From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #101 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, March 25 2000 Volume 03 : Number 101 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: what i've written in the past 3 days [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: I Wonder [JewelAng@aol.com] ET: Wet Dirty Puddles [JewelAng@aol.com] ET: whatever happened to... [zerocool@sunlink.net (Niki)] ET: random thoughts ["BigBlueJr  " ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 13:56:59 EST From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: what i've written in the past 3 days I was a burden in so many ways. Losing flesh, I would have lightened my load and you would not have groaned when I clung to your back. I would stop seeing my face swollen in the mirror at night, I would stop crying I would stop consuming hate and poison like they were a never-ending meal. I would be so light I would fly and make you run to catch up with me. You would chase after me and you would have to jold me tight to keep me from just floating away on the edge of your breath. My body would hiave no room for tears or envy I would bend over my back like I was in water, bend so that I am the cast and you are the clay. Mass woul dnot hold me, gravity would not apply to me; pure, light, airy, wispy, delicate, thin. I would that was me. ~~ I am looking for that spot where I used to rest my head. When I had the right, and the security and ease. I am trying to look past the muscles and strength and defense in your arms to the one's that held me gently (even weakly.) I am looking in the direction your eyes are aimed at Trying to see what you see like they still have special meaning. I am trying to see into those eyes that used to glow so open But you have a shield now, around your eyes, your arms. I am looking for what should still be. ~~ You blow me away Boy of the wind Head over heels and giddy Topsy turvy exhilarated My head's so light my feet don't touch the ground You lift me up You help me fly floating in your arms, Boy of the Wind. ~~ They say you'll go crazy if you fall asleep in moonlight. I can't sleep without it. Maybe I'm crazy already. ~~~ I wonder if it bother's you to read all of these love poems these hate poems these digging-up-the-past poems Is it unncerving to see yourself in unforgiving print? But these poems aren't just black+white Is it uncomfortable to see yourself the way my green-glow guarded predator eyes see you? It's hard for me too, not to know the ending to this neverending love poem this hate poem this is my poem. ~~ You try to hide your heart to prevent the cuts, you say But then you wonder at your empty hands you cut + you bleed you hurt + you scream anyway Blood drips through your fingers and you wonder why it doesn't stick. Hands so empty you had to overflow from yourself so they would be filled. ~~ I smiled sheepishly when you tried to protect me. It was an odd feeling Those arms wrapped so tightly around me I was sheepish and red and akward only because protection as severe as yourse was a new experience. Though, long awaited. ~~ I'm shaking again today, having consumed more poison than usual But I thought maybe the slick excuse of sugar would mask it - me. But here I am shaking again In an effort to get rid of this poison BUt I can't even rid myself of last night's dream (and when I woke up, I was shaking) ~~ I'm remembering a stranger like an old friend I'll just close my eyes and sink While the soundtrack of my life changes to a sunburn and a memory. I'm remembering an old friend like a stranger And I'm sinking even more Stumbling into a pair of arms like handmedowns and mismatched socks You say I'm falling I say, take my hand Sometime's you pull me up sometime's you weigh me down Under you I'm muffled, Remember me like an old friend, I remember too many strangers. I'm sinking fast. ~~ Please let my fears remain paranoia. Let them have no base in reality. Call that dread a mere stomach- ache and those tears? Well, it's allergy season. Please let me always be wrong. Even tell me that I'm stupid. As long as you think there is nothing to worry about. Show me I don't need to doubt. ~~~ Royaboya "you may be right, i may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for" ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 16:25:14 EST From: JewelAng@aol.com Subject: ET: I Wonder I Wonder I wonder what it would be like to hear your steady, heavy breathing in my ear I wonder what it would be like to feel your warm naked flesh I wonder what it would be like to feel your satin sweet lips praising my body I wonder what it would be like to hold you as my own I wonder what it would be like to have your sedated body laying in bed next to me *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Rebecca http://nettrash.com/users/majesticramblings ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 16:36:25 EST From: JewelAng@aol.com Subject: ET: Wet Dirty Puddles Wet, Dirty Puddles My shoes left wet, dirty puddles on the floor of Wendy's I feel innocent again I guess I'll always be that small dirty child *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Rebecca http://nettrash.com/users/majesticramblings ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 20:54:38 -0500 From: zerocool@sunlink.net (Niki) Subject: ET: whatever happened to... Whatever happened to Kat??? I miss her...I'm looking through all my old poetry stuff and I found a whole bunch of poems by her-she's an extremely good writer if you guys remember...here is part of one that I really like... if anyone knows where she went please let me know!! Thanks, Niki now we are both living the real american dream of betrayl and greed something good and now turning sour with time our faces on the covers of the papers look at us! we have become nothing our souls out for everyone to read because sometimes even reality feels like a bad dream ****************************************************************************** Check out my Website at: >http://www.refmaker.com/members/legomoney.shtml ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 20:16:53 CST From: "BigBlueJr  " Subject: ET: random thoughts hey, i wrote some poetry tonight. it's the first in a very long time, so i'd appreciate it if you'd read it and tell me what you think. i dont think it's the best i've ever done, but it's something. [me] //brian.lost-souls\\ http://envy.nu/brian that's ok don't you worry i never loved you anyway that's ok, dont you worry i can cook dinner you just sit and yell at the tv the bastard you are... * i don't know what to say to you i dont know what to do after all you put me through i'm lefting waiting for the answers you cannot provide * i would like to create such a music that could bring tears to the eyes of those listening but there is nobody listening and i know not how to play * re-definition is something i envy for i fear i will never experience it how i wish... * yes. indeed i did wrong but none the less you've done much worse for saying all i do is wrong * make up my mind i tell myself for my heart cannot decide what it wants nor what it needs those who've passed through my life are gone forever and there will be no ease for me if i dont give up without a fight but i know the fight will be lost just as i am * dont waste your time everyone knows that you are simply two lonely people in need of attention that plan on getting it however needed * i am thought out... * turn on your sad CD when you feel down and out walk down the street and watch them have their picture took * INFP introverted last week you told me i am introverted and i hate it if that's who i am then why doesn't it match who i want to be? no wonder i hate my life lonely yesterday you told me I am supposed to be lonely because of who i am i'm supposed to have pain well fuck you too * if there is a hell then what kind of god would create a place with a punishment for not loving him? i wish it could be that easy * i do not belong here if i have so much potential what the hell am i doing here? * well i dont like you either if it makes you feel any better //brian.lost-souls\\ http://envy.nu/brian ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #101 **********************************