From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #119 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Friday, April 7 2000 Volume 03 : Number 119 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: a recent one from me [Mango Ara ] ET: falling on [Mango Ara ] Re: ET: Writing better when you're mad... [DPS8315@aol.com] ET: imperfection [Katherine Alexandra ] ET: kissing, the list, poets, & other things [Katherine Alexandra ] ET: [Katherine Alexandra ] ET: roya's lovely question [Naomi Vaughn ] Re: [ET: question] [Naomi Vaughn ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 06 Apr 2000 21:43:23 -0700 From: Mango Ara Subject: ET: a recent one from me i realize i haven't sent stuff lately. that is because i haven't written anything, at least, not anything good. ben--i am so endeared to you. i can't believe i forgot to list you as a fav. poet. i think if i tried listing all my fav poets, i would never stop. but you, summer, and roya are also on my list. as well as nai... ** Go on i close my eyes and hold my sides and know each day i'll see another day i laugh and hope and believe i know the saddest parts are in me i'm twisted of all sorts of things i can dance and cry and sing feel real in spring instead of blood and somehow know i'm loved summer and mango juice friendships and lasting love things to do and be content i know i'm not all spent run a streak of melancholy glitter in ecstasy it's not one or the other lonliness without another strength in weakness felt pain and joy more to come when all is helpless i'm drowning then or i'll see the sun again i close my eyes and hold my sides and try to see beauty inside believe in me when hope is gone i don't know but i lost it somewhere along this day, this night i'll be alright i just wanted a streak of red to soothe this aching in my head and comb out my doubts insecure shadow i have so much yet i live without i don't know how i can go on and keep moving on when i don't feel so strong it feels it all will end then but i know we'll all be right, and wrong i want to save them but we can only live ourselves and in each other find reasons to when all is black i promise it will turn light i close my eyes and hold my sides and try to say that this way it will get better the next day - -- Diva-to-be My fingers catch the sparks At the thought of them touching you ~third eye blind~ ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 06 Apr 2000 21:52:33 -0700 From: Mango Ara Subject: ET: falling on one day you were the music and i was the notes you played i believed you when you said you wished that you could stay with these days i just continue morning into night you know i could see us lasting longer and prove them wrong but for now i'll just keep falling on now you're so far far far but you come back randomly and i smile, thinking of you and the things you said to me no one has ever loved this girl the way that you loved this girl and i could see us in the sun summer, winter, we'd be one but you're staying far far gone i'll keep on falling on falling on, falling on, i just keep on falling on new turns come now i do what i can my way try to live and really care try not to be afraid each new step takes a gain grab on hold on move on again i do what i can my way breathe in breathe out each day and most of all to hide the pain drowning in my purple rain and most of all to hide the pain drowning in my purple rain i could cry a lot you know throw words into the air pinions to cast back on you and test you if you care but these i am a girl who loves and too much to even try your devil kinky angel slinky drowning in your fractured eye so i smile breathe in again and i will keep falling on day by day and play a song falling on, falling on - -- Diva-to-be My fingers catch the sparks At the thought of them touching you ~third eye blind~ ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Apr 2000 02:09:57 EDT From: DPS8315@aol.com Subject: Re: ET: Writing better when you're mad... In a message dated 4/5/00 9:37:27 PM US Eastern Standard Time, Reecord2@aol.com writes: > I think the mad ones just come out better because your emotions are more > intense, you know? well, I suppose that depends on your outlook on life: lots of people tend to associate anger with their definition for the most intense emotion... sexual desire or lust probably ranks up there just above that, and to most people, the not-so-everyday tasks of creation get tossed about like grains out of a salt and pepper shaker.. the kind with salt&pepper in-the-same-shaker to save time.. My most 'intense' poems, or at least the strongest ones, the ones to which I relate most strongly, are the sort of nostalgic retrospective glints of what life was like- what life is like.. and honestly, I cant think of one of them that has to do with anger- probably because I'm not an angry person.contrary to common perception......... In a message dated 4/6/00 6:57:32 PM US Eastern Standard Time, genben@usa.net writes: > what is most important to you? the omnibus answer here, of course, is life.. given that without life there isn't anyone's god to prey to, no poetry to write, no dreams to dream.. and as for the millions of philosophes who dreamed up their utopian republics... most of which failed, well, they only came about after man had conquered nature blah blah Communication is essential. if you cant communicate your ideas, your practices, then not only does nothing get done, nothing moves.. the world falls apart.. all of our little world today is based on communication, and it's wonderful people such as ourselves who so warmly embrace the many modes of communication - the transfer of ideas and, indeed, *thoughts, everyday as they may be* Have a Wonderful Life James Brogdon ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2000 11:31:53 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: imperfection i am imperfection. things have been overwhelming and somehow, from here to there, everything has changed (and then back again). you dont even look at me anymore. i wrote you a letter, 12 pages, told you what was on my mind. you got mad, started screaming, i ran and only to find, that i am imperfection. i fucked up everything again. i sat there at my desk, trying hard to please, trying not to look down at the blood on my knees, when you asked me why why why why why why...why did i allow her into our lives again. she is my sister. you dont listen. i don't listen. she never listenned. pass me the potatos, he says, i do. he smiles. things changed. she not here, i'm not here, we all aren't here. but you do put your hand on my shoulder, to remind me of where i am. where i was...it was beautiful. i was free, alone, foreign. i wasn't around you, or her, or him. pack the bags. he's coming to town. lets all run and pretend that everything is fine. be frantic. hurry. stop reminding me on the phone that i am imperfection. and so are you. quick. forget everythig that i have said. give me that colgate smile. i want to die momma..."what would you like for dinner". but i will be dead for dinner, i wanna say. but you dont hear, you never hear..."lets have chicken". silance. stand up straight. it's ok, it's alright, it's ok...i hear you on the phone, sad worried, afraid...phone bills, and lies, and secrets and bonds that should have never been created. you are no longer mine and i was never yours. hide me under that blanket, under that table. welcome home. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2000 11:39:46 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: kissing, the list, poets, & other things for starters KISSING....hmmm...i just kissed my ex who was in town. i had no interest in it, i just wanted to feel his lips against mine again. why? bc he never called after sex, i was shocked, really young, naive, and angry. then, 2 years later, he says hi again..this older guy...so we sat there, and i kissed him. it gave me power, bc i was convinced that i was forgotten in the ignoring and childish games. he taught me about self respect, and how i needed it...he taught that to me by never giving it to me...i saw how horrible it felt....the thing is, i called me bf, told him. he got upset and things haven't been the same, but things will be back to "normal" in a few days, he still needs to understand WHY. sometimes understanding why is the most important. but yes...it is cheating. everyone defines cheating, love, hate in different ways. but i believe it's cheating, bc if he had done that to me, my heart would have gone to my throat and it would have hurt. and some trust would be gone. but it comes back...just be honest. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: be honest to why you gave someone else a kiss in the first place. as for poets...pablo n. is brilliant isn't he? i also adore, and i mean LOVE AND LOVE AND LOVE szymborska and julia alvarez, two amazing chicks....syzmborska, to me, is probably one of the best poets...and also he writes fiction..his fiction is like poetry, milan kundera...amazing man..... the list...yes...conversations get a little out of hand kara, i agree. but at the same time, i think, in the internet crazy faceless world, we need to bring people together and REALLY see them. conversations, questions, and whatnot, can form a better understanding. and naturaly, you are right, things probably will get out of hand as they always do, but i think we can find the beauty in the middle (and i know you will agree with me on this, heehee), with conversation, questions, fiction, poetry, thoughts, fears, everything all wrapped up into one list. ahhh here i am being a silly idealist again...but it can happen. ???? what is love??? kat imperfect angel __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 7 Apr 2000 07:27:54 -0400 From: "stephen" Subject: [none] What is love? Love is when two people are so close they stop calling it love. Love is when your girlfriend can fix the problems you never knew were there. Love is when nothing needs to be said to each other...At all.. Love is when you give yourself a second birthday { the day you were both brought together} Love is when you find all the left out pieces of your soul in the other person. Love is when you are so "connected" to the other person that it's as if you hear their thoughts. Love is when not only do you think to yourself " wow, we haven't had an argument in 6 months" but you realize arguments aren't even a part of your life anymore. Love is when you keep telling each other " I would never want to change one thing about you" and you both truly mean it, and you wind up changing each other anyway just because you complete each other. Love is when two people become brother, sister, father, mother, best friend, lover, psychiatrist, doctor, etc.. of each other. Love is when you never have to ask " is this cheating?" Love is when cheating, fighting, arguing, and all the other problems most couples have totally disappear.. and you are almost always happy. Love is when you would spend $300 a month on phone bills just to talk to your sweetie a few nights a week. Love is when someone would fly half way around the world just to be with little old you. Love is when everything in your whole life falls right into place just because of the other person. You know what? I'm in love.... ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2000 22:53:29 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: i am angry today. but so are you. i used to run out to my mailbox, every afternoon around 3, waiting for a letter. somewhere along the lines i realized that you were never writing back. funny how long it takes to realize something that is right infront of your face. it's my dirty little secret, i still look at your picture. it tore me apart, broke me into a rage, but i was silant the whole time. i try to understand, but it makes me sick. perhaps if i curl up into someone elses skin i can feel clean again. this pain inside of me, inside of my veins, i wish i knew how to tell you. how it felt to be so down, how it felt to feel everything falling to pieces, with no control. and all i can ever do is wait. i dont want another letter from you, it's not that blue ink that i miss, it's the innocense that i held 4 years ago. now i am breaking all the rules that we made, now i am trying hard to be strong, yet hardly holding my head high. i want to feel comfortable in my own bones again.i want to break free from this mess and walk away from the destruction. i miss the train rides and the walks, but most of all, i miss feeling beautfiul and free. i miss who i was. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2000 19:41:07 -0700 (PDT) From: Katherine Alexandra Subject: ET: summer of 89. SUMMER OF 89 we were never the same after that summer. bikes with ribbons and baskets. banna seats. two piece swim suits and ice cream. we laughed a lot that summer. 1989. you taught me how to give a hicki, i lied and told you that i could do cartwheels. you told me to do one infront of all my friends. i cried and ran home. we built tents out of sheets and hid at night from things that were bad. we giggled like girls do. i copied everything you did, except without any grace. you would get annoyed, and yet again, i would cry. some time later, i'm missing those grilled cheese sandwiches that you would make me. those late nights that we spent braiding each others hair. how badly we wanted a new dog. after that summer, you grew up, and i got a little younger. we stopped talking once the 90's came. i thought i did something wrong. i asked you to read to me, you told me that i could read myself. you stopped going to my room when i cried, i stopped asking for bike rides. no longer did i try to impress you, you the girl that cut off the long brown hair. you the girl that would slap mother on her face. you the mess of a human. the black sheep of the family. the liar. with your late nights and shaved head. your yelling and hiding. i forgot who you were in 1990. you did too. things got crazier, i stopped caring. i learned to make that grilled cheese on my own. dinners got awkward. at night i would hear you crying. he hurt you. we all got hurt, i wanted to tell you. but you got hurt the most. and things changed after that. now i dont know you, and you dont know me. but we sit together and sometimes laugh. we have grown up. i now no longer have to wear a training bra, but you are still taller. yet again your hair is longer and my laugh is louder. somewhere along the lines, we lost each other. i think it was the summer of 89'. i still dont know how to do cartwheels. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? 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Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: 5 Apr 00 17:33:51 CDT From: Naomi Vaughn Subject: ET: roya's lovely question > there's another question. do you have to be miserable to write? or do you > write *better* if you're unhappy? do share... well, pain certainly does seem to bring on a rush of inspiration... but i don't know if i'd go so far as to say you have to be miserable to write. it is easier though, i'll say that. i've always had an incredibly hard time writing when i'm happy... but, see, even with that it depends. if it's happy like w/ a feeling of inner peace and just being happy in your life... then, i'd say there's still a reasonable bit to write. when you're happy in love though... well that can be tough :) it's such a passionate thing, so it can be wonderful... but it can also be hard to not stray into the cheesy/corny/cliche (which most tend to want to avoid). maybe you write more and all when you're unhappy because... well, like it's the souls way of ridding itself of those things, you know? so it all comes out in this torrent. i dunno, just a thought that came just now. :) anyways, lovely question roya... i've ventured that subject many, many times w/ several people over the years... always very interesting. :) love all, nai p.s. roya ~ loved your poems as always chica (i know i'm lazy, combining two e-mails in one ;)... esp the one with "she's come undone"... i passed that very same book on the racks today and it caused me to pause. go figure. (: "And when somebody knows you well / well there's no comfort like that / and when somebody needs you / well there's no drug like that" ~Heather Nova ____________________________________________________________________ Get your own FREE, personal Netscape WebMail account today at http://webmail.netscape.com. ------------------------------ Date: 7 Apr 00 16:32:34 CDT From: Naomi Vaughn Subject: Re: [ET: question] > what is most important to you? well, i've been thinking about it, and, well that's a tough one :) i know my friends are a very, very important thing to me. after that, much as i hate to admit it, control is important to me. ever since low points in my life where i just felt like i was spriraling endlessly downward... i have this need for control. there are very few things i hate as much as feeling helpless. it's a foolish need, but, nonetheless. past that, i guess just the ability to think and dream and love? hope that suits well enough. :) ~nai~ "And when somebody knows you well / well there's no comfort like that / and when somebody needs you / well there's no drug like that" ~Heather Nova ____________________________________________________________________ Get your own FREE, personal Netscape WebMail account today at http://webmail.netscape.com. ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #119 **********************************