to play [Tudegirl08@aol.com] ET: shatterings [Naomi ] ET: ducky. [courtney gordon ] ET: poem [courtney gordon ] ET: new poems and such [Summer Burton ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 01:56:18 EDT From: BRONCOBAND@aol.com Subject: ET: recent babbles about love, grammar and punctuation omitted Random thoughts of right now... So many people are lonely and so many are being hurt...sometimes i wish we all could just BE...i know it wouldn't work for many reasons, but really, can't this world work on being free...going with it and escaping inhibitions of living responsibly...everyone needs companionship and without some willingness within reason, there's just not enough to go around...ordinary as it may be, love makes the world go round and it's needed...talk to the orphans and ask them if they know what love is...if we don't give it, other's can't give it...not initially anyway, not until they experience it themselves...be it naive of me, but i have a love for everyone that touches my life, each love different..."they" say that the value of that three word phrase "i love you" decreases because it is too often used...i guess i can see that, but to me, if it's in honesty, even if it isn't true love, if the person honestly thinks its love, then it needs to be said...the more the better...the thing that makes the phrase lose value is dishonesty, not frequency...is it wrong that i think this way and that I wish i could spread the love within myself created by the beauty of friendly people and nature? the creation of love is limitless within, but it is so often crushed by stress or hurt...if we work on how to deal with those things, how beautiful it would be. Helplessly stricken with naivety...that's me, but that's how I feel about love tonight. I lost the train... Well, :) much love to ya and thanks for reading my nonsense! Laura "Laura, you're my little Janice Joplin" ~My dear friend, Paul ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 00:27:54 -0700 From: Mango Ara Subject: ET: sm o ke smoke gets in your eyes, now that's an old line, isn't it. oh well. so i lean back in the chair feeling like a slut, probably looking like a slut in this orange dress that pulls around my bra and hugs at my hips but who cares because my boyfriend seems to like it, in fact he likes it very much and runs his hands up and down my sides saying how great my curves are. so i lean back and cross my legs and inhale that sweet cinnamon smoke, feel it tingle at the back of my throat and then disappear into my lungs, exhale and watch the smoke tickle the air with curling drifts that blend with the misters that look like tiny grains of sand blowing on streams of sunlight. and the guys eye me, yes i can see that the guys are eyeing me, this will sound like the heart of vanity but it more like strikes a chord mixed with anger fear and annoyance when i walk by and four sets of eyes turn to watch me walk by. i can see them wanting to pry into me wanting to dig down into my soul wanting to dig down my shirt up my skirt merely pulling at the strands with their eyes. guys need to learn to keep it less obvious, i say to my boyfriend, he's like silk on my silky dress and i don't care about those guys anymore. but it's a sure shame in this culture that i can't be alone without being afraid, without thinking that some other man is going to try to take me down is going to try to hold me down is going to fuck me and get me pregnant and you will hear me screaming until they tape my mouth you will see me fighting till i can no longer reach their balls to kick you will see me afterwards a ripped and bleeding girl just bleeding from her mind and yet you will never have known, oh god i hope the day never comes when being laced up with a shape like heroin lacing up your veins comes and tears me apart with those vicious hairy strong stifling arms of those men whose glance i ignore now but fear later. he will never let that happen to me though, that remains a nightmare though, though though though, i am full of thoughs. and the pain is coming back again, pulsing through my veins, i swear it's a chemical reaction and i see the scars on my wrists seeping blood even though (see there's that though again) if i touch my wrist i feel no warm liquid on it. i can see me in my head, i'm shivering now and digging my nails into my palms willing my head no no no no no no no no no no no no but i can see me, there i am, the me standing in the red dress with the bare arms and the bare legs and the skin suddenly turned more pale now, and the me of the me, with the black hair that becomes me so they say, with a cold pained glint in her eyes and she's ripping at me and tearing at me and i'm screaming no no no please don't crying tears that turn to blood as i'm slashed and bleeding and dead to bits and i look at myself no longer aching no longer feeling just bleeding no longer breathing and, no, it will not happen, i think, i take ahold of myself and feel my boyfriend's