From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #57 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, February 15 2000 Volume 03 : Number 057 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: fragment-poems [RJonthego@aol.com] ET: a few more ["The Phoenix Princessa" ] ET: ~ sun whispers moonlight take her home ~ ["marty" ] ET: meaningless chit - feel free to pass :) [Naomi Vaughn ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 01:17:12 EST From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: fragment-poems I wish you had found your blue-eyed boy i know he must have found your green-yellow ones fascinating. i know he wanted to wrap you up protect you from the other blue boys and especially the green ones that you run to. he would have warmed you better than the other (you know who I'm talking about) held you tighter too, held your hands when they try to cut I wish your blue eyed boy had interrupted dear-old-dad and said something. I know he's wishing it too. ~ we both know he deserves neither of us yet if he wanted you i would want you to have him that sounds so possesive, but you should have something of your own to keep be yours families can intrude, without realizing, they can take away I wish you had some warm boy arms to go to even if they are hours away. remember though, i might not have the internal heating he does, but my arms are here for you, always. i hope i deserve you. ~ boy arms boy arms. the only kind i can think of why are guys so warm? (don't answer that) and you make me hate you you hurt me, but i could forgive that. you hurt her, i will protect her, stay away from me my bruises, i can overlook her tears, never. ~ why is it that when i simply speak the truth you say you feel so loved. and it is such a surprise. you should always feel so loved ~ why can't I help everyone the way they should be helped? she is so wonderful she thinks I am so wonderful but I am too far away to give her a hug. and i am not those warm boy arms that she says she can live without. Why can't I help her, the way she deserves? ~ I have said, no one should sleep alone. I will hold you, hug you, a shoulder, a pair of arms. I wish I helped more, I will try to be here, when those other arms are absent. I will say what you should hear day in and day out you are so much more than you admit. ~ Don't touch - fragile hold me carefully, don't squeeze/smother/strangle I need to rest, so I can have a chance to remember Which way is up and where I should be. ~~~~ royaboya ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2000 22:49:18 -0800 From: "The Phoenix Princessa" Subject: ET: a few more BEN: i owe you a letter. you are an angel, thank you, xoxoxo love you guys.. * excuse me you're obstructing my view i've been waiting here awhile for you to come to my rescue but i'm not sure now, i don't know what to do you're not what i thought you were, you're not you i've been losing control at a rapid pace where i was a well i'm a swelling oasis what is your obsession with pretty faces and where do i fit in, where's my space i'm rapidly fading in this maze of mist i'm giving insanity a brand new twist the new releases are driving me mad tell me what about blood is so bad? sorry if i was harsh you don't deserve to die i change to an onion so maybe you'll cry and somewhere i think you slipped a lie, i said where do i fit, where am i please move now you're in the way this is not your stage, i'm not your play i'm tired of your words ruining each day so just take your script and go away * i've had enough with losing i'm ready for that to end i don't think i can surface, i don't think i can bend laying in a tub at night everything i see i abhore thinking this time's the end each time i walk through the door blood bleeds with water and washes far away i cut myself shaving that's what i'll say i have no patience now expression's hard to find in a way that's not destructing my body or mind i think about what i should have done and what i could do and if i don't get some perspective i won't be around to apologize to you * i hate guys because i beg them to say I Love You i hate the way they can capture me with a smile i hate it that i'd fall down just so they could pick me up and then drop me after their attention runs dry down on my knees asking you please and you say parade away baby away tired of asking what you're thinking and when i hear it's not what i was imagining when i thought you might think of oceans, and instead you were thinking of soda cans. you tell me one you do another you beg me to go down push me down to the ground and when i'm down on my knees asking you please you say carpe diem baby sieze the day well i do one and i do another too i said i loved you so i could hear i love you too and i'd leak just because something inside went wrong, but you ripped me up darlin when you stopped leading me on and i would have done more but your conscience bloomed i don't know where mine went, i've been killing it as fast as i can and it matters not now, because the less i care about me the more and more you know that i'm willing to be down on my knees asking you please you say beg me to stay down on my knees and leave go away away away away * i know you'll hate me for it but i do it anyway that never stopped me though, in the end remember when we talked about the need to be fucked up? well i wonder how it is now, now that we're both screwed. we're left pleading for answers, for someone to hear us cry, if there's anyone who understands, i know it's you. but what now, what do we do, there's only so much to handle before you collapse through and things get more terrifying, till i'm needing something immediate, the beautiful and the strong, and so torn and ripped apart... the beautiful and the dammed. was it something always inside us now? or did we create it, somehow;- and i worry about you and i worry about her and we laugh and disregard it because we're only stupid girls, and we're just over dramatic, and our pain is not real,- the bleeding is just another way that we try to feel in a room that feels like ice in arms that do not hold, in a society that's telling us ways to keep from being old and what if we are, then, everything we