From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #3 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Wednesday, January 5 2000 Volume 03 : Number 003 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #2 [RedWoodenBeads@aol.com] ET: hi ["C. C. & S." ] ET: ~bonbons de pure soft maple syrup~ [shivergirl ] ET: Scuzzy [DPS8315@aol.com] ET: Happy New Year, Poem, and stuff [Seth Fulmer ] ET: looking for someone to talk know.. [JewelAng@aol.com] ET: ~lovelies + memories~ [shivergirl ] ET: hi [RJonthego@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 10:16:36 EST From: RedWoodenBeads@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V3 #2 In a message dated 1/3/00 9:02:02 PM Pacific Standard Time, owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org writes: << Ewwwie! Are you trying to convert her to alocoholism? Do you want to create a drunken monster? Are you a...*dun-dun-DUN* wife beater?? Beer is never the answer! Don't listen to the filthy, filthy lies, m'lady!!!! Please! For my sake and yours! Feel the love, not the alocohol! >> Um, for one thing, the person I was speaking to was male. I didn't say alchoholism, I said beer. Having a beer once in a while isn't like drinking till you can't see the wall paper. Anyways. A small poem........ Can you wipe my bloody face away It's been this way for far too long Whoever it was in the past who found something else to say Must've known about this song You told me he hurt your feelings That things have always been that way You walk the halls, pick up your soul's peelings That's the way you spend your days My poor friend Sarah shares in emptieness She doesn't know that she's so strong I think I understand her bitterness The day is cold, the day is long ~*Joe Drink the Wine & Open your Eyes ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2000 11:43:36 -0800 From: "C. C. & S." Subject: ET: hi hey babes! everyone welcome my beautious friend roya :) she's a great poet love samara p.s. doc! james! jon! and all other guys, we need your poems for 32 flavors, our zine! i think someone... i'm sorry i forget your name... sent a bunch of little ones, but i lost em. so do send again. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 04 Jan 2000 15:33:23 -0500 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~bonbons de pure soft maple syrup~ + you see the crux of the matter like cutting out just heads out of photographs and the collage you make the phantasms you create where there is no space left to doubt + i have never touched tenderness quite like him before i have seen devastatingly handsome visages in the clouds of male insecurity i have eaten sour grapes when relationships wither and die and will not be laid to rest peacefully i have heard cries from grown men seeking s a l v a t i o n from self-ruin and their own souls' exhaustion but i have never touched tenderness quite like h i m before + golden guinness she always manages to finish my sips it seems her mother's country of origin is spilling out of her glass over her waking moments s e e p i n g like time the past has reversed the present back home again trickling remembrance in the form of british citizenship reclaimed + there is this queen-size bed it dominates our room like an irish feminist protruding mama toe i often find someone curled up sleeping there guided by green babies with tvs on their bellies phallic antennas bears with backpacks but no real actual homework just a sea of cds like that green day video where they're strewn about like careless genius thoughts scattered what-nots and the flash frames slow musical moments in a cabin time capsule we inhabit encapsulated make-up uniforms school bags gap bags tommy caps all that is girls growing grooming sleeping living breathing crying shouting scheming l i f e + there was this row of ads along the dublin driving wall one read: you're here for a good time not a long time and i managed to snap the shot digest the thought before the next one lost coherence + more power to you i get lots of craic why do you even want that one? because it's a picture of you i have bad dreams whenever i sleep in your bed just thought you should know but you never stay mad at me for long now do you? + so i just found this beauty club card god is that the biggest insult on the planet what about my pretty thoughts' visage they must be exfoliated regularly would you like to join my mental club mother i know you don't wear make-up on a daily basis but your supernice to other people mask has so many cracks i wish you'd wax your tongue more often + can you outline my depression sessions in spice and fill them in with golden twig mixed with vanilla mocha so they'll appear more transfixing in september april n o v e m b e r privileged people of chemical applications don't wait for your own personal blue p a r a d e have a beautiful year for members only exclusivity non- productivity any locality it's free you're not in control of your own internal vicinity + i love your classic beauty i'm glad you got it instead of me i love your childhood amnesia i would never wish