arms around me and feel the smoke drifting in and out of the air around me and i hear them say, are you okay? yes, yes, i am okay. i feel his lips and they taste like candy, like sugar wine, like something surely from heaven. he is my bright green baby he is my angel juan he is my angel now, save me from myself and my fears, he gives me a blood red rose and i would have his hands all over me forever if i had to choose, sinking into his arms, now, the fog of my desperate oblivion drift away and i'm here, now, tasting touching living now. ~~ love samara - -- "I guess I'm an underwater thing so I guess I can't take it personally I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm liquid running there's a sea secret in me it's plain to see it is rising but I must be flowing liquid diamonds calling for my soul at the corners of the world" -tori amos * * * girl goddess #5, diva-to-be ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 00:28:24 -0700 From: Mango Ara Subject: ET: p.s. the poem i just sent i didnt reread. i wrote it in the body of the message. so sorry if it sucks. ~sam - -- "I guess I'm an underwater thing so I guess I can't take it personally I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm liquid running there's a sea secret in me it's plain to see it is rising but I must be flowing liquid diamonds calling for my soul at the corners of the world" -tori amos * * * girl goddess #5, diva-to-be ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 09:30:34 +0200 From: "Claudia" Subject: ET: A couple of poems i just wrote As usual any comment is more than welcome- If all the stars fell from the sky i would catch each of them and build a throne of sturdust for you, my king. If the sky turned eternally black i would rescue his white clouds and make them a soft bed for your lovely body, my love. If this world turned into Hell i would steal love and peace from Heaven and i would create with my hands a wonderful paradise just for you, my angel. _____________________________________________________________ Blissful Dream Love's fire burns in my sleep and in a secret vision i see the roses of your cheeks. Like a Greek nymph i dance in the dimlight of the woods and little Love-god guides me to the honey of your lips. A cheerful spirit sings how sweet our passion is and two silk-winged angels put a crown on my head. I start crying as i get down on my knees and in my heart i feel all the pain is dead. Cupid reveals he heard my eternal vow and the purity of my tears proved to Heaven my honest heart. I feel all my fears are relieved now and never again in our life we'll be apart. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 11:28:04 -0700 From: Mango Ara Subject: ET: uno delusions of heat heat plasters to me as if it's my own skin, just as my bra digs into my ribs, as my faults stick to the outside of this cup i'm holding. no even june, it's not even june yet, and the sky is sweating and the sun screams water that is not there, a cruel trick, it vanishes when you bend to pick it up butterflies fall from the sky their weightlessness turned to dead lead weight as their wings send them churning to the ground heavily like petals from a jar and they have said my flaws are few, but i know they are many and still you can't compare yourself to someone else, to anyone else and still the sun curls its heat around the corners of my hands shading my eyes from that bright blaring daylight i think heat sticks to me, sticks my faults more thickly against me every square inch of rain wasted on nothing yes, and worms have wings delusions are experienced by more than schizophrenics i will lay a curse on you, you think i have power, so here i dub you, sir asshole create fire from flames from dwindling blue ashes from an exploded star implode till you glow outwardly he gave me tic tacs the smoke is sweet and the smoke is smooth the shade will be even smoother on that picnic blanket with him crawling through my fingers - -- "I guess I'm an underwater thing so I guess I can't take it personally I guess I'm an underwater thing I'm liquid running there's a sea secret in me it's plain to see it is rising but I must be flowing liquid diamonds calling for my soul at the corners of the world" -tori amos * * * girl goddess #5, diva-to-be ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 14:47:37 EDT From: Tudegirl08@aol.com Subject: ET: I don't want to play I don't want to play Maybe it was me that drove you away a license to drive your own thoughts How come what's best for you Leaves me misplaced and unwanted What's so wonderful about her Maybe it's her name How come you said she tried harder but yet it was never a game I couldn't compete with the history you had You said I didn't have to How come you said how she pleaded strained you and yet somehow her words got through You said you messed with her mind and from her memory you couldn't be erased so you fell into her plan that she's changed her charm I can taste But what about