From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #59 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Friday, February 18 2000 Volume 03 : Number 059 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: ET: a cynical response [A break from researchdom] [kara garbe ] ET: frag=ments [genben@usa.net] ET: i hope i find ani difranco before i die :) [shivergirl Subject: Re: ET: a cynical response [A break from researchdom] On Wed, 16 Feb 2000 21:58:45 EST DPS8315@aol.com wrote: > First of all, let's set a few boundaries. I've been involved in a 'long > distance relationship'. I've also been involved in a multitude of 'irl' > relationships. I refuse to accept such a 'cynical response' to the > plausibility of given distanced relationships, and although I applaud the > tone and presentation of beloved kara's pronouncement, I'm coming out in > partial disagreement. Okay, I fear I've offended a few people with the post that James is talking about, so this is a little attempt at an explanation/apology. First off, I consider part of writing to be putting yourself into someone else's shoes, getting into character so to speak, exploring emotions that may not be your own. Please don't be too quick to assume that everything I write is 100% my personal view, much less that my writing is directed at anybody who may seem to fit the premise of such writing. I have been in a couple of long distance net relationships (2 to be exact), one of which lasted 2 years and is the best thing that ever happened to me. But, it did end, very much because it *was* a relationship that originated on the net, despite the fact that each of us alternately moved across a continent (virginia to california, and back again - -- roughly 3,000 miles) to be together. So, while I don't deny that net relationships can be wonderful and fulfilling and can possibly last forever (just as *any* relationships can), there is also a part of me that remembers my own and gets a bit cynical about them. But that's only a small piece of me, and that's what came out in that posting. Overwhelmingly, I do believe in net relationships and I'm very happy for all of you on this list (and I *know* there are a lot of you) who are happily paired off. So, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. (Especially the one person out there who responded to me personally, and whose friendship I really don't want to lose. You know who you are.) ~Kara ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Let me die trying to tell you one word that might matter in a life of words that wound" -Cathryn Hankla ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 03:46:18 -0500 (Eastern Standard Time) From: kara garbe Subject: ET: Yosemite Without You Yosemite Without You How certainly these dark cliffs rise up, forging walls around this life you left river flowing beneath my feet twisting around beyond our old camp trees spread out in every direction enough green life to lose myself in billions of years ago glaciers carved out this valley a space not great enough to diminish the hole you left in me. ------------------------------ Date: 17 Feb 00 12:51:29 EST From: genben@usa.net Subject: ET: frag=ments shadows & games rule this Utopia - - stressed out? therapy helps social anxiety - - fight hunger RED MEAT is NOT ok ! - - lost love is strung out on weekend dreams and sunday is less perfect - - overweight team players wanted to be reincarnations of the compliant - - see me. hate me. respond ...thank you - - talk pleasure see proof - - Rasputin found art in sexually agressive women he began to secretly direct government despite the emporer's orders and show every imaginable vile innovation - - Motivation is found before lips join in love - - get lucky! try the romantic embellishments cooperate,share, reach healty communication; tango lessons will suffice; disappointed lovers are desperate people ben ____________________________________________________________________ Get free email and a permanent address at http://www.netaddress.com/?N=1 ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 23:57:55 -0500 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: i hope i find ani difranco before i die :) hi guys/gals/sentient-beings (it is the hope that). my latest notebook awaits but i was moved to share the brilliance of one ultra-special soul who i am finally startin to preciate in my old age.. ;) sides, i'd rather project some genius ramblings then torture you with some melodramatic half-assed sessions that defy grammEr more than my usual and inspire, like, tirades of long-distance loathing and shit. ;) hey, does anyone know whatever happened to kat? kudos to ben (the lucky dar-is-in-your-area guy) and hi-hi-hi to nicole, jade, sam and that other kewl girl who starts with an r with a great name that just escapes me at the moment.. youse guys' stuff just rocks. :) yer like poh-etry machines or somethin.. and kev, i'm takin a leaf from you. i usually don't eat any kind of pie, but the most adorable guy i've never met suddenly dropped from the sky and i don't really find myself craving cake anymore.. so! without further ado.. {it's the loverly mr.difranco to you ;)} ~worthy~ you think you're not worthy i'd have to say i agree i'm not worthy of you you're not worthy of me which of us is deserving i mean, look at the human race the whole planet at arm's length and we don't deserve this place what good is a poker face when you've got an open hand i was sposed to be cool about this i remember cool was the plan tried to keep it all under wraps but the wraps kept going slack i keep turning around i keep coming back give me your vertical your horizontal lines i want to take each of them bend them to fit mine the world is too good for me i am such a naughty girl but when we're together we're too good for this world you think you're not worthy i'd have to say i agree i'm not worthy of you you're not worthy of me + i could wake up screaming sometimes but i don't i could step off the end of this pier but i got shit to do and an appointment on tuesday - --tiptoe + maybe i'll live my whole life just getting by maybe i'll be discovered maybe i'll be colonized you can try to train me like a pet you can try to teach me to behave but i'll tell you, if i haven't learned it yet i ain't gonna sit i ain't gonna stay - --cradle and all + i roll over and taste the pillow with my grin - --shy + i'm sorry i didn't sound more excited on the phone i'm sorry that after all these years i left you feeling unrequited and alone i don't know what it is about you i just know it's not what it was i don't know why red fades before blue it just does - --sorry i am + wish i didn't have this nervous laugh