From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #137 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, April 16 2000 Volume 03 : Number 137 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: All The Bother and Such ["* windex *" ] Re: ET: simple defition ["* windex *" ] [none] ["stephen" ] ET: myself ["stephen" ] ET: definition of self :) [shivergirl ] ET: definition [Naomi ] ET: infatation [Katherine Alexandra ] Re: ET: infatation [Naomi ] ET: Infatuation ["stephen" ] ET: You had questions? [Annie ] ET: more on me [courtney gordon ] ET: Parade [Jennifer ] ET: ok this time I remembered to add the poem [Jennifer ] ET: Goodbye Everyone! ["BigBlueJr " ] Re: ET: Infatuation ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2000 21:49:25 MDT From: "* windex *" Subject: ET: All The Bother and Such I hope you all will join me in telling Kat her posts are more than welcome...keep going grrlie...I love reading them. Infatuation...wanting more than needing I guess. Maybe not =0) Kerry ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2000 21:45:59 MDT From: "* windex *" Subject: Re: ET: simple defition <> Don't you think or your love is returned that person would never ask you to sacrafice yourself. Love is compromise...not give or take ranger kerry ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 07:22:17 -0400 From: "stephen" Subject: [none] I refuse to believe True Love is the kind of love so many people talk about when they say " Yeah, I was in love once but it didn't last".. What they should be saying is "No, I have never been in love I only thought I was" Because If that were the only kind of love out there and my goal in life was to fall in love.. I would kill myself... I honestly, seriously, truthfully would. note: .....I'm still alive. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 07:43:19 -0400 From: "stephen" Subject: ET: myself . ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 11:07:18 -0400 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: definition of self :) to echo stephen and paraphrase the little chicken: "i. do. not. define. myself." ;) shiV. (in five werds or less :) ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 10:32:55 -0700 (PDT) From: Naomi Subject: ET: definition this is bad, on so many levels, but, well... I define myself, by my ability to turn him on; by who loves me, and who doesn't; who wants me, who doesn't, & whose mind I can change; by good days, social graces, & kickass lines; by how many hugs I got last Tuesday, & whether or not they were sincere; by what mothers say about my singing, and my dress; by his indifference at my presence; by how many times he slapped my ass, vs. how many times he wrapped his arms around someone else; I define myself, I validate myself, through them. ===== "What is Desire? Desire is... complicated. One person always wants the other person more." -VS __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 11:16:30 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: infatation infatuation.... i dont think infatuation is all that bad. there is that jewel poem, of someone being infatuated, i believe that poem explain infatuation very well. it's not the person, it's the idea. infatuation really only becomes a problem when obession occurs or when you cant realize what it is. it's not love. but this is importnat, i believe, to know.....you see i have been infatuated towards a man, god he was put so high above me. i realized though, even then, that it couldnt have been love. bc love is much more then that. and someone has been infatuated with me, at first the gifts, the red carpet treatment seemed nice, but then i realized how i hated such a weak man. how it wasn't love. before thomas edison made the light bulb this reporter asked him why he keeps trying. edison said that he has tried 500 times only to find it wasn't working, now we know 500 ways of NOT doing it. so i see infatuation this way, now i know what love is NOT. i wouldn't say its a "wrong" emotion, just that it's not love, but sometimes we have to got through it, to know that. i hope this makes sense.... kat __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 13:26:24 -0700 (PDT) From: Naomi Subject: Re: ET: infatation I agree w/ Kat, and felt so inclined... Infatuation - J.K. infatuation is a strange thing a bony creature thin with feeding on itself it is addicted not to its subject but to its own vain hunger and needs but a pretty face to fuel its rampant imagination humid couch and sweaty palms fleshy carpets ablaze with conquest but when conquering is complete the blood leaves its limbs and it becomes disenchanted (to the point of disgust) with its subject who sits then like a hollow trunk emptied of its precious cargo and left to fade a seed relieved of its transparent husk to dissolve, finally on a rough and impatient tongue - --- Katherine Alexandra wrote: > infatuation.... > > i dont think infatuation is all that bad. there is > that jewel poem, of someone being infatuated, i > believe that poem explain infatuation very well. > it's > not the person, it's the idea. infatuation really > only > becomes a problem when obession occurs or when you > cant realize what it is. it's not love. but this is > importnat, i believe, to know.....you see i have > been > infatuated towards a man, god he was put so high > above > me. i realized though, even then, that it couldnt > have > been love. bc love is much more then that. and > someone > has been infatuated with me, at first the gifts, the > red carpet treatment seemed nice, but then i > realized > how i hated such a weak man. how it wasn't love. > before thomas edison made the light bulb this > reporter > asked him why he keeps trying. edison said that he > has > tried 500 times only to find it wasn't working, now > we > know 500 ways of NOT doing it. so i see infatuation > this way, now i know what love is NOT. i wouldn't > say > its a "wrong" emotion, just that it's not love, but > sometimes we have to got through it, to know that. > i hope this makes sense.... > kat > > __________________________________________________ > Do You Yahoo!? > Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. > http://invites.yahoo.com > ===== "What is Desire? Desire is... complicated. One person always wants the other person more." -VS __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 17:16:14 -0400 From: "stephen" Subject: ET: Infatuation 99% of the time I think infatuation is just another form of lying to yourself. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 17:52:48 -0400 From: Annie Subject: ET: You had questions? I finally have answers. My full name is Mary Ann Hickman. I was born in North Carolina, but live in Virginia. I like waffles, particularly with strawberry jam instead of sticky syrup. Chocolate should be a prescribed drug. It has always made ME feel better, anyway. And I have been riding horses since I was three (another form of medication). I only started writing when I was twelve, which was only four years ago for me. I look back and think, "God, this stuff is crap," but I can never quite send them completely to my trash can. My toes are short in comparison to my long, ballet feet. A friend of mine calls them hippo sausage toes. I guess they sort of look like hippos. I have always wanted long hair, but keep getting my own hair cut and layered, cut and layered. I vow to give that up. I want to be like Rapunzel. As a child, I wasn't a child. I took everything so seriously. Everyone I trusted hurt me. I would attempt suicide by getting violent with my wrists. My parents never talked but always yelled. Now they just don't say anything to each other at all, and I don't know if that's an improvement. I guess I'm making up for my lost childhood now; but still, it feels as though maybe I expect a little too much out of those I trust. So I have begun to expect a lot less from people. That way, I'm never disappointed; in myself or them. I used to believe in love- when my father still read me fairy tales, and even a few years after he stopped saying prayers with me and waking me in the morning before work for a kiss goodbye. Now I don't believe in love. And I don't miss it. (How can you miss something you have never been sure you felt?) I draw a lot. I write a lot. I sing in the shower, unashamed. I long with all my being to become a famous actress. I'm not sure why exactly. But when I'm on stage and I'm someone else, I don't have to be weighed down my own troubles or weaknesses. It's this whole other person who needs me to be their body and to resolve their conflict. I once read an article about Judy Garland. Her agent would catch her staring in the mirror with tears in her eyes and chanting, "You are a star. You are a star. You ARE a star." And he felt she never really believed it. Tragedy has always appealed to me. I guess if I needed help, I wouldn't ever ask for it. I like it too much. Don't get me wrong; I'm just not the brooding type! I could never shut myself up and close everyone out. I love people. And I love being happy. It's just some days when I'd rather be sad; that's normal, right? I open up a little too easily, I think. I trust too much. Maybe that's because I really want someone to trust. And I have maybe one friend I can tell absolutely anything to. I'm lucky that way. I know my friendships won't last (come on, I'm only in high school). I look forward to college and hope to go to New York's college. I hear they have an excellent drama program. I thought I loved once and realized it was infatuation. I didn't know this person. And it wasn't lust, because I wasn't craving the physical shmuck. Maybe I was just lonely. I'm not entirely certain. I wanted to get to know this person, and I wanted him to want to get to know me. The whole mystery of it turned me on and kept me interested. Until I started to get to know him-then I got turned off. That happens to me a lot. I write mostly when I'm at peaks of either high or low. When it comes like a gush of wind. In between is mostly where I fall short. And when I'm at a high peak, instead of writing I usually crave people. Yum, yum, like a cannibal. ;p So, most of my writing gets done at low peaks, which accounts for the somber tone of it all. I guess if I was alone but really happy, I would write and maybe it wouldn't sound cheesy. My favorite poets are Sylvia Plath, Jewel, Tori Amos, Walt Whitman, and...umm...oh! Shivergirl and Kara. James, however, is my favorite critiquer. Always has some insight to nibble on. And I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I guess I'll get on that. But right now, I'm hungry. Can't you tell? - -Annie ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 18:27:00 -0400 (EDT) From: courtney gordon Subject: ET: more on me Dear Angels, I read a lot of posts on angels and what they do and don't like, and realized there was a lot of stuff I could have said and didn't. I like obscure names that not too many people have. Like Kedree, Genysis, and Schuylar. I find myself attracted to guys that have been arrested. (I don't know why, don't ask me) I like the movies the Crow, the Matrix, and Vampire Journals. My best friend is Chris. My other friends are Serina, Paul, Brooke and Kristen. I have cheated on boyfriends. I am bisexual. (Hope I didn't shock anybody there, I know I haven't said it before) A lot of my friends say that they wish they had the guts I do. I have a habit of coming off as indifferent towards my friends when I don't know what to say. I can get very very rude when people are disrespectful towards me, and I have been told I'm good at putting people in their place. I am often times loud and assertive. I don't like to hurt people. I am fascinated by death and dying. I am the youngest of 6 kids, 3 guys and 2 girls that are all moved out and married. I don't really want kids. That's enough for now. Love and such Courtney ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 15:54:25 -0700 (PDT) From: Jennifer Subject: ET: Parade __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 15:55:02 -0700 (PDT) From: Jennifer Subject: ET: ok this time I remembered to add the poem he hears me but doesn't listen looking at my mouth and not into my eyes - --- floudering in my convinctions waiting..wanting him to understand - --- the parade of lies going round in my mind leaving me dizzy-unable to tell what's real from fiction - --- a kalidescope of memories changing shape and color forbidding me to let go - --- The mirror of my reality shattered by his words clothed in malice He demands a blind devotion worthy of saints - --- for the first time I see him with clear eyes he is a coward dressed in a kings finery - --- His minions dance around him-bidding approval I stand on the outside-watching the spectical unfold - --- Turning to leave, I toss one more epitaph over my shoulder execration falling at his feet __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send online invitations with Yahoo! Invites. http://invites.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 20:17:03 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time) From: kara garbe Subject: Re: ET: You had questions? Annie said, > And I have maybe one friend I can > tell absolutely anything to. I'm lucky that way. I know my friendships > won't last (come on, I'm only in high school). oh no no no! just had to throw in a voice of dissent... i'm in my third year of college and i still have friends from high school to whom i'm just as close (if not closer) as i ever was. although, granted, most people i've known since high school have changed a lot once they got to college (myself included), that doesn't mean that you can't still be friends... i just had to point this out because i don't think anyone should ever feel that something (like friendship) is less valid or enduring simply because they're "only" in high school. some people at 16 are more capable of forming lasting relationships than other people are at the age of 30.... i guess this issue just touched a nerve because when i was in high school, i had this view that "oh, i'm *only* in high school, my real life hasn't started yet" and now looking back i realize that you're never too young to be alive... you're never "only" any age, so don't feel like that's a reason to settle for less than you want. i hope that was coherent! off to do work. :) annie, i loved your whole post by the way, very eloquent and honest... ~kara ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 16:43:58 CDT From: "BigBlueJr " Subject: ET: Goodbye Everyone! Well, lol, this is the second time I've said goodbye to this list, so I'm guessing that I'll be back eventually, but I'm going to unsubscribe. Sorry! I've just found that, even though I love to, I no longer actually read all of the posts. So I just thought I would let you know, if anyone cares. You can all contact me at this address, bigbluejr@hotmail.com. And if you're dying to read my poetry (yeah right) you can always go to my site: http://www.envy.nu/lost Ok, tata everyone! [me] //brian.lost-souls\\ http://envy.nu/brian ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 17:48:25 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: Re: ET: Infatuation I might ask then what "telling yourself the truth" would be? One might say that if you love someone and they love you back, that they would necessarily show the love if they felt it. That's not entirely true. There's a brother in my fraternity chapter and he has girlfriend. He speaks so highly of her like the relationship is the next best thing to heaven on earth. When you speak to her, you'd think she was just sitting there enjoying the situation and not a participant in the rlationship, but if you ask her if she loves him, she would give her life for him. Sometimes one has no idea if the one they are "infatuated" with truly shares the feelings and even when you mention to them that you admire them, they appear to dislike you while inside they like you as well. My one friend from HS I just found out today...I always thought everyone hated me in my HS and I actually wanted everyone to hate me in HS...It provided me a protection because I knew I could trust everyone to not like me and didn't have to play around with social circles. Anyhow, near the end, before graduation I liked her but I thought she hated me. I found out today that she had a crush on me but just didn't know the right way to state it. I was telling my one friend yesterday that I talk to like every day(yes this person's an EDA) how it's so frustrating how there are no "published rules". You can't say to someone "Do this, that and the other thing and you're my boy/girl friend". Perhaps sometimes someone is doing what feels right to them and it just isn't enough. For those people you gotta make the exception. In that aspect, you may be "lying" to yourself in one aspect but just "making an exception" in another aspect. Anyhow, take cares and Have a Great Day!! :o) Seth D. Fulmer mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com ======================================= At 05:16 PM 4/16/00 -0400, stephen wrote: >99% of the time I think infatuation is just another form of lying to >yourself. P.S. I'm not stating you're wrong...just bouncing things off the idea. You can't be wrong about what you think. ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #137 **********************************