From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #100 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, April 10 1999 Volume 02 : Number 100 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: angel [Miles and Prystowsky ] ET: Hmmmmmmm........... [seimese@earthlink.net] ET: Need some Advice ["Daryl Brown" ] Re: ET: Need some Advice [Fervent Spirit ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 08 Apr 1999 22:45:33 -0800 From: Miles and Prystowsky Subject: ET: angel hi you, let's see: i bet i have a more soapy life than seth! hmm i'm not going to try to compare though. oh seth seth, ... first waiiiiiit, okay, i'm a sweet girl, right? just say yes. so therfore the statement "all the sweet girls have boyfriends" is NOT TRUE! i know...it totally seems like it's true...and from my point of view, all the guys worth having have already happened to find the most gorgeous girls on the planet to go out with them...(or else they plain just don't 'see' me goddammit ahem ahem ahem oh well yeah right movin' on)...but i happen to know the girlshaveboyfriends part isn't true, because, well, well... JUST LOOK AT ME! heh...okay, now that i've ranted and raved on poor sethy here... (and hark, do i hear a "don't sweat because you'll have guys lining up at your door" escape the mouth of our wise elderly 20 year olds [sorry i had to] here? yeah, UH HUH.) life is a melodrama. no, let me take that back. just a drama. and because i don't feel like thinking, because i'm tired, and my eyes are tired, and i have sarah's song 'angel' in my head (yes, that's the cause for the subject, and no other reason i can think of), and just cause i don't want to go through it again in my head...here's my bland diary thing-a-ma-jig, and take it as you will. And it's not even necessarily a good interpretation of my evening but, what gives, you're here to listen (and counsel and sigh with me and nod and give hope and put me down and all of that, i might add), so continuing on. 4.8.99 Thur. "We're all stars now in the dope show" -M. Manson Ok, well I don't really feel like writing. I'm just...kind of, muddled - no - - neutral - I don't know. I'm back from hip hop. =) Get this! I was the ONLY PERSON THERE. At class. Besides Fred (guy who teaches it, guy I like, REMEMBER), of course. So...geezuz, I could have cried and jumped-for-joy at the same time. On on ehand, Fred all to myself. On the other hand, Fred all to myself. So it was...very, very good, I believe. I believe. Think. I don't really know. (Don't you hate it when you think back, and you go, oh my god, what if he thinks I'm stupid? what if he doesn't? I hope he doesn't. I'll die if he does) It's not like I can really DESCRIBE it. Well, lots of smiling, me being dumb a few times, and just basically chatting throughout. (How come I smile too much. Stop smiling Sam. Stop smiling Sam. There is such a thing as over smiling. God dammit how come I seem so ditzy sometimes? Oh...it gets worse if I ponder over it...I probably...I KNOW...I blow it way out of proportion...) Which was nice (the talking), as a matter of fact. He forgot to bring the song again. =) But we talked about school (he thought I was a junior), camp (sounded cool). & we talked about swing. Afterward. Just stood and...well it was like being friends. Cool. I can go for that. I was so reluctant to leave because I won't see him for two weeks because of this (godforsaken freaked) camp. But...so that was nice...LoL...=)...and it was quiet b/c he was filling out some postcards...just me standing there, wanting to lingerlongerlongerlonger, but thinking of my mom who was waiting in the car in the rain for me to leave, oh the torn-ness of it all...& I had to go & he left like 20 seconds later (& looked outside but didn't see me wave from the car), and the whole time after I said "bye, see you later" I was kicking myself. KICKING, for not saying casually, "let's go swinging sometime, it'll be fun..." Cuz I swear to god, we are getting to be friends. And he'd go for it. I think. I mean what harm is there in TRYING. But I'll ask next time and it's just as well. I hope I have some chance though. I told (Lissa) to ask. Yeah. But maybe that's a bad thing. Cuz if he still likes (Leah...if he ever did...highly questionable) then...boom! Sam dies of embarrassment. I'll miss him next week when I'm gone. I hope he at least likes me as a friend. Isn't this retarded? It's so odd being so extremely happy and a bit glum at the same time. I don't think we should have to feel like that. I'll take pure ecstasy any time. HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! But faith is better, no? Faith is real, anyway. Yes, so now you have seen the bare insides of my soul. I leave Saturday, tormented and terrified, on an airplane, far away from the comfort and calm of my home and taking dreams of Fred with me, going, 'you know, I miss him already'. That