From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #189 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, May 7 2000 Volume 03 : Number 189 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: EveryDay [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: roya's been lazy... [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: Untitled(poem) ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] Re: ET: Sara' Song ["Dr. RomeAntic" ] ET: outside the cemetery gates [shivergirl ] ET: sharing kewlies#3 [shivergirl ] ET: Hell(a poem) ["Dr. RomeAntic" ] ET: Re: outside the cemetery gates [RedWoodenBeads@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 00:19:16 EDT From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: EveryDay maybe yesterday i was falling through a swamp of mud, but today i am walking (squelchsquelch) on the edge. there are trees with eyes that see too much, they try to grab at me when i walk by. 44 year old trees with moss like sideburns and roots that bulge like pot bellies. they surround me, i can't avoid them, their branches snag at my hair as my breath snags in my throat. they are trees i would never climb, old, rotten, twisted like poison. no matter where i go, how many corners i turn, i can never let my laughter invade this nightmarish swamp again. the hot, murky air that blows in no direction makes me nauseous, maybe that's what warped the trees. maybe it is my fault the branches have cracked. did i swing from them for so long they bent over with fatigue? did it wither when i carved my initials in the bark? is it my fault that these trees grow here, where the only travelers are young and confused? is that why i don't say anything, why i don't use the ax i carry? why i left teh swing that hung from their branches, to pick my way around the roots, trying so carefully to step around them? i am so afraid. what would happen if i slipped and fell? i would hit my head, lay there forever under teh shade of the tree, paling and paling till my eyes held no color. i am afraid that the tree will crack and fall, but i am more afraid of the noise if someone calls "timber!" the thought of what might happen makes my knees weak and my stomach turn. it pushes away any sunshine that might have penetrated this swamp; sunshine which would rather keep us in darkness and denial. i would rather not see, be blind to the things that lurk in the branches; be deaf to the rustling of the leaves. but i walk through this swamp of sickness and malformed trees. and i am afraid (of) EveryDay. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 00:35:06 EDT From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: roya's been lazy... The difference in our worlds rotate till they match, align with a click when my sun is shining your moon glows dark Everyone needs their night and day you might sustain my yellow glow for a time before your blue night blows into my ears I will listen like i always do until, mixed, we turn green with poisons and demons sharp truths, sharp pangs. So let me turn my back to you hold my face to the warmth, my eyes will shine you will envy, i will pity But provide for your own heat please let me avoid any contacts with your cold. ~~ you know your little pinpricks of anger hurt when you leave them in my skin for too long and tehy fester when you avoid my eyes and covet the disinfectant selfishly. i am left to lick my wounds alone, those scrapes you used to heal for me with your grin and tousled hair and freckles but now you have hatred burning through the eyes we compared without the filter of kindness, you are harsh. and changed. and you are turning me towards angry bewilderment. i miss you brother. ~~ sometimes you are just too exhausted to keep your head up and you mistake your closing eyelids for a swamp of despair you raise your thoughts to a whisper regardless of who might be listening a factor of exhaustion that holds its regrets when you wake up. stop fighting it, let yourself slip. there is always the chance that you'll have a sweet dream. ~~ My blue nights come in flashes of silver screams like liquid metal burning at first, then cooling and landing with a thud; a pit in my stomach. Am i resisting happiness for the sake of a few poems? You know i hate unproductiveness I love the space my handwriting fills. So step aside let me have a little room I'll take a few deep breaths and slide right through i'll ignore the ring on her finger it's weight in my stomach molten behind my eyes. ~~ roya ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 15:56:12 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: ET: Untitled(poem) I wrote this poem this morning when I woke up. I guess I feel a bit better...not too much. I don't really have a title so if you wanna give suggestions, that's cool. If you don't want to receive my poetry, let me know and you won't receive them. Take cares and Have a Great Day!! :o) -Seth ======================================== Untitled by Seth D. Fulmer 5-06-00 I could run around all day crying to the doctor scamming little girls into sex and drugs and alcohol claiming I'm their long lost daddy raping with their mother covering up the truth with some crack in their morning cereal What would that ever