From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #152 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Friday, April 21 2000 Volume 03 : Number 152 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: ET: Joe, this for you. [DPS8315@aol.com] ET: spiritual quiver [shivergirl ] ET: (no subject) [Cassidy831@aol.com] ET: Re: this is it [RedWoodenBeads@aol.com] ET: Re: Hello [JewelAng@aol.com] Re: ET: *sigh* [Annie ] Re: ET: spiritual quiver [Annie ] Re: ET: *sigh* [Mike Connell ] Re: ET: *sigh* [kara garbe ] ET: i'm sorry [courtney gordon ] ET:Depression and suicide [Nikita Wilson ] RE: ET:Depression and suicide [courtney gordon ] RE: ET:Depression and suicide (LONG) ["~* cymbaline *~" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 11:19:37 EDT From: DPS8315@aol.com Subject: Re: ET: Joe, this for you. In a message dated 4/21/00 8:40:07 AM US Eastern Standard Time, restlessglow@yahoo.com writes: > thinking you > were just, well, for lack of a better word (oh my > tired mind), mocking joe? or is this actually your > opinion? truth of the matter: i wrote an extended email to the list encouraging everyone to be open minded and to avoid unnecessary insults, as kara pleaded for. i also wrote about my feelings about suicide, minus my joe-attitude, which was the major source of all this controversy. the insults i have received openly and privately were completely unfounded and as close minded as my original post supposedly was. my computer magically decided it was tired and i lost my reply so this is the one y'all get instead: I don't care. plainly, i dont care b/c suicide doesn't and hasn't affected me. i suppose i'm too stubborn in my optimism to let anything so completely stupid get to me. you ask any healthy-minded person if they think suicide is a good idea and you'll get a "no" most times-so that's exactly my point. i was going to say, "i'm not going to say you'll change my mind, but i'm open minded and willing to listen. someone might make a substantial difference in my opinion, but i'm yet to hear a hardcore story of what drives a person there (save one, privately)" instead, i'm taking a break from all of this. i am battle stricken enough to know how to pick my fights, and unlike the attitude that got our beloved joe out of favor, i'm going to walk away with an acceptance (although not understanding) of everyone else's opinions. It may be insensitive or cold hearted to walk away without listening, but it is in everyone's best interests, that I, if no one else, steps away for a week or so. everyone is heated. let's all cool off. a bientot ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 11:40:23 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: spiritual quiver may the force/faeries/fates (GOD) bless all of you. taRa~ :) ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 12:26:43 EDT From: Cassidy831@aol.com Subject: ET: (no subject) << I'm going to agree with Summer here. How many times have you experienced this so called 'animal life?' >> ~well, considering tha fact that I have three horses, four dogs, four cats, ~three parots, three ducks, two gerbils and around 20 chickens I would say I ~have experienced a lot more than any of you fuckheads. Look here Sir, I'm terribly sorry you told someone to kill herself. I'm sorry that everyone thinks you're an asshole for it. But for one, you have no idea who I am, and two, I have not once jumped all over you for acting like an 11 year old. The fact that you're attacking my wonderfully correct statements :o) with words like fuckhead...well obviously you know what you did was wrong and you are just pissed off because everyone is yelling at you for being a moron. Now, you're completely defensive, and finding tiny little ways to piss people off. Do you not realize how pathetic that makes you? I dont give a fuck how many goddamn animals you have, YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THEIR LIFE. You have experience with them, but you cannot say that you have, at any given time, been a horse, a dog, a cat, a parrot, a duck, a gerbil, or a fucking chicken. So don't throw your bullshit my way when this is the only time (note: after YOU posted calling everyone a fuckhead) I have openly critized you for acting like such an idiot. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 12:26:53 EDT From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: this is it In a message dated 4/21/00 8:22:37 AM Pacific Daylight Time, owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org writes: << Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 00:29:06 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time) From: kara garbe Subject: ET: i think we're all sick of this guys, i think we're all getting sick of this, so i suggest we just stop responding to joe until he gets tired of it and quits bothering everyone. it's like what they say about bullies in sixth grade; ignore them and they go away. i think we all know where everyone stands in relation to what he says, so we should stop playing these games. > Haha, good God, I make known some different opinions, offer some alternatve view points, get bullied around and abused for it, and then I get called a bully. How interesting. no longer cradled in gravity's memory still in and spinning in spiral drifts of endlessness spinning in torment into the garden of light - -Pale Saints "A Thousand Stars Burst Open" http://www.chickpages.com/musicmania/joepages ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 13:25:42 EDT From: JewelAng@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: Hello In a message dated 4/21/00 1:24:30 PM Eastern Daylight Time, bigbluejr@hotmail.com writes: << Ok, maybe you can help me here. How the heck do I unsubscribe from the et list? >> You um send an email to: eda-thoughts-unsubscribe@smoe.org with unsubscribe in the body. That may be wrong. Hell I dunno. Rebecca - -------------------------------- http://www.envy.nu/ophelia Ophelia Spins http://nettrash.com/users/majesticramblings .majestic.ramblings. http://www.envy.nu/souls Common hearts with common dreams (cliques) http://www.angelfire.com/yt/horns My horns keep up my