From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest)
To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org
Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #6
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eda-thoughts-digest     Saturday, January 8 2000     Volume 03 : Number 006




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                               Today's Subjects:
                               -----------------
  ET: ~something scorpy~                     [shivergirl <tstevens@ican.net>]

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2000 17:16:06 -0500
From: shivergirl <tstevens@ican.net>
Subject: ET: ~something scorpy~

<did anyone see tori on m3?>
>love&hugz<
)t(

+
there's this full-length mirror--
it watches me when you're not here

+
the pollution/on the/cottonball/
makes me/wanna/come clean

+
even though i was using
a tv and a piano
to transmit my heart
the orbit of my thoughts
the end result
was that
it was essentially outdated
technology
alongside his brand-new
purchase of superiority
old keys in an electronic
typewriter that i pass
daily picking out garments
like words for my spirit's
transient vicinity
a little dusty before the
ashes resurface

+
spirits in the netherworld
faeries hanging upside down
under my skirt
one or the other
it doesn't matter
the 360 they constitute
doesn't demand
you choose which
or either

+
trust instead of mentally jerking
off at the pattern continuing to
unravel
the psyche's dream unrealized
by ingesting force-fed lies
wearing stone denim for a time
never conform to the fashion
police or the linguistics militia
they'll only try to
hijack your mind
next

+
i love you.  you're normal.
(but that's not why i love you.)

+
leavin a little milk in the glass
i can manage that
i can offer up
tons of sleepless moments
as devotion
to you
oh nameless muse
how do you choose
which cup to sip?

+
no way out except
a fifteen-storey exit
not just one that got away
slipped through the cracks
of the rape abuse incest national
network
but someone we'll never get
to meet touch horns with
recognize as an ears with feet

+
it's one o'clock/i've got what/i need/
the most/peace and quiet/on my planet/
you inside/your heartbeat/is infinite/
the stillness/it envelopes/inanimate objects/
all set to/dance/the moment/i blink

+
i want safe corrective laser surgery
sometime in this century
i want my nana to be alive
just as long as me
i want to be able to pause this
disputed creativity while i
brush my teeth
i want busdrivers who acknowledge
me
i want to be woken up by love
every morning
i want to encounter children
i want to do more than listen
i want to publish my wishes
i want to swim on my own
(with assistance)
i want to travel to all those pictures
i've witnessed
i want long victorian dresses
with tight bodices
i want soul candy in the form
of messages
i want to stop writing
"in the form of"
incessantly
i want to expand my dictionary's
vocabulary
i want you
to be my
mind's best friend
in all of these

+
put the lid back on
the cream
can you teach me
am i worth trying
can you see in me
do you know what i need
can you calm this fury
do you like poetry
are you familiar with intimacy
do you denounce greed
am i what you want to be
can you caress creativity
would you want to witness
my life-experiment made real
this experience born of hurt
do you think you could start
letting me become
that woman
god designed before the womb
was made
we drew her spirit
do you recall
we didn't forget
the red hair
in heaven
her form was clean
then
i mean
can you help me
see the outline
of her body's emotions
within your humility
of a heart
i want to remember

+
11:11/must be/the eternal/timecode/of heaven

+
marty's girl/or/shivergirl/can i be/both/am i
even/
of this/world/that swirl/you saw/in the/signature/

was it/a trick/of the/eye/or perhaps/a sign/will
i/
choose not/to include/the second/part/put it/
on the/shelf/and accept/eight pearls

+
so we've reached the baby photographs
stage
signifying something maybe nothing
look at what happened to those
i gave away
before
hesitating
now feeling protective
of silly pictures
neurotic regression
ban on sharing
or pausing
the process
of self-splintering?

+
i don't know how
to make you understand
my position at all
i came across
a comic strip
you sent
glued into
my scrapbook
apropos of
your attitude
the glass debate
rages still
haven't you
got your fill
yet
can you not
give me back
mine
yet
what i've got
coming to me
seemingly
nothing
does it have
to be
meager rations
of decency
why can it
not be
mutual compromise
do i
not have anything
left of value
to offer
you
anymore?

+
are you drunk/no/i just have no balance/
at the best of times/nevermind/just one drink

+
isn't it great you have someone in your life
who will feel all your miseries for you
before they've even happened
(because you know they will)
you've always been
at the back of the class
where people are concerned
let's not kid ourselves
we know you love children
but that's just because
you're so childish yourself
hopelessly spoiled good-for-nothing
you could never survive
by yourself
we do everything for you
wait til you
get in the real world
you won't know what hit you
who will make your bed then?

+
she'll buy this mocha cake for me
because i love log confectionery
after dinner-sweets
and sit down and watch
a whole hour of tori
with me
pronounce her every word
negativity
even though she has to be
up in six hours
or maybe it's when she brings
me a jar when i'm delaying
childbirth for another couple
of years
filling up water bottles
with my name on it
to bring to work
i don't know
i just hope
that mother book
i got
for her
hit a nerve
because although
it seems she's took
everything away
from me
a gigantic chunk
of my self-worth
i never scream
in anger
anymore
that i wish i was never
born
to her
that she wasn't
my mum
anymore
that i hate her
forever
that i will never
talk to her
again

+
i know you're sick
of doing nothing
i'm used to it
but you're a novice
it used to be
only on weekends
now you know
all the kids' personalities
you help discipline them
carry ben
down the stairs
after his nap
after he wakes up
even bring them
to the park
pushing a stroller
while women watch
i've seen the most
important job you do
for 22 years now
and i wish you
knew how proud
i am of you
your daily lists
the outstanding one
is my favourite
the fact that you
get your hair cut
every three weeks
like clockwork
by a 90-something
italian barber
your father still
goes to too
that you plug in
your car at night
to keep it warm
that you're the only one
i know who actually
relishes waking up
it's true what they say
you know
i find it so much easier
to talk to you
while we're in your car
driving me somewhere
usually
but the absolute bestest
part of it all is that
we don't need to be
in the confines
of an automobile
to feel that atmosphere
father-daughter bond
of
"OK, it's *you* i'm
talking to now"
confidant
secrecy

+
you need your mother's approval
too
i like that about you
not your farrah fawcett hairdo
or questions from leering testosterone
like
"are they real?"
that's all secondary
to me
your english appeal
the first brit
to beat
my stereotype
i like
your self-sufficiency
let's-rub-the-world's-face-
in-it mindset
i hope
muchmusic
makes you
a bonafide
star*

+

------------------------------

End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #6
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