do to help my situation? I am hated by my peers and my family tries to love me Unsuccessfully of course I think They secretly despise me This girl thinks I am so wierd and I really think I believe her The normality of the situation of a black hole in my closet is about how normal the life is when I am around society I graduated and went to college was told I wouldn't be allowed to join with other greeks and so from then I thus believed them I hated them with all my heart But now I'm beginning to love I want to be so popular, the spotlight on me daily to wake up to a press crew and go to sleep after much partying would truly be the life that I would love to live I want to walk into a room where people want to praise me and not just look up briefly to confirm that they want to leave To walk on down the hallway or a road or boulevard and 50 strangers join me to make a scene from a movie If you've ever seen Notting Hill, you'll know what I'm talking about I am just the bookstore owner but I want to be the beautiful actress Screw the gender, screw the nationality It's all really the same thing It's the popular hating popularity and the wierd and strange adoring it. I don't want to be smart, for intelligence carries nothing I'd rather be so beautiful that even Miss America takes a double take. Napoleon had this fame, so did Hitler, and Moussolini Charlemagne of France as well as Richard the Lionhearted Bill Clinton got this fame, yet he didn't exactly get it wisely I wouldn't want to be him, not even if you paid me So did OJ Simpson, and Elian Gonzalez Milli Vanilli too, yet he didn't earn it I don't really care about earning it I just want to be so freaking popular that for anyone to see me there's a charge, and even God himself has to pay it. Sure I'd let my friends in free But only if they're friends Some people would rather act friendly when they just want to hurt me I feel like letting things crush me the weight of life and love using magic to create a force unimaginable and give it the weight of my hurt Neither black hole nor meteor shower nor our sun going supernova could compare even together with the power in that force. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 07 May 2000 00:34:52 +0200 From: "Dr. RomeAntic" Subject: Re: ET: Sara' Song RedWoodenBeads@aol.com wrote: > Alright, these are the lyrics to a song I wrote about a girl named Sara who > died from the use of coke. Half of it is me talking, half of it is her family > talking, and something to that effect, I think. When her parents, who are > really great people, went to ask this ministry service (I guess it was like a > couple of preachers or something) to conduct her funeral, they told them that > she was without a doubt it hell because of her drug use, and that a funeral > was out of the question. This was such a horrible, as well as false, way to > treat a family. In addition, Sara's not in hell, I know she's not. You see that's one of the reasons I hate orginized religion. It lures judgment out of people... and places power and priviledges "in the name of God"! If there is such a thing as hell those people will definitely end up there. But just in case there is not, somebody should beat the crap out of them... take a break to catch their breath and repeat the exercise!!! I mean... where is the limit to cruelty??? Thank you for sharing that Joe and that song wasn't bad at all... some of the passages were simply beautiful! - -- Have fun and stay beautiful Dr. RomeAntic, an angel with the worst stroke of luck and a flash of revelation "Every time you look at me and smile I'm falling just a little I can't tell between my heart and mind I'm somewhere in the middle" Nine Sky Wonder Catch Dr. RomeAntic's outdated cyber image @ http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Metro/2009 ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 19:41:09 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: outside the cemetery gates Dr. RomeAntic wrote: > > > You see that's one of the reasons I hate orginized religion. It lures judgment > out of people... i wouldn't say it "lures." i'd say they freely give it over. it doesn't require any thought, and most people happily agree to that precondition. it's only when you start to question that the sham falls away. > and places power and priviledges "in the name of God"! i don't believe the true god has anything to do with hierarchy.that's where human folk fucked up. > If there > is such a thing as hell those people will definitely end up there. don't you see, dr. romeantic, how you're buying into organized religion even as you scorn it?it's hard to break free of the mental choke-hold, isn't it? :) > But just in > case there is not, somebody should beat the crap out of them... take a break to > catch their breath and repeat the exercise!!! how does this help?how does not dignifying death equal not dignifying life? maybe next we should shoot some more doctors down and make capital punishment universal punishment. never get past that damn old testament. > I mean... where is the limit to cruelty??? an ironic question, given your former sentence. > > > "Every time you look at me and smile > I'm falling just a little > I can't tell between my heart and mind > I'm somewhere in the middle" > Nine Sky Wonder intriguing sig, btw.vive la vie. ~T ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 19:51:53 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: sharing kewlies#3 ~your sort of human being~ by emm gryner from the album: the original leap year i don't think i'm going to soho for spring you wouldn't be caught alive at the garrick with me did i die with the daisies? did i go with the wind? did i burden you with this? i seem to pace across the floor tile jammed up inside i made the digger dig a little deeper cause i can't believe it died was i not your sort of human being? was i not your kind of creature? tell me how unworthy i seemed when you got thinking about it i seemed when you got thinking about it so my love song isn't hard enough for you-- did i lose my tune to one of jupiter's moons? did i pass with the centuries in your conventry house? did i did i call your name too loud? was i not your sort of human being was i not your kind of creature tell me how unworthy i seemed when you got thinking about it i seemed when you got thinking about it (you thought too hard for thinking about it) ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 07 May 2000 03:02:23 +0200 From: "Dr. RomeAntic" Subject: ET: Hell(a poem) I one share this one and only poem of mine... that bears the year 2000 +++ Hell Hell surrounded by thorns, walls, canyons, endless oceans and some other invisible obstacles inhabited my life or rather I inhabited it By mistake a bird flies in a smile errupted from fire burning inside me that is week compared to flames licking me from the outside so it just delivers more pain Some fantastic people wander into my world (some looked for me) whom I love more than I love myself and they hurt me because they get disappointed in me Everybody is leaving my hell love is not enough when I can't give comfort and I can't promise eternity in this fire They keep bringing some dry leaves or wood and just throw on let it smoke let the fire reach the sky let it be known where we stepped foot and where it all ended Where there is Me! I don't know what to think about, except this hell it presses on from all sides and I run away in circles from whom? to whom? when everybody loves me and everyone hates me so it's easier to refuse than to accept and risk... all in that order Basically alone against the heart I'm justifying mind cause it keeps me from losing this tiny piece of pride and dignity that I've got left after I kept swallowing to be a bigger man than that some better person and there you go... You're not a part of it... this... unforunately or fortunately for you I guess I miss... I don't have much benefit from your reincarnation into a person that a whole new world opened to, and understands that there are people who are nothing but people who depend on others and that they are in huge majority I love this person even more but I don't know her and it's all little by little my fault that I'm missing this stone on a scale that might balance things out in this hell with a breath of cold wind and a little rain that does not consist of alcohol that keeps falling harder and harder... ... Sometimes I just love to sit and admire the sunset behind the ocean and for a moment I forget how I suffer of coldness and how night increases it and I can only squeeze myself onto the bed... without covers (I wonder what this fire is for) ... Spring has arrived into my personal hell no new people just a new color green and some brand new pain with some unusual hope that I might do something (or fix something even though I'm a terrible handy man) find a way out get to know somebody (perhaps you) and end this crisis episode At last... - -- Have fun and stay beautiful Dr. RomeAntic, an angel with the worst stroke of luck and a flash of revelation "Every time you look at me and smile I'm falling just a little I can't tell between my heart and mind I'm somewhere in the middle" Nine Sky Wonder Catch Dr. RomeAntic's outdated cyber image @ http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Metro/2009 ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 23:29:11 EDT From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: outside the cemetery gates In a message dated 5/6/00 4:37:37 PM Pacific Daylight Time, tstevens@ican.net writes: << > You see that's one of the reasons I hate orginized religion. It lures judgment > out of people... i wouldn't say it "lures." i'd say they freely give it over. it doesn't require any thought, and most people happily agree to that precondition. it's only when you start to question that the sham falls away. >> that's the thing! I feel like so many of my friends and people I know just get led by this stuff, and it bothers me. I wish people would really look deeply at the church they're going to, I mean really look at it, and maybe they could see some of the hypocricy (sp) I see. Sigh. no longer cradled in gravity's memory still in and spinning in spiral drifts of endlessness spinning in torment into the garden of light - -Pale Saints "A Thousand Stars Burst Open" http://www.chickpages.com/musicmania/joepages ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #189 **********************************