From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #41 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Wednesday, February 2 2000 Volume 03 : Number 041 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: no eyebrows ["The Phoenix Princessa" ] ET: With the lowliness of mud [Annie ] ET: glances [genben@usa.net] ET: Found Poetry: "Love Is Too Familiar A Word" ["Kevin Pease" ] ET: mother, mother... [Naomi Vaughn ] ET: *something cute and clever here* [Cassidy831@aol.com] ET: Oh, the delays [DPS8315@aol.com] Re: ET: Oh, the delays [kara garbe ] ET: ~words of love from someone other than me~ ;) [shivergirl Subject: ET: no eyebrows well, i'm back from my weekend vacation, was wonderful of course, blah blah blah, life is good for your girl here...at least, all the things i'm doing/have planned/where i'm headed, all that's just great... i haven't written any poems for a little while, so i know i won't wind up on james's page, but i thought i'd drop you all a little note and say what i'm up to anyway...i kind of need to talk anyhow and i have no connections at this very moment. first off by the way, i love all the stuff everyone has been doing lately, it's inspiring. and roya, i'm glad you finally started posting a little. hmm basically, i am really really worried about a friend of mine. we're very close but she lives across the country (we met at camp). she has an unstable (to put it mildly) family life, and her boyfriend just broke up with her. he has huge issues of his own...i'm horribly afraid she's going to do something to hurt herself, and i can't do anything about it except support her. i know she probably won't because she promised me, and she's very true to her word. but when you're desperate, you're desperate...know what i mean? i certainly know where she's coming from, and so i'm ...really worried. on top of that, i can't stop cutting...well i don't cut much, i mean not deeply, but it used to scare me, and i used to just do it when i freaked out, and now i do it more and more and it doesn't scare me anymore, except that i wouldn't want to die. but now it just seems more like a casual thing, which i don't think is good. on top of that i started with fire more, though fire i don't really like... and i hate it, but i hate no desire really to stop...a good friend of mine suggested that it's an attention getting thing, and if that's the case and i don't know it, then that is really lame, sick and pathetic, which makes me really hate myself because that's just SO incredibly stupid, and so it depresses me. otherwise all's fine and dandy here in the busy burbs; fine and dandy. love samara ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 14:00:30 -0500 From: Annie Subject: ET: With the lowliness of mud I've been going through...some stuff lately. This letter I made up depicts the general idea of what goes through my brain every time...something bad happens between myself and my father. Just in case if you were wondering whether or not it is genuine. To my father: I bet you'd never guess what your words truly are to me. Then again, you never could fathom the supernatural depth language imposes; your power lies in suggestion (so painful!). I am left to wonder, come night, what you really meant by your twisted words. They are nocturnal spiders that crawl under my skin, fanging with the venom of inadequacy. That I am not enough for you; the eternal truth, the perpetual thorn in me. I am not decent, Sir, I know! Your wagging tongue believes it, your shaking fist believes it; and every night, I relive it. It's said the mind can do terrible things. I do terrible things. To myself, and somehow to you. Is it my mannerisms? The way I hang my head and worriedly bite my nails when you give me that look? Is it the way I fell, shaking in sweat this morning, sick with the worry of feeling so traitorous? That I betrayed you somehow...you don't ever say it, but there is no need. There came this soft, salty rain on the apples of me, and I was mute. The demons in me sought a way out, and I bled before I discovered that my tongue could dispose of them. It must be this way, for you think I am unyielding and do not comprehend. You tell me that I should not be upset about losing privileges you occasionally bestow, but my real fear, my true haunt should be that you do not trust me; that you do expect me to do anything right. And that when I cry, it should not be because I am lonely and locked in my room; it should be because I do not have your respect. Damn you. I know perfectly well why I cry. You are the one who does not comprehend, while you say I do not understand. But that's just it; I do understand! I understand all too well! I understand the indecent things that hurt, that rape, that murder all hope in humanity. But before, I never questioned why. Is it because I am everything indecent? Am I the product of cruelty? Am I the daughter of all that is imperfect? The Queen of Refuse. All I ever wanted was to be strong and brave, and to die a martyr, enduring torture and worse without ever betraying. Yet in your eyes I am already a traitor-a fate worse than death to my weeping ears. Do you know why they cry? They must endure the silence you make when your eyes consume me alive. You see me as nothing; and that may well be, because a girl can be so hollow a home when there is no love left to fill her. - -Your daughter For the longest time, I didn't know how to begin it. And when I finally wrote it down, I couldn't figure how to end it. Love...? There was none there. Sincerely...? But I didn't really care. Signed? Much too distant from his own flesh and blood. Your