dream of? i guess we got what we prayed for, while holding those flower chains... that sometimes you have to hurt to feel alive again. so that you're officially miserable, that some days the only way you escape is by way of drifting away * why cant i help her when she needs to be held she's so far away, i can see it in her eyes, drifting off into her mind, a place where she can watch from behind shifting plates of green glass and rain. her pain is something few people see, but i can hear the cloud overcoming her voice, and i want nothing more than to be here for her, and i know nothing more than that he is the only one who can really hold her, though i can be a temporary grasp. i don't blame her, because it's what she needs. i need it too. boyarms. we need girlarms. we settle for yourarms, and you are not enough. you sting when we touch, like a man-of-ray in the ocean, so beautiful, illuminescent like bubbles, shiny the colors of grease on the street after storms, but you hurt and leave us aching, leave her stomach needing and leave me bleeding for words and imaginary breezes that we think will make us whole, will start our wings, will get us toward our goals, will keep us from crying. * - --- "But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights The shades and shadows undulate in my perception My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you" - -fiona apple get your free gURLmAIL at http://www.gURLmAIL.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 13:48:10 +0100 From: "marty" Subject: ET: ~ sun whispers moonlight take her home ~ ( a little cliché/simple - perhaps, me knows nothing! ;) ( wrote this a lil while ago, found it just lying around! ) ( grateful for ideas/responsees/and all/thank u/m.¤ :) ~ one star you zestful seed blue rain on whitest wings like tide carry wave to sea from rocks to open waters in fertile ground you'll prosper from days we met in dreams you will taste the sun you will drink the dew become what you bewaited faeries cheerful forests our moon no longer cries out sadness, take her home in peace you well will blossom abundant and with splendour roots deep this heart and soul you gorgeus flower stand so tall oh spring, run to see our valley and reach the skies above side by side with hand in hand for you our love was given so let this grow it's all around. ~ ------------------------------ Date: 15 Feb 00 06:46:37 CST From: Naomi Vaughn Subject: ET: meaningless chit - feel free to pass :) good morning :) i don't really have any purpose with this, so feel free to delete if you want to save a few minutes. i don't believe i even have anything to send y'all, but, i have some time to kill before i trudge on to school, and i realized i hadn't posted in a bit. so, hi :) hope you all had a lovely valentines day... be it with your "significant other," or if you braved the holiday stag (woohoo ;). mine was spent curled up on the couch sick, and, in between naps, cramming for today. if that ain't sweet, i don't know what is. y'all have been posting such great stuff, i feel like i'm falling behind. whatever happened to the two most productive angels, eh, sam darling? actually, you're doin alright... me, i guess i just got a life (now *there's* a thought!), and lost my mind. i think you need that constant writing to keep it fresh and raw. you know, write alot of so-so stuff to get to the goodness. my mom scared me out of keeping a journal, so i don't really write anymore... so everything that comes out tends to be rather dusty and weak. but, anyways, i'm off to beautify myself for the human race... heh, it's true. *sigh* hope you all have a beautiful day :) lovlies, nai the somethingoranother angel *** but, mommy, i don't want to be a girl today. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 07:56:08 +0100 From: "marty" Subject: ET: ~song for me & my baby~ (lyrics) anyone help me!!! :) (hej, i tried to send this last night!!! sorry.. ;) - ----- Original Message ----- From: marty To: e.t. Sent: Monday, February 14, 2000 11:58 PM ;) whatta mess i caused the other day, huh? ;) hi kara, and all! thanKies for your responses! um, sorree about my lil scribblings in francais, just had my lil dictionary here and thought i'd check it out! ;) whatta resp. on a lil notee for my sweetie, huh? :) espanol sounds lovely too, btw.. :) loveya'll.. marty¤ hey, someone recognize these lyrics for me? i got them on an unlabeled recording and i dunno if it's baxter, or hmm? ;) lemme know if you know! thanX annieway, it's really exactly the words for how i feel @ this very moment.. tara* min darling/älskling. :) ~ if i should die this very moment i wouldn't fear for i've never known completeness like being here wrapped in the warmth of you loving every breath of you still my heart this moment oh it might burst could we stay right here till the end of time- till the earth stops turning wanna love you till the seas run dry i found the one i've waited for all this time i've loved you and never known your face all this time i've missed you and searched this human race here is true peace here my heart knows calm safe in your soul bathed in your size wanna stay right here till the end of time- till the earth stops turning gonna love you till the seas run dry i found the one i've waited for the one i've waited for all i've known all i've done all i found was leading to this all i've known all i've done all i found was leading to this wanna stay right here till the end of time- till the earth stops turning gonna love you till the seas run dry i found the one i've waited for the one i've waited for wanna stay right here till the end of time- till the earth stops turning wanna love you till the seas run dry i found the one i've waited for the one i've waited for.. aah the one i have waited for... (...is you) ~ i love you sötnos.. happy valentine'*s* agains!!! :) nitee. ------------------------------ Date: 15 Feb 00 11:59:04 EST From: genben@usa.net Subject: ET: yes yes yes yes swell greater move forward never stop growing yes yes yes yes slow down and find a way to go faster see what keeps you away by stopping and looking yes yes yes yes hear the cotton balls that clog your ears and feel the gloves that cover your hands