From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #78 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, March 21 1999 Volume 02 : Number 078 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: changes [winters ] ET: talking to an ex [winters ] ET: Rant and Ramble: Black and White ["Greg White" ] Re: ET: published? ["Everything Breaks" ] ET: publishing [winters ] Re: ET: Rant and Ramble: Black and White ["Scott- e S." ] ET: Re: publishing ["Kevin B. Pease" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 00:14:26 -0800 From: winters Subject: ET: changes changes 7 years old. had an imaginary friend. lived by the mountains, breathed the mountain air. 7 years old, first learned how to pack up my bags. learned which toys to throw away, and which ones to hold onto (most) 7 years old, left my imaginary friend behind. moved cross country, was told to find beauty in palm trees and concrete, left home and my mountains behind. 13 years old. i thought i was a little girl. pink was still my favorite color and i saw nothing wrong with being one of the boys. 13 years old hit me like a ton of bricks. had no idea what that unlucky number could do to me. no more peaches and cream. 13 years old, my eyes begain to water. my body begain to break apart. no longer was i little girl, but not yet a women. 13 years old with no friends and in a foreign land. isolated from all, communisim around me. i wanted someone. 16 years old, my breasts not so small anymore. daddy can't look me in the eye, mom wonders what happened to her little princess 16 years old. long blond hair. not a clue who i am. back in america, but i don't belond here anymore, my native tongue means nothing. 16 years old, trying to fit in. can't deal with depression, trying to fake a smile. braces off, the crest teeth shining. still not a model. 16 years old, looking into his eyes. someone having faith in me. my joy from this i'm trying to hide. 16 years old, he is my first love. my heart skips a beat for the first time. he turns out to be homosexual. 18 years old. i can stand a little taller. momma says my skin is too pale, daddy is my best friend. 18 years old, i'm beginning to know who i am. no needing the reassurance of a friend. strong enough to hold the world's burdens on my shoulders. 18 years old, becoming a woman slowly. my hair short, my eyes wide. my freckles of youth still showing. but proud 18 years old. and this is all i got to show. i know how to pack up my toys and say goodbye. i know how to close my eyes 18 years old, trying to look at life ahead. wanting momma to understand, wanting dad to let go of my hand. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 01:53:59 -0800 From: winters Subject: ET: talking to an ex speaking to an ex (without grace) we are sitting infront of coffee. you and me. it's in middle of the night, there is so much i want to say.... "you know, you were my first love," you only nod when i say this. choosing between 3 sugars in your coffee or 1. i hand you a cream. "i want to tear down these fucking walls that both of us have created. i want to get down to the bare truth of it all. i have so many questions and have spent so many nights without sleep, like tonight. in wonder about you and i. how so much of it is my fault, and so much of it is yours. i'm placing my anger out on the wrong problems and people. where the hell did we go wrong?" you would probably raise on eyebrow and look confused, you like to play innocent. "i still shiver at night and i wont someone to hand me a sweater. so i go into my closet in search for one. i always find your old one, the one you gave to me. but i can't wear it, or else i will break down in tears. so i just shiver" i would want you to grab a hold of me right then, but i know you would only stare. "you were my first love, i have felt many romances since you and there will be many more, but you were the first. i still remember looking into your carmel eyes for the first time, how they looked like the inside of a rollo's, how your eyes made my sweet tooth going" you would probably laugh right now, and if it were a movie, a rollo would appear for you to give to me. "when we first met, your hair was long and your ideals were strong. now the ginger hair is cut to pieces and you have become cynical. once you found beauty in others and nature, now you can only find happiness in weed and hits. i wonder, whatever happened to the man that i fell in love with? the one who held my hand crossing the street". there would be a silence. "and now that years have past, and we both have become what we needed to become, i feel like you are a stranger. no more letters to each other, no more long distance phone calls. we have become nothing but memories. i get angry at you for all of the wrong reasons. for looking at me in the first place. how could you when you are gay? didn't you realize what you were doing to me. i know i am selfish to say that, but it killed me. you figuered it wouldn't bother me, since i have so many gay friends, since i don't mind what the rainbow stands for. but the man that i kissed for the first time without a sexual reason, for the first time looking into eyes and feeling as though my soul was seaping out of my eyes, and realizing that the hands i felt were yours, aren't. realizing that there isn't any way of getting you back because i don't have a penis. and somehow i'm not good enough for you". i wouldn't have meant to say that, but being honest does that too you. you would just blush and stutter. "and you were the first person to have faith in me. you didn't see plain brown eyes, you saw hazel. you didn't see confusion, you saw understanding. you told me i could take over the world, solve all of the problems. you said that i could change things, flip things around and watch the natural progression to humanity. but look at me! years later still thinking of you....and you completely over me." i wouldn't know what to say after that, i have no clue how you would react. but if you and i were magicaly sitting next to each other, after not seeing each other for a year. after not kissing for 3 years, i don't know what we would do. probably ask about the weather and order some food. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 23:30:37 PST From: "Greg White" Subject: ET: Rant and Ramble: Black and White Okay all. It's time I contribute something to this list and a certain concept has been bugging me for a while so I'll see if I can make sense of it when I type it out. Now, I was in my Drama 20 class this afternoon, it was our first class this semester and our Drama teacher "mr. G" was giving us that little "Talk" all teachers give ya at the beginning of a new class. He said that the message he wants to get across in drama is that the world isn't black and white, it's grey. He used an example, he said that some people would think it wrong for a women to have an abortion. And some people would be alright with it. But people should be encouraged to think "grey" and say "well, that's OK, it's not right and it's not wrong, it's a matter of choice and opinion". I left that class with this very much on my mind. Then tonight, I was channel surfing and came across this televised seminar or something that some shrink named "Dr. Laura" was giving. She said that the world IS black and white. And the GREY area is what people use when they want to make excuses and not stand up for there morals, or what they belive in. And people SHOULD think black and white. This was basically the opposite of what my drama teacher was saying. Now I was REALLY wondering about this. And just now I think I may have come to a conclusion. I think that all issues are all three colours, black, white and grey. I find myself coming back to my teachers example: abortion. If you ask yourself something like "Is abortion right or wrong?" I come up thinking grey and saying to myself "it depends on the situation". So then I ask myself a more specific question like "Is abortion right if the women has some disease that the baby will catch and likely die from anyways" the answer to that IS black and white. Yes, abortion is morally okay with me then. That issue is white. And one the other side, if some chick screws up and doesn't worry about birth control (the odus should be on the guy to by the way), and has the opportunity to bring a healthy child into this world that she could give up for adoption to a couple that really want a child but can't have one. Then abortion is wrong. That issue is white. So, I've come to the conclusion that it depends on how specific something is. And you can't decide on whether something is a black or white issue by just being faced with the basic question. well, thanks for listening! :) Take care all, Greg Every Day Angel / Fumbler Towards Ecstasy / Guitar Strummer WannaBe Actor / Song and Poem Writer / In LOVE w/ JEWEL W E A R E L O V E D B E Y O N D O U R A B I L I T Y T O C O M P R E H E N D Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 01:43:23 PST From: "Greg White" Subject: ET: published? Sorry to write again so fast everyone but I am just curious about something. Have any of you ever gotten any of your poetry published? I'm just curious because I really love the poetry I read from you guys and think most of it could be published. Just wondering, Greg Every Day Angel / Fumbler Towards Ecstasy / Guitar Strummer WannaBe Actor / Song and Poem Writer / In LOVE w/ JEWEL W E A R E L O V E D B E Y O N D O U R A B I L I T Y T O C O M P R E H E N D Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 12:24:25 GMT From: "Everything Breaks" Subject: Re: ET: published? One of my poems was published in a national poetry book when I was 11, but my parents were to cheap to buy it so it's lost somewhere.. scott evans scott@jewelkilcher.com let me fly! a jewel kilcher tribute http://listen.to/jewelfly - -- maybe i could've loved you better maybe you should've loved me more maybe our hearts were just next in line maybe.. everything breaks sometime.. - ----Original Message Follows---- From: "Greg White" To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Subject: ET: published? Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 01:43:23 PST Sorry to write again so fast everyone but I am just curious about something. Have any of you ever gotten any of your poetry published? I'm just curious because I really love the poetry I read from you guys and think most of it could be published. Just wondering, Greg Every Day Angel / Fumbler Towards Ecstasy / Guitar Strummer WannaBe Actor / Song and Poem Writer / In LOVE w/ JEWEL W E A R E L O V E D B E Y O N D O U R A B I L I T Y T O C O M P R E H E N D Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 09:00:49 -0800 From: winters Subject: ET: publishing my english teacher recently went up to me and gave me this flyer, it said that if you when in this writing contest then you could get $1000. like most people $1000 is very much needed, but i can't. having my writing compared to others? competeing on my words, my words that i choose out of the air? perhaps someone described something better, perhaps i do, but then to be judged on it, and say, "she is better, he is better". that ruins the art. i'm pure with writing, i only write what i know. i write for myself, as therapy, i can't write to please other people, then it loses it's purpose. i told me teacher that i couldn't. i have told this to many teachers now, because they seem to want students to do this. my theory on that is that if one of their "prized" students won, it would be like them winning. kinda like parents putting little 4 year old girls in beauty pagents. the girls want to climb trees, the mothers want to feel beautiful. anyhow, my teacher told me that some of my best writings would be rejected and if that's my fear to get over it. that is part of my fear. imagine sending in something that you wrote from your soul, something that meant the world to you. and the judges looked at it and laughed. how could someone possibly think this is good?!!!! so those are my feelings in publishing. i've been told that the older i get the more i will realize that i should publish as i would want to share my feelings. if that is true, and if i get good enough, i would write a book with no competition. kat ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 11:05:36 -0600 From: "Scott- e S." Subject: Re: ET: Rant and Ramble: Black and White The world IS black, white, brown, green, yellow, and whatever color you can come up with! That's what makes this world such a great place, diversity! Different races and religions! I couldn't imagine it any other way! Sure, if everyone was grey and we were all the same religion, their wouldn't have been the past violence on some races and religions! But face hit, hate is here! If we were all grey, i'm sure people would look at heigth and weight. It's just one o those things! Another good thing about being in merica is the freedom of choice. If you need to have an abortion, you can do so with out pressure from the public (or atleast that's what it's supposed to be!) "Scott S." -Big Sexy Angel "LOVE HURTS! BUT IT'S WORTH IT!" P.E.A.C.C.EŠ President/Founder and Proud EDA! http://www.webpost.net/ro/rocksolid ICQ#9685289 ________________________________________________________________ Get secure free e-mail that you don't need Web access to use from Juno, the world's second largest online service. Download your free software at http://www.juno.com/getit.b.html. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 12:30:14 -0500 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: Re: ET: published? At 01:43 AM 3/21/99 PST, Greg White wrote: >Sorry to write again so fast everyone but I am just curious about >something. > >Have any of you ever gotten any of your poetry published? I'm just >curious because I really love the poetry I read from you guys and think >most of it could be published. Nope, with the exception of Nicole's Section 8..which I MUST add is PHENOMENAL!...I've never been published. If you know of someone that wants to publish "A fortnight without armor" by Seth Fulmer(sorry if I'm breaking copyrights there or something)...feel free to give them my name and contact info :o) I might lose my lazyness this upcoming spring/summer 6 months and submit a poem to Drexel University's Maya magazine. I agree! I think a lot of the people on this list should be published :) Seth Fulmer mailto:usfulmer@mcs.drexel.edu mailto:st96t879@post.drexel.edu mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com webpages: http://www.voicenet.com/~kaosking Quotes/Song Lyrics that describe my feelings :) "And if I say I love you dear.. And if I play the same 3 chords..will you just yawn and say WOOHOOHOO It's all been done before!" - -Barenaked Ladies, "It's all been done before" ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 12:52:36 -0500 From: "Kevin B. Pease" Subject: ET: Re: publishing >> Kat writes: >having my writing compared to others? competeing on my words, my words >that i choose out of the air? perhaps someone described something >better, perhaps i do, but then to be judged on it, and say, "she is >better, he is better". that ruins the art. i'm pure with writing, i only >write what i know. i write for myself, as therapy, i can't write to >please other people, then it loses it's purpose. This is an interesting point you make, Kat, but I think I'd disagree, at least a bit... you *are* a very good writer, and I wouldn't be surprised to see you win, if you decided to enter. My point of contention, though, is this: If you wrote something as art, and then someone else likes it, and wants to give you money for something you created as art, I don't think that necessarily "ruins" the art. If you wrote it for the express purpose of selling it and making a buck, well yeah... that sort of ruins the art. But, if you wrote it for yourself, and then submit it and someone wants to give you some sort of reward for it, then I don't see how that ruins the art... think of it as an added benefit - you wrote something for yourself, that other people like as well. I guess what I mean is, if the art came before the money, then the money doesn't ruin the art. (If that makes sense?) Look at it this way - they're going to hold that contest whether or not you enter, and somebody's going to win the money... But, you probably stand a pretty good chance at winning, and you said you could use the money - why not take a shot at it? Kevin ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V2 #78 *********************************