halo (webring) - ----------------------------------- Into the night of the heart your name drops slowly and moves in silence and falls and breaks and spreads its water *Pablo Neruda* ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 14:17:44 -0400 From: Annie Subject: Re: ET: *sigh* >but i have to say, i can see both sides of it... > >as a girl who once slit her wrists with the intention of killing herself. I, too, have been there.. >suicide is NOT bullshit. it is a very sensitive subject to some people and so, >just be careful what you say. because while i agree and applaude you on many of >your points and ways of thinking, serious depression is not something to be >brushed off lightly. and it's unfair and hurtful to some to disregard it as being >for the wimpy, self-pitying little moron. it's much deeper than that. when you >cannot stand the skin you live in, when you feel so numb or so sick or so >miserable that you think everything would be better without you and you can't >stand to go on living, it's hardly wimpy. i agree it's wimping out in the end, >but it's extremely difficult and not something to be taken so lightly. > >~samara > Good point. Although I beg to differ that it is a wimpy way out. It takes a lot of...well, something to harm yourself in such a manner. I'm just so grateful now that I never had that 'something' to finish myself off. People who kill themselves usually know that there will be consequences, but they want to make things easier for others, and think that if they weren't there, maybe they wouldn't be such a burden. At least, that's how it was for me and others I have encountered. It's not all the same, obviously, as there is rarely if ever a simple answer to an ethical question. I agree whole heartedly that suicide is not a good way of coping. Hell, you won't even be around to cope after that. But I don't believe the lies that people do it for pity. Those who do want pity usually talk about it first, and then it never gets done anyway, right? And just out of curiosity, is this a mailing list for moral debating or a mailing list for sharing the beauty of our poetry with each other? It was a great idea to want to get to know each other better, but I think the whole spirit of this list is dying. We are all inclined to different beliefs. It shouldn't mean that we should get angry about that. And please, I'm not trying to lecture. Just wondering where most of the poetry has retreated to. - -Annie ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 14:19:54 -0400 From: Annie Subject: Re: ET: spiritual quiver >may the force/faeries/fates (GOD) bless all of you. > >taRa~ > :) *L* Amen to that, sista. And ditto. Annie-bananie ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 14:33:05 -0400 From: Mike Connell Subject: Re: ET: *sigh* > >And just out of curiosity, is this a mailing list for moral debating or a >mailing list for sharing the beauty of our poetry with each other? A little of both actually. When the Jewel list grew too big (was getting over 300 posts a day at times) and I was forced to make it a moderated list, this list was formed as an offshoot list to take up some of the various NJC slack. It was named eda-THOUGHTS, not eda-poetry. Poetry WAS a major reason this list was formed, perhaps the main one, but not the only. I do not know exactly what has been going on here the last few days, just noticing the increased list traffic and decided to open up a few email envelopes. I assumed it was some large discussion, perhaps heated at times, as these things invariably do. (Moral debates will do that) This list has had some skirmishes before and has always survived. It will survive what ever is going on right now. Mike :-)  : \    / :                    -- o -- :                      /    \ :                             .---.           .---. :                           /      \  @    /      \ :                         / / /     \(   ) /    \ \  \ :                       //////  /    '     `       --\\\\ :                     / /   /  / :         :   --\  \  \ \ :                    //  / /   /   /`     \     --\\ \   \\ :                  / /   /  /  / /  . .  . \ \  \    \   \ \                     We are everyday angels. :) ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 14:53:44 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time) From: kara garbe Subject: Re: ET: *sigh* On Fri, 21 Apr 2000 14:17:44 -0400 Annie wrote: > And just out of curiosity, is this a mailing list for moral debating or a > mailing list for sharing the beauty of our poetry with each other? It was a > great idea to want to get to know each other better, but I think the whole > spirit of this list is dying. We are all inclined to different beliefs. It > shouldn't mean that we should get angry about that. And please, I'm not > trying to lecture. Just wondering where most of the poetry has retreated to. i think the list wasn't actually started for the sharing of poetry... it's "eda thoughts," not "eda poetry," and when it started up there wasn't actually a lot of poetry on here. but i agree with annie that i'm missing the poetry... people tend to stop posting it when other conversations are going on. maybe we need to decide what this list is for. maybe there should be a separate one for moral/ideological discussion? ~kara ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 19:56:18 -0400 (EDT) From: courtney gordon Subject: ET: i'm sorry Dear Angels, I'm not sure why, but i feel compelled to share this with yall. My feelings were recently very deeply hurt by two list members, and I'd like to share with everyone here that although I may come off as a very strong person with killer self confidence, I do have feelings much like a great many people I know. And because of the indifference of two angels these feelings that I do have that are in working order, were hurt and though I hate to admit it, I'm crying. I may be leaving this list in a month or so due to some events I'd rather not talk about, but I'd like to thank the rest of the angels that haven't hurt me, just for being there for me when I needed you. thanks all. Courtney ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 