and keep you from touching those you love yes yes yes yes it's time to experience what keeps you from feeling learn all the things that keep you from knowing touch the hand of the man that holds you down and hold on yes yes yes yes - -all praise to fela kuti for inspiration- any dc area eda's - please go to the black cat next monday feb 21st at 9:30 for the special screening of the fela documentary 'music is the weapon'. this is a powerful and rare film and the opportunity to see it shouldn't be passed up. to find out about fela and his music, please go to www.ghotek.com/fela there are some good audio files there, as well ben ____________________________________________________________________ Get free email and a permanent address at http://www.netaddress.com/?N=1 ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 18:47:21 EST From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #56 hello everyone ~*Joe I took your urgent whisper Stole the arc of a white wing http://www.chickpages. com/musicmania/joepages ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 19:07:19 -0800 From: "The Phoenix Princessa" Subject: ET: the deepest red the deepest red the deepest red seeps into me when i am fast asleep at night wrapped up in colored streaks darting through my mind. red velvet of arms sinking into his sultry skin as he tells me i'm sexy red wine on the mind a room spinning into black silk and comfort and contentment and all the warmth that being dissolved from numb brings. the deepest red. the deepest red drips out of me reminds me of last time i bled, when all the pain overflowed and tingled electric and burning. lines grazing and then cutting deeper the skin of my arms and mind, the deepest red leaving me not so full, and not so satisfied. the deepest red trickles lines of helplessness or blurs the edges of affection and it slides over me wraps me away in heaven's breath or slides me into terror's dread never sure which way this champagne glass will tip to spill into me a stain so sharp and so sticky sweet in shades turning from pale or bright into the deepest red. * boy with his slinky sulk, slides up to me with his arms. that enormous smile makes me wonder, vicious, or caring? i heard you were watching from behind folded fingers, and i don't know why i cried at that, but i did, but then, i cry a lot lately. i was thinking of you being played, knowing you've played too many games to not deserve that change. but still it made me wish that i had never known, so at least i could keep on imagining that you had cared about me after all. . . instead of laughing into the pillow when i had fallen asleep, as my pain-etched words drifted and were sliced to pieces by your smooth fingernails in air that was waiting for comfort. * 5 pm and i'm walking around the house feeling like a slob no matter what i do, waiting for you to call me, asshole, and i know you won't. they believe here in the state of water and sun that you should put on layers instead of cranking up the heater. i was thinking about how it's only 55, and how in the east it's minus 12, but that never keeps me from being cold. it's been about 2 minutes since the last time, the knife's still in my pocket. i realized different things cut differently, and i'm beginning to be pleased with this one. it doesn't rip but slices a thin line, tidy, unlike my mind or body. i stopped rearranging my room, just like i stopped rearranging my life, and i was thinking that i wonder if it was then that things started falling apart. as each shirt got thrown into the chair, i became a little more unravelled. as someone too dependant on the affection and comfort of others, i can only shudder at the sound of only me walking through the hall, turning on the microwave and boiling some tea, cause i'm too impatient to use the stove. i've gotten used to being cold now; people say, aren't you freezing? and i say, oh, i forgot to notice. my hands become that familiar chill just like when i shiver and it runs up my body, numbing me for a minute, numbing me just long enough. i will never be as beautiful as they think, so i suppose it doesn't matter if i am a blonde skater or if i am a sultry punk-goth or if i am a peppy pastel girly or if i am an elegant dazzling princess or if i am a sparkling fairygirl or if i am just anything at all, a girl good enough for you. and i suppose i know what's really valuable, that sexy bitches wear red key rings, and you were just pretending you cared, while you laughed behind your pinkey. and i don't know how it is that i deserve all of them, i got your letter today and i cried, thinking of how lovely and real you are and smiling through blurred vision at that, and crying because i don't understand how you can love me so much. no one can be loved if they don't love themselves, at least that's what they say. so does this mean i'm faking or are they to be proven wrong, how could i be so desolate and also be this lucky... i think somewhere i must know, because there has to be a reason. but then again there aren't reasons for everything, which is what i've come to realize. and i've come to not care anymore, because i care so incredibly much. you get to the point where you don't want each new day to come, and it's not that you want to die, it's just that you don't think you can stand to see another weary hour. and it's been months of wanting to stop, and years of knowing there's no trying. what will you do with your one precious life- try to find out why it's yours. it's been 5 minutes since i slit another line, thinking, there won't be another time, but knowing there will. thinking, i can never be as gorgeous as they claim me to be, and while i want it all to end i just want it to go on. and while i want a mark to remember, i dread the day that i find it's there. so i sit, 6 pm, waiting for you to call, asshole, while all the same i know you never will. - --- "But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights The shades and shadows undulate in my perception My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you" - -fiona apple get your free gURLmAIL at http://www.gURLmAIL.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #57 *********************************