post-innocence upon you i love your stubborn no-apologies i will be the crawler forever in your absence i would crumble in half a family ripped apart by more than just the past i love your belly laugh but i've already written that before in an old poem i didn't show you either + i only took off the frenship bracelet you made for me for christmas after you loosened the ties of trust yourself decreeing honesty solely pure intentioned evil hurt in the form of truth i know how that feels i know how it stings i felt the same ache you face in his drink i've inhabited that same space relationship nothingness i can see its face every time you describe his latest + ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 15:41:52 EST From: DPS8315@aol.com Subject: ET: Scuzzy In a message dated 1/4/00 12:02:02 AM US Eastern Standard Time, owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org writes: > Ewwwie! Are you trying to convert her to alocoholism? Do you want > to create a drunken monster? Are you a...*dun-dun-DUN* wife beater?? Beer > is never the answer! Don't listen to the filthy, filthy lies, m'lady!!!! > Please! For my sake and yours! Feel the love, not the alocohol! i'm not yer lady so does that mean i dont have to listen to you? lol alcohol is good and fine, as long as its not skunky beer or wine. :-) so what happened on here? it's almost like the new year came and the world really did stop! Yeah so hmmm a post? i'm a on a roll......butter me up well, i'm more interested in harsh comments [reality bites, and cures bad poetry] - -and so on and so forth- so tomorrow when i have to see you again and when i have to go stumbling across what to say and how to touch you once more, we'll be forced to remember all the prerequisites of a helpless romance, and what it takes to be us, fallen and weary and extinguished in anguish. so tonight when you go trying to hold your eyes apart to keep all your tears inside, know i'm there with you again, hidden wherever you'd have me be, waiting for another chance to love you so later when it breaks you cause you're new to love's pain i can hold you and comfort you but i cant hide you from something i knew all along that these two people from two different worlds probably.arent.strong.enough to trust our hearts and let love battle the forces which are our only opposition god speed your love to me. ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 17:15:37 -0500 (EST) From: Seth Fulmer Subject: ET: Happy New Year, Poem, and stuff Hi everyone, Happy New Year! I had lost my Voicenet account between Xmas and New Year but I have it back now. I have been a nervous wreck lately and I really HATE 1999. I'm glad the year is over now. As some of you know there's nothing between Amanda and me but like when I saw her with this other guy at my fraternity's convention I got REALLY upset. Then just now she was online but she was in Away mode with the message that she was looking for directions to Dave. I just wanted to cry. No I didn't...I have better control than that. I knew I had to do something about it. I need to be able to talk to her as a friend but not be upset when she talks about other guys. It's difficult! I REALLY do not want to go to my fraternity meeting tonight. *sigh* Well, I wrote this prayer/poem when I got back to my apartment after leaving work early...It's below. On a different, sorta brighter note, I am going to buy a flute and get back into it. I used to play it in the 4th grade and never practiced so my parents returned it as they were renting it at the time. I'm so excited. It was either a guitar(to learn to play Jewel) or some sort of woodwind and I figured I once did the flute so why not?! Well, um...That's all I think I have to say. Any questions, comments, flames, rudeness, insults, death threats, etc. can be sent privately to me. Take care and Have a Great Day!! :o) -Seth ========================================= Prayer for Wisdom by Seth D. Fulmer 1/4/00 I love a girl so perfect in spirit She makes me blush and give in to my feelings But she loves not me, but somebody else Please Lord may you grant me the power to hold out I'd like not to be jealous, to not ever get mad I'd like to be kind, and caring, not sad Please Lord grant me the wisdom to see that there are many other girls out there for me That I can be a friend, a confident, and a pal To listen when she needs to talk and deaf when she wants to shout Oh Lord I love her, Oh can't You see? Just give me the wisdom to not love her but be me ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 19:03:37 EST From: JewelAng@aol.com Subject: ET: looking for someone to talk know.. Hi, I just need someone to talk to. :) I'm in one of my depressed moods. So if you would like to talk to me now, IM me or email at my address, NOT through the list, because a couple of these I am on digest version. And for something preductive... Rebecca And old poem.. I'm writtng you this poem to tell you how I feel: I was happy before you made me feel wonderful with the sweet things you would say then one day your river of words built