From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #113 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, April 4 2000 Volume 03 : Number 113 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: Drinking Your Eyes [RedWoodenBeads@aol.com] ET: Desert Truth [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: this was all written about a week ago [RJonthego@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2000 22:39:02 EDT From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Drinking Your Eyes Ok, you guys, this is somewhat cheesy, but oh well, what else am I supposed ot post? hehe Lamplight flickers I lay awake tonight The first time today I can dissolve my fire You're my sweet silky baby You're my dreamy bright light I have never needed you more Than I need you tonight Because they don't understand Jaded goblins bite my hands You are my angel I want to drink your eyes I want to fade into spirals I want you here in my bed This is our house Where we're safe inside I love people I love to dream Now I want nobody Disturb my derranged peace I dream that our children Will open eyes to a new spring Run somewhere through wildflowers To be safe, to be free Abrasive crashings of thunder That you have sustained Should you stumble through These wretched little days Welding our souls together Putting your tounge in my mouth I know we've found shelter These bindign days have finally run out Joe your mother recognizes all your desperate displays and she watches all her babies drift violently away http://www.chickpages. com/musicmania/joepages ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2000 23:08:06 EDT From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: Desert Truth Desert Truth by Roya Sorooshian 4/3/00 Sitting with my knees pulled up towards my chest, I watched the activities going on below the rocks I was sitting on. I was just high enough to be seperated, low enough that if I wanted to I could rejoin the rest of the world with one smile. The sun was shining blue through the 6 o'clock morning clouds. My journal was perched on my knees, my pen gripped between my fingers like it was the only thing that could save me from drowning. Drowning is an odd metaphor to use for this desert of sand and rocks and joshua trees and dry winds. But looking over the distance it really does look like a rolling ocean with life underneath the surface. Heat waves instead of water. But there are more ways than one to drown. It was either swim in that sandy sea or fly. The wind comes hard, trying to strip you down to the bone. The wind is harsh, taking sand and rubbing it against your mind, wearing down your defenses. It is hard not to be perfectly truthful in the desert. But even so, we found places to hide among the rocks and caves that were the most dependable things I'd ever known. I found faraway lookouts where no one could hear my gasping tears over the wind and scraping gravel. I found caves to curl up and hide in, so cold it made me shiver, but far away from the relentless sun. I stumbled, blind from tears and the dark as I was torn between following the rest or finding my own path down to the sand. The wind tore me away from myself, picking me up and laying me back down in an unfamiliar territory. I ran ahead so I could look back, to try and see where I came from, if I could still recognize it. I held on as tightly as I could, but as always, you picked me up before I had a chance to prove anything to myself. But now I'm back in the land of humidity and salt water. Knowing that I didn't even leave lasting footprints in the desert, but that I left an even bigger part of myself behind. I was drowning there on the sand. I was being smothered there by the wind. But in the struggle not to choke I gained control. It is harder here to dig down to that layer of truth the sand scores away to so easily. And although I go through the motions of washing away the smell of the desert when I swim in the warm water, this is only pretending. I was drowning in sand, in ink. Pinned down by the rocks, your arms, the wind. I struggled, and coughed. Weaker than I'd ever been. But I have looked back and seen the skye. I have stared at stars so hard they transferred to my eyes. The wind took away my breath and replaced it with something new. Something old. Something timeless. I was drowning, but I overcame. And in the desert, I found truth. ~~~ Royaboya "you say that I've changed, maybe I did. But even if I've changed, what's wrong with it?" 3rd eye blind ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2000 23:45:04 EDT From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: this was all written about a week ago I am tasting your kiss in my mouth. The kiss where you grinned and I smiled and all I could see was yellow. The kiss where we laughed and winked behind their backs at our oh-so- wonderful secrets. And I held on to you always But it was even better when you held onto me. And I tried not to smile when you squeezed my hand while i was pretending to be asleep (just to imagine how it would be.) I am tasting your kiss in my mouth. The kiss where I glowed and you sparkled and I glittered and you twinkled. And all I could see was yellow. ~~ Your yellow golden glow impressed me. When I saw you smiling across the room and for a minute your light flickered across my face and shone into my eyes. So blinded, I turned away. But you impressed me, even then, how you made others feel like they were yellow-golden glowing too. ~~ If you asked for pity I would admire you. If you asked forgiveness I would speak to you. If you stooped, maybe that's what I'm asking. If I asked your opinion, would that humble you? You are too close to home that I don't know what to make ofyou. BUt I think I'll be asking your forgiveness soon. ~~ If I am a cup that will break I wish they had left me encased in the bubble wrap but you needed to relieve your feelings, pop! pop! clunk. I fell to the floor. A small vessel, once soft, now brittle. I dreamed of flying like the rest of them, until your mouth searched me and my imagination led me and my courage failed me. You hold me in both hands and the fear of cracking never lessens, then I feel unclean and soiled and wish I could pop some thing to relieve my feelings, maybe even break something. The sound of a smash might do me good. Isn't it incredible how we wish for our own demise without even realizing it? ~~ What will happen if I put down my pen? Now I am afraid to let go of this acquired attachment on my hand. Now I am afraid to lift my head from the paper afraid to hurt more. Because I know that it will sting worse than any papercut and then it will be recorded and I will never allow myself to forget. I can't put down my pen as it scribbles words without my consent. Sometimes I am afraid of what I might say, who I might hurt. ~~ I have never before felt such a flood from my body such torrents from my mind outbursts from my fingers. I am afraid of what would happen if I denied them the flow of words on paper. ~~ I wonder what it would be like to be dry No liquids, no fluids, No water; no tears No blood; no fears. Maybe I'd just wither dehydrate like an old apple But I'd rather think that I would just shrink like a leaf Then the wind would pick me up and I'd fly just like I'd always wanter to. Maybe the desert will dry my mind and burn and blow away all of the weeds. My tears would evaporate before they even left my eye and without blood, maybe I could peek through my fingers. I wonder what it would be like to be dry. I think I could cough though, and although tears come easily now, so does my breath. Maybe I don't wonder quite so much as I thought I did. ~~ I see those days in flourescent like your hair white against the bluebright of the skye. The trees were yellow and the ocean was silver like lightning, sometimes That lit the whole world (my world) with sun. BUt as bright as it was I never had to close my eyes Even in the dark I lay with my eyes wide open And you were lit up. Your sillouette glowing I was electric I sparked and shined Blinded, I couldn't see anything beyond the flourescent. ~~~ royaboya "I'm not touched but I'm aching to be" heather nova ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #113 **********************************