17:28:49 -0700 (PDT) From: Nikita Wilson Subject: ET:Depression and suicide Ok people I've been bitting my tongue but now I wanna talk. I know i am not the only know who has had a bad time with depression and suicide I read about it. But something the rest of you dont know is how it truly feels.To feel like nothing is really worth it. That no matter how hard you try, know guy will ever see you for you. The slighest thing can make you go slice your own skin. The pain you feel is addictive when you cut your own skin. How you beleive that finally you are not feeling something even though it is pain. Nothing can make you want to live to the next day. The days pass and you dont care one way or another. Ask me any questions you want and to the other please comment on how you felt if you wish. Holly __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 21:06:10 -0400 (EDT) From: courtney gordon Subject: RE: ET:Depression and suicide Dear Angels, at the end of eighth grade, all through freshman year and through the middle of this (my junior) year, I was clinically depressed. Then about 4 months ago I wrote a suicide note and had it all planned out, but because of a friend very dear to me, I never pulled through with it, and I owe my life to him. I felt like I was nothing. I meant nothing to anybody, and I felt that I was having problems nobody could help me with. Then I realized I was right, because these were some serious problems that only I could help myself with. I felt like there was nothing better that I could do for myself than to end it, and I still feel that way rather often although I don't like to say so, because everyone i know takes it into their hands to be my superhero or something, i don't know. just a thought Courtney ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2000 02:41:11 GMT From: "~* cymbaline *~" Subject: RE: ET:Depression and suicide (LONG) I'd cry myself to sleep every night. I remember calling out to God, saying "please... just let me die... take me away." The life I once enjoyed turned into a life I despised. And nothing mattered. I was an outsider, in my school and my family. I felt like I was a failure, and I could never do anything right. I cut on myself at least once a week for months. It was how I dealt with my pain. And I couldn't help BUT cut myself. I hid the scars well... no one noticed. I didn't want anyone to know. I tried to kill myself for the 1st time on January 6, 1995. That attempt, and each attempt from there-on, went unnoticed. I didn't want to die. Not really. But I wasn't seeking attention. I didn't know how to ask for help... and I hoped someone would find me before it was too late. I must've tried at least once a month during 1995... then November 5, 1995, my prayers were answered. My mom went into my room after I left for school. She found the empty pill bottles, took me out of school and took me to the hospital. I spent 2 weeks there, getting help for my clinical depression. Things started getting better for me duringthose 2 weeks. I saw the light again, I was feeling so alive! I returned to school. A small school it was, and EVERYONE knew. A teacher pretty much told, and word spread fast. But the students were not kind. In fact, they were SO fucking cruel! I heard the whispers, "Kelly is so psycho. she needs to be locked up..." "stay away from kelly... she's crazy." "I hear kelly slit her wrists again." Even one of my own teachers joined in w/ the cruelties. It was horrible. I lost everyone who I thought was my friend, and I couldnt make any. My depression worsened, and my self mutilation got more twisted. I got sick of sitting alone during lunch, so I stopped going. I went to the library, and laid down on the couch until the 7th period bell rang. I wanted to die, so bad... but at the same time, I yearned for life. I wanted to let people know, that no matter how much they hated me (and hating someone because their depressed is stupid, btw!), I wasn't going anyway. a quote from one of my poems from that year goes "you can take away my urge for life, but still i'll go on living" I couldn't be happy, no matter how hard I tried. Its not something you can just snap out of...Its a chemical imbalance, so its a MEDICAL problem. there isn't even a cure. Sure drugs like Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft can HELP... but when you stop taking them... the depression can come back so easily. Peace, kelly ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 19:49:50 -0700 (PDT) From: Nikita Wilson Subject: RE: ET:Depression and suicide *Claps* Bravo Courtney!! I know that probably wasnt the easister thing to do but now you too have just let some one else see who you are and how much farther you are then you were in the 9th grade. Bravo courtney!!! - --- courtney gordon wrote: > Dear Angels, > at the end of eighth grade, all through freshman > year and through the middle > of this (my junior) year, I was clinically > depressed. Then about 4 months > ago I wrote a suicide note and had it all planned > out, but because of a > friend very dear to me, I never pulled through with > it, and I owe my life to > him. > I felt like I was nothing. I meant nothing to > anybody, and I felt that I was > having problems nobody could help me with. Then I > realized I was right, > because these were some serious problems that only I > could help myself with. > I felt like there was nothing better that I could do > for myself than to end > it, and I still feel that way rather often although > I don't like to say so, > because everyone i know takes it into their hands to > be my superhero or > something, i don't know. > just a thought > Courtney > > ===== "When I was in there and it started to get bad.....I thought of you...you're the only one of us that still has a soul" "Thanks for the binoculars. Walter- Anytime. Anyplace, any position." " AM i under orders to honor and obey..just obey" " Have I ever told you that I love you? " " You should have let him do it" " You have to drink this..." " MUST...HAVE..GREEN..STUFF.." __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #152 **********************************