a damn to keep me out Your love is like a faucht to me hot one moment and then cold the next what really gets me is when you go back to lukewarm When I asked you today what happened to us you said 'Was there ever an us?' I have to tell you that really hurt At the point where I almost thought I loved you you strayed away from me so my love for you could not grow You told me today you did it to cool things off you didn't want to let it get too serious You said it was better that way Then you come with your I'm sorry's but that small word can not take things back (I guess you just have to live with the faults in life) Then you tell me you still have feelings for me my insucrity doesn't want me to believe it but inside I hope it's true Why do you feel you have to control your feelings? I'm just a little hurt but the pain will fade and trust will have to be gained Do you think it can be the same Or have we both moved on too much? And one last thing my dear, are tears such a bad thing? ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 04 Jan 2000 20:57:17 -0500 From: shivergirl Subject: ET: ~lovelies + memories~ + blue envelopes are the best how could you guess how could you put a red breast on the winter wonderful wonderland kard sully the mentally-stable snow i know you need pins like perverts in your non-existent backyard i know you need warmth instead of cold destruction catholic churches in a daughter with an overbearing mother cavalier husband but i would have liked to have been legally tied to your umbilical cord not having to stretch my feelings with ink only twice a year + chinese hibiscus/four days before/christmas/guess that means/ you got my unexpected/the disappointment/of my prolonged silence/ introjected/all too soon + i don't know why you associate yourself with something so cold you are toasty hot chocolate in the form of a woman blazing nurturing caring all of the seasons you draw swans you make the air breathable to all around you after the appeal of self-suffocation wears thin i remember your figure full of what i'd like to be someday minus the worry fifty-something smart-ass queen providing me with much-needed breaks called normalcy i miss you muchly B + her boyfriend's best friend was a girl and she just couldn't deal with all the excess exes lining up to be picked eventually someone had to strike + "taken in just 'cause i liked it" it is written in fine-point pen like drawing precise perfectly lined-up flowers on her belly they don't wash off as easily + ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 21:52:25 EST From: RJonthego@aol.com Subject: ET: hi Hey everyone, My name's Roya, I just subscribed to this list. Sam's been forwarding lots of your stuff to me for a while now, and I decided to actually join. :) So here's my first piece: Lying on my bedroom floor, my brown, streaked hair spread out all around me. Dust particles dancing in the beam of light from the window. The walls rise high above me, plastered in colorful images Blue and green oceans where I drowned myself, Red and orange flowers that I picked for him (He loves me not), Yellow and purple collages, piecing together my fragments The walls rise, boxing me in. My green eyes close, open, thinking, clouding Listening to the music coming from the black tape player with initials and hearts drawn in the dust, Interpreting the nonsensical lyrics. My heart and thoughts dark Despite the pink carpet and peach walls and yellow light from the window, Contrary to the light room, my heart is dark A deep blue, darker than any of the shirts hanging in my closet or the jeans thrown in the corner, crumpled. I turn my face away from the window and the sun and birds and floating dreams, To look at the colorful photographs stuck into the brown wooden frame of the mirror. That's where the blue comes from. A breeze ruffles the languid trees of green and brown, the end of summer. Beginning of dark fall. The trash basket is green and brown also - where I've thrown letters and dry pens and anger and rejections. Another source of darkness. My closet is pale blue, heavy, like a fortress, hiding something. Where I've hid, crouched beneath the hangers and on top of shoes. Silver change dropped on the floor, like my thoughts, scattered. A clear set of drawers containing skeins of embroidery floss and beads. Hundreds of yards of red, blue and yellow string, Tying up so many hours and dreams and ideas and expectations and smiles I haven't touched it in months. Another drawer with small pieces of pale paper: Tickets and programs of peach and pink and white from late nights, giggly days, bright restaurants and colorful sets. More bright times remembered with hints of darkness The rose-colored stained glass angel that I made, hanging in the window, Catching the sun's light, Making a rainbow on the floor. The color rushes at me, all of the color in my room, crowding, yelling, hitting, Singing. I smile, And the rainbow is in my heart. Roya "here comes the boom" (zebrahead) ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V3 #3 ********************************