the six months I spent that doesn't matter now Learning to trust my heart with yours only to watch you push it around I think it scares you how much you feel for me You're not in control and I can make you bleed deep down in your soul I have no more cards to play you see my body is empty in bed we were meant to be from the beginning so much for what you said ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 14:47:03 -0700 (PDT) From: Naomi Subject: ET: shatterings the shirt lays untouched in the center of the floor the one she ripped from his back in a fit of screams and fury we all walk around it and continue w/ our day - shall i warm you up some food? ===== "What is Desire? Desire is... complicated. One person always wants the other person more." -VS __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Kick off your party with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com/ ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 19:01:55 -0400 (EDT) From: courtney gordon Subject: ET: ducky. Dear Angels, Well, I hope everyone here has had a nice Memorial Day weekend, I know I certainly haven't. Long story short, Paul's dad beat him, he had to stay here, now lives with his mom, same night, a friend of the family's daughter hung herself. She's not dead, but she's comatose and brain dead and my mom has to be the one to make the decision as to whether they're going to pull her off the ventilator and let her go, or if they're just going to keep her on it. Either way, she won't pull out of it. I've really needed to but I haven't talked to my best friend in a week, and if I never needed him before, I sure as hell do now. But I guess that's how things work. Love and cookies for all, Courtney The angel with a major sunburn, a junky guitar, no money, beaten boyfriend, mother that's near a mental breakdown, and more problems than i know what to do with. "Love yourself and then somebody else" ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 19:06:45 -0400 (EDT) From: courtney gordon Subject: ET: poem she was so beautiful. I lived for her, I breathed her. She was amazing. She did everything she could to see me happy, to know I was content. She put 112% of everything she had into making that relatinship work, both of us knew that. God she was amazing. She was a walking unanswered prayer that I waited so long for. So now the question arrises, why did I let her go? ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 21:22:28 -0700 From: Summer Burton Subject: ET: new poems and such ... untitled 1 [iihemc] ... 5/27/00: you are all earth tones your clothes and hair and skin i don't know where to begin to describe you to describe this you are of the earth -- the dirt i soaked in the water i drown in the fire i burn in the air taking me away you are true and dying your lungs are full of smoke just like our atmosphere just like the earth i love i'm not in love with you but i love your hair i love your hands i love the way we kiss how much i how much i how much i miss you how much i love all these elements of you like trees and oceans there's too much of you too much of the planet for me to love it all there's too many complications for me to see all of you in these kisses and conversations i can only i can only love these pieces ... untitled 2 [iihemc] ... 5/28/00: somewhere in my dream the faceless groom turned into you things are not as simple as they seem things are not quite false nor are they true things like you reminding me of everything reminiscent of nothing at all i will hold on to you forever after i've let go of you to fall i will forget about you so easy after i remember it all after it all, after all you are nothing about forever you are all about today you are nothing about never you are all about maybe someday you could make me cry you know you always make me smile i can't help but wonder when you'll go i'm not in denial i'm not addicted to your skin it's more like an age old obsession easy to end, easier to begin again hello goodbye is our only forever you're in my life in drifting hours hours by hours kisses by kisses counting our goodbyes counting our nearmisses hellos goodbyes forever no never hours by kisses kisses by hours counting our goodmisses counting our nearbys goodbyes hellos no never forever no forever never never forever no forever and ever forever forever ... rhymi ... 5/28/00: she paces inside her eyes are wilder and no one else seems to notice she is sleek she is beautiful and she doesn't belong here with the rest of us she could kill me with her claws but she leaves me alone her fur is rough and complicated give her room i cry from the other side of her bars let her run wild let her kill me with her claws don't wanna be left alone but she's all caged in, alone - -- webmaster ... boingyboingy.com writer ... planetgirl.com aolim ... summiestar icq ... 71939214 voicemail ... (512) 682-6988, ext. 5331 ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #214 **********************************