Daughter. I stared at the words, combination dirt and water; the lowliness of mud. ------------------------------ Date: 2 Feb 00 13:02:40 EST From: genben@usa.net Subject: ET: glances just a little here and there only for a second from a passing car or a fellow rider or a customer or a clerk what do you want me to know? ____________________________________________________________________ Get free email and a permanent address at http://www.netaddress.com/?N=1 ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2000 15:00:40 EST From: "Kevin Pease" Subject: ET: Found Poetry: "Love Is Too Familiar A Word" Howdy folks, First: No, I'm not posting something of my own, sorry to disappoint. And trust me, you don't want me to try writing a poem, it'll be painful for you & me both. :) Now that that's out of the way... I've seen a few really good "third-party poems" (Darkness Darkness, Ten Cent Wings...) get posted here lately, and I figured I'd follow suit with an interesting poem I ran across some time back, that I thought was really well done... it's by Ellis Paul, who, if you're not familiar with him, happens to be a pretty good singer/songwriter type, who also (obviously... :) writes poetry. This is one of his, which I heard on a spoken-word CD ("This Is Boston, Not Austin, vol. 2), which I stole (for a short time... :) from a friend. Good stuff follows. Read on, be well... Kevin Love Is Too Familiar A Word (by Ellis Paul, http://www.ellispaul.com) I stepped into the room late last night, because late is the time I keep. You were sleeping warm as coal in a pocket of comfort and white sheets; But you don't startle anymore when I step into the room, though the hour is later than midnight and neither window can place a moon. "I missed you," you say, and it sounds like a promise when whispered half asleep, your skin still damp with sweat from thoughts your dreams refused to keep. I follow my memory to a switch on a light, "Shut your eyes-" my voice cut short when darkness turns bright. "Do you love me?" you say. but love is too familiar a word, for in this bed 10,000 times a phrase already heard - but, "Yes, I love you," speaks my reply, though I know I failed myself and you for not matching how I feel with words of higher wealth. I know its lonely in the world tonight, because what's here is more than what's deserved, and the imbalance can't be summed in black and white, because "love" is too familiar a word. - ---------- Kevin Pease kbpease@concentric.net ICQ UIN: 3106063 AOL IM: kbpease "Everybody asks me how she's doing / Has she really lost her mind? / I say, 'Hey, I couldn't tell you, I've lost mine. . . '" -----{Dave Matthews Band, "Pay For What You Get"}----- ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 03:15:40 -0800 (PST) From: Jeremy H Subject: [none] gcarelli@hotmail.com, ytimk84@ausi.com, JeWeLzKeWL@aol.com, aleksandarB@email.msn.com, jelenabla@yahoo.com, joby11@hehe.com, noname_12@hotmail.com, ncorry@hotmail.com, eda-thoughts@smoe.org Subject: ET: Fwd: check this out...I think it is cute..... Sender: owner-eda-thoughts@smoe.org Precedence: bulk Things that make you go hmmmmm.... If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included in this list?) On average people fear spiders more than they do death. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?) Did the gov't pay for this research??) Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....? Who cares!) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. "Honey, I'm home. What the....") Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, jeez!) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that > > too!) Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the idiot upside the head. Jeremy :) _______________________________________________________ Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite Visit http://freeworld.excite.com ------------------------------ Date: 2 Feb 00 17:58:09 CST From: Naomi Vaughn Subject: ET: mother, mother... he doesn't call when he says he will he doesn't come when he says he will he doesn't do what he says he will the world just isn't what you'd like it to be sure, why not? blame it all the hell on me "If I knew better... I wouldn't change a thing" ~Train, "Swaying" ____________________________________________________________________ Get your own FREE, personal Netscape WebMail account today at http://webmail.netscape.com. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 21:30:56 EST From: Cassidy831@aol.com Subject: ET: *something cute and clever here* Hi everybody seems kinda stupid so I'll just skip it. I'm Cassie...I'm not sure what some of you know about me, but I do know that James has a big mouth, and he tends to exaggerate and romanticize anything and everything he can. :o) how do you do homework, poh-etry, critiquing and like, the girlfriend thing, in 24-hour days?? ;) - -that's simple! he's a smartie, a dork, and WISHES he was a pimp. You can stop lying to yourself James. You may be smooth....but you'll never hit this. :o) And last, sorry I don't post poems and such, I'm working on it! I'm sure James will say that I'm hiding behind the notion that I can't, but we can't all be as wonderful as you babe! ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 22:30:55 EST From: DPS8315@aol.com Subject: ET: Oh, the delays Disadvantage of digests: by the time you're caught up with one, there's another on the way! ugh! lol First of all, I must thank Tara for the lovely critique, and for the comment that I'm "whatta a man" Kara, you dont have to write back babe, i understand you're busy Welcome back Sam >>how do you do homework, poh-etry, critiquing and like, the girlfriend thing, in >>24-hour days?? ;) The secret, is a) that I'm smooth, as has already been pointed out :) b) I dont sleep,,,a lot anyway. This actually came up recently, I dont sleep :) ..or at least, I dont sleep until I've written at least one poh-em a night, and it works out pretty well! c) of course being that I detest homework...... but they force me to do it :( Uhm, hmmm... critiques for Digest40 done: Critqueness Land of Illumination as always... a recommendation to everyone: write. :) lol, seriously, force yourself to. you might not like it, but writting through the tough times *or the first times* makes the dry spells go away quicker.... my advice having been dispensed, a post ;) ______ tell me this aint all that's left; - -store rooms of second place trophies that mean nothing and say we werent even good enough at that- back then I remember stepping out of the shower into steamed mirrors -everything of an image blended into could have's and would.have.been's - -the worst part is that I dont think anyone cared that we were scared and wet on the inside, drenched in steaming nothingness, and it hurts me now to think I was (more than just) a part of it all - -one of the doers or players that made it all happen, so now 50 years later we're no closer to each other, or any of the answers we thought to look for I know nothing of love. Feb.1.00 ______ ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2000 22:53:25 -0500 (Eastern Standard Time) From: kara garbe Subject: Re: ET: Oh, the delays James, i loved this, it's one of your best that i've read!!!! thanks to everyone who replied to my poem from last night, i REALLY appreciate it, i'm going to go print out everyone's comments and work on revisions right now! good luck to you all with your writing tonight... ~kara > ______ > tell me this aint all that's left; > -store rooms of second place trophies > that mean nothing and > say we werent even good enough at that- > back then I remember > stepping out of the shower > into steamed mirrors > -everything of an image blended > into could have's > and would.have.been's > > -the worst part is that > I dont think anyone cared > that we were scared and wet on the inside, > drenched in steaming nothingness, > and it hurts me now to think > I was (more than just) a part of it all > -one of the doers or players > that made it all happen, > so now 50 years later we're no closer > to each other, or any of the answers > we thought to look for > > I know nothing of love. > Feb.1.00 > ______ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Let me die trying to tell you one word that might matter in a life of words that wound" -Cathryn Hankla ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2000 23:17:18 -0500 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~words of love from someone other than me~ ;) just a few ancient sessions of somebody else's that i'd thought i'd share as i have dried up from doing other boring writing and editing and critiquing (although that was fun! ;) especially in the bath--now i know what you mean, kara-kara ;) greetings cassie, you seem just as kute and klever as you can be. ;) seriously, we've got to get you to post--even if it's a creative way to tell us all we're horrible poh-ets and that we should shut the hell up. ;) yer welcomes james (can i call you jimmy yet? ;) good luck tomorrow kara maybe you've convinced me give train a try, nai and general huggs and faerie love to everyone (specially those that wrote me back liking my monthly-saga-thing ;) *hi kevin, ben, jon, sam, jade, annie.. *hey, does anyone know a finnish girl on this list? p.s. jag alskar dig, martin + + + ~a birthday~ by christina rossetti my heart is like a singing bird whose nest is in a watered shoot; my heart is like an apple-tree whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit; my heart is like a rainbow shell that paddles in a halcyon sea; my heart is gladder than all of these, because my love is come to me. raise me a dais of silk and down; hang it with vair and purple dyes; carve it in doves and pomegranates, and peacocks with a hundred eyes; work it in gold and silver grapes, in leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys; because the birthday of my life is come, my love is come to me. + + + ~brown penny~ (my all-time favourite poh-em) by william butler yeats i whispered, 'i am too young,' and then, 'i am old enough'; wherefore i threw a penny to find out if i might love. 'go and love, go and love, young man, if the lady be young and fair.' ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, i am looped in the loops of her hair. o love is the crooked thing, there is nobody wise enough to know all that is in it, for he would be thinking of love till the stars had run away and the shadows eaten the moon. ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, one cannot begin it too soon. + + + ~longing~ by matthew arnold come to me in my dreams, and then by day i shall be well again. for then the night will more than pay the hopeless longing of the day. come, as thou cam'st a thousand times, a messenger from radiant climes, and smile on thy new world, and be as kind as others as to me. or, as thou never cam'st in sooth, come now, and let me dream it truth. and part my hair, and kiss my brow, and say--my love! why sufferest thou? come to me in my dreams, and then by day i shall be well again. for then the night will more than pay the hopeless longing of the day. + + + toodles, tara :) ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #41 *********************************