is silly, isn't it. Well, what gives. "You can't change what's inside you!" (-Pleasantville.) He has nice handwriting. :) Okay, Sam, shuttup now. I was going to say something else, though. Oh. I have this bizarre uncemented fear that he will forget about me while I'm gone next week. Stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID. (That's my chant recently. I say it to myself frequently as I sit staring or thinking or walking or going crazy or being...me. "STUPID, Sam, dammit, STUPID STUPID STUPID. That was STUPID. This is STUPID. STUPID, Sam.) Wow, doesn't the word 'stupid' look weird when it's written so many times? Damn. Anyway. I'd like it if he liked me. But what I'd really adore (relish cherish go lala over) is if he even just showed solid interest (like now we're still getting to know each other, but a hint would be nice) of at least wanting to be friends. What would ya do with a girl like me. Hopeless. Hopeful? What to do. Smile and sympathetically reject and throw her out the window? Or give her a chance? Well, anyway...love labor lost and lustful... (where did that come from?) Love, Sam the ? angel ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 9 Apr 1999 08:17:41 -0400 From: seimese@earthlink.net Subject: ET: Hmmmmmmm........... All these Angels make me wonder! Anabanana ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1999 00:31:34 GMT From: "Daryl Brown" Subject: ET: Need some Advice Hi all, I know there is an eda advice tree or something of that sort but I don't know anything about it and I really need some insightful advice from someone right now. I've been on this list for a while, this is my first post as this address though. I hardly ever post! But I just wanted to say that I so enjoy all the poems and stuff that I get to read everyday from you all. Anyways, here is the prob that I have. I'm 18 years old, and I'm currently taking a "year off" befor university. Everytime I meet a girl and go out on a date with her we end up "becoming great friends" and it never turns into a relationship. That's ok, because I have tons of friends that are girls and I love them all. But I find myself very single. Infact, I haven't had a serious relationship since, like, grade 11! The plot thickens because just last night I was mistaken as a homosexual for the 2nd time. This doesn't impress me much needless to say! Because I was having coffee with a girl I met at an audition and she said to me "You know, I have a great friend I could set you up with" And I said to her "And who would that be" And she said to me "His name is Eric" Just great eh? SO ever since last night I've really been thinking about this. I've come to the conclusion that the reasons I can't get a girlfriend are as follows: 1 I listen to Jewel, Sarah McLachlan and Tori Amos. I'm not much into hard rock or the whole party thing at all. I'm definatly not anti-social, I just don't go much of the "in" stuff. 2 I don't really have aspirations to make a lot of money, I want to be a actor, whether a rich one or not. 3 I write poetry, play guitar, and act. While other guys are playing football, getting drunk and doing drugs. 4 I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or party. Like I said befor. I have no desire to do these things but it leaves me in situations to meet these girls that just want to be "Great friends". I guess I can kinda understand why some girls would assume me as gay. But what should I do?? I don't wanna be lonely forever. And I hope I don't sounds to superficial (especially considering the reasons I've listed above) but that is truley how I'm beginning to feel. You know? Anyways, any insight on my situation here would be much appreciated. Daryl ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 9 Apr 1999 20:11:01 -0500 From: Fervent Spirit Subject: Re: ET: Need some Advice Hey Daryl, In this world, we have a perception of gay guys. They take , walk, and look a certin way. If you have a higher voice you might be called gay, it's just one of those things you cant help! The one thing you need to remember is that if you know you're not gay then other people will! Just simply tell them, "Sorry i'm not gay!" I happen to be well built and 6'5 but i'm percieved as a big mean guy! But i'm called the gently giant by my friends! We're all taged and sometimes it hurts but it happens and there's not much you cn do about it! Just be yourself! "Scott S." -Big Sexy Angel "LOVE HURTS! BUT IT'S WORTH IT!" P.E.A.C.C.EŠ President/Founder and Proud EDA! http://www.homestead.com/rocksolid ICQ#9685289 ________________________________________________________________ Get secure free e-mail that you don't need Web access to use from Juno, the world's second largest online service. Download your free software at http://www.juno.com/getit.b.html. ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V2 #100 **********************************