wish i didn't say half the stuff i say wish i could just learn to cover my tracks guess i'm not concerned enough with getting away with it cuz we both know what i've been doing i've been intentionally bad at lying and you're the only one i ever let see through me and i hope you believe me when i say i'm trying musta blown a fuse or something it was so dark in my mind she came up to me with the sweetest face and she was holding a light of some kind and i still think of you as my boyfriend i don't think this is the end of the world and you're the only boy i ever let see through me in the end the whole world comes down to just a few people for you it comes down to one but nobody ever asked me if i thought i could be everything to someone there's a crowd of people harbored in every person you've decided to love me for eternity and i'm still deciding who i want to be today - --light of some kind + i am not a pretty girl that is not what i do i am not an angry girl but it seems like i've got everyone fooled every time i say something they find hard to hear they chalk it up to my anger never to their own fear imagine you're a girl just trying to come clean knowing full well they'd prefer you dirty and smiling i'm sorry i have earned my disillusionment don't you think every kitten learns how to get down whether or not you ever show up i am not a pretty girl i don't really want to be a pretty girl i want to be more - --not a pretty girl + and i'm warning you i'm weightless so don't hang anything on me if you ever want to see it again and life is a sleazy stranger who looks vaguely familiar flirting with a bimbo called disaster if you don't live what you sing about you're mirror is going to find out yeah, i'd like to go to all the pretty parties where all the pretty people go and i really ain't all that pretty but nobody will know cuz everyone loves you when you're a star and no i don't prefer obscurity but i'm an idealistic girl and i wouldn't work for you no matter what you paid i may not be able to change the whole fucking world but i can be the million that you never made you are looking at the million that you never made - --the million you never made + hour follows hour like water follows water you can't really place blame cuz blame is much too messy why do you try to hold on to what you'll never get a hold on you wouldn't try to put the ocean in a paper cup and maybe the moral high ground isn't as high as it seems maybe we're both good people who've done some bad things i just hope it was ok i know it wasn't perfect i hope in the end we can laugh and say it was all worth it we make our own gravity to give weight to things and then things fall and break and gravity sings we can only hold on to so much is what i figure we try to keep our eye on the big picture but the picture keeps getting bigger too much is how i love you but too well is how i know you i've got nothing to prove this time just something to show you i guess i just wanted you to see that it was all worth it to me - --hour follows hour ~32 flavours~ squint your eyes and look closer i'm not between you and your ambition i am a poster girl with no poster i am 32 flavours and then some and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head cuz some day you are going to get hungry and eat most of the words that just said both my parents taught me about good will and i have done well by their names just the kindness i've lavished on strangers is more than i can explain still there's many who've turned out their porch lights just so i would think they were not home and hid in the dark of their windows till i passed and left them alone god help you if you are an ugly girl course too pretty is also your doom cuz everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room and god help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just flying past i never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you and i would like to state for the record i did everything that i could do i'm not saying that i'm a saint i just don't wanna live that way i will never be a saint but i will always say squint your eyes and look closer i'm not between you and your ambition i am a poster girl with no poster i am 32 flavours and then some and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head cuz some day you might find you are starving and eating all of the words that you said + i want somebody who has a tortured soul some of the time i want somebody who will either put out for me or put me out of my misery or maybe just put it all to words and make me go you know, i never heard it put that way make me go what did you just say? i want someone who can hold my interest hold it and never let it fall somebody who can flatten me with a kiss that feels like a fist or a sentence that stops me like a brick wall if you hear me talking listen to what i'm not saying and don't ask me to put words to all the spaces between notes don't ask me to put words to all the silences i wrote i am tired of being the interesting one i'm tired of having fun for two just lay yourself on the line i may just lay down by you i want someone who can me scream until it's funny give me a run for my money i want somebody who can twist me up in knots tell me for the woman who has everything what have you got? i want someone who is not afraid of me or anyone else in other words i want someone who is not afraid of themselves do you think i am asking too much? - --asking too much + got a garden of songs where i grow all my thoughts wish i could harvest one or two for some small talk seems like i'm starving for words whenever you're around nothing on my tongue and so much in the ground if it weren't for my brain i'd just go over and make friends too bad about my brain cuz i'd like to make friends and maybe it's ok that i am speechless cuz i picked you this bouquet yup, sure am speechless but i picked you this bouquet - --this bouquet + i in my darkened threshold am pawing through my darkened pockets the receipts, the bus schedules the urgent napkin poems loose change and a key ask me go ahead, ask me if i care i got the answer here i wrote it down somewhere i know the weak-hearted are strong-willed and we're being kept alive until we're killed he's up there, the ice is clinking in his glass he sends me little pieces of paper i don't ask i just empty my pockets and wait it's not fate it's just circumstance i don't fool myself with romance i just live in the warmth of my pockets which whisper history i lower my eyes wishing i could cry more and care less i was trying to love someone again - --coming up ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #59 *********************************