From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #153 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, April 22 2000 Volume 03 : Number 153 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: a song ["~* cymbaline *~" ] ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #152 [RedWoodenBeads@aol.com] RE: ET:Depression and suicide (LONG) [Nikita Wilson Subject: ET: a song i started working on this over a year ago. I just found it in an old notebook. Its kinda mellow/heavy rock... 'my hell' i'm so alone in this world my life is just a haunting dream i don't know where i'm running to i'm running from most anyone please change this darkness into light i'm spiraling to darker nights please understand that i can't help this peice of mind i'm not as insane as you believe my life my hell please cast away this spell thats on me i hear you whispering secretly you won't even look at me its as if i carry some strange disease that you would get if you'd walk with me my life my hell please cast away this spell thats on me Peace, Kelly ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 23:00:26 EDT From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #152 In a message dated 4/21/00 7:53:41 PM Pacific Daylight Time, owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org writes: << Look here Sir, I'm terribly sorry you told someone to kill herself. I'm sorry that everyone thinks you're an asshole for it. But for one, you have no idea who I am, and two, I have not once jumped all over you for acting like an 11 year old. The fact that you're attacking my wonderfully correct statements :o) with words like fuckhead...well obviously you know what you did was wrong and you are just pissed off because everyone is yelling at you for being a moron. >> you know what? I could care less what you think is wrong. kiss my ass, bitch, and go to hell no longer cradled in gravity's memory still in and spinning in spiral drifts of endlessness spinning in torment into the garden of light - -Pale Saints "A Thousand Stars Burst Open" http://www.chickpages.com/musicmania/joepages ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 20:02:30 -0700 (PDT) From: Nikita Wilson Subject: RE: ET:Depression and suicide (LONG) I also applaud you for coming forward and saying this to everyone. It also lets people get a glimse of how life once was or still is for us - --- ~* cymbaline *~ wrote: > I'd cry myself to sleep every night. I remember > calling out to God, saying > "please... just let me die... take me away." The > life I once enjoyed turned > into a life I despised. And nothing mattered. > > I was an outsider, in my school and my family. I > felt like I was a failure, > and I could never do anything right. > > I cut on myself at least once a week for months. It > was how I dealt with my > pain. And I couldn't help BUT cut myself. I hid the > scars well... no one > noticed. I didn't want anyone to know. > > I tried to kill myself for the 1st time on January > 6, 1995. That attempt, > and each attempt from there-on, went unnoticed. I > didn't want to die. Not > really. But I wasn't seeking attention. I didn't > know how to ask for help... > and I hoped someone would find me before it was too > late. > > I must've tried at least once a month during 1995... > then November 5, 1995, > my prayers were answered. My mom went into my room > after I left for school. > She found the empty pill bottles, took me out of > school and took me to the > hospital. I spent 2 weeks there, getting help for my > clinical depression. > > Things started getting better for me duringthose 2 > weeks. I saw the light > again, I was feeling so alive! > > I returned to school. A small school it was, and > EVERYONE knew. A teacher > pretty much told, and word spread fast. But the > students were not kind. In > fact, they were SO fucking cruel! > > I heard the whispers, "Kelly is so psycho. she needs > to be locked up..." > "stay away from kelly... she's crazy." "I hear kelly > slit her wrists again." > Even one of my own teachers joined in w/ the > cruelties. > > It was horrible. I lost everyone who I thought was > my friend, and I couldnt > make any. My depression worsened, and my self > mutilation got more twisted. > > I got sick of sitting alone during lunch, so I > stopped going. I went to the > library, and laid down on the couch until the 7th > period bell rang. I wanted > to die, so bad... but at the same time, I yearned > for life. I wanted to let > people know, that no matter how much they hated me > (and hating someone > because their depressed is stupid, btw!), I wasn't > going anyway. a quote > from one of my poems from that year goes "you can > take away my urge for > life, but still i'll go on living" > > I couldn't be happy, no matter how hard I tried. Its > not something you can > just snap out of...Its a chemical imbalance, so its > a MEDICAL problem. > there isn't even a cure. Sure drugs like Paxil, > Prozac and Zoloft can > HELP... but when you stop taking them... the > depression can come back so > easily. > > Peace, > kelly > > > ________________________________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at > http://www.hotmail.com > > ===== "When I was in there and it started to get bad.....I thought of you...you're the only one of us that still has a soul" "Thanks for the binoculars. Walter- Anytime. Anyplace, any position." " AM i under orders to honor and obey..just obey" " Have I ever told you that I love you? " " You should have let him do it" " You have to drink this..." " MUST...HAVE..GREEN..STUFF.." __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #153 **********************************