From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #1 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, January 2 1999 Volume 02 : Number 001 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: new years ramblings/thoughts ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ET: suspended lurkdom&faerie greetings :P ["shivergirl" Subject: ET: new years ramblings/thoughts Well, '99 is fast approaching...and everyone is looking back at the past...and looking towards the future. I hadn't really thought of it till just now...but, '98 has been an incredible year. I mean...just barely over a year ago I was really depressed and suicidal...didn't want life anymore...and now...I have love, life, and most importantly...i'm so happy...god, it's just so amazing. I'm a completely changed person from who I was going into '98...and I feel really good about it. Unfortunatley...I find myself basically alone this New Years...which is perhaps a good thing. Allows me to reflect on things...and, knowing me, I'll probably have myself a nice cry. Depressing, I know. I'm a little impatient, I think, for things to happen. Ah, resolutions...well, let's see..."to love without fear"...to feel more contented with myself...to get out there and start living my life...to learn how to play my guitar...to actually care about school...to enjoy things as they are...allow myself anticipation...to stop trying to force everything into understanding and sense!! and above all...love, laughter, and happiness. :) While i'm on this rambling stream...I want to thank you all for being there for me when I needed it most...I am eternally grateful. Y'all are true angels. :) And with that...I had best say adieu. Happy New Year everyone!! Best wishes to you all for the coming year! ever and always, Naomi the unknown angel - --- "If a man wants to be sure of his road he must close his eyes and walk in the dark." -St. John of the Cross "Sometimes what seems most fragile catches the most light" -Abenaki native poet Joseph Bruchac hp - http://www.angelfire.com/ok/naomisplace/index.html uin# 10320204 aim - kilumdra irc dalnet - kilumdra Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 18:57:46 -0800 From: moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Charlie, Andalite, & The Goddess) Subject: ET: happy joy hey everyone, this is just a little 'happy new years' note. actually it's not the new year yet, so i guess it's more like a 'happy 1998, coming 1999' note. that ol' ball dropping and everything...wow. it's just hard to believe that it's nearly 1999. how was the year for all of you? umm, i just can't believe, today's the last day of 1998. you know that really doesn't seem possible. i mean - all of a sudden i'm thinking, no, it can't be. 1998 was so good for me, in the good and the bad. and that may sound weird, but it really was. each new year has so much old and new stuff. you know, when i was thirteen i was determined to conquer everything and make it a wonderful year, but it was a weird year after all. but fourteen has been awesome. more carefree, a lot of freedom, ...it all ended up good. i've really loved this year. so then. tomorrow it will be 1999, and 4 days after that, on january 5th, i will be 15. see for me i'm kinda lucky, in a way, cause the end of each year really does literally symbolize gaining another whole year. so anyway. being 15, or the thought of it, brings about a bunch of more stuff. mortality, being different than you were before, staying the same, getting older, being young, responsibility, life - all of it gets smashed into the end and the beginning of the year. now of course there's lots of good stuff about turning 15 - but it also defines things. i mean, it's definately not too close to childhood anymore - you can't say, 'well i'm only 2 years into the teens.' really, you're now 6 years past the single digits, and only 3 years till you can vote, 1 year till you get a license, 6 years till you're old enough to drink. and it's going to be quite a year too. so the end of the year. well, anyway. that's enough talking from me. i really just wanted to say - happy 1998 today, and happy 1999 tomorrow. rather, almost 5 hours from now. see you all next year. - --sam moonsong@ix.netcom.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 01 Jan 1999 02:03:28 MST From: "angelic dragon" Subject: ET: well...another year Hey angels I guess You will all have to either choose to listen to me or just by-pass this message entirely Here goes... Happy new year...or is it? I feel like a whole year has gone by and I have accomplished nothing! It seems like yesterday my mother was washing my hair and picking out clothes for me to wear...yet I will be 18 in four months. I have no idea where time has gone. It has consumed like a ravage beast. I feel no different then when I was 12. Still young fragile and afraid of letting the world know who I am because they wont love me, because no one ever really did. Yet, I meet this amazing guy...start dating him almost two years ago. Life has been great with him. But, I fucked up (please xcuse my language) about 5 months ago. I start glancing my way at other people. I get afraid to committ. I am scared bacuse my parents divorced, I dont want to be lonely. Then I have realized in the last month he is everything I couldnt ask for anything better,. **at this point in the letter you may want to stop reading...it is full of mindless babblings I need to get off my chest...if not...more power to you =0)** I have tried for years to hate myself. For no reason I loath myself, I just wish I could tear my heart apart. Then tonight I realize, I cant. I am me...all my parents imperfections and sorrows are not my fault...they are theres. and sure they are jerks to me, they tell me I am worthless and I cant do things, but I guess they mean it in a nice way...or in their way...I dont know! I have no idea what my resolution is...and its already 2 in the morning. I feel awful, maybe it should be to love myself, to see what I have. But I dont know how Any suggestions? I want to try, I want to be happy, more than anything in the world I want to be happy. I am so scared though. I am scared to smile everyday, to let myself feel good! Psycho! I know. I have this horrible teacher who tells me she doesnt like much of what I write yet it is so powerful i can bring people to tears with it. I dont understand how people can be so insensative that they could say something to blatently hurt you and not care about it. Something is so wrong with this world...I know it! Listen to me... I am rambling on...I do that alot when I get nervous, I dont know why I am nervous. I know that maybe ONE person will read this, maybe two if im lucky...yet I probably wont get a response...and likely so...there is nothing to respond to. I am just some 17 year old child trying to sort out her feelings on the internet. I suppose I will stop at this point and leave you with a poem I wrote tonight. thanx for the space love and happiness Kerry *the gullible angel* Raw Emotion...by Kerry There's a song in my words listen close can you hear? There's a story in my painting look close hear me tell it to you, feel the beauty. Put yourself in my emotions feel them the weight is heavy, yet they are easy to lift. Come, sing with me and turn the pages of my heart. 12/31/98 Thanx a bundle! Kerry~ ~There is a new army coming and we are armed with FAITH~ Jewel ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 01 Jan 99 16:52:15 PST From: "shivergirl" Subject: ET: suspended lurkdom&faerie greetings :P ~dear angels, do all of you believe in angels? perhaps they are more like guardians, spirits on the other side committed to helping us in this spacetime... anyways, i have greatly enjoyed all your beautiful posts, especially sam's most recent ones, and of course all the poems. :) and the quotations are nifty, thought-provoking golden nuggets. :P yummy. :) here's some of my sessions: *inspired by rebecka tornqvist's ~A Night Like This~ ~a life like this~ this wonderful, sad, majestic life when i'm going through the day-to-day motions of monotony i sometimes think all i'll get out of this game is a scorecard with not enough points for my side all the girls picked last on my own team ~your window's still lit up~ your soul is all neon aglow i see it and stop suddenly surprised i stop floating forward for a moment waiting to feel the black dark of you wash over me delighting me making me cry and smile at the same time ~you, dark moon~ you, dark moon i am your long-lost child merely roaming the earth trying to feel your beams discovering in all my secret seams you, dark moon ~you from summerland~ you are huge and bigger than so many spirits i have seen here you reflect a light so piercing i can hardly see anything else you simply illuminate my life lie waiting perceiving my green aura knowing my things you look at my smashed-up heart and re-mould it as if it were as flexible as play-doh making my blue mesh with your purple beautiful and the pieces line up chronologically in double file marching to a new tune sung by you ~hope says hi~ the rest of the world can go fuck itself secretly indulging in politically-correct "self-stimulation" practices never knowing what love is beyond a talented hand there is no place for reason here i prefer experiential thinking and it's probably no time for "love," either (because it's been given a bad name, never mind the connotation) but you and me we know its nickname, see (it's you and me) ~an absence of promises~ give me no answer don't tell me if it's forever or only a moment of recognition i simply want to rejoice in having found you now and give me no truth but truth itself which is love just give me that the light won't go out yet and that the stars aren't a dream that pinching still hurts and that it works and i'll realize the latent content easily enough without freud's help see it like a silver city movie across the sky smelling divinity in my lover's favourite flower take cares good karma& faerie blessings upon all your celestial heads t/a/r/a ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1999 15:59:38 EST From: JonBoy911@aol.com Subject: ET: snow and resolutions In a message dated 12/31/98 8:02:48 PM !!!First Boot!!!, moonsong@ix.netcom.com writes: << also, what are your resolutions? and what do you think of jewel as she is now? i think the latter is very interesting. it seems she's maybe changed... >> One of the people I celebrated New Year's with said, "So what is everyone's resolutions?" I drew a blank at first, I mean...you always want to say something meaningful, something that you won't forget about. Something that will make you a better person. So, I took the easy way out...."I am going to excerise more." What a punk out I am. :) It is and has been snowing for about 4 hours now, isn't supposed to stop until tomarrow night. Probably 10-15 inches of the fluffy white stuff. It's new year's day, so all of the snow removel people are on vacation, so the roads are covered also. Damn city holidays. :) I hate driving in snow, but when you are content with staying in doors during a snow storm, it is quite peaceful. Snow has a certain grace that rain lacks. It is also silent. The thing I remember most about running around in the snow when I was younger is just how silent the earth is. All of the animals are in their winter sleep, people are inside next to a fire with their hot chocolate, and I would trudge 7 or 8 blocks in the freezing cold just to get to "the perfect hill" to slide down. There is only one problem with sledding. Sure you have a rush for 10-15 seconds, but then you have to climb up a big hill to go down again. I would work that hill till I was exauhsted and couldn't climb it anymore, then I would have to walk 7 or 8 blocks back home, and I by this point I am already exahusted. Now, I am 17 years old. If the roads are too bad to drive on, then I am out of luck. I am homebound until the sun, or the plows come and move the snow off the roads. It's funny...when I was younger and I couldn't drive, I had the freedom to go anywhere, now I am just stuck home, in front of the computer. I'm sure glad I don't have to drive today. Jon ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 01 Jan 99 22:08:18 PST From: "shivergirl" Subject: ET: zoloft&depression&is there a way out hello, i think maybe it was maggie i'm still on zoloft i find it works for me in conjunction with evening primose oil tablets you should talk to someone like a crisis worker or social worker it really helped me this time last year in my period of ultimate unhingement; my boyfriend had broken up with me unexpectedly i felt like my leg was cut off. you need someone to validate your feelings, because they matter, they are fine. THEY ARE NORMAL. it's only been recently that depression/sadness/melancholy have become a bad thing. they're not. hope this helps. take cares, ~tara